Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to marry a woman who is already married



I want to marry a woman who is already married for 10 years.

When she got married she was 16 and I was 19. We are childhood friends we love each other from day one. But due to our sects are different we let it happen and thought that once she married she/I will move on but from day one she can't and she refuses to live with that guy.

Her parents tried to make her agree for nikah but she never accepted her husband by heart because she never wants to marry him. HE IS HER 1st COUSIN lives in same house.

her mother knows about us (her relation with me) and thats why they did it in hurry and it was said to be nikah ceremony  because her grand mother was dying and so on...

she wants KHULAA but her husband refuses due to some heavy exchange of family wealth.

After 8 years of fight for her rights .

he gave her 1 Talaq 2years ago.

she try to convince her family on the day of HAJJ 2years back she asks for khulaa but nobody is supporting her.

her husband has given 1 TALAQ in front of her father and when she asks for two more they said after 1 menstrual period her husband will give it but now its been 2 years she is asking for talaq but no one is listening...

she and her husband have no physical relations from day one. and she is living in a different room.

can any one tell me this kind of TALAAQ/NIKAH lasts for how much time?

she dont want to live with her husband any more she just want TALAQ/ KHULAA what ever possible.

after 1 Talaq its been a long time (more then 2 years) can we do NIKAH? can I consider her divorced??

the guy (her husband) dont want to give more 2 TALAQ unless she give all her property to him.

I want to ask can we consider SHARAI TALAQ if women don't want to reconsider any more and both sides (MAN n WOMEN ) stays apart after 1 Talaq ??

In ten years that man never touches her. but she asks for Divorce for many times?? Even some times that guy asks her for SEX and get divorce?

can we consider this type of NIKAH VALID??

What QURAN says about KHULAA? and what ever her husband is doing is HALAAL or permissible in ISLAM that if woman wants KHULAA after all considerations has failed - does this woman remain in her husband's NIKAH?

Can I do NIKAH with that woman?

If any one can help me it would be helpful for me.



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17 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum,

    2 – If that happens during ‘iddah following the death of the husband, or final divorce or annulment of the marriage due to a fault in either spouse or any other reason, then it is permissible to hint at a proposal of marriage, but it is not permissible to offer an explicit proposal. The fact that hinting in this case is permissible is indicated by the verse in which Allaah says (inter

    “And there is no sin on you if you make a hint of betrothal or conceal it in yourself, Allaah knows that you will remember them, but do not make a promise of contract with them in secret except that you speak an honourable saying according to the Islamic law. And do not consummate the marriage until the term prescribed is fulfilled. And know that Allaah knows what is in your minds, so fear Him. And know that Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Forbearing”

    [al-Baqarah 2:235]

    If a man cannot send an explicit proposal on iddah, how on earth can you be sending this woman a proposal while she is married--so stop doing that.

    As for her--she will have to act on her own without your help if she truly marital problems--there are some people who marry their daughters in teh family to keep wealth within the family and even though this could be a genuine failing marriage, she shouldn't be talking to you.

    Given where you live, I don't know what to suggest--but she may have to independently get help with her personal problems from a local Imam and/or lawyer. But marriage to you shouldn't be discussed at all whatsoever. This is a grave sin.

    May Allah swt guide us all, Ameen.

    • w.Salaam
      dear sister i asked about something else...where can i find things related to my situation in Quran which can guide me ??

      • The problem is that you are a non-Mehram for her and if her situation is genuine (she was forced to marry and they have no physical relations, etc) everyone will doubt your motive and hers.

        Somehow you must speak to the best Imam that you can there in Pakistan who has sound knowledge and little influence of culture and good knowledge of the corruption there--perhaps someone who lives there right now can help you and write here.

        It is very difficult to give advice to you.

      • Salam
        In islam if woman is not agree to marry with someone and parents do forcefully and it's common in Pakistan. Actually it's not nikah if her so called husband make relation with her it's zina. And if marriage didn't happend so nothing wrong to do nikah with her. That is islam and all other things are culture.

        • Forced marriage is not allowed in Islam. However that does not mean the woman is guilty of zinaa. She is a victim, living in a situation she was forced into. Do not add to her burden by casting sins on her.

          I'm speaking in general, not of this specific case where the woman has been married ten years and could probably have sought divorce by now if she chose.


  2. Leave her alone! This is someone elses wife your talking about !! Why is she even discussing her personal details with you about whether she has had any intimacy with Her husband or not. If you wanted to marry her why didn't you fight for her ten years back despite the issue of sects. Now she is someone else's wife now so please let her be!

    Please break off contact with her, and let her think independently about what she wants to do. If she is truly unhappy in her marriage and wants a khula she can discuss this with an imam, and if there are valid reasons she can be granted a khula if her husband doesn't want to give her a talaq. However, marriage is such a sacred bond, it makes me so upset when people take it lightly for example marrying someone for the sake of it and then not being able to move on from the previous love/crush and then asking for a divorce to go back to him! What on earth is this?? Marriage is not a joke, it's a serious commitment. The minute she decided to marry someone else she should have broken off all contact with you and vice versa. Your both involved in sinful behavioir and it makes me so upset and sad.

    Please remembr that her husband is now also involved in this, and the behavioir of you both will affect him also. Her husband had rights over her, whereas you have no rights.

    I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I just don't agree with what your both doing. It's sinful cowardly behaviour.

    • come on bro u just need to read all that post again.
      i am asking about her NIKAH status not that what should i do or not.
      and yess i live in Pakistan and here u cant just go and do what ever u wants to do.
      can u tell me in a society like pakistan a woman can go to mosque and ask for Khula?
      this is a girl and she looks like a teenager who will listen to her???
      and i dont mind reading ur comments atleast u wrote something 🙂

      • she was forced to marry him forcfull marriages are not accepted according to sharia..n brother plz dont take opinions here noone is gona give u correct fatwa noOne here is a scholar they are just giving u there own opinioNs go to some scholar n take fatwa if u dont want that..

    • oh yess i forgot to mention that the girl was forced to get nikah and then THAT so called her husband refuses to give Talaq unless she sign all the property letters to him.
      and when its about money who the hell thinks about religion THAT guy is living in the same house and running his father in laws company enjoying all the benefits...

      is this called nikah ??
      is this called SIN that a Girl dont want to live with her husband what ever the reason is?
      is this called ISLAM to kill ur feelings no matter u wants to get a HALAAL relation after TALAQ/KHULA??
      when she was forced to marry she was only 16...
      u tell me who can take a decision in that age??? yea ok i was coward yes i WAS.... but know its time to take a i am asking ur help to tell me somthing i can i just throw her out of my life?? i trust her and shes my best friend...since childhood...
      sorry bro.

      its not a ISLAM i trust....
      if she wants a KHULA her husband is bound to give it on demand ...and i am talking about 10 years she is asking for it...and if u call it HARAAM aur SIN i will say that its happening because YOUR type of people dont take it seriously.

      what i want is pure HALAAL relationship for-ever....and why i cant get it...becuz of that guy who knows if he give her talaq he will loose all that privileges or he is just taking revenge ....

      ALLAH knows better....

      • I'm not a brother, im a sister !

        Ok you are making fair points about forced marriage, her husband seems greedy etc. But what your doing is also sinful - your having a relationship with a married woman and essentially she is Cheating on her husband with you. I mean she's been married for ten years ! I agree it's wrong to force someone to marry, but she's not a child anymore. She can stand up for herself - if things are really that bad and she can't do anything for herself then she should get the elders involved. Explain whatever injustice she is facing and ask for Khula. Also, I'm pretty sure the khula process is by filling in a written application form, even in Pakistan - so her appearance really has nothing to do with anything.

        Either way, you have no rights over her. So it's best she makes her own decisions in the proper way.

      • Brother,
        Based on my simple and strong Islamic knowledge, the fact is that she is divorced. When her husband said the word :taalak' just one time is enough to consider herself divorced. If he says 3 times then he can't ever marry her again, unless she marries somebody else and divorce ( then she can marry the previous husband).

        In addition, there's something wrong in that relation. He is asking her for her properties in oder to give her freedom. In law this is extorsion and should be illegal in your country.
        Asking for sex to give her divorce is immoral, criminal because he is not her husband anymore after saying TAALAK. Even more, her ex-husband is committing fornication because he is asking for sex to a woman who is not his wife.

        She should talk to a fair known iman to wittness what they are doing to her. Her parents and her ex-husband must ask for repent and fear Allah for what they are doing.

      • WahiFard,

        You are really a shameless person who is having relation ship with married women .How the hell that married women can talk about her private life to you as you are non mehrem ?
        In islam you are supposed to not to talk to her ..Get out of her life ...

  3. I agree with what everyone has said that the OP should leave this woman alone.

    However, I will say that it seems like this girl's family has trampled over her rights since she was a teenager. If what the OP says is true, then this girl has no one to represent her best interests. In traditional Pakistani families, in Pakistan, women have little to no access to justice.

    Her family put her into an unspeakable situation, but they won't get her out of it.

    She needs someone in her corner. It seems like this man is the only one who will advocate for her.

    Perhaps the best thing is for this man to approach a women's rights group, or a lawyer, who can meet with this young lady and help her get a divorce, or help the family realize that what they have done is wrong. When family wealth is at stake, it becomes far more complicated.

    Anyway, those are just my thoughts. It seems like everyone is in a lose-lose situation.

  4. Assalam alaikum,
    Brother she is married and she has a husband so you cant get involved with her Not untill she is no more married then you ask her for her hand otherwise stay away. And if your wife loves someone else and keep in contact with that person FOR 10 Years!!!! Would you as the husban be happy with her dont you think this unfair
    Then stay away.If her husban is not abusing her and he is providing for her then let her decide what is best her Not you
    Hope you dont take this the wrong

    • There are a lot of relations the married women could talk if her marriage was failing.
      But interaction with a na mehram is not good both from your side and from the women's side too.
      You should forget her and leave her.
      She was 16 then. But now she can go to the law if there is any problem.
      You don't belong in her life.
      Leave her alone

  5. AsalamouAlaikum... I’ve been married for 10 years and I was not happy with my husband... he took all of my father’s property and he didn’t spend time with me or his children.. he cheated on my more then 5 times thats only when i caught him. He’s always talking to girls he Lies to them that he Is single and cheats on them girls too...he used to leave me all alone and he never used to come home.. he used to always travel around the world living his best life while i was alone at home with my children... ive always been lonely depressed... than a guy came into my life..I always wanted to leave my husband but for the sake of my fathers property i was tolerating but then i fell in love with this guy and committed the biggest sin I committed Zina.. my husband found out about this and told my entire Family about it... he wants me to come back in his life but I don’t love him i feel scared of my husband... but he wants me back because there is still a property that he needs to take from my family.... I don’t want to go back with him.. i love the other guy and he’s willing to marry me... Can i apply for a Khula? I already have applied for the khula

    • Saima ,

      I can understand your husband was not a good person to continue this mariage .Due to property conflicts you are spending your time there but despite all the complexities a Zina is Zina and it will make you low in the sight of Alalh unless you don't repent sincerely .Continuing relationship with new guy with excuse of bad husband will further trap you in series of future Zina.
      Cut off all contacts with new guy .
      As you have decided to divorce but property is the main issue to hang on this relationship , just talk to your father or some sensible knowledgeable person how to get divorce(if you want) by fixing property disputes .
      Don't fall for Zina again and again in future .

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