Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m a non-Muslim pregnant by a Muslim. What now?


Now what...?

Hi there,

I'm a non-Muslim girl who is 13 weeks pregnant by a Muslim (He is Afghan).

We have been together for 2 years however I have not yet met his parents. They know of me through social media pictures of me and him. They do not know that I am pregnant yet as he has not told them.

I'm not sure what will happen next.

I have thought about converting to Muslim for a long time as it is, I think the religion is beautiful and would love to be a part of it and i'm happy to do so especially now.

I'm happy to bring our child up in his culture, speaking his language and being a Muslim too.

I just wanted to ask, what is going to happen when he does tell them? Will they make us marry, etc? I'm not sure.

Thank you.


Tagged as: , , , , ,

15 Responses »

  1. I really don't know what to say, but you should try and somehow convince his mother and father.

    P.S. the muslim man had commuted adultery
    (Sex outside marriage is an adultery)
    But InshaAllah allah will forgive him

  2. Salamualaikum
    Do nikah asap. Today if possible. After that you guys can sit down and make a plan. You can do the nikah again if needed later. Presently your focus needs to be on making your relationship halal.

  3. What does he say about you being pregnant. It's considered a big sin and he may not be able to tell his parents as it's a big shame.

  4. make your relationship HALAL, make NIkAH at earliest... otherwise his parents wont accept you and your child, agreed with @saqib and all others.

    may Allah Have mercy on both of you

  5. Assalaamualaikum

    Congratulations on your pregnancy. Even though the circumstances are complicated, each life is a blessing from Allah (God) and part of His plan.

    While we can't predict what will happen now, I would hope that a responsible Muslim man would take action to make his relationship with you halal by proposing nikah (marriage), and that he would tell his parents about you and the pregnancy. His parents may be upset initially, as premarital relationships and premarital sex are not acceptable behaviours in Islam. However, many parents of all faiths or none would be upset if their son or daughter suddenly announced an unplanned pregnancy. Islam teaches us that we should forgive people, trust in Allah, and have family as a high priority. So inshaAllah once they get over their initial shock, hopefully they will be able to welcome you and the baby into their lives.

    I hope that you also decide to take the next step and become Muslim. In order to accept Islam, all you need to do is recite and believe the Shahada (testament of faith) - in this, we state our belief in Allah and His Final Messenger, The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). I would suggest that you also find a local 'New to Islam' class or similar, run by a respected teacher or organisation, so that you can learn more about Islam from reputable sources.

    Midnightmoon editor

  6. Thanks midnightmoon...
    I highly agree with your comments in many posts including this one...
    May ALLAH bless you and ALL MUSLIM COMMUNITY.

    For our sister...OP...
    Please hurry up to make your relationship with Afghan guy halal as quick as possible.

    Welcome to islam as well.

  7. None of us can predict how your boyfriend's parents are going to react to your pregnancy, because we don't know his parents, and we have no idea how strict and religious your boyfriend's parents are. Most likely, they will not be happy about your situation, though. And it'd be a good idea to prepare yourselves for that; For a lot of yelling, screaming and lack of acceptance. But, in the end of the day, your boyfriend is the one that needs to sort out his family and tell them the news of your pregnancy, not you.

    You should convert to Islam because you genuinely believe in Allah, not because you think Afghan culture is beautiful. You have to understand that a nation's culture and traditions don't necessarily have anything to do with Islam. In some cultures (including the Afghan one) something like forced marriage and restricting women are common practices, yet, it has absolutely nothing to do with Islam. I'm not saying Afghan culture isn't beautiful, I'm just saying you should be careful about rejecting your own culture and norms to fit into another culture and norm that you don't really understand properly. Is it beautiful that your boyfriend has kept you a secret for years, because, in his culture, you are not easily accepted? Is it beautiful that he has sex with you behind his family's back and has to hide your pregnancy from them? It's actually revolting, if you ask me.

    I have a lot of Afghan friends, so I see a lot of the not-so-beautiful aspects of Afghan culture. That's why I'm advising you to be careful. You sound a bit blinded from whatever feelings you have for your boyfriend...and that may be something his family will use against you to control you and make sure you do things the way they want you to. I've seen it happen before.

    • I have Afgan friends too. And many of the girls don't want to marry their own kind due to their barberic cultural controlling ways from in laws and husband. I am not saying all are like that but most of the girls I know don't want to marry their culture.

      • Most Afghan women I know say the same thing: They don't want Afghan husbands.

      • that was very bad thing to say how dare you using the word barbaric and by the way what kind of friend are you talking behind your friends back about their culture and very disrespectful manner I dare you say something in front of them about their culture and probably your parents didn't teach you if you do not have something nice to say don't say anything at all the choice of word you used was very offencive and before pointing fingers at other people's way of living look at yourself in the mirror and reflect of your own culture I'm very sure you'll be very disappointed because every culture has bad and good and them so please don't act so arrogant you're no better than anybody and also the world has a lot of ugliness in it we do not need more so please keep your ugly opinion to yourself

        • AFG...
          LOL!....My very own Afgan friends said that they don't like their culture. They are the one's describing their culture as not that great to the point that they don't want to marry their own kind. And yes, there's good and bad in every culture. I never said that my culture is hr best. Please read what I said above before getting upset at me. I am reiterating here what I have already said earlier. Even commentor- Lindita, her Afgan friends said the same things about their culture.

          • Asalamalakem dear sister I got upset because you used the word barbaric. you should know nowadays on every News Channel and everywhere there is a lot of discrimination against Muslim people and Muslim countries saying things like their barbaric they oppress their woman and they are uncivilized .and now you my own Muslim sister using such a disgraceful word about your Muslim Brothers. Now sister let me ask you a question ?since you are speaking there language so tell me when are you coming?my Superior and culturally civilized sister to our rescue. Lol seriously your understanding about the people in the culture is comparable to a person that gets his or her information about Muslim and Islam through social media. Instead of finding the truth by them the way sister all of you're accusation is based on what? Couple of confused teenagers complaining about their culture and bad-mouthing their people. and it's not like you went to Afghanistan and you spend time with millions of AFG woman and experienced how each and every one of them gets treated from their husbands and mother-in-law's have you? The Way You we're saying with so much Pride in joy that my own people doesn't like their culture let me tell you something they are probably born and brought up in a foreign country by immigrant parents so I cannot blame them as they are living between two totally different world and because of that their understanding about their culture and where they come from are weak. Otherwise they want set with you make fun of their people and gossip about them. Sadly their personality is for example like water. I am not saying that my culture and people are perfect because there's no such a thing perfect only thing is perfect our beautiful religious which is Islam. But I could say that as a wemon I am very proud of my people I love each and every one of them dearly they've been through bearable difficulties for decades and still to this day they are going through.and I wish you sister have a blessed life. I'm sorry if i hurt you're feeling.

          • 1) I meant to say as an Afghan women. 2) There is no such a thing as perfect. My writing do have a punctuation problems but I am sure you can read it

        • AFG,
          You say we're the arrogant ones, but you are the one sitting behind a screen, demanding of us to only write things that YOU approve of. Who the Hell do you think you are? We have every right to voice our good or bad opinions about Afghan culture - if you don't like what we have to say, that's fine, just ignore it. But don't you dare give yourself the authority to control what others can and can't write about your culture. You don't have that right. I'm not a timid Afghan woman, I will not bow down to your demands, lol.

          Honestly, your over-sensitive and controlling behaviour / reaction just goes to prove what's wrong with Afghan culture. You sweep all of the problems and backwardedness of your culture under the carpet, because it suits your Afghan image better to pretend like there's nothing negative about your culture. Sorry, but I personally don't play by those kind of rules. If I see a tradition or a habit I disagree with, especially from an Islamic perspective, I WILL say it. And I will sy itwhether it's Afghani culture, Russian culture, French culture or Indian culture. It doesn't matter.
          And yes, I say it to my Afghan friends as well. Guess what? They totally agree with me! In fact, as Tami says, it's Afghan women themselves that complain about their culture and their men.

Leave a Response