Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to turn back to Allah, but…

Pre-marital/extra-marital relationships are haram in Islam

Halaal and Haraam of Relationships

AOA, im in a big problem.

im 25 years old n i have been doing many sins and i repent on them a lottt. i had a commitment with a guy but then i realized its totally wrong to be in any of such relationship before marriage. i asked him to quit but he doesn't understands me. he says that we just talk and meet in college and we don't do anything wrong (this is truth.we dont do anything bad) so this relationship is not a sin.

I'm asking him to wait for some time as he send proper proposal at my home but he is like "u're my strength and i cant get along without u".

As a matter of fact i truly love him and i want to be with him but he is not ready to wait. im so confused that what to do. i feel like if i continue this relationship then i'll lose my connection with Allah. Allah will become angry with me. Allah will not remain my friend anymore.

But on the other side i dont want to lose my love either. i have tried my best to make him understand but all in vein. please help me whoever u r. im in dire need. im afraid i'll lose my faith again. please reply to this urgent. im anxiously waiting. what to do??

~ sara ahmad

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11 Responses »


    COMING TO ALLAH AND HIS RELATIONSHIP U TOLD i feel like if i continue this relationship then i'll lose my connection with Allah. Allah will become angry with me. Allah will not remain my friend anymore

    Correspondence between the sexes is not permissible, because that provokes temptation and usually results in evil. If a man corresponds with a non-mahram woman in letters that are not seen by anyone else, that leads to many evils.
    As for the love that stems from repeated looking, haraam mixing or correspondence, the one who does that is sinning to the extent that he does haraam things in his relationship and love.
    Islam forbids a woman to be alone with a man who is not her mahram because of the fitnah (temptation) and bad things that result from that, such as attachment and the desire to look and touch, etc.

    All of this results from the man talking to the woman in these private letters or conversations, especially if they are young and at an age when desire is strong.

    Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and young women, if this correspondence is free from immorality, love and desire?

    He replied: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the temptation involved in that. The person may think that there is no temptation, but the shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and tempts her through him.

  2. Wa'alaykumsalam,

    You are not in any difficult situation in my opinion. Its just a choice of temporary desire that you're stuck in. This choice can be altered.

    You have two choices,

    1) Choose Allah alone as your only trusted partner and follow his law, in return you will be rewarded with Paradise, wherein you'll stay forever and you'll also receive greatness in this life insha'Allah.

    2) You choose that man as your partner and be in a forbidden relationship in the eyes of Allah and in the end, book a place in hellfire as your temporary home.

    The choice is yours.

    These are your ultimate choices actually. But you can do somthing else too in trying to keep both choices intact. That is, firstly, cut all ties and stay away from that man. Do not continue your relationship with him as it is forbidden in Islam and has severe consequences. Even merely talking to non mahram is a sin as basically this is the first level of your path to bigger sin like fornication. It starts with talk and ends with sleep together and finally dumpings. Allah says " do not even come near zina " Shaytan uses awesome tricks to force humans to sin. By breaking your ties with him, you are going to please Allah. But if you are really interested in marrying him then you have to talk to your parents but since that man is not committed right away and can't wait, do not trust him and his lovely words in deceiving you and disobey Allah. Tell him that, whenever he is ready for commitment, he should approach your family, untill then you both are strangers. If he is sad, then let him be. You really dont want to buy hell just for a man. Remember that Allah's punishment is severe and true. Fear Allah. There is plently of pious muslim men out there who would respect you and fear Allah.

    Repent for the sins you've committed and become a practising muslimah. Perform salat al isthikhara if you're planning to marry him as Allah will help guide you.

    All the best.

    • I agree with most of your advice, but I think simplistic answers (you have two choices, A or B) are not always helpful. Also, speaking to a non-mahrem is not forbidden in Islam (there are many incidents when Rasulullah sws spoke to non-mahrem women). Such extreme statements only cast doubt on the validity of your responses.

      Wael Editor

      • I think you might have overlooked the rest of my post. I didn't say those are her ' simple ' choices. Rather, I mentioned that those are her ' Ultimate ' choices. That means, if she's in a situation where her ' BF ' doesn't want to leave her and wants to continue this illegal relationship, then and only then these ultimate choices would come into play.
        I even told her that, if possible, she can even try to keep both choices.
        Regarding talking to non-mahram. I agree with what you said ofcourse. But we have to keep in mind two things, 1) We both can agree that we are not living in prophectic generation instead we are living in the most corrupted generation ever.
        2) When talking about a particular post for a particular reason, like this OP's post ( where she has illegal relationship ), and when I say, do not talk to non-mahram, it has to be understood that talking to non-mahram regarding unecessary stuff and idle talk is forbidden. Talking with neccessity or for a specific need is allowed ofcourse.
        In this OP's case, she didn't talk to that man only in necessity and thats why she is in this situation.
        There are limits set by Allah, we should not exceed them for whatever reason insha'Allah.

  3. walaikum assalam.
    plz dont break ur contact wit h ALLAH.if he cant wait till marriage,leave him.ALLAH will help u.dont sirf duniya ki lazzat ha.leave him 4 ALLAH.ALLAH will do best 4 u.dont worry.

  4. Sister I appreciate you have a big heart but your deen HAS to come first.
    Do not let anything get in the way of your relationship with Allah.
    And your relationship with this man is wrong even if you have not been physically close to him. I urge you to break it off, no human being is worth risking your soul over, no matter how much he begs and cries.
    Stick to your decision. Let this man know that if he wants to be with you it has to be through marriage and no other means.

    If he is not ready to wait then why doesnt he just send a proposal to your home immediately? What is the problem. Sister if he is serious about you he would take the means and speak to your family.

    So either he waits until he is ready to propose or he does it immediately or he leaves. It really is as simple as that.

    "The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the ears is listening, the zina of the tongue is speaking, the zina of the hand is touching and the zina of the foot is walking. The heart wishes and and longs and the private part confirms that or denies it." Ibn Battaal (ra) also said: "Looking and speaking are called zina because they invite one to true zina. He then said: "the private part confirms that or denies it."

    Please read this story on this link. It will show you how easy zina can progress:

    Sara Editor

    • Sara is correct. The best option would be for this young man to come to your family and make a proposal, and the two of you to get married Insha'Allah.

      If he is not willing to do that, then it's time to end your contact with him.

      Wael Editor

  5. Salaams Sara Ahmed,

    You are right to not be involved with him, he understands and he knows it is wrong, this is how guys play naive girls. My strong advise to you is break off all contact with him as this what leads to haraam sins and sins you can avoid before it is too late. Save yourself sister dont get involved in any wrong doing turn to Allah and trust only Allah things happen for a very good reason, please do not turn your back on Allah be strong for you. If he has given your family a proposal for you the correct way then marry him why you waiting, dont mislead him or play with his emotions I dont think that is fair, I hope that InshAllah Allah makes it easy for you whatever decision you make.

  6. sister, i had the same problem so i think i can understand ur feelings....... i also love some1, she is my heartbeat and i even cant imagine to live without hr, she loves me the same way.... i had to choose bw Allah and her and i chose Allah.... i hv sacrificed my love,,, bt i desperately want hr bck,,,,,, please remember Allah comes first... and u shud follow the strt path

  7. thankyou all for your kind advices, im trying my best to follow Allah's path...

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