I’m 18, supporting my parents, in love with a guy who doesn’t love me, and I am depressed
When we are carrying heavy burdens in life and not getting the support we need, we can feel depression and sadness.
I'm only 18 years old, my mum's sick and my dad is getting old and I just recently got my license to drive them around.. Also I got a job to support them.
I feel depressed at times and I cry myself to sleep but I don't know why. I talk to Allah when I'm alone but I feel like from my past mistakes that my prayers and pleas aren't going to be accepted. I'm in love with this guy but he doesn't love me and I want to know if I make dua for him would it be possible to come true because I do good deeds for the sake of Allah and I think about him 24/7 and I want to do it the right way but we have no contact with each other what so ever. I just want him as my husband 🙁
Please help. I didn't know about this website until now and I don't know who to turn to for advice. Thank you
- Sister Yasmin from Australia
15 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
salam!
sis I can feel your pain and I know how hard it's to love someone who doesnt love you. But its infact not love in this age one get very easy emotinal and thinks that its love. whenever u feel depressed because he doesnt love u say to yourself I don't need his love its enough for me that my Lord loves me, my parents love me and there is surely someone who wil really love you and care about you just wait for him. Its may be good for you that he doesnt love you because no one knows what is good for her and what is bad except Allah(swt) knows that. submit yourself to Allah(swt) and he helps you and gives you what is good for you. so instead of asking Allah(swt) to marry u with that guy ask Allah(swt) to give you what is good for u and for your family. and put your full trust on your lord if he wants the guy will surely fall in love with you. if u want more advice give me ur emailadres i can help u inshallah.
sister is it really worth crying over a guy who doest like you? their are plenty of other brothers whom you may like, be patient, have tawakkul in allah inshall you should find happiness
My dear young sister Yasmin...Asalaamualaikum : )
Firstly...may Allah reward you highly for looking after your parents in their old age. Sis, you are truly blessed that you are able to look after them...you are caring for them as they cared for you when you were young...so this will please Allah very much. Try to make this dua often my sis:
"Oh Allah, bestow Your Mercy on my parents as they showed me mercy as they were bringing me up"
You have a very big responsibility at such a young age as you are supporting them financially, emotionally and physically. You are making sacrifices at a young age as you are spending so much of your time, money and effort on your parents...and you parents may sometimes be difficult with you as people can be in their old age...and that must be very testing for you. BUT my little sis, take comfort in the beautiful fact that Allah will reward you so much for your patience and effort. I think if you read some hadiths and Quranic quotes on the rewards of looking after your parents, it will make you feel so much better...there is lots of therapy and shifa in Allahs words and the words of our beloved Prophet Muhammed (saw).
Allah says: "... And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small." (17:23, 24)
Secondly...So you're putting all your energy into looking after your old parents. But who is looking after you my dear? Its very natural that 'you' also must need and want to be loved and taken care of aswell... Who is this guy that you feel you are in love with? 'Love' is a very deep feeling...I personally believe that real love felt by a practicing Muslim for another is when you see a beautiful character and love for the deen and eemaan in him/her.
I get the feeling that as you are young and under so much pressure at home, maybe you are turning to this guy desperately for some love and time out because you are feeling so lonely. Why do you think that you love this guy? What qualities does he have that attract you towards him, or is it just that you want to be with someone to take away your feelings of emptiness and loneliness?
My dear, you are at a very vulnerable stage of your life...whatever you do now will affect you future. So try to focus on strengthening yourself by turning towards Allah and also by spending some time with good friends and enjoying yourself a little. What is your relationship like with your parents and friends? Are you currently studying? Do you have any hobbies?
SIs, I hope you don't take anything I have said badly : ). Please do consider some of the questions/points I have raised and let me know what you think so I can try to help you inshaAllah.
xxx
Very insightful and compassionate response, Sister Z. May Allah reward you.
Praying to a God and doing nothing is not the sollution. Get a life.
I am 24yrs old &I lived in London for 3years. I have been in love with this guy for 3years and he would say he loves me to he introduces me to his mum and his mum liked me to I would do everything for him but know I have moved back to Bristol he has told me to move on... He has broke my heart and I don't know what to do. It's ramadan rite now and I have been fasting everyday & I am praying everyday zhuhr Aser maghrib and isha and make duah after every namas that he will fal backl in love with me and marry me what else can I do coz I don't think I can b with anybody but him the thought of marrying anyone else make me sick... Is there any surah or duah I can read that will help me get him bak so we can get married... Please I need help with this
Salaams Amna,
Sometimes in life we don't get what we want, when we want it as it may be something bad for us in the long run. During that time and it can be a most difficult time. However in the future you will look back and may wonder why did you waste your time over this snd what a relief.
Sorry but most often a relationship without marriage, being haraam, often ends in this misery. The only thing i can suggest is that you pray to Allah for forgiveness- we all should pray for forgiveness in any case as no one is without sin and we also commit sins without realising.
Pray to Allah for guidance and for patience. Pray that Allah removes the cause of your pain so that it does not interfere with your worship of Allah and your state of mind. The longer you dwell on this, the more damage you will do to yourself.
There is a tab at the top of these pages, Dua in islam. Have a look through those. This guy seems very callous in his treatment of you, try to put him out of your mind- this will be hard but you have to regain self-control.
Pray to Allah that he may grant you good in this life and in the hereafter.
Regards
Hopeful
Salam Alaykum sister:)
I know it's been long since you've had this problem, and you might have even moved on by now(which is very highly probably)...I just read your reply and MAN!!!...you have the exact same story as mine. Which I'm still dealing with. except for the fact that the girl in my story was 23 years old and I'm only 20. other details are just the same...she made me meet her parents, had a strictly non-physical relation with her for a year and half, realized she was playing games, left her 6 months ago, though I dont use fb anymore, i got to know she has an account there and she has this pic on it which whenever I see( i cant keep myself from not seeing it), my heart just sinks!!...I want to move on, but it's very difficult seeing her all happy and leaving me with sheer sadness, I don't want her back. I don't know if you've moved on or not, but if you have, then do you have any advice for me?
many thanks:)
ya ALLAH give all my brothers and sisters on this site who are helping those who are depressed the will and courage to continue and help them achieve what is good for them and ya ALLAH anne wali balaaon ko dour farmade...i dont know how to say this in enlish so i said it in urdu..
Imteaz,
I think your Dua in Urdu translates to:
"Ya Allah, divert any future trials away from us".
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam,im too in this matter may allah bless us towards right path
hey guys im christian but i just wanted to contribute. i dont really know how this site works or anything but i would just like to say the fact that u believe in allah to help u thru everything is comforting to me. i am 17 and have pretty much taken care of my parents since i was about 11 so i know what thats like. just trust in your faith and u can get thru anything. good luck hun!! 🙂 i will be praying for u!!
Hi Stacy,
Thats very kind of you to want to contribute and your advice is comforting.
I hope your circumstances become easier and better, God Willing : ).
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam Alaikum,
Iam 18 and i love a guy very much even he loved me very much but bcoz of my family everything ruined, he thinks they dont respects him, i feel shame to tell this but we have done everything and now iam scared only coz of my family i wont be able to marry him. AM very depressed and cry all the time, i pray to ALLAH (SWT) that make everything good. please tell me any dua for getting him back the way he was, i dont wanna loose him, and i cant marry anyone in this world after doing all this, Please HELP.
Thank You,
ALLAH Hafiz
yes it is. because Allah is great. he is the helper and in times of need we should turn to him. Because the All mighty Allah answers every prayer of ours and wishes the best for us. And in time of need not only in time of need but also when we are happy mostly we should wake up thanking him and go to sleep and make shukr for what we have. he is the greatest. be thankful