Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m a bad daughter

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I have done a grave mistake. From childhood i used to be very mischevious. And im the eldest daughter in my family. My mom always wanted me to be a very kind hearted religious girl. And thought if the eldest daughter becomes good then then my other siblings would follow their sister as a good person. Whereas i never pay heed to my mothers wishes. I never acted as a good girl at all.

However we are in a joint family and my grand mother shes too modern and has some mental illness. Like doubting my grandfather, torture the maids and other peopl. And neither we had any environment to study. And my mom always fear my grandmom as in relation shes my moms aunt. My mom married his cousin. So she never could raise a voice against my grandmother. And my granmother also never let my mom to rest in peace. She also used to torture her by her words. And then my mom used to put all her anger on me.

I also never acted to my mothers expectation. Another problem is that from childhood i was full of jealous. I could never understand what my mom was going through. Since my mom wanted us to religious. An arabic teacher used to come and she was a wayy too much strict. I was like 7 or 8 yrs old and used to hate her every way.

Now im 20 yrs and now i understand that if she wasnt strict with me then i may not have got good marks in my subject, my character and all. Indeed i used to do very wrong thing with her. I used to complain to my grandmother about my teacher that she does very wrong things. And my mom shes a really gentle women which i never understood until now when i've done a great mistake. As my teacher had halal income she didnt use to earn much so my mom sometimes serve some clothes food and all. But that made me feel so jealous that i thought this womens not good then why my mom does so many things.

I also put allegations about her to my grandmother and my mom used to be soo angry that she cursed me that i could never success in my life. I cried but that also for that period and for every thing my mom curses me like if you dont change yourself then may Allah take your life or mine.

Another day i remember now i have a blind brother and in the school my mom bought us sister ice cream that time i was like 8 or 9 yrs old and as we were absorbed in having ice cream in such a hot weather we forgot to give our brother the ice cream. That made her put in a rage so much thats she told us ' you guys didnt think for a moment to give my blind son a taste of it. May Allah always keep you sisters under my sons feet. You will work under him. Unless he gives you food you cant have it.' It didnt occur to us that we should have given it to him.

The love that every family has between their sister,mother, father and all it didnt grow in our family. We grew up in a family that always has anger on their eyes. Swear words in their tongue. My mom couldnt even provide time to us that much as she was busy with the home chores. Sometimes she was a wayy to strict and sometimes very enthusiastic. And often share much things.

Now i dont know what to do cuz till now i cant be attentive in my class. Nor i feel like to study and for that i fail in school and now in my o level and a level exam. I cant even be neither a good daughter, sister nothing.

era zainab


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2 Responses »

  1. Why do you think you can neither a good daughter, sister nothing? The first step to make amends is to acknowledge what you did was wrong. Make du'a for your mother as well as for your short comings. If your mother is doing house chores then go and help her, look out for your brother and sister, help them in their school work etc like a older sister suppose to. Be more understanding, and if you argue with your mother don't answer back nor run to your grandmother to tell her. Don't make a big deal out of nothing. Your parents have the right to tell you what to do. If your character becomes good, your mum will definitely notice and in due time things will get better insha'allah. Also if you don't pray, then start praying and encourage your siblings. At the end of the day, prayer is for your own benefit.

    Peace

  2. Dear Sister,

    A companion came to Abdulla bin Abbas (cousin of prophet) (r.a) and said that he assassinated a man in the fit of rage, he is restless and regret and is there any hope for him. Ibn Abbas (r.a) asked him, "Is your mother alive?" He replied "No". Ibn Abbas (r.a) "If she was alive a had an avenue to resolve your issue". He then suggested for thowba. After he left, Abi Raba (r.a) asked Ibn Abbas (r.a), "Why you asked brother his mother is alive?" Ibn Abbas (r.a) said, "I dont know any other action which can instantly give you proximity of Allah like serving your mother".

    Sister, forget the past which happened due to lack of maturity of mind but as long as your mother is alive, you are not hopeless of making the changes. Serve your mom. Always be there on your moms call. Love your mom, help her physically and mentally. I personally experienced that words of consolation from children gives lot of happiness to parents. Meanwhile dont forget your study. Allah will bless you in exams. One prayer of mom is better than 1000 thousands nights of hard work for your exams. Always balance the two. Serve your mom meanwhile have an eye on studies. Even if you cant concentrate more on exams due to moms service, one prayer will make the difference.

    I had a close friend of mine who met with an accident as he was walking on footpath. Was admitted critically and lost 2-3 teeth and had serious injury on his mouth and his face was looking horrible. Meantime he couldnt attend exams and he was dropped from colleges. Later by after recovery he wrote supplimentary exams and went to same college for re-admission with his mom but college refused his entry bcs he wasnt good enough either in his studies or in mannerism. But he loves his mother at the most priority and mother also loves him. Believe me sister, He then got the admission in the same college and very next year exam he missed 1st rank in the college by 1 mark. Everybody shook. He also awarded as golden student award for his attitude and still wherever he goes people loved him for his people. He becomes best employee for his attitude as well. Message is simple sister, MOTHERS PRAYER CAN CHANGE ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.

    According to scholars, a lovely glance towards towards you parents will give you reward of an acceptable Hajj. I hope this could give you solace and motivate to serve your mom and also to concentrate on studies and improve your imaan, do good deeds. Pray for us sister. May Allah protect all of us.

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