Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to marry him, but he is avoiding me.


I'm a 19 year girl who's been used..bruised and broken.. I love this guy who I've now known since 5 years..we were immensely in love with each other.. We used to talk like 24/7..i remember those jokes..those laughs..his support in my bad times.. We first talked on fb then when he confessed that he loves me, i stopped talking to him as I was very scared of the consequences. I was a simple girl who used to hate gf bf relationship (i still do). Slowly slowly, my heart started melting for him and I also fell in love. When we met, i told my friend that i'm going to meet him...and at home I said I am going to a friend's party. So when i went to meet him..he didn't let me come back home and stopped me till it was evening. I did not say a word to him as I saw outside it was getting darker and darker and was worried about my mum. When i was there, i clearly told him i dont want a relationship as i never hid anything from my mum. He promised me that inshallah we will soon get married.. He said it will be my life's nest day and that i can't wait. The sad part is wjen my friend told my mum everything and when she found out about us. I still couldn't control my feelings and didn't stop talking to him. My mom gave him 3 chances to come and meet but he never came. now it's been 9 months he has stopped talking to me is really hard for me to move on after he has promised me of marrying. I can't forget him and don't want to live without him. I've even broke my engagement for him. Since 9 months, i have been messaging him 24/7 ..and asking him why he isn't talking and that i don't want our relationship to end.. He always reads my messages but never replies back, it's disturbing me a lot. He kept wishing me Eid and all festivals throughout and a week ago, he's confessed that he still loves me and is still here. But then why isn't he talking to me anymore? Why isn't he doing anything for our relationship to last.. I told him before starting the relationship that in the end i need commitment. I will stay with you if you promise that YOU only are going to be my future. It seemed like he wanted the same, he never hurt me. Instead i hurt him many times, but he still loved me. Now i'm so confused... Is there any hadith through which I can tell him, that it is disrespectful to leave a woman after promising her forever? I want him to realize that and return to me. At the same time, I myself don't know what to do.. To wait for him.. Or to let him go..which I never can because i truthfully was in love and i wanted for us a halal end. (Marriage)


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4 Responses »

  1. On the authority of Abu Hurayrah; the Messenger - صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم - said:

    There are three affairs that are serious, whether you say them seriously or jokingly, they are serious:
    divorce and
    taking back your [divorced] wife.”

    But sister, my advice to you is to erase his number from your phone and delete all connection to his social media. Even block all communication with him. He doesn't respect you and if he doesn't respect you now, you think he will respect you if you married him? Find someone who deserves you and respect you from the beginning.

  2. Sister i just want to say you meet this guy the wrong time and Your relationship was Haram because of him not marrying you. He doesn’t want to marry you . You should accept that and not chase him because that is hurting your dignity. Men chase what they want. That is he doesn’t want you in his future and you should move on and build yours . You are his second choice in life. If things don’t go well for him . His gonna pull you down with him . Please move on

  3. Girl, stop being so desperate for a man that clearly doesn't want you. Have some respect for yourself and let this man go (emotionally, I mean). He's not coming back to you, and, in all honesty, I don't understand why you would want a man like him to come back to you. Thank Allah for protecting you against a loser. Because that's what he is: a loser.

    In my opinion, he never loved you - you have just convinced yourself that he does, because you're inexperienced in life, a bit gullible, and because it's probably the first time you have experienced having feelings for someone. You have to accept that the promises this man made to you were lies and empty words. It sounds to me like he is a player; He was playing you and quickly got fed up and bored, because you were wise enough to demand of him to pursue a halal relationship with you. When a man's intentions have never been to marry you, of course he's going to disappear and ignore you when you demand marriage from him. He wanted free sex until his family find him a cousin he can marry, and, well...Allah protected you from becoming this jackass' sex toy. Really, just browse through this site and read the thousands of messages from girls that did sleep with men that never wanted them. Unwanted pregnancies, suicidal, problems later on in life when they have to be honest about their past to men that actually do want them, husbands that find out their wife has lied about their zina, etc. Be grateful that you aren't one of these women.

    You have to look at this situation this way: You have lost someone who didn't love and care about you. What is there to be sad about? I can understand your feelings if this man was a gem and had anything to offer...but he doesn't. So spare your tears, Sister...

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