Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m 23 and she’s 27, can she fulfill me sexually?

Family expectationsSalam Alikom khalid from Afghanistan my story is i was in relationship with a hindu girl for 8 month. i try to revert her to islam, i do my best and want after reverting to marry her but she was not accepting.

but i was too tense about her too much thinking for it becomes a kind of disease for me that i cant left her. but then I started praying Allah. so before five day one of my friend she newly reverted to islam and Ma sha Allah she is a really good and practicing Muslim now. when she come i share about my life that i am suffering from such so she helped me so much on this even since i was with her so a kind of feeling comes to me for her to marry her in proper way, i mean nikah.

now my mind is busy with this, that she is 4 years older then me i am 23 and she is 27 and i told her about my feeling and then told her to do Istekhara. she has done Istekhara but still my confusion is not solved. i dont know what to do. she too kind women whom i ever meet in my life but i am scared of that i am 23, and will she fulfill my requirements of sex and all? I dont say that i marry her for sex purpose its just a part but it’s important for me also like i know about my feelings and everything?

-Khalid

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8 Responses »

  1. Salaamu Alaikum
    In shaa Allah, first purify your intentions on getting married, let it be for the sake of Allah alone. Make istikharah and trust in Allah's guidance. Here is an answer to a similar question by a scholar.

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    The fact that the woman is older the man should not prevent them from getting married
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    Question
    I am 21 year old muslim. I do want to get married soon. I especially want to get Married to someone who is older than me(e.g.somebody about 7 years older). Is There anything 'wrong' in wanting to do this? I know that the prophet's 1st wife was About 15 years older than him. However, people might think my preference is a little odd. After all, it does not happen much nowadays
    Answer

    Praise be to Allaah.

    Age does not matter, and it does not matter if the woman is older or if the husband is older. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married Khadeejah when she was forty and he was twenty-five. What does matter is that the man should look for a righteous woman who is religiously-committed, even if she is older than him, if she is still young enough to bear children. The point is that age should not be a problem and such a marriage is not wrong if the man is righteous and the woman is righteous. May Allaah guide us all to the best way.

    Summarized from the fatwa of Shaykh Ibn Baaz in Fataawa Islamiyyah, part 3, p. 107

  2. Salaam,

    Agree with the comment above. One other thing to note is to get rid of this stigma that if a woman is older than a man for a marriage prospect, there is nothing wrong with her physically, mentally and can't do what a "younger" woman can do. If you use this "sex" basis to marry her, then you are not ready to be married. I apologize for sounding a little harsh but that is an immature question. The sister is only 27 which is still young.

    If you really like this person, then set aside this mindset of yours. Part of having a "perfect" spouse is actually their imperfections and what makes them unique from others. Wish you all the best in looking for a spouse.

    • With all due respect Brother Sohrab, I don't believe the O.P. is in the wrong for wanting one of his rights in marriage. I don't think his asking this question makes him immature. Rather it makes him mature that he is taking his time with this proposal and seeking guidance with regards to an issue that is important to him as a creation of Allah.

      • This is a ridiculous response. When the Prophet sallallaahu alayhi wasalam advised on marriage he mentioned this:

        “A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be unsuccessful.” (Book #62, Hadith #27)

        So dont come in here mixing your desires with creative word play. We are all creations of Allah it doesnt mean that this fact entitles us to act like animals nor does it excuse marrying a woman so she can carry out his sexual wiles.

        He need be as concerned with other tenets of marriage as he is with this. Sexual satsifaction is not what marriage is about, if youre bothered by my response then check your ego and go back and read that hadith. May Allah guide us all to stop making our deen one of self convenience and think of others as much as we think of ourselves. Ameen.

        • Lagom Life, your comment is naive. Sexual satisfaction is an important part of marriage and is a valid reason for marriage. In fact this is precisely why the Prophet (sws) used to encourage young men to get married, so that they could satisfy their sexual urges in a halal way and lower their gazes in public.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. PO: i am scared of that i am 23, and will she fulfill my requirements of sex and all? I don't say that i marry her for sex purpose its just a part but it’s important for me also like i know about my feelings and everything?

    What is your requirements for sex? I don't think there should be a sexual compatibility problem between you 2

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  4. Assalaamualaykum Khalid,

    First off, you need to perform the Salat Al-Istikhara yourself. In the dua following the 2 rakahs, you Ask Allah to facilitate what is good for you, turn you away from what isn't, and to make you content with the outcome.

    Secondly, at 27 years old, she is far from being over the hill! Inshallah you will have many years together of a satisfactory sexual life. No need to worry.

    Best,

    Nor

  5. Dear Brother:

    As salaamu alaikum. The 4-year age difference between you and your potential wife is probably not something to concern yourself with in terms of her sexuality. However, you might want to insure that YOU will be sexually compatible with her. You should be aware that most women over 25 regardless of their marital status prefer the company of a man who has some intelligent knowledge of sex in general and women's sexuality. What is critical in marriage is good communication and respecting one another's personal preferences. Often men have expectations of their wife that exceed what they are prepared to offer themselves or what is even more challenging, may expect a certain type of sexual partner and if those needs are not met, the woman is somehow expected to change which is not fair.

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