Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Please help; I want to like Allah but I can’t because I am unhappy.

Salam alaikum,

I am new on this website. I have a problem which I tried to get a full understanding off. I been seeking answer more then 6 month's. I just can't find it; because the way all Muslim's answer makes me ask more questions. In the end, they tell me that I am making Allah servant or other types of things. Many is changing my word or trying to say things that I don't mean and etc

But you may dislike something which is good for you, and you may like something which is bad for you. GOD knows while you do not know. [2:216]

So what is bad for me? he can change that thing to be good. I don't know my Qadr. But I know I don't have a good future. I have no wealth, work, big school or anything. I'm not smart enough for school.

Work: It's hard to get.
Money: I don't wish money, I have a heart.

I stopped praying because I am mad (I know the anger is from sheytan) but he is right on this point. Allah don't help me or give me ever something I like. I am tired of being alone anyway and I can't feel Allah is with me. No one in this world like's me not even the creator. So, what can I do ? I won't lie to Allah that I like Him because I don't like Him much more and that is me being sincere.

I hope someone will give me a answer. I don't wish to be like this. I want to like Allah but, I can't; because I am very unhappy and I never wished to exist.


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17 Responses »

  1. Dear Brother/Sister,

    Have you ever heard the old saying, "Life is what you make it"? It might be an old saying but is very true. I was a small child when my father walked out on my mother leaving her and their children behind. We had no food and sometimes, no heat in the winter. Me and my sisters shared clothing because my mother could not afford to buy several sets for us to wear. My brother was always in trouble with the law and my mother tried her best to raise us and keep us out of trouble or harms way. I was not able to pursue a higher education so to speak because I had to work...there was no choice in the matter. We had nothing yet I was a happy child.

    I believe it is my faith in Allah that has made me who I am today. No matter what, I know the Allah is there for me through the good times and the bad. Remember... Allah will never burden us with more than we can bear. You said you have a heart yet you have forgotten who makes it possible for your heart to pump the blood and oxygen through it! Allah doesn't simply give us things in this life, we must work for them. Use your beautiful heart to give praise to Allah almighty who has created you. Look around you and be grateful for your health, your ability to see, to walk and talk. Alhumdillilah, you are rich yet you do not see. Give praise to your creator brother/sister. The Shaytan is happy to see that you do not pray and give thanks to your creator...he relishes in your misery but who will pay the price in the end? You will. We are all unhappy sometimes in our lives but you must try to overcome the way you feel. Just like how exercising releases endorphins in our bodies which make us feel better, so does the act of salat. Bow before your creator and give thanks to him.

    You may wish that you never existed but you do exist and you do matter. I pray that you will be strong and return to your prayer. May Allah guide you and keep you safe. I pray that you will open your eyes and see just how truly blessed you are no matter how bad your day has been. Always know that someone out there is in a much worse situation than you are. I will be praying for you.


  2. Assalamu Alaykum,

    It is hard to answer your question, so I will share with you some of my struggle before reverting to Islam, because I had a similar feelings from time to time.

    Shaytan is always trying to whisper in your ear, to lead you astray. The fact that you even posted this is evidence that somewhere, deep in your heart and soul, you know the truth.

    For me, I spent the first 50+ years of my life hearing the voice in my head telling me right from wrong. Sometimes it angered me, sometimes it comforted me, and sometimes I felt it condemned me. But it never abandoned me. It was always there.

    When I did things just for my own personal benefit without regard to right and wrong, I knew that I was being selfish. When I did something for someone with pure intentions, not for myself, I also knew it was good.

    I propose you try something, and see if it helps you. It helped me.

    When you feel anger or hate toward the world, toward yourself, toward Allah, instead of letting it smolder and feeling like Allah hates you, look inward and say "What can I do that I know is right, what can I do that I know is the right thing?" You might not feel like doing it, but who does it hurt it to do? It does not hurt you. It does not hurt others. Try it.

    It might be showing compassion for a person when you don't want to, such as letting a person you see as rude get on the bus before you. It might be falling to your knees and thanking Allah for the sun, even it the sun is blocked by clouds and you are gettng rained on. There are so many times when you can take something that is upsetting you, and act in a totally different way. How could doing this hurt you? It cannot. How can this hurt others? It cannot.

    After trying this, try listen more closely to your conscience, the direction inside your head that tells you what is right and what is wrong. Some people see it as a voice in their head. Pray. What can it hurt to try? Try to follow perform salat. There are many sites on the internet that have instructions on how to pray, such as this. What can it hurt? Focus on it. Think of it as steps to clear your mind. Wash yourself first, that wash your heart and soul in prayer. What can it hurt? Try to see what guidance and thoughts come from inside your heart and soul. Allah allows us direct access to Him by prayer. No one else will tell you what to do, no one else will say "you are tying to make Allah your servant", no one can get between you and your heart and soul. But you can address Allah directly.

    Continue to do this whenever you can. Don't look at the world and say "I don't know what is good for me or bad for me". Instead, try to see what is good and bad for those around you. That is sometimes easier to see. Act on what is good for others. Slowly you may see some things you know are good for you as well. Act on them. Be persistent. Keep praying and doing this for a while. You are learning to access Allah directly in your heart and soul. It may not seem easy. It may seem it is not working. But if you see yourself doing things because you know then are right, continue to do those. If you see yourself doing things you know are not right, try to avoid them. This is you beginning to trust Allah. To follow His will. You will know that it is right to study His guidance in the Qur'an. All of these things will start to bring you some clarity. Slowly. But keep at it for a while. Make an honest assessment of how it is effecting your life. What can it hurt?

    He is with you. You can access Him via prayer. Again, what can it hurt? It is just between you and your Creator.

    May Allah grant you His best,

    -American Muslim

  3. AsSalamualaikum,

    Brother, read the following Aayaat from Surah al Hijr:

    39. [Iblis (Satan)] said: "O my Lord! Because you misled me, I shall indeed adorn the path of error for them (mankind) on the earth, and I shall mislead them all.
    40. "Except Your chosen, (guided) slaves among them.

    Shaitaan has promised that he would lead the believing servants of Allah astray.
    He is trying to do what he promised. He becomes successful sometimes, when he manages to lead people astray and they die in this state.
    Shaitaan is aware that he will go to the Hell fire, which is true. He wants people to join him therein. Do you know what he will say on the Day of Judgement?

    In Surah Ibrahim, Allah says in Aayaat 22 and 23:

    22. And Shaitan (Satan) will say when the matter has been decided: "Verily, Allah
    promised you a promise of
    truth. And I too promised you, but I betrayed you. I had no authority over you except that I called you, so you responded to me. So blame me not, but blame yourselves. I cannot help you, nor can you help me. I deny your former act in associating me (Satan) as a partner with Allah (by obeying me in the life of the world). Verily, there is a painful torment for the Zalimun (polytheists and wrong-doers, etc.)."
    23. And those who believed (in the Oneness of Allah and His Messengers and whatever they brought) and did righteous deeds, will be made to enter Gardens under which rivers flow, - to dwell therein forever ( Paradise), with the
    permission of their Lord. Their greeting therein will be: Salam (peace!).

    He will disown whatever he did in this World. Truly, we are accountable for our deeds.

    A Hadith makes it clear that Allah loves us. In Bukhari, there is this Hadith:

    Narrated 'Umar bin Al-Khattab:
    Some Sabi (i.e. war prisoners, children and woman only) were brought before the Prophet and behold, a woman amongst them was milking her breasts to feed and whenever she found a child amongst the captives, she took it over her chest and nursed it (she had lost her child but later she found him) the Prophet said to us, "Do you think that this lady can throw her son in the fire?"
    We replied, "No, if she has the power not to throw it (in the fire)." The Prophet then said, "Allah is more merciful to His slaves than this lady to her son." [Bukhari]

    Belief in Qadr is a Pillar of Faith. The following has some discussion on it:

    The intention you have of loving Allah is Alhamdulillah, great. What you may be facing in life could be a test from Allah, to see if you have patience or follow the footsteps of Shaitaan who disobeyed Allah. You need to revive your faith. Attend Islamic gatherings and lectures of the Ulama', recite the Quran with understanding, etc.
    The end is near, brother. We would be judged by Allah soon. You decide. Would you like to Please Allah, or displease Him. He does not require us. It is we who need Him. He is independent of anything. But we are dependent on Allah for each and everything. From the day we were born, until we die, and even after that, it is Allah Who we need.

    I pray that Allah Helps you in this
    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  4. Thanks all 🙂 jazaka allaho khijran But this did't help.. thanks anyway

    • But you may dislike something which is good for you, and you may like something which is bad for you. GOD knows while you do not know. [2:216]

      So what is bad for me? he can change that thing to be good. I don't know my Qadr. But I know I don't have a good future. I have no wealth, work, big school or anything. I'm not smart enough for school.

      Ask yourself why you don't you like Allah (swt)? Is it because He has not given you what you want or/and
      Is it because you feel, why do we need to pray five times a day (something you may dislike but it is good for you) ?
      Ask yourself, do you rather spend time on computer browsing, feeling lazy to worship Allah (swt) and lazy to put some effort to interact with the creation of Allah (swt)- (something you may like (laziness) but it is bad for you)?

      Dear brother, don't be hard on yourself. Qadar, kismat is already known and written by Allah (swt), but our sincere prayers and duas could (inshaAllah) change the qadar. Allah (swt) may answer yours and our duas in this life, but inshaAllah, if He does not grant us in this life, may be He has planned something better for us in the hereafter. Only Allah (swt) knows best. Alif, Laam, Meem

      The best thing about you is that you know and you are aware of Allah's (swt) existence. Thank Allah (swt) for blessing you with this asset. Yes, he hasn't yet blessed you with wealth so you could go to good/big school and may be many more but he has blessed with you enough wealth for you to come and submit your concern here. Allah (swt) have blessed you with eyes to see and not made you blind in complete darkness. Some don't even have that as well as emaan and they may depart this incredibily short life as unbelierves/non-Muslims. Only, Allah (swt) knows best!!! Keep hold of your emaan, don't give it to shaitan.

      inshaAllah, start to do your prayers again, at least start to do your fard prayers. During the month of ramadhan, fast all the days. Don't let the whisper of shaitan take away one of the six articles of faith from you (the qadar, predestination). Don't dwell into things. Make friends with good practising Muslim brothers, start socialise with them. Don't spend too much time alone- shaitan takes opportunity of such moments. Go out, do some voluntary work. Start and read some good Islamic books (you won't regret it). Help your family around the house.

      Slowly, become a sound hearted practising Muslim brother. Aim higher in life. Don't give up on Allah (swt).

      May Allah (swt) makes everything easy for you, and guide you and all of us to His straight path. Ameen.

      Takecare of yourself,
      Your sister, Parveen

    • Brother,

      Wishing you a life of happiness, love and success. But most of all, praying that you will find the light again. May Allah bless you and guide you back to the path of Islam.


  5. U r not the only one
    I live in karachi n most of the people i meet have the same question ..... Is Allah really there and if He is then why are we in such a drastic state y is blood flowing like water in our city?

    I was mad at everything but then i asked myslf what if i m living a lie and maybe islam is not the real light, m a born muslim so i never researched or tried to question the religion so i out of curiosity i did, n i know most mullas would call me a kaafir and they surely did when i went to them with my questions .... So being walled i started researching on my own, bought a english version of the quran and started reading trying to find logic and depth in this religion so that i might get to the conclusion if its really the true religion or not..... Within a few hours i was convenced that yes theres only one god Allah..... So i started praying once again n currently m on the second surah of the quran i.e bakrah. N trust me my eyes are opening as i m advancing, most of the things i believed in or saw people doing are wrong n not islamic
    So take my example n just get a translated copy n start understanding it

    • Maasha'Allah Anas. SubhaanAllah, Allah guided you to the Quran. I know things are terrible in Pakistan at the moment, especially in Karachi. The reason behind that is that unfortunately the ruling people are not following the Quran and Sunnah.

      May Allah improve the conditions in Pakistan and bring people back to the Quran and Sunnah, aameen.

      SisterZ Editor

    • I second Anas here,

      Sadly, Muslims or for that matter any religious entity tends to find religion esoteric. However, the ellipticity exists because we take religion as part time. Even, I started studying Quran in English in a bid to enlighten myself. I've realised that every Ayaah has a distinct meaning. It is not merely wisdom that has been published instead you feel that Allah communicates with your soul.

  6. May allah reward everyone here. Even for the every little latter that everyone of you has wrote. amen

  7. Assalamu'alaikum brother.

    This part caught my attention:

    "because I am very unhappy and I never wished to exist."

    It is possible you could be suffering from depression. It would be a good idea to talk to
    a therapist or psychiatrist about your problems. I know that seeing a psychiatrist is still taboo in most parts of
    the world, if not all, but you don't have to tell anyone about that. I see a psychiatrist and
    am not out of my mind or anything of that nature. I sometimes feel the way you feel.

    It is common for depressed people to believe God hates them or to wish not to exist.

    Take care brother.


  8. As-salamu alaykum "what_faith",

    I see you submitted a second post somewhat repeating what you have said here, and expressing your "hatred" for Allah (astaghfirullah). I deleted it. If you want to add more to your question, or update us on your situation, you can do it in the comments here. But I warn you that we will not allow any insults against Allah subhanahu wa ta'alaa. You can express your feelings without insulting Allah Almighty.

    To be honest with you, I think your problem is ingratitude. You say that Allah has given you nothing you like. How about sight, hearing, intelligence, health, heartbeat, breath, a roof over your head... do you like those things? How about sunlight, water, food?

    If you want more (work, school, etc) then work for it! Allah helps those who strive and struggle. Prayer is not a magic spell to instantly make your life better. Through prayer Allah will show you the way forward, but you must do the work.

    Wael Editor

  9. i only know one thing that allah is my power bc he is always with me when nobody is with me.

  10. Ik how u feel I a, the same rn I hate Allah just because he is ruining my life I am praying 5 times a day asking for forgiveness I lost everything I am giving nothing other than the basic smell breath taste see bs

  11. Wa alaykumsalam.

    Your personality is who you make yourself be. - It is entirely who you want to be. You do what you want to do. Allah didn't write down that you will sin or you will do a good deed. You actions are your own. But Allah knew that you would do all of this and it is all written down in the book of decree.

    You may ask then why did Allah put us into this dunya? Well If he did that then it would have been unfair to a person if he went straight into the fire, wouldn't it? He would say "Oh Allah what have i done that i deserve this?" But if he lives through his actions and knows what he is doing like shirk, killing people, zina etc he would then have regret and pity for his actions. This is why we are here.

    Allah knows what will happen to us. He has written down everything that will happen to us. A person doesn't go to hell or paradise because Allah wanted them to be in either of them. You chose your path. You chose what you wanted to do.

    You say you don't have a future, but did you work hard for it? did you study as much as you could or find what you are passionate about? You can't blame Allah for making your life miserable all the time. If you sat and did nothing you can't possibly say that Allah made me sit and do nothing. You have to do your part (remember your actions are your own.) What Allah decrees for a slave is something like illness, death of beloved, loss of wealth, provision and children, etc.

    "For each one are successive [angels] before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah. Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people ill, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any patron." (13:11)

    Allah will not change the condition of a person until they change what is in themselves. Note that down. It is not Allah's fault that you are doing this action, it is you. And you Alone. So are you going to hate Allah for not giving you a job? or that bright future you dream about? No, you can't. Sister, if you WANT something you have to do your best to get it. This is what Allah is saying, do your part, change your condition and Allah will change it for you. If you learn something it is because you learned it- not because Allah decreed that you learn something. It's your action. There is nothing in this world one can't learn. Look for what is best and easy for you to understand and read things more and more. Learn different things and skills, find hobbies, do what you want, but stay away from haram.

    Learn about the deen too. Worship Allah 5 times a day for him alone (not so you get the good in the dunya) Worship him solely for the purpose of worshiping him and aiming for Jannah.

    Now another thing i want to point out is that things that another person does to you is their own sin. And Allah didn't make them commit the sin to annoy you, they do it themselves. So remember that.

    Remember, don't hate Allah because you were lazy to study and improve your skills yourself, or that you can not find a good person to marry or anything, you have to do it. search and learn. You are not being controlled.

    And Allah Knows Best.

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