Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to marry her but her Istikhara was negative, what can I do?

Man in prayer, man in salat, praying

Asalam O Alaikum,  I live in Riyadh. I would like to ask something about Istakhara. I have a cousin, she lives in Paris. We both like each other and would like to get married as well. Recently she did an Istakhara for herself that if I am good for her Deen and future. The answer came out Negative (having a dream). She says that she likes me a lot and would be very happy with me, but she has sacrificed alot of things in her life for the sake of ALLAH and Deen and she would probably do the same this time.

A. Does this Istakhara holds any positivity?

B. Is it right to do an Istakhara without letting your parents know?

C. If i do an istakhara for this matter and it comes out positive, does it make a difference?

D. Is it right that the outcome of an Istakhara keeps changing over time?

I need advice, what shall I do, because she has not spoken to her parents or anyone within her family about the Istakhara or that she likes me . She is getting marriage proposals quite often. I just want someone to reply back as soon as possible please, as I really think that she is the one who I want to get married to and I would like to approach her parents with a marriage proposal.

Allah Hafiz Thanks & regards,

-- Brother from Riyadh

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244 Responses »

  1. Asalam Alaikum,
    I'm 22 years old and I'm in a relationship with a guy from last 3 years. We are planning to get married soon. He wanted to get istikhara done by someone( alim or molvi) so he did. The alim told him that he saw blackout and also heard crying noises and stuff. I told him to ignore what he said since nobody else can do istikhara except me or him. I wanted to ask if we should get married or listen to what alim has told him. JazakAllah.

    • The molvi's so-called "istikhara" is nonsense. That is not how istikhara works. Pray it yourself, and follow your guidance. And be aware that to be in a relationship of this kind is haram in the first place. We Muslims do not get into boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Either marry the man, or break it off.

      IslamicAnswers.kcom Editor

      • The guy believed what molvi has told him and said that he can't be with me because our future won't go smoothly. I talked to his parents and asked his mom to do istikhara for us. I'm so nervous to hear the same negative all over again. We love each other, and I've met his family and also all the relatives. His family approved me. I wanna know if there's any dua to get positive signs in istikhara?

        • You should stop asking other people to pray Istikhara for you, and you should pray it yourself, and he should as well.

          There is no dua' to get a positive Istikhara. Istikhara itself is the dua. The problem is that you are trying to force an outcome. When you pray Istikhara sincerely, you must be open to Allah's guidance. Istikhara does not necessarily result in any dream or sign. It is simply a prayer to Allah to guide you to what is best, and protect you from harm. You pray, then you do what you feel in your heart is best, trusting Allah to guide you.


        • Assalaamualaikum......I performed istikara namaz for certain reason,result was not in my favour,can i make dua instead to make that thing best in my favour? Because,this will however not mean that i am denying Allah's guidance.....but asking his help..!! JAZZAK ALLAH KHAIRAN

          • Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

            I did istakhara on a girl, so after a few days she blocked me, but the thing is wallahi I love her so much, I cry for her every night so that we can be together forever in this life and hereafter, so should I leave her or can my dua change the outcome of the istakhara?

            Kindly reply..

          • Brother Momin, I think the fact that she blocked you is a sign that you should move on. Sometimes you don't get what you want. In time your heart will heal and you will meet someone else inshaAllah, and you never know, the next person might be better for you than this one. Have faith.


      • I don't know why my comments are getting deleted. But I seriously want to know what I should do. The guy is believing what molvi has said, and i talked to his parents and asked his mother what to do. She said she will pray salatul istikhara for us. I'm so nervous to hear all the negative things all over again. Please let me know if there's any dua to get positive outcome?

        • I replied to your comment already. This is not even your post. It's an old post from 2009 with over 200 comments on it. Have you read the advice already given?

      • i want to get marry with a person and have been trying to convince my parents since last 7 to 8 years to get agree but my parents are not getting agree. In these 7 to 8 years alot of istakhara have been done by different qari and some says its positive and some says its negative. I believe i myself not in the position to do istakhara because i m already been inclined toward the feelings of getting marry to that person so may be after istakhara if incase i would get negative feelings then i would not be able to feel that.My sister did istakhara n 1st night she had a dream in which she had seen many ladies wearing black abayas n then she awaked n got scary feelings. She got the answer so she did not continue her istakhara.
        Now my ques is the dream which my sister had, is the outcome of istakhara?? It indicates that that person is not a good for him?
        As i have read alot of articles regarding istakhara and i believe dream is from Shaitan who continuously try to put waswasay and negative feelings in our mind and may be this dream would be from shaitan.. what would you suggest in this case? Should i keep trying to make agree my parents for this guy? As i want that person in my life and tried alot but my parents are against him and not getting ready to accept that person as my life partner. But we both want to get marry and his family is also agree but my family is not agree.. please advise? Also please advise why istakhara's result came out negative and positive as well? Why it is so?

        • As-salamu alaykum sister "Anonymous." You should pray istikhara yourself, and don't worry about not being to recognize the "feelings" that may come about. Istikhara is not about dreams, nor even about "feelings." Rather, it is a prayer to Allah that if the thing is good for you then to make it happen; and if it is bad for you then to keep it away. That's all. So if is good then Allah will make it easy for you. And if it is bad then Allah will place obstacles in the path and you will not be able to achieve it.

          Also do not worry about your sister's dreams. They have no significance in this matter. And do not ask any "qari" for istikhara. Many of them are scammers who only want to be paid. In reality they have no guidance and no truth to shed.

          You did not say why your parents are against this boy. If they have a valid reason, for example if his character is flawed, or he has no education or no money, then I suggest you follow their wishes and look for someone else. However, if their reason is invalid (different caste, they don't get along with his parents, etc), and you are very determined that this is the man you want, then you should try very hard to convince them.


          • Actually, my parents have alot of issues like financial difference, then another reason that person has done BA and i have done masters. Then my family is status conscious, though i am not. I am far far away from these kinds of bulshit like status, rich etc etc. There is no where mentioned in shariat to find someone from rich family, to find very well educated, or to find someone who is financially strong etc etc..I wish to get marry with this person because of my strong understanding with him, he belongs to religious family and he himself offers namaz and he himself is religious as well which is good enough for me. But my family is continuously forcing me to get marry with someone else of their choice but i dont want because i have already set my mind for him..
            Now i am confused that may be this is in result of istakhara that my family is not getting agree since last 7 to 8 years or may be it could be azmaish from Allah SWT..
            I have read in this forum, someone says that her istakhara comes out negative since 6 years and even after praying the istakhara still comes out have suggested her to pray for 40 days that Allah Pak i will come more closer to u, will recite quran daily, will do more n more zikar azkaar but plz blessed me with that person. So now i am doing the same.. because i feel this is because of negative istakhara that my parents are not getting agreed for that person..

    • You are supposed to perform istkhara yourself. You cannot ask someone else to do it for you. This is almost considered shirk. Shirk is the most evil of sins in the eyes of Allah. Please my brothers and sisters, follow the way of the prophet. do not listen to these people who call themselves alim and take your money to perform istkhara. It is something that you can easily peform yourself.

  2. Salaam. I received a marriage proposal from a family living in Africa, while i live in Asia. I talked to the boy for three weeks and we clicked. They are religous family as well as have good family background and hold a good reputation. Their side of Istikhara came out positive but mine came out negative. I did Quran istikhara twice and came out negative, consulted a Maulvi and the Maulvi said he will marry twice in his life and is very fickle minded. I am interested in him and he is interested in me. I want to go for it but I am afraid I might make a mistake. What should I do?

    • First, no one can tell the future. Anyone who claims to do so is a fraud and a sinner. Second, what do you mean that your Istikhara "came out negative?"

      In any case, there are over 200 responses on this post, so please read them and I'm sure you'll find the answer to your question.

      Wael Editor

      • In my Quran istikhara result, i saw the word no more and the second time i did Quran istikhara I saw one word of mercy and to pray namaaz and then it also mentions how the kafirs will end up in hell. More mentions of punishment. So i believed that negative words mean negative answers. I am not sure anymore. So confused.

  3. Dear Brothers and Sisters,
    What if after you've done istikhara several times things do go smoothly, but eventually you start realising a lot of things about that person that you didn't before and your heart is also turned away. Should I then listen to my heart or could this be shaytaan and stick to the same person?

    • It's possible to change your mind after Istikhara. And it's possible to pray Istikhara after some time, and feel your guidance has changed. However I will also point out that everyone has character flaws. Everyone. It's natural that when you get to know someone you find things that you don't like. If you find out that he's a drug addict, womanizer, or abuser then that's one thing. Those are valid reasons to cancel an engagement. But if they are just little things then you can work on them in time.

      Wael Editor

  4. Sabah, it's a misconception that istikhara will give you a clear "positive" or "negative" result. Instead you should simply pray Istikhara then make the best decision you can, trusting Allah to guide you.

    Wael Editor

  5. Asalam brothers and sisters! I'm a girl from Pakistan! I'm 18, I have feelings for my cousin he is probably 4 years elder then me. His mother told me that he likes me for her son! After some days my cousin (his sister) came to my house and told me that I'm good for her brother and All! I became really happy and became more interested in him! My cousin is a really nice guy! He has a good job and belong form a really good family, so I have these strong feelings for him but he doesn't know about my feelings neither hes sister and mother! Some of my friends know about it! I really wanted to be with him and marry him cuz of course I am 18 and girls in Pakistan usually get engaged in this age! I prayed to Allah from the bottom of my heart for him ! so I perform istikhara to know that will I get him or not it was the first time I perform istikhara and I saw some (( black flowers)) in my dream and I suddenly woke up! I became really upset cuz I really wanted him! Now I don't know if it was my minds trick or it was real I'm really upset cuz I really want him! I don't know what to do! Can someone please help me please that would be really kind and reply me as soon as possible please

  6. Asalaamu Alaykum,

    I have a man who recently proposed to my family. When my parents agreed, he and I prayed istikhara to decide if this is truly the right decision. When he prayed, he received a negative feeling about moving forward, however, when I prayed, I had a positive feeling or no feelings at all. Both of my parents have prayed istikhara in regards to moving forward with the proposal and have received good feelings. What is the ruling for conflicting feelings, - does it mean some members of the party did not perform istikhara correctly?

    If the feelings are conflicted amongst all party -members, which one should we follow?

    Jazakallahu Khair

    • saba, you should follow what you think is best, and he should follow what he thinks is best. If that means you do not get married, then so be it. By the way, Istikhara is not about getting "feelings". One simply prays then makes the best decision she can, trusting that Allah will guide her to what is good.

      Wael Editor

  7. Assalamualikimw.w.i have performed istikaara after a problem nearly 5 times i didnt see any dream but i felt postive and strong after praying it but the problem is remaining as it is but the problem didnot grow or reduce why ?

  8. Asalam Walikum

    Currently i have a relation, she is 27 years old and i am 18 years old. As we all know that, we are Muslims and we have a concept that Hazrat Muahmmad (SAWS) married, Hazrat Khadijah(RA) at the age of 25 years old when she was 40 years old. So we all know marrying someone older is not haram. She loves me very much and she knows i am the best for her. and i also love her too much. I told her to talk to your parents about me, but she said, she is scared that her wont accept someone younger. now recently she got a proposal from some family.,her dad accepted it without even letting her know. Like didnt said yes to it. but her dad did istikhara on some other people. She told me, her dad did istikhara on different people. And the answer was good, 3 times. here she says, she cant make her dad sad, and also says i really love u alot and i know ur the best for me. shes so worried, and always depressed. and i am too. We really want to get married. like we are one body and two souls. we really love each other. I am syed and she is also syed. Sunni syeds i mean.

    Can u tell me what should she do, should she follow what her dad wants. because Marriage is something which the individual should be also happy out of it. She told me she is not happy, shes only marrying for her parents happiness. isnt that wrong? Islam has given us full advice to take decision on marriages. Like marriage is a whole eternal life. One has to spend entire life together. She is not even little interested in that person. Her father is sick, he is 63 years old. shes worried that hed die if she didnt married that guy. but the thing is, she doesn't wanna marry that guy, she wants me and loves me too much. shes only doing this for her father's sake.

    Can anyone tell me, what should she do. We really wanna get married. please help

    • Syed, the woman is free to choose her marriage partner, but it sounds like she has made her choice and is going along with her father's decision. Whether or not her choice is sincere, in the end it's up to her and it seems she has made a choice. So I think you must accept that and end your contact with her.

      Wael Editor

  9. Hello,
    There is a man i have been with since two years now. Wanting to get married, and his family approved of me. On my side, my mother has done istikhara and it came up negative. She has also asked mawla and the answer came wrong too.
    I have not told him yet. I want to do istikhara myself.
    In any case my feelings for him are really strong, is it wrong to go against my family and still marry him?
    Will i really not be happy?
    He really loves me and wants to marry me.
    I am not strong enough to let him go or to see him with someone else. What should i do?

    • Salam,

      Don't let your mom or the mawla marry him. Try the istikhara yourself.

      • Thank you I am doing istikhara at the moment but I can't figure out the signs or anything

        • If the marriage makes sense to you and others then marry. Does he have good character? Is he hard working? Does he keep his commitments? How does he handle anger? How does he resolve conflict? Is Islam important to him? Please check these things before committing.

  10. Is istekhara a sign or a decision from Allah ?

  11. Assalam u alikum,
    I am 30 year old,want to marry with person who already married with 1 family is not happy with my decision. i did istakhara 3 days continuously and on all taak raat on ramazan.but i didnt see anything properly in i am confused totally.
    As per my family istakhara came negative,did by some other molvis.
    i need help in this regards.Thanks

  12. Assalam o alaikum
    I am in a relationship with a guy and we really love each other and want to get married , I did istikhara by our family molvi he took the guys name and his mothers name and the anser came out to be negative and now my family is also totally against it..hence the molvi is very trusted and has performed istikhara for my elder brother and sister too for marriage and alhamdullilha they Are married now past 5 yrs and goin smooth. I performed istikhara and felt the anser to be positive what should I do ,???should I go ahead or listen to the molvi and end this relation...please help jazak allah khair.

  13. I made istikharah for the proposal i was positive ..i saw the boys face but i dont like him..even he saw me in his istikharah...wat should i do ?I need help...please reply

    • Salam Kamila,

      If you don't like him you will have difficulty in fulfilling his rights. I thought the first step in Istikharah was not having any inclination. If you don't like him after Istikhara I thought that meant you shouldn't be with him. Istikhara or not it is up to you to fulfill his rights, if you can't do that you shouldn't marry him.

  14. I wanna get married to the person of my choice but my family is against it....they don't want to listen anything....the boys family has already offered for marriage but my family refused...can u tell me what to do as we really like each other and wanna get married.

  15. What is the best way to do Istikhara

  16. assalamu alaykum. there is a guy i am in love with, we were involved in a haraam relationship so he broke it off a week back, we r very young teenagers and love each other a lot. we want to make it halaal but i am afraid to confront my parents on this matter, pls advic shukran

    • shaakirah, wa alaykum as-salam. It's best to let this relationship go for now. You are too young. Let some time pass, and then come back to the issue if you are still interested.

      If you need further advice please register and submit your question as a separate post.

      Wael Editor

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