Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m 17 and I’ve had an abortion – I regret it so much!

anxiety

I have a question, a question I am hoping that you have an answer for, I’m 17 years old  I have made a really bad mistake during last ramadan, I regret alot. A mistake that I want forgiveness for… I am married to a man but we are still not living together, it is only ‘aqd. He made me pregnant and I decided that I want to make an abortion because we had a bad time and I wasn’t sure about us.

The baby was about 9 weeks and I didn’t know that I was pregnant before. It was the first time, I didn’t even think about it. I told my husband the news and he wanted to keep the child, but I told him no because of a lot a personal things with him. He supported me and went with me to the hospital and I got an abortion.

I feel so bad about it and I regret everything I have done. Trust me I do! I am really crazy over it. What should I do to get forgiveness?  I want to know if my baby had soul? Someone told me that in this case you need to give gold or money? Is that true? You need to help me because I dont want to die with this sin! Plz I need Advice.. Help me :'( the day I aborted my child it was 9 weeks. So does my child had soul? Wallah I’m not the person I used to be. I have no one to talk to, my husband was the only I could talk to but he is now working and we don’t have time to talk to each other. I can't stop crying a lot, sadness, remorse... :'(

I ask myself many questions like,  Why didn’t you tell someone before you did this? Why didn’t your husband took you to somewhere else instead of taking to the hospital? :'( Why did I listen to my husband?  There are many questions I asked myself wallah. I do pray while am bleeding but I don’t know if my prayers will be accepted... I cry while I am praying.. I really need help about fixing my prayer and what should I do to get Allah's forgiveness.. plz help I’m really going crazy…:'(.

hamdi

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7 Responses »

  1. yes the baby had soul, you rushed into having an abortion. it must be hard painful time you goin through, but no matter what has happened its in the past and theirs nothing you can do except ask Allah for forgiveness. on your monthly bleeding you cannot pray.

    your husband only supported your decision, although he should have refused for an abortion. establish your prayers, pray day and night for Allah's forgiveness. and if you do get pregnant in the future NEVER have an abortion, unless your life is in danger and consult with your local fiqh council, imam etc before doing so.

    peace..

    • MashaAllah, very well said.

      Dear sister, you are in my prayers. You made a mistake but Allah SWT is merciful. Seek forgiveness my sister. May Allah SWT make it easy for you and your husband too. Ameen

      On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), from among the things he reports from his Lord (mighty and sublime be He), is that he said: "A servant [of Allah's] committed a sin and said: 'O Allah, forgive me my sin.' And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: 'My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them.' Then he sinned again and said: 'O Lord, forgive me my sin.' And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: 'My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them.' Then he sinned again and said: 'O Lord, forgive me my sin.' And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: 'My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for sins. Do what you wish, for I have forgiven you.'" [Muslim (also by al-Bukhari).]

      SisterZahriya

  2. Yes your baby had soul that was a big mistake you made, like the above post said you can't take back what you have done just pray to Allah and give out a lot of charity to the poor people that need it the must, charity is a charity it doesn't matter what you give. Insallah Allah forgive you for what you have done sister!!!in the future please keep your baby and be thankful !!

  3. Assalam alaikum Sister,

    Please read:

    http://islamqa.info/en/13319

    Also, read:

    "Hence, life being breathed into the foetus at 120 days is understood by looking at the verse of the Qur’an and the Hadith collectively. In the verse, Allah Most High states the stages of embryonic development in the womb of the mother. He Most High says:

    “And verily We did create man from a quintessence (of clay). Then We placed him (as a drop of sperm) in a place of rest, firmly fixed. Then We made the sperm into a clot of congealed blood. Then of that clot We made a (foetus) lump. Then We made out of that lump bones and clothed the bones with flesh. Then We developed out of it another creature (by breathing life into it). So blessed be Allah, the most marvellous Creator” (Sura al-Mu’minun V: 12-13-14).

    In the Hadith recorded by the two most authentic authorities, Imam al-Bukhari and Imam Muslim (may Allah have mercy on them both) in their respective Sahih collections, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) discusses in detail the periods elapsing between these stages mentioned in the Qur’an."

    Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Mas’ud (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:

    ((إنَّ أحدكم يُجمَع خَلْقُه في بطن أمه أربعين يومًا، ثم يكون علقةً مثل ذلك، ثم يكون مُضغةً مثل ذلك، ثم يَبعث الله ملكًا فيُؤمر بأربع كلمات، ويقال له: اكتُبْ عملَه، ورزقَه، وأجلَه، و شقيٌّ أو سعيدٌ، ثم يُنفخ فيه الروح))

    “Each one of you is constituted in the womb of the mother for forty days, and then he becomes a clot of thick blood for a similar period, and then a piece of flesh for a similar period. Then Allah sends an angel who is ordered to write four things. He is ordered to write down his deeds, his livelihood, his (date of) death, and whether he will be blessed or wretched (in religion). Then the soul is breathed into him…” (Sahih al-Bukhari no: 3036).

    Based on the above Qur’anic verse and Hadith, the jurists (fuqaha) have inferred that the soul (ruh) enters the foetus at around 4 months/120 days after gestation.

    Imam Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) states:

    “The soul enters the foetus at 120 days (4 months), as established by the Hadith.” (Radd al-Muhtar ala Durr al-Mukhtar 1/202)

    Source: http://www.ilmgate.org/when-does-the-soul-enter-the-fetus/

    Also read:

    "The main issue here is the pregnancy stage, after 120 days of pregnancy the fetus’ spirit is breathed into him and so it becomes a living human. So Islam’s opinion on Abortion is divided into 2 categories:

    Abortion before 120 days (4 months) of pregnancy
    Muslim scholars allowed abortion in this stage but it is considered hateful

    Abortion after 120 days (4 months) of pregnancy
    In this stage abortion is totally forbidden as long as there is no necessity for that and is considered murdering a living soul. The Holy Quran says:

    “And they who do not call upon another god with Allah and do not slay the soul, which Allah has forbidden except in the requirements of justice, and (who) do not commit fornication and he who does this shall find a requital of sin” (Alforkan:68)"

    Source: http://www.alsiraj.net/English/misc/women/html/page24.html

    I think it is important for you to acknowledge the gravity of what you have done, take ownership for your part in the abortion, feel regret and continue to ask Allah for forgiveness, as you move forward reflect on what you should learn from this experience and how you can let the lessons impact your life in a positive way. And Allah knows best.

    May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.

  4. Assalaamualaikam

    I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, sister. I pray that Allah's Mercy brings you comfort and helps you come to terms with this.

    An unexpected pregnancy can be scary for anyone, and for a 17 year old (which is still very young) with a new husband and difficulties in the marriage... I can only imagine how stressful that must have been for you.

    What's done can't be undone, however much you wish for things to have turned out differently. What you need to do now is find a way to come to terms with this, and to repent for what happened. Turn to Allah, pray for His Mercy and Guidance - remember that He is Most Merciful, and trust that He will help you. It can be hard to forgive ourselves when we transgress, but a useful starting point for forgiving ourselves is to remember that Allah forgives us if we are truly repentant.

    Giving to charity is a good idea, but I don't think there's a set "price" to pay. What might be nice would be to look for charitable organisations that help young women who are pregnant or have had babies, and to donate to them - that way you are helping make sure that women in similar situations to yours are less likely to make a similar mistake. If you don't have much money available to give, look for other ways to give - look into volunteering for a charity or a community project, donating clothes/books/etc, helping vulnerable people in your neighbourhood... There are many forms of charity, so look for ones that you can do. Also, remember that you've recently had either a medical or surgical procedure - make sure you give yourself time to recover from this before pushing yourself too hard.

    With regards praying, my understanding is that if you are bleeding due to a physical health problem (rather than menstruation), it doesn't invalidate your prayer. Just make sure you've done wudu before each prayer.

    It's important that you have access to appropriate support to help you through this. The hospital should have given you information about local post-abortion counselling resources, but if they haven't, ask your GP or family doctor what's available in your area. I'd also encourage you to tell your husband how upset you are feeling, and to ask him to spend some more time with you - part of a marriage is helping each other through the bad times, so I think it would be reasonable for you to ask if he could maybe be at home a bit more for the next few weeks, and if he could be extra supportive.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  5. You say your husband made you pregnant, and you ask why he didn't take you to somewhere else than to the hospital. First of all, sister, it's not fair to put the blame on your husband as if he carries the sole responsibility for what has happened. You AND your husband got pregnant. You AND your husband went to the hospital to have an abortion. You obviously do know all of this deep inside since you feel so guilty about the abortion.

    What's done can't be undone, as everyone say. You obviously understand the gravity of your choice, and you obviously feel bad about it. You made a mistake, but always remember Allah is forgiving and has mercy. You don't need to put your entire life on hold, the important thing is to use this realization to better yourself and to get closer to Allah...

  6. Anyone who does evil or wrongs himself and then asks Allah's forgiveness will find Allah Ever-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Surat an-Nisa': 110)

    Allah grants His servants the opportunity to make amends for any wrongdoing. In Allah's sight, what matters is not the significance or insignificance of the wrongdoing, but one's sincerity. This is certainly a great mercy bestowed upon believers:

    Those who, when they act indecently or wrong themselves, remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their bad actions-for who can forgive bad actions except Allah?-and do not knowingly persist in what they were doing. (Surah Al 'Imran: 135)

    Allah only accepts the repentance of those who do evil in ignorance and then quickly make repentance after doing it. Allah turns towards such people. Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. There is no repentance for people who persist in doing evil until death comes to them and who then say, "Now I make repentance," nor for people who die disbelievers. We have prepared for them a painful punishment. (Surat an-Nisa': 17-18) The only thing Allah does not forgive is giving/joining partners with him. Don't listen to anyone who states differently or can not back it up through Quran or Hadith. Pray ask forgiveness and live your life like a believer, I pray this helps you my sister. Let go and let God. Ameen.

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