Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to return to God but keep on going back to my non-muslim boyfriend

Change your heart to change your life

Hi, I will be 21 and I live in Europe. I have an issue that has been controlling my life for the past years. I am in love with a non-muslim and have been going out with him for several years. I didn't think a lot about Islam when I started going out with him, but as time went by my guilt grew and grew. I was very young and foolish. I'm still a fool. I even wouldn't understand why a muslim women couldn't marry a non-muslim man. Now I do, as I wish I could pray behind my husband and teach the islamic ways to our future children.

Ive always felt distgusting, so much that I would leave his house in shame and tears. I have not went all the way to the actual act of zina, but almost. Many times. I'm very ashamed of myself as I'm writing this post, but I'm in desperate need of quality advice from  muslims. I always wanted to break things up with him, I didn't even want to start dating him in the first place! But I didn't dare say no, I didn't dare hurt him. Now, I regret it so much. I wish so bad I had done things differently. I feel filthy, unworthy of anything good and ashamed of what Ive done in my amazing family's back. More than everything, I went against God.

I recently broke up with him, but I am extremely confused. I keep repenting and going back to him! I'm unable for some reason to go cold turkey and completely ignore him. I'll swear to myself I won't contact him, but I find myself texting him and such.I'm in a vicious cycle that is making my heart black. So much that I couldn't feel anything for a while. Slowly, I feel like I want to change again. I don't want to live such a life, as there is no peace when one goes against the Creator. I want to stop seeing him, but why can't I resist texting him and see him? I want to return to Allah but I keep sinning and sinning! I feel over-confident, thinking I can be just friends with him, but there's no way. We act nothing like friends. We obviously lust each other. I'm infatuated by this person.

I know I have done terribly bad sins and there's no such things as dating in Islam. He isn't interested in converting. He has clearly rejected Islam. He even insulted our Prophet by saying he is a pedophile. All along, I thought he would convert. Regardless of his ignorance, he truly is a good man with great values. He protected me and cared for me genuinely. I am naive. I think I don't feel guilty enough for sins. My heart is still numb from all the sins I have done. Truly, I understand why God has forbidden such things. There's so much harm and corruption in such relationships. I grew up thinking the western lifestyle was what I wanted! The love and butterflies. I regret it so much. I want to pick God, so why do I keep running back to this man?

How can I purify myself? How do I find the strength to cut all ties with him when I hold such strong feelings for him? How do I do self-introspection!? I obviously have problems within myself. I don't feel guilty enough! I don't fear God enough! That's why I keep going back to him.

I am frightened that I stay as I am. I am miserable. I don't want God to punish me. In my heart, selfishly , I just wish I'd meet someone good for me and forget about this man... But I feel like if I don't change myself first, nothing good will ever happen to me.

I need help. The devil knows how to trick me. How can I change. I do pray, and repent. Yet. I'm weak and lame.

Thank you for reading me. This might seems like a stupid young girl problem struggling with her typical haram first love, but my pain is real and controlling my life. This sin is stopping me from going forward.


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6 Responses »

  1. Salam.As a sunni Muslim we have to understand our purpose of life.The quran explains it well and the scholors give the details etc.......Your foundation is weak as regards to salah quran and other amals.These help you and protect you from an invisible enemy that has one mission ...that is to take all of us to Hell.fact!!When a person disobey Allah commandments and teachings of prophet Muhammad PBUH then life becomes confused hard stressful and problems after problems will come.This the law of Allah.Allah gives humankind freewill but nevertheless he is the knower and Controller of everything.....You are following desires and illusion that SHAITAN puts in front of you.For if you pursue and continue this way of life....YOU WILL LOSE AND THE PUNISHMENT WILL BEGIN AS SOON AS YOU BREATH YOUR LAST BREATH .....GOODLUCK

  2. Asalaam Walaikum Sister.

    Anyone here can truly understand the fight you are going through ... I can say with 99% certainty that everyone goes through a battle like yours be it with "BF", "GF", Porn, Masterbation, Drugs, Alcohol and the list goes on.

    The first and foremost thing that needs to happen is that you need to know you have a problem. Alhamdulillah you know you do ... This in itself is a huge sign of Iman my siset trust me. Shaytaan wispers in your ears and you fall into his trap and make contact with the boy however the light in your heart from your 5 daily prayers make you keep turning back to Allah and repenting - Alhamdulillah.

    This is why Salah is vital even when a person is Sinning hence never stop Salah regardless... And just to note we all sin one way or another.

    Secondly you say you don't fear Allah ... Its not that you don't fear Allah its the fact you don't love Allah to stop sinning. Increasing you Love for Allah will in return increase your Fear of Allah not Loving you back. (Hopefully that makes sense lol).

    Now what you need to do is increase your good actions and gain Knowledge. This is easier than you think. As you increase these two things I promise you that it will actually be easy to walk away.

    Do the following everyday and will take 5mins of your time ... Read atleast 1 page of the Qur'an Daily. If you can't manage that then atleast 1 line! I promise you doing this is small but very powerful. Remember everyday opem the Qur'an.

    Gaining knowledge ... Youtube is your best friend haha. Type in Bilal Assad, Mufti Menk, Brother Hoblos and the many other Speakers into Youtube and gain knowledge.

    Honestly stick to these few points and it will change your life I promise you. And whats important is that you do it now ... Then you will not only carry on doing it during Ramadan but will continue it after Ramadan.

    Take one step towards Allah and Allah will come running towards you ... Thats Allahs Promise so we know it to be true. Allah will open doors for you that could'nt imagine thats a promise.

    I know this has been a long post but I think you deserve it. You seem to be genuinely concerned and thats beautiful to see Alhamdulillah ... Make a change and become the light of the Ummah my sister.

    May Allah SWT grant you the ability to change for the better, grant you Jannat ul Firdous and bless you with a Beautiful pious Family .... Ameen.

  3. Salam Sister.
    I think you are a very brave person, and i appreciate you for Choosing Allah over the Western life now. Try to cry daily after salah, especially Isha salah. Ask Allah to Help you.
    For spiritual power, that will help you resist the butterflies and lust, do zikr of Allah frequently, like SubhanAllah, Alhamdulilah, Allah hu Akbar.
    Recite some quran, and recite Lots of Salawat(durood sharif).. durood sharif will help you polish your rusted heart . Try zikr Pas anfas, a technique of remembrance of Allah, where you use your breaths to purify the soul. Pls try all these. Your Faith will be strong in no time. Good luck

  4. allahuakbar

  5. I just want to say sis if u really want to turn to ALLAH SWT do repentance purely n do one thing after this join international Islamic organization named dawat e islami also has branch in whole will change your life completely. InshaALLAH swt. It has also website n u can submit ur question there n can find answer by islamic scholars.

  6. Salaam Sister,

    I appreciate your effort in trying to become a good muslim. I'm sure Allah also appreciates your struggle to be closer to Him. Don't lose hope and one day Allah will give strength in your heart to avoid zina. Keep making dua. Keep fighting the shaitan. The life of this world is worship to Allah and a fight against shaitan.

    Also, I would very much recommend watching the video on youtube by Shaykh Hasan Ali, titled " From Addiction and Sin to devotion within ". I think it has the solution on how to deal with your problem.

    May Allah give you strength to avoid zina.

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