Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to save my marriage and my relationship with in-laws from my sister

Horrible sister

Assalam 'o' alaikum,

Firstly let me introduce myself, I'm a woman aged 26 years. I'm nikahfied but living at my parents' home, will be getting married in coming months. Since I'm living apart from my husband , my hubby and in laws usually come to meet me in every few months. I have an elder sister, with her my ties have always remain tensed since very childhood, infact she keeps bad ties with all other siblings too. These are her worst habits which we all very well know and due to these she has earned no respect among us; to backbite against us before parents, talk sarcasm. To present herself as an obedient child she degrades other siblings before mom n dad by fabricating bad thoughts against us.

I have spent a life of 26+ years with her and I have experienced 3rd degree tortures because of her where I was right but I couldn't explain myself to my parents, my parents weren't believing me coz she has fabricated so many bad thoughts among them about me. Even being the brightest student of my family, active person in non curricular activities, at times when my success was being paid off with certificates and results, my parents had a distrust towards my friends my company.

Now that I'll be moving towards my hubby I want her to stay far far away from my hubby and in-laws. Because she's good at playing with words I fear she'll spoil my relations with my in-laws too. And she provenly tries her best. She doesn't leave a chance to downgrade me before my in-laws when they come. by criticizing my cooking, being most forward to talk to them( imagine she doesn't talk to me, but she is always the first to get stuck with my in-laws talk to them, never even gives me chance to speak) many times my mother-in-law complains about my less talking. I have placed my concerns before mom regarding this but she's unable to see through my perspective. Please guide me how can I keep her away from my upcoming family since she's a family member so it's even harder for me to stop her catching up with my in-laws. I know Allah has kept gifts for me and HE has the best returns of deeds.

ask

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4 Responses »

  1. Asalam alikum 🙂
    Hmmm I knw it feels pretty shitty when u hvnt done anything wrnge nd ur stil the one at fault nd pointed on. But pray to Allah subbantala nd ask him for help nd he will help u nd show u the way. But as for my advice maybe u should talk to ur Sister nd tell her why is she doing all that nd ask her isnt she scared of Allah subbantala nd the fact that Allah subbantala witnesses everything she have done nd is doing. Nd that she should fear Allah subbantala nd stop doing this. But talk in a good manners nd dnt get angry nd agrressive nd try to talk with some1 in ur family too like ur mum nd dad nd try to talk properly nd explain it very well nd try to talk to some1 who is like close to u in ur family who can like help more with explaining it to ur parents. Nd if she still like tries to put u down or talk u down in front of ur in laws then stand up for ur self nd defeand ur self nd speak for ur self nd dnt be so silent. Ofc nt like in a bad manners but u can defeand ur self while having good akhlaq too. Hope this will be of any help to u by Allah subbantala permision nd I hope I hvnt encouraged u towards anything bad or anything like that. But first thing is always pray to Allah subbantala nd ask him for help nd make dua always, cause remember Allah is listening to u nd he knws ur pain nd hardship Nd it might be a trial from Allah subbantala so try to have sabr nd dnt lose hope in Allah subbantala 🙂

    Have a blessed ramadan 🙂

  2. hello sister

    What is meant for you, will not go to anyone else.
    do not worry.
    Try to be good, the way you are.
    Do good for Allah, and always try that you are present when your inlaws and sister talk
    dont leave her alone with inlaws.
    and smile around them, and show your manners and make a place in their hearts

    Your sister will not harm you, also try to do good to her if she does bad. stop taking revenge
    maybe one good act will change her and she might get ashamed of her behaviour and not harm you
    Be good and trust Allah

  3. As-salamu alaykum sister. It's a difficult question. If you speak to your in-laws and tell them about your sister, and how she has always had ill will toward you, they might believe you or they might want even more to hear what your sister has to say.

    I think the best thing is just to be patient. You are already married and I never understood this practice in the subcontinent of delaying living together until "Rukhsati" - which is an invented cultural tradition - but I know that's how it is. In any case, try to move in with your husband as soon as possible.

    After that, do not invite your sister over to the house. It would really be best if you had your own home with your husband (rather than live with the in-laws) so that you could lay down the law and bar your sister from visiting altogether.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Assalaam alaikum,
    I can relate with u. Completely. She appears to be a narcissist and you appear to be one of her victims...before i give you my 2 bits on this issue, let me tell you that im no expert. My advice might not be the best but i write to you with my best intentions.
    Sister first of all we are not supposed to break relations with blood ties so whatever we plan we need to work within the islamic framework. First of all....How close are you to your husband? Have you ever tried to have an intimate / heart to heart communication with him. If you establish a strong trusted bond with him now then ur battle is almost won. No1 can poison ur relationship if it is built on a firm foundation. Talk to him and build that strong bond ...let him know that you trust him completely and that he is the most important person in your life. He will be very interested in knowing more and more about you, ur family and their relationship with u. Be honest and take your time to explain how some things are affecting you and how you expect him to support you. We can hope he is a mature and affectionate husband. Pray for that.
    Maintain safe distance from her...but if she tries to confront, let her know how her attitude affects you and how much you want her to change her attitude towards you. You can write her a mail if you fear that a verbal confrontation will get messy. Let her know that your relationship with her needs to be worked on and the effort can be nothing less than mutual. Tell her you love her even if it feels like a lie. You know deep inside that u do care for her. Do not be the first to give her any speech if she doesn't talk about it... Narcissists have a tendency of blaming and playing victims. She can totally manipulate the conversation in a way that every1 would start feeling sympathy for her and exactly the opposite for u. So have a trusted witness hear your conversation if its verbal ...if it in correspondence then save all the mails..
    Do not feel compelled to visit her or invite her over unless she makes any efforts to change herself. Remember you r not to severe ties with her for the sake of Allah..so do send her a text or make a short call once in every few day or send across a little gift. I know its NOT going be easy but these little things can really help to improve your relationship with her from your end....even if she doesnt value it Allah will and Allah will send His barakah in everything for u as a reward for your well intended efforts.. InShaAlah. In the mean time keep her in ur dua and ask Allah to smoothen matters between the 2 of u. Take Care.

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