Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to marry a shia girl

A masjid in Isfahan, Iran

A masjid in Isfahan, Iran

I am a Shia Muslim... and i wanted to marry a sunni girl... we both are together since last 5 years but now we realize to get married...

But the problem is that her parents are not allowing her to get married in Shia's, she is saying to me that will you convert into Sunni? I am not able to answer her that how can i solve this problem i really love her and not to leave her at any cost.

Is this premiss able to convert into Sunni? Or is there any other way to solve this matter?

My mind is not working what i have to do in this matter?

can anyone help me out plz???

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12 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I think you might be a little confused about the main issue between you (a shia) marrying a sunni lady. This is not an issue of conversion, because you are both Muslim already and the distinctions between sunni and shia beliefs are not of taking on an entirely different religion, which is what conversion is.

    The issue here is that you, as a shia, may have beliefs or an understanding about Islam that contradict or perhaps even are offensive to her concept of Islam as a sunni. In fact, the same can be true about her beliefs with you as well. This is usually the heart of the matter when such marriages are frowned upon by others. Have either of you discussed with one another what exactly you understand about the issues that tend to cause division between the two sects? For example, who do you believe should have been the imam following the passing of Prophet Muhammad SAWS? What is your understanding of the value of the ahl al bait? Do you believe certain individuals in present times are infallible?

    I think it's essential you start discussing your respective views on aqeedah and the imamate, and anything else that you both value. Once you've identified the areas you may not view the same way, then you can decide if they are issues you (or she) are willing to learn more about and see if it's something you can become more in agreement upon. After those issues are ironed out, then both of you can approach her parents showing a better spiritual compatibility to help them be more accepting toward your marriage.

    -Amy Editor

  2. Looking into the Sunnah and where the Shia got separated from the Ahlus Sunnah and the Sahaabah is a good idea. But do not become a Sunni for the sake of the girl. This may involve Shirk as your deen maybe dependant on the girl's love. So make sure you see if you can create love and respect for the Sahaabah and their way, the way of the Salaf and be a follower of the Sunnah if you happen to choose to become sunni.

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  3. Dear Editor,

    Whomever you are please understand that they way you have portrayed shias in that pic, it clearly shows how much negative and close minded you are. If you were really open minded then you would have certainly known what shias' basis of belief are.

    You could have posted a picture of a scene where you could write shias the lovers of Ahl bayt or something that could be related to their basis of belief rather than an action which is not allowed by the majority of them.

    Dear editor, if you really want to solve problems of others, then try not to discriminate amongst sects that are mostly followed and they have their reasons to prove themselves right and this stands as the nature of the human being whether you believe it or not.

    Regarding you dear brother,

    The solution is not that and if you convert then it would be a conversion for her not for any other sake. the best way for both of you is to find some scholarly books of both sunnism and shiaism where you can know about both sects perfectly well and then compromise upon differences and tell the girl to talk to her family and then you can approach to the next level.

  4. That is great Mr. wael. I would request from you to be so much logical and impartial while commenting or responding to the questions. I have been following this website so closely and I hope you know who I am.

    This is a piece of advice from an old man who knows what emotions and sensitivities are and especially when it comes to clash with each individual's personal perception and attitude formed towards something or someone.

    I am Mawlana Ahmed. You can have my books and I am working to eliminate discrimination amongst sects shias and sunnis. I don't want my Sunni brothers to astray and start negating their brothers (Shias) and vice versa.

    This mentality has caused a lot of problems in the community and We shall come together to stop it.

    Marriage of Shias and Sunnis are allowed and is best at mutual consent. Shias are true at their point and Sunnis are true at their point.

    There is no reason for them to fight on history............................ I hope you understand.

    Jazzak Allah,

  5. listen words will hurt you...leave that girl...let her be happy in her own life n u be happy in urs.....I AM A not saying this because she is a sunni, trust me there will be hell lot of problems, may be not from your side or that girls side but from family side yes...i have seen 2 cases where ther wer many problems, dont think of present, u will be having kids in can u even think of converting....your love for allah swt, rasool e khuda and ahle biath is little less that your own personal love...start loving ahle baith everything will be alright

    • More than any major differences i see a huge misunderstanding here. Brother whatever ur advice maybe for this confused young man, u and ur other fellow shia brothers need to understand that sunnis dont love Rasool Allah and ahle baith any less.. And it is not just them but we also love the sahabas for the love of Rasool Allah. Of course we condemn the horrible incident of karbala and have no soft spot for yazid as u probably assume.

      I was personally a little hurt by ur comment's last 2 lines.

      • my intention was not to hurt anyone, am sorry if that was hurting.....i dint asked him to convert the girl, fighting for your love is different but from where this converting thing came from, she can follow her religion and he can follow his....good to hear that you condemn the incident of karbala ...what i understand from your comment is are you trying to explain that there is no difference so no matter who is following what??....i may be wrong....please explain?....takecare bro

        • Assalamualaikum brother
          i dont understand first of all y shias hate sunnis so much and i dont understand y some sunnis act violently. I know there r differences on opinions regarding the khilafat. I believe hazrat Ali deserved it too even though im a sunni. The incident of karbala gives me gooseflesh and makes me cry each time i hear about it as well. I despise the act of yazid so y should u hate me?. No1 who truly loves and understands the prophet s.a.w and his family will ever trivialize the incident of karbala or their martyrdom however since prophet Muhammed s.a.w had directed his ummah to respct his companions we do it and condemn the abusive language that most shias use when they speak about them. We also strongly oppose the fabrication that bibi Fatema was attacked by the companions who posessed such high qualities and profound love for prophet himself apart from that if there r any differences in the history then i dont know about them brother. These differences r not good and i will personally not advice a practicing sunni muslim to marry a shia and so i understand even if u stop this gentleman from the same but i also believe that these differences were deliberately created for political benefits and these differences r the reason behind a whole lot of bloodshed of innocent people today. Its important that the muslim ummah comes together for peace for that one common link Allah and His Rasool.
          Through this forum i would like to bring to ur notice brother that sunnis do not hate or trivialize prophet and ahle baith.

          My previous comment was my response to ur last 2 lines.

          • Assalamu'alaikum, sister apple green,

            It does not befit a Muslim following the Sunnah to say that he or she thinks Ali Radiyallahu Anhu deserved to be the first Khaleefah. It amounts to disagreement with the choice of the beloved Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam when he was on the death-bed. It amounts to saying (thus ascribing oppression) that all the Sahaabah erred by choosing Abu Bakr, Umar and Uthman Radiyallahu Anhum before Ali Radiyallahu Anhu. It amounts to disagreement with Ali Radiyallahu Anhu himself who swore allegience to each of his beloved brothers and leaders among the three, Radiyallahu Anhum.

            Also, the mention of Yazeed, the son of Mu'awiyah bin Abi Sufyaan Radiyallahu Anhuma is not required when it comes to the differences between Shia' and Sunnis.

            Concerning the Ahlal Bayt, even Sunnis have this misconception that they are only the family of Ali and Fatimah Radiyallahu Anhuma and some other chosen Sahaabah (if I remember reading that correctly), but Allah included the wives of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam first in Ahlul Bayt in Suratul Ahzaab:

            يَا نِسَاءَ النَّبِيِّ لَسْتُنَّ كَأَحَدٍ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ ۚ إِنِ اتَّقَيْتُنَّ فَلَا تَخْضَعْنَ بِالْقَوْلِ فَيَطْمَعَ الَّذِي فِي قَلْبِهِ مَرَضٌ وَقُلْنَ قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفًا
            O wives of the Prophet, you are not like anyone among women. If you fear Allah , then do not be soft in speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should covet, but speak with appropriate speech.
            وَقَرْنَ فِي بُيُوتِكُنَّ وَلَا تَبَرَّجْنَ تَبَرُّجَ الْجَاهِلِيَّةِ الْأُولَىٰ ۖ وَأَقِمْنَ الصَّلَاةَ وَآتِينَ الزَّكَاةَ وَأَطِعْنَ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ ۚ إِنَّمَا يُرِيدُ اللَّهُ لِيُذْهِبَ عَنْكُمُ الرِّجْسَ أَهْلَ الْبَيْتِ وَيُطَهِّرَكُمْ تَطْهِيرًا
            And abide in your houses and do not display yourselves as [was] the display of the former times of ignorance. And establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Allah intends only to remove from you the impurity [of sin], O people of the [Prophet's] household, and to purify you with [extensive] purification.

            Sister, this is for you and anyone else, who has the thirst for knowledge and love for the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and his Sahaabah Radiyallahu Anhum.

            Abu Abdul Bari

  6. Yes a lot had gone into the making of history and this is one major difference. The choice of hazrat Abu Bakr was challenged and so on when i said i believe in the khilafat of hazrat Ali i meant by the time the turn of khilafat which had reached hazrat Ali after Hazrat Usman (rightfully but was denied ) i know this is not the topic any1 of us should comment much on. But the last 2 lines of brother Abbas's comment indicated that the poster wants to marry a sunni coz he lacks love for Ahle bayt and Prophet muhammed (s.a.w). I just felt the natural urge to clear that misconception most shia brothers have.
    I honestly believe we could peacefully coexist without any of such assumptions.

  7. name is Zahra and Im a muslim and a shia.I think that your belives are the most important thing that you have,so if i was in your situation I choose Imam Hossein instead of a can marry with another girl.but Imam Hossein and karballa is one in the world.
    You cant find like islam and shia but in my country iran there are many good girls that you can love them and marry you think about your future?
    what happen if you die and cant see Imam Ali and cant meet them and sham to meet them?
    you should say Im sorry that I choose a girl instead of you...please mail me that what happen...

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