Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to marry him for his deen and character, but my parents are refusing to allow it!

Righteous Husband


I am a 20 year old female living in England. I am a muslim by birth.  My family is not strictly religious, but we still follow alot of islamic rules without fail alhumdullilah.

I had recently told my parents about a marraige proposal i recieved, as i would like to get married. Even though they did not agree at first due to saying i was too young, after a long time i managed to convince them to meet the family. After meeting the family my parents have said they do not want me to get married yet and that the boy is not as beautiful as me. And that the boy is too skinny.

The boy in question is someone i want to marry due to his religious ways and personality. I have alot of sexual desires and i do not want to commit zina, at the same time i am mature enough to understand that married life comes with unforseen difficulties and struggles along with responsibilities. My parents do not want to let me marry until the age of 23/24. But my question is if i desire so strongly to marry then can they refuse on the basis of not being old enough or completing studies first? Studies can also be completed after a nikkah.

Also, can they refuse on the basis that apparently the boy is not as handsome as they want? Even though his personality is good?

I would really like to get married, i pray to Allah regularly, i just want to know what the islamic rulings are for someone in my situation. I dont not want to do anything secretly or hurt my family. So i need a way of convincing my parents to allow me to marry if not now then atleast a nikkah in a years time InshaAllah.

JazakAllah. May Allah forgive us all and i wish you a blessed day.


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13 Responses »

  1. I propose you. You will marry with me.

    • Don't be an idiot. She's saying here that she is in love with another boy and wants to marry him. How do you imagine it is appropriate for you to propose to her? You are proposing only because she says she has a lot of sexual desire, or maybe because she is young and lives in the UK. Very shallow, brother.

      Wael Editor

      • at least she will save herself from adultry and other toys sooo whats worse. get married and learn from experiences that are halal ways. this is smarter and wiser because if the guy was playing with her then divorce and life goes on but dont get pregant right away for that will be the nightmare.

  2. Salaam sister...
    I think you have to find MORE SUPPORT from religious MEN/WOMEN around your area THAT CAN SPEAK WITH PARENTS---They will clearly tell the ISLAMIC TEACHING ON THIS ISSUE and the bad consequence of their refusal.
    Also pray to ALLAH to make this issue happen if it good for you-for your deen-and for your dunya.

    Be patient sister---Allah is always with pious men/women and with those who are virtuous.

  3. There is no guaranty that marriage will solve sexual issues .The decision of marriage should be taken after careful thought .
    If you find this boy good then take some help of your close relative to convince your parents .

    For time being , I suggest you to fast to control your sexual desires ,lower your gaze ,don't watch any romantic movies ,serials etc etc .

  4. Dear sister
    Don't rush into marriage, you are young and need to relax. Marriage is not a day thing,it's forever!
    You should wait and continue with your studies.
    Also listen to your parents please they are your guardians and have a say in your marriage. I believe it's LUST wanting someone before marriage, it's not lOve. You need to wait patiently for the right time for things to be looked into by your parents, as they have a right to give you away to the right person who you like and also they are happy with.
    Work with your parents , not against them. Be patient,if the person who wants to marry you can be also patient,that would mean that they are willing to wait for you as long as it takes. It will then mean his a decent person.
    I had a cousin who waited 25 years for his girlfriend parents to agree,I know that was a long period of time. He loved his parents and didn't want to run away with the girl even though she was willing to. He just kept working on her parents and his, now that was true love.
    I'm not suggesting you wait that long but what I'm saying is tell the lad who you love to be patient and carry on waiting and work towards your parents in what they want him to do. I'm sure once your parents realise that this guy has been wanting to marry you for such a long time and his working, educated plus got religion in him, they will accept.
    Just talk to your mother and ask her what she would like in the guy you marry, and let her know that if he waits, improves on whatever is there a chance that you shall be able to marry him.
    Think,and work with your parents I'm sure you will find some solution together, if the guys not wanting to wait then his not worth it, as every parent wants what's right and best for their child, this includes personality, religion, work and many other things .
    There so much girls out there which just want to get hitched with the first person they get to know.
    You need to give your parents time to see for themselves how good character he is and don't rush them either.
    Your parents are responsible to Allah where they get you married, whenever they get you married. You too have a duty to your parents to work with them and let them give you away with respect through the right channels of Islam.
    Best of luck and Allah bless .

    • Sister Raheela ,

      Waiting for 25 years is a foolish decision .These so called love where he has to wait for 25 years is not of any importance from Islamic perspective .A young person might do so many sinful activities during such long period .It is wrong example for above sister .

    • sister u lack wisdom. Get married . The devils like technology are moving faster.Nowdays kid grade 345 know about the birds bees and other dirty knees... devil wants every teenie bopper to give up there purity faster and in the wrong manner.??

  5. Dear illogical
    I didn't suggest for the above sister to wait 25 years, that was just what that poor person did.
    However, I did say that wait for a period of time and work with your parents to come to some agreement where parents and the above sister can be to both happy.

  6. Sister its a tough call but because of the desire and lust. i personally would save my iman before the devil makes a piece meat out of me. marriage is half and thats big??.so go get nikkah done and if they dont like it well be prepared to run off for a bit till things cool down. All u need is 3 witness including imam. but i advise u say to mom im feeling horny or whatever be honest... let them know because the devil knows ans he rather see u banged befor marriage so ur modesty is shattered

  7. There is no age limit it comes with kismet. If you like this man marry him age has no limitation. Parents arent always right you have to stand your ground and it is your life not theirs. This is halaal whats wrong with this these days the world has no shame with haraam let alone being a good person doing the right thing. Be strong and use your own mind in the right way and be honest with your parents this way you tried.

  8. As Salamu Alaiqum

    It is nice to know that you admit your desire and do not want to commit sin. So you want to do it in legal and acceptable way which is marriage. I appreciate your understanding at this young age. In fact many girls have same strong desire and make themselves satisfied in illegal way. You are on the right path.........Islamic path.

    Does the boy have bad character ?
    Is he is a sinner ?
    Is he so poor that he can not take care of you ? (in England it is rare)

    If you answer No to all the above question, then you can happily marry him. Your parents have No rights to stop you both in Government and Islamic rules.

    You are 20 now. "Not old enough" might be an excuse when you are16.

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