Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I will kill myself or kill him…

domestic violence

My wife cheated on me. I will kill myself or kill the man?

Please help me.

ryan


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19 Responses »

  1. You know what sucks is sometimes I post something and by the time it hits this site, it's been 3-4 weeks. What ever would have happened HAS happened by now. So this advice is really probably for those in the future feeling this way, not for Ryan who has certainly already acted or chosen to walk away from that rage of his. I have to remember these posts aren't "real time" issues.

    So with that in mind:

    Don't do either. What you need to do is go take your anger out on some objects, allow yourself to have a violent breakdown if you need to with a pillow or a mattress, etc. Some will say that's unhealthy, but look at the alternatives. You sound furious, get that need to strike out of your system.
    Once you're completely exhausted, allow your mind to relinquish or give in to the situation. Accept what has happened, and go into survival mode. Think about why she did it.
    Did you have a part to play in her infidelity? Are you abusive? Did you see this coming? Be honest with yourself.
    Talk to her in a place with other people around so you can trust yourself not to hurt her in anger.
    If you decide what she has done is unforgivable, begin aligning things to protect yourself and the interest of your kids if you have any, or maybe even your belongings... things you want to keep... I don't know what the situation is here, what the story is behind all this, but I'd sure be happy to extend further advice if you spelled it out here in the comments section for me (us).

    The important thing is that you realize no matter what you do, kill him or kill yourself, the sun will rise tomorrow for somebody. Kill yourself and your wife will get over it and move on, kill him and you have to live in prison hell for the best years of your life and once you get out you have to live like a convicted felon and will never be trusted by anyone again. You may not care now, but in the end you'll realize that it wasn't worth it when you see pictures of her smiling with her or him with their new family on Facebook and you've been eating prison food for 20 years.
    Don't hurt her either, that won't make you feel any better. You'll just be without the woman you care so much about that you're thrown into a violent rage, and in prison, or dead, or on the run, and regret.

    You want to know what the best form of revenge is against a cheating spouse who thinks you can't live without them? Survival and happiness!

    Don't hurt anyone, it's not worth it. It's the lowest of the lowest potential of yourself as a human being. Don't let a cheating spouse drag you down that far, she shouldn't have the power to do that to you. best of luck Ryan

    • Assalaamualaikam

      While there is a waiting time for publication, we do prioritise posts which relate to situations in which a life may be at risk. In these cases, we aim to post as soon as possible, so that help can inshaAllah be available before an irreversible decision is made.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • its realy hurts me my friend
      if you in my situation you will do what im ganna do
      may allah forgive me,,,,,

      • Assalaamualaikam

        Brother, suicide and murder are both horrific sins, and are never permissible in Islam.

        I appreciate that you are hurting. Being betrayed by someone you loved hurts, and it takes time to heal from that. But neither suicide nor murder will help you.

        Suicide would mean you stop existing in this life, so that you can't heal and move on, and would mean that you risk punishment in the next life, as we are told that we should not end our lives. Murder would stay with you for the rest of your life - even if you weren't caught and convicted (and given modern forensic science, conviction rates are pretty high), the sin will weigh on you... and is this really something you want to have to answer for on the Day of Judgement?

        It's ok to feel angry and hurt. But don't let your feelings lead you down a path from which there's no coming back.

        Midnightmoon
        IslamicAnswers.com editor

      • Is there a chance you could tell us the whole story? There's lots of people here to post long things, you wouldn't be the first. I'd like to hear just exactly what's going on, and why you feel like opposed to other people, infidelity in your marriage has to equal death? What circumstance in your situation caused you to come to that last conclusion with no other options?

    • This post was actually submitted only today, and sister Midnightmoon wisely moved it to the front of the queue. We do our best to spot the posts that are truly urgent and prioritize them.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. I am so sorry for you Ryan but revenge is not the answer. Please do not kill may you get through this difficult time ameen. We all go through tough times/journeys in life that is very painful come out of it the better person brother.

  3. i dont know why you ppl dont choose a girl by seeing a character and imaan.. just going for a looks and education is not enough.. nowadays parents and a guy look for an education standard common you ppl need to wake up.. most of the time its ur fault.. i wud suggest to give her a chance and leave her if she breaks ur trust again and find a decent pious girl..

  4. Depends why she did if she was a slapper then expose her for what she is on facebook and on other media available.Killing him or etc you would of done it by now so belt up be a man ask were you went wrong we all do it's natural?! Did you guys play mind games etc?! Anyway if she was wrong from the start get rid if her take a couple if tears/years out start again I'm sure the pain experience will make you a good person in depts you were not before? Stay well stay out of prison if she was behind all this it's her who deserves to behind Bars!!!

    • How is this helpful?! Expose her on fb and media? What Is that going to acieve? I agree with moose's advice leave her and move on

  5. Peace b unto my brother,

    You didn't greet.

    By Allah, I hope u r there.

    You want to kill, because u feel betrayed, and what happened u feel, is unforgivable, and perhaps even embarrassing?

    NO it is NOT. You are not the first, nor will u b the last person that this has, or will happen to.

    You need not be as selfish as u r. Because my brother, that's exactly what u r when u think along the lines that u do.

    But then again, r u thinking?

    Really, r u thinking?

    STOP.

    For just a second, and breathe.

    Now remember y u chose this woman to begin with. It was love, wasn't it? Now for that same reason, forgive her, and make the choice, to either stay, or go.

    Don't complicate ur life, with push and pull, or fighting fire with fire.

    My brother, that is not the way of a true believer.

    If u choose to stay, then don't make life miserable for her, forgive her and really love her. Then try ur hardest to make it work. Allah will reward u for ur bravery to try a 2nd time , and ur marriage could even b better than b4.

    But do not stay, if she asks u to leave. U should not go, there where u r not wanted.

    If you choose to leave her, then forgive her, and walk away with dignity and take the lessons u hav learned from this marriage, to ur next marriage Inshaa Allah.

    Know that Allah always replaces what is lost, or broken, with that which is better. That which is not received here, is received in the after life. It is the promise of Allah. U must believe.

    Kill urself, or kill him, and u rob urself of paradise, the eternal life, all because of impatience.

    That's what u need my brother, patience.

    Get up at this moment, and go wet ur feet. Dive into prostration, and go and cry with ur Allah.

    He is the only one who is perfect, when humans hav so many imperfections.

    I will pray for u my brother, and hope to meet u in the afterlife, to slap ur head with love.

    But know this, I think that u even thinking of suicide, is SO selfish, so self absorbed, and so arrogant.

    Inshaa Allah, I will ask Allah about u on judgement day, and if I don't find u at the pearly gates, then I will know what u did :'(

    Peace and love to u my brother

    • I hope and pray this message finds you, that you may know you saved a poor, hurt, lost man from committing a horrible act against God and himself. You just saved my life.

  6. You dislike her for the sin she committed right? Why respond to this situation by committing an equally disgraceful sin (suicide or murder) if you truly hate her sin then you should NOT think about doing a sin yourself. Otherwise what's the difference between you and her? why even care about her sin? wouldn't then you be a sinner yourself?

    If by cheating you mean she was adulterous then you have to let her go, otherwise you would be considered a cuckold.

  7. question posted by ryan and replied by ryan's friend
    very strange.
    your friend is already here replying you?
    go to the psychologist for counselling

  8. and brother if your wife has cheated on you....... you did nt explain anything. Go investigate everything. discuss with her and do what you like leave her or live with her except murdering or committing suicide.

  9. Brother, peace be unto u

    R u there?

    By Allah, since I read what u wrote, I cannot stop thinking about u.

    We r all connected. It was taqdir, destiny, that we met.

    I cannot find rest, not knowing if you're ok.

    I'm sorry, if I hurt u, by calling u selfish.

    I said whatever I did, with the intention of rescuing u.

    By Allah, I cannot find rest, not knowing if you're ok, if you're even alive.

    Please reply, and let us know?

    I love u for the pleasure of Allah.

  10. @ Lorelei Lee.

    I have never met Ryan in person. I added my name as Ryan's friend, because truly, that is what I hope to be.

    The fact that he is feeling this way, touches me.

    In Islam, we r all brothers and sisters. We r all children of Adam.

    I only used 'The cruel to be kind' approach, to wake him up.

    I have never met him.

    My heart just goes out to him.

    The interest that I have here, is not romantic or because I know him, I honestly don't know him. It is sincere in that I want to save this man's life.

    Ryan, my brother, where r u?

  11. OMG it is real
    i saw that in the news that man has already commit suicide but his unconscious and still alive he is in ICU he slashed his wrist
    even in facebook he wrote a suicide note
    he caught his wife with other man on bed
    he put a hidden camera on there bed
    thats the news said

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