Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband wants to divorce me because I won’t leave my sister

Salam to all sis n bro. Plz help me sake of Allah and make a dua for me and my kids. I'm a mother of 3 kids who are 16, 17, 18yrs old. By the grace of Allah all of them are very careing and helpful. I was married at age of 11 and got divorced 5yrs ago. Because of that I was in hospital for 3 months.

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Now I'm on high medicines for depression. Because of what has happened in my life I force myself not to follow islam did the things i shouldnt do. But I didn't enjoin that life then i realize i what am i doing?

Same things that their dad used to do? No i want to be a good example mother for my kids. I met my 2nd husband at work 3yrs ago. He didn't know 1st anything about me, he used to think im just like British born spoilt girl. When he said he loves me then i told him everything. After knowing my past he wantd me to marry.

None of my family was happy with my decision only my kids were with me. Now i been married for a year. I'm suffering from Mental illness and Eating disorder. Since im marrid with him his problem is my sis who lives few miles away. She doesn't follow Islam. But when i was in need of help she was there for me who stopped her work when i was in the hospital.

I don't have any family or friends. Also my kids and her kids no families r here for them. Because I moved in different city. My parents are back home. My sis is also a lone parent. She has few male friends who like her brother. She wont get marrid again in her life because she was raped while she was at her husband. Because her male friends come around, my husband wont let me go to her house not even with my kids. Now im in the middle. Kids will tell me we want to spend some time with family?

They don't have any problem with my husband. His conditions is me to choose him or my sis? I love him and I want to spend my life with him until my death. Also i can't leave my sis sake of my kids and her kids. One side he says im a best wife and mother, hes my witness. But soon as i talk about my sis, he says I'm a disobedient wife.

Now he wants me to ask for divorce from him. I'm so down and upset and asking Allah to help me. Is it in Islam husband can divorce wife just for this reason? Please advice me what should I do?? Help me sake of Allah.

- Jannat786


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4 Responses »

  1. Salam, I can see your going threw a lot and you are depressed but if you truly love your husband, have a serious conversation with him. Let him know the values you have for your sister. Just because your sister does not follow Islam does not make her any less of a person because Alhamduiallah she can become a Muslim one day. Who knows she might even start following it if you start to increase her faith by teaching her Islam. Your sister showed she loves you by being there for you. If your husband is a true Muslim, you should educate him on how big of a sin it is to break ties with people you know. Cutting family ties, which should be maintained, has serious consequences in this life and in the hereafter

    Allah in (13:21) said Those who join that which Allah has commanded to be joined(I.E. They are good to their relatives and do not sever the bond of kinship), Fear their Lord, and dread the terrible reckoning

    It has been reported by Jubair Ibn Mut'im that he heard the prophet (SAW) saying “The person who severs the bond of kinship will not enter paradise" (Al-Bukhari)

    “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the bonds of kinship.” (Bukhari)

    This is a ridiculous reason for him to leave you, ask him if he really does love you and your kids and if he truly does; he would not let an issue like this get to him to leave you.

  2. salam sister

    There are issues in your situation which need not be an issue! You love your husband and you say he's good to you.
    First, as a muslim you cannot cut ties with your sister (you need to say that to your husband) then sit down and have a plan, make compromises. Marriage is taken far too lightly nowadays, people divorce on whim!
    part of your compromise should be that for the sake of your marriage you will not go to your sisters house BUT tell your husband that you will not stop your grown up kids, they're not kids and should be able to make this decision for themselves.
    Then get your husband to agree to allow your sister to come to your house (thats his compromise) in his prescence. Maybe your husband and sister can cultivate a healthy relationship (within boundaries of course) with you as the mediator.
    Go to Islamic gatherings with your sister, your husband can come along too- do things as an extended family for a while but never go behind your husbands back! Tell him that you will do this for him and he needs to relax a little from his side.
    Sister with patience this problem can be sorted out. Theres too many people with big egos, take things in your stride and don't get too stressed out about this.

    Hope it all works out.

  3. Salaams Sister

    You mentioned that your husband won't let you go to your sister's house because of her male friends visiting. I would think any husband wouldn't like the idea of that. Imagine if your husband visited his brother whilst he had female friends. Would you not feel jealous, insecure? Would this not raise suspicions. He doesn't see these friends the way your sister views them. He is probably seeing your sister as a bad influence to you and a threat to your marriage.

    Your sister could be perfectly innocently. You need to reassure your husband that her behaviour would not have an influence on your marriage. That her life is her's. Visit your sister when her friends are not around. Maybe you could even take your husband and your kids with so that he doesn't get the wrong impression.

    Your husband cannot expect you to make a decision between him and your sis. Explain to him that you love both of them and that you cannot completely cut-off ties with your sis. Try to compromise. If your husband doesn't want you to visit your sis then ask her to visit for now. Communicate via email and phone if you can. He needs to see the good in her.

    Sister I would suggest you don't ask for a divorce right now. Your husband isn't thinking straight. Maybe he needs some time alone to think about the situtaion.

    Rumaysa

  4. This is not right. your husband has no right to ask something like this, i.e like choose him over your family. family is family and if he doe snot respect that then... i don't know what would make him happy.
    Men who tell or ask their wives to get divorce if they don't listen to their conditions to stay married are actually telling you in plain words that... IT'S MY WAY OR IT'S HIGHWAY.
    If u want u can give up your sister and see if that made him happy because i know that it will be just a matter of time, it will be something else that he wants to control, change or decide for you as if u dont have the right to choose. if u will put up with now... be ready to put up with alot more in future. i hope i am wrong but this is not right for ur husband to suspect your character just because your sister has some male friends visiting her.
    just to try , you can ask your sister to see if she can stop meeting her male friends at home but outside so your husband wont have the chance or fear that she's a bad influence on u or his kids. ask your sister to stop is she is doing something wrong, its important too for you as a muslim woman to make sure your kids are in good company,and question no matter if it is family.
    Think with cool mind and not with stress, it wont get you anywhere.

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