Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I wish I hadn’t married her!

Aslamoalikum Brothers and Sister.

I hope you all are well and in the best of health. its the first time i am going to post something like thks.  i hope positive reviews will be very helpful.

I got married a year ago to a british girl who converted to islam. she is a nice lady with a kind heart But as we all know that every marriage has a phase where all the unwanted arguments starts. I am a born Muslim Alhumdulilah but i wont sat that i am a very good muslim but Alhumdulilah i offer my prayers reguraly. My wife used to offer prayers with me before but as she is a newly converted so she doesn't know much about all this. I have told her everything i knew with the best of my knowledge and i also tried to convince her to attend a religious woman or a teacher who can teach her about islam. But whenever i speak to her about islam and tell her to attend the teacher she gets annoyed. I don't understand whats stopping her and whats in her mind. Besides most importantly her behaviour is ruining our life day by day! she is rude, always in doubts at me that i am having an affair with some other woman like 24/7. whenever i come home after work the first thing is sarcasm from her side. it annoys me and i lose my temper and i have shout and abuse! she call me names, and in reply i can't control myself and i say whatever comes in my mouth! i don't know where its going! sometimes i have to hit her aswel which i shouldn't but i don't know how to control! all i know is that i am not at all happy from this marriage! My wife is very nice to my family, my parents love her, my siblings are very nice with her and she is nice and loving towards all the family and  society but me! it feels like i am slowely dying inside everyday! She keeps check on me! Every time taunts and sarcastic comments! i can't use my phone freely! i don't have any friends here where i am living at the moment! even if i go out to get something she starts!  i don't know what to do! no love and affection is there! i thought of buying a car for myself and she had a peroblem with that cos she thinks that i am going to cheat on her! i have reassured her more than 100 times that i am not like that and ALLAH SWT knows there is nothing!

i ask death from ALLAH SWT cos i can't take it anymore! i can divorce her but than these two things comes to my mind that her family is white and white people are not much bothered about their children that how they are living and all and she will get back into them and will be the same again like them and second that she went to my country and had a very good time, everyone liked her there - now if i divorce her everyone is going to be sarcastic that the girl was very nice! you married a gori and left her and all that! but no one knows thats whats happenig to me here! every moment of my life i am dying! i am sick and tired of doubts and bad language of my wife! i am tired of arguing with her! i feel like crying even now that why i got married! i was better alone! she never understands no matters how many islamic quotations i use! she has a problem a problem with me working. I can't sit with her 24/7! can i? seriously don't know what to do! what i know is that the love between husband and wife is not in my marriage! If anyone of you wants to marry a person from other ethnicity PLEASE DON'T! We are very different!!

 

Please if anyone can help me by and suggest something to get out of this terrible situation. i shall be very grateful.

anonomous


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4 Responses »

  1. It's always a challenge to marry someone from a different culture, but I honestly don't think cultural differences is your issue. It sounds like there are severe trust issues and communication problems between you and your wife, and I think you could benefit from suggesting marriage counselling to her. Not a religious one, just a normal therapist that can help you get to the bottom of things., and help you both with expressing yourself in a more civil manner than shouting, sarcasm, accusation and using violence.

    As for her being a convert...just stop telling her to go to Islamic classes, it may be that she feels like you are pushing her. And she may genuinely not want to go to these classes. That's fine, I hate them too and never go to the mosque. Just support her in the way she prefers to learn about Islam rather than force one method upon her all the time.

  2. Brother, in the US we have a saying that "There is his side, her side and The Truth." I will be honest and tell you i doubt you are being totally honest with those of us on this site about your situation and your share of fitnah

    Oh, and you did hit you wife. Where I live, you would not have to write about wanting to end your relationship. Most of the women -- young and old -- would have hit you back, possibly harder, put your behind in jail and filed for divorce.

    I am a bit offended that you are so concerned about what white people think. So if an African or Arab person was displeased with you if your divorce your wife, that is not as important? Maybe you are one of those men who married your wife mainly so you can have a white trophy wife in the first place. You seem to have your own personal priorities in the wrong place.

    Tell your wife you are unhappy and want to end the marriage. Make a nice settlement offer. Stop badgering her about her pursuit of Islam. If she accepted Islam she accepted Islam. Maybe she is a wonderful devout Muslim or maybe she just has strong tauheed, in that she accepts Allah is One and the Prophet is last messenger from Allah and that's it. While she may or may not have to study Islam more, you definitely need to spend more time learning how to be a better husband, starting with learning how to talk to and communicate with the person you are married to without nagging them or making them feel bullied, not arguing and definitely not hitting your wife.

  3. This is a toxic marriage. You seem to be driving each other mad and this is not good for either of you. When things get violent, as they have here, it's time to take a break from each other. One of you needs to move out of the family home so you can both decide CALMLY and WITHOUT ARGUING what needs to be done now. This time apart will give you both some much needed breathing space and perspective.

    If you both wish to save your marriage you must seek counselling to get to the root of your problems. Don't get back together without counselling only to face the same problems again.

    If you decide you do not want to save your marriage you must end things amicably. Don't let thoughts of what people may or may not say cloud your judgement. Your marriage doesn't concern them.

    Brother do not bury your head in the sand. This is an awful situation to be in and it needs dealing with promptly. Make this a priority.

  4. Well 'Umm Hussain' i am sorry but i personally feel that you are being very harsh to the Man here. i think all the people who posts things here have some real life issues. So we don't know what is hppesing in their life. -its been said in the place where i live that ' only drum knows when its beaten. People laugh, dance and than they LEAVE.
    Anyway i would just say that 'MAY ALLAH SAW makes things easy for him and us. ameen.
    And give you some manners aswel.

    Don't Mind.

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