Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m become homosexual

Button against rape

Rape is a crime. It is never the fault of the victim.

Assalamo alikum.

im 21 year old boy. And i was raped by my teacher when i was 14. Since then i got habit of being penetrated by someone. I have been committing zina from that time with my different friends. Im become homosexual i only like males, hairy muscular manly guys. I don't have any interest in females. I also watch gay pornography. I do masturbates which is also affecting me a lot. Please help me out get rid of these curses...

muslim036

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7 Responses »

  1. Was your teacher who did it to you married? What country this happened in?

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    It can be very distressing to have worries about sexuality, particularly after experiencing trauma such as rape. What your teacher did to you was wrong, and it was not your fault - he alone is responsible for what happened and inshAllah he will be accountable for his actions in front of Allah.

    A traumatic experience such as male-on-male rape can lead a boy or man to question their sexuality, particularly if they had a physiological response to what happened. But this doesn't mean they wanted or desired to have this happen to them, or that they are homosexual. It may be that since that time you've been reliving the trauma in your sexual relationships with other men, as a way of processing and trying to come to terms with what happened. But this isn't the way to heal - you need to seek professional counselling and support. If you can, speak with a trusted doctor or sexual health clinic, as they can put you in touch with specialist counsellors. You might also find it helpful to access online support groups for survivors of rape - there are groups which specialise in childhood abuse and male-on-male rape, so inshAllah you can find a group that will help you. Maybe try rapecrisis.org.uk or hopeforhealing.org

    While you are looking for and receiving help, stop retraumatising yourself. Stop contact with these "friends", as a true friend wouldn't do that to you, and stop looking at pornography (watching an act being carried out can be traumatising, just like having it happen). Instead, fill your time with positive influences. Spend lots of time at your local mosque or community centre, join an Islamic study or prayer group, get involved in charitable community projects. If you find yourself feeling lonely, visit Islamic websites such as this one and get involved in offering advice and support to others - that can be a great boost for your self-esteem and make you feel more like part of a community.

    There are different Islamic opinions regarding masturbation, and we have posted many questions on this website about it. If you feel this is something you want to stop doing, I'd advise you to read these questions and the advice given - inshAllah you may find some of the advice helpful.

    It's important to hold on to the knowledge that these horrible experiences do not mean you are homosexual. Even if, after counselling and support, you still feel that you are homosexual, this doesn't mean you cannot be a practising Muslim and have a home in our shared faith. It will be hard to resist temptation, but you are a strong person to have survived thus far, so inshAllah with faith and support you can return to and follow the straight path. Remember to keep making dua and asking Allah to help you stay strong in the face of temptation.

    A final thing to consider is whether you feel able to report your teacher for what he did. If he abused you, he may well have abused others as well, and may even be continuing to abuse people. If it is safe to do so, then you may wish to report him to the authorities, who can then investigate and see if they can find evidence to bring him to trial. If you feel it would not be safe to do this (for example, some countries have an old-fashioned victim-blaming attitude towards sexual offences), or the authorities cannot find enough evidence to bring him to trial, then place your trust in Allah - Allah's Judgement on the Last Day cannot be escaped.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  3. You need to realize that homosexuality is one of the biggest sin. you need psychiatrist's help. you need counseling. you need a female partner to bring you back on the track.
    you need to get away from he people you have been indulged in sexual activities, as now you have changed your mind, but they won't help you out for this.

  4. Peace be with you,

    Great balanced advice from midnightmoon.

    But I'd like to also say that mashAllah, it's a really positive and strong step for you to come and ask for help about this shocking and traumatic experience. And even more so that you recognise what you're doing is wrong and falling down with "these curses". And alhamdulillah, it shows that you have goodness in your soul which is crying out for help.

    As scholars such as Yasir Qadhi have discussed in recent times from speaking to many similar Muslims going through this, I would also strongly discourage looking for a "quick fix" by finding a female partner or the marriage route!

    The first step as you have done is recognise it's wrong and only hurting you and your soul.
    And thus, further to midnightmoon's advice, I would encourage you to feed and nourish your soul with goodness in spending time at the masjid, and especially with connecting to our Creator by reading his words and advice in the form of a translation of the Qur'aan.

    And as midnightmoon suggested, filling your time with good, such as with other Muslims at college / uni / work / masjid, and perhaps even getting involved in light debates about Islam and telling people about Islam, even if you only know a few ayahs (sentences) from the book of Allah. Because as others challenge you, it encourages you to seek further knowledge so you can peacefully argue back with truth.

    And as other articles on this site have suggested, try not to spend too much time alone, especially not with the Internet. And try to stay off social media sites, as recent research keeps coming out showing that it causes anxiety and depression and there's little good in such sites.

    By the way, there's a great reminder from our Prophet (sallallahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) in which he stated...

    The Prophet (sallallahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) said, "Allah says:

    'I am just as My slave thinks I am, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him) and I am with him if He remembers Me.
    By Allah! Allah is more pleased with the repentance of His slave than one of you who unexpectedly finds in the desert his lost camel (i.e. something precious).
    (And Allah says...) If he remembers Me in himself, I too, remember him in Myself; and if he remembers Me in a group of people, I remember him in a group that is better than they; and if he comes one span nearer to Me, I go one cubit nearer to him; and if he comes one cubit nearer to Me, I go a distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.' "

    [from Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim, also collected in Riyadh as-Saliheen]

    Thus, you have to take the first initiatives and strive a little first, even if it's just attending the masjid for 1 or 2 prayers every couple or so days. And of course, make much duaa (supplicate) to Allah to ask his forgiveness and help, no matter how bad or unclean satan makes us think we are. And also, take advantage of the time when you're walking, by remembering Allah with beautiful gems such as saying:

    "subhanAllahi wa-bihamdihi, subhanAllahil-adheem"
    "Glory is to Allah and praise is to Him, Glory is to Allah the Exalted".

    In short, don't let satan distract you from doing good.

    Take care,
    Peace be with you and all Muslims.

  5. Pray to god and do duhhas and don't like males male people are well they are not incharge of you neither the other way round if you were engaged to a girl you could be a little like incharge of the house not like boss

    • It has nothing to do with being in charge or not being in charge. Rather, our goal is to seek Allah's pleasure by avoiding what He has prohibited and seeking what is halal.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. Allah, Most High recounts in His Book the story of Lut's people in several positions. Allah, the Almighty says,
    {When Our decree issued, We turned (the cities) upside down, and rained down on them brimstones hard as baked clay, spread, layer on layer, marked from thy Lord; nor are they ever far from those who do wrong!"} (Hud: 82-83)

    This abode is not far from those who do wrong amongst our nation if they committed the same sin.
    Therefore, the Prophet (pbuh) said, "What I fear most is that my nation may follow the crime of Lut's people.”

    The Prophet also said, "May Allah curse him who does what Lut's people did.”
    He said it twice.

    It was related that the Prophet (pbuh) said, "Whoever is caught doing the crime of Lut's people, you should kill the one who sodomizes and the one who lets it be done to him.”

    Ibn 'Abbas (may Allah be pleased with hi) said, "Look for the highest building in the town, and then throw them down and stone them like the abode of Lut's people." There is a scholarly consensus that sodomy is among the major sins forbidden by Allah, {Of all creatures in the world, will ye approach males, and leave those whom Allah has created for you to be your mates? Nay, ye are a people transgressing (all limits!} A-Shu`ara: 165-166)

    Allah, Most High, says, {And Lut, too, We gave Judgment and Knowledge, and We saved him from the town which practiced abominations: truly they were a people given to evil, a rebellious people.}
    (Al-Anbya': 74)

    The town where those people lived was called Sodom. They used to practice the abominations mentioned by Allah in His Book. They used to commit sodomy; make sounded wind in their assembly and many other offensive practices.
    He (pbuh) said, "Lesbianism is adultery between them."

    The Prophet (pbuh) said, "Four people entail Allah's wrath in night and day. " It was asked, "Who are they, Messenger of Allah?" He answered, "Effeminate men and masculine women, the adulterer of animals and sodomizers.” It is narrated that when two men start to commit sodomy, Allah's Throne vibrates fearing Allah's wrath. The heavens almost fall on the earth but the angels hold their outskirts and recite Surat AI-Ikhlas until Allah's wrath reposes."

    The Prophet (pbuh) said, "On the Day of Judgment, there will be seven people who will be excluded from Allah's Mercy and purification. Allah will sentence them to enter the Hell-Fire with those who enter it: Those who commit sodomy, the one who commits masturbation, the one who approaches an animal from its anus, the one who approaches a woman from her anus, the one who marries a woman and her daughter altogether, the adulterer of his neighbor's wife and the one who brings harm to his neighbor until he accurse him.” It was narrated that, "there will be some people who will be assembled on the Day of Judgment with pregnant hands because of committing adultery. They used to make play of their genitals in the world."

    It was also narrated that, "Among the practices of Lut's people is playing with dice, competing by flying pigeons, entering the bathroom naked, cheating in measures and weights. O woe to those who do so.” Ibn 'Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said, "When a sodomite dies without making repentance, he will turn into a pig in his grave."

    The Prophet (pbuh) said, "Allah does not look to a man who commits sodomy with a man or a woman."

    Abu Sa'id As-Su'luk said, "There will be some people who will be called sodomites in this Ummah (nation). They are of three kinds: some who just gaze, others who just shake hands, and the last who commit the abominable act.”

    Looking at a woman or a juvenile out of sexual excitement is adultery as mentioned in the following hadith: "A man commits adultery with his eyes when he looks at a strange woman,' the adultery of the ears is listening to sexual dialogue, adultery of the tongue is talking about sex,' the adultery of the hand is to catch which is unlawful,' and the adultery of the feet is going towards a strange woman; the heart ardently desires adultery,' and the sexual organs confirm or contradict the act.” Therefore, the righteous men stress the necessity of keeping away from juveniles. AI-Hasan Ibn
    Zakwan said, "Do not be accustomed to sit with the wealthy men's kids since they are good looking like the virgin ladies. They might be more fascinating than women.”

    One of the earlier scholars also said, "I do not fear a beast of prey when attacking a devout young man. I just fear a juvenile when sitting with him." More than that he said, 'A man should not sleep with a juvenile together." It is unlawful for a man as scholars argued, to stay alone with a juvenile in a house, a shop or a bathroom as in the case of men and women. Among juveniles are those who may be more beautiful than women. He may be most fascinating. It is easy
    to justify what you do of evil with him than is with a woman. Therefore, such deep feelings are most likely unlawful. Numerous maxims of the early Muslims were postulated as warnings from keeping near of them. Once, Sufyan Ath- Thawri entered a public bath and the a hand some boy entered after him. Sufyan said, "Get him out because when ever I see a woman I see a Devil but whenever I see a handsome boy I see a group of devils."

    A man visited Imam Ahmad accompanied with a handsome boy. Imam Ahmad said, "Who is that?" The man replied, "My nephew." Imam Ahmad said, "Do not come again with him. Nor should you walk with him lest the people who do not know you think something bad about you. When the delegate of `Abdel-Qays came to the Prophet (pbuh) there was a handsome juvenile with them. The Prophet (pbuh) made him sit behind his back and said, "The trial of Dawud pertained to the gaze.” It was said that the look is message of adultery. The Prophet (pbuh) said, "Eye-looking is a poisonous arrow of Satan and whoever gives it up for the sake of Allah, he will feel the joys of Worship which will persist until the Day of Judgement.”

    It was related that Jesus, the son of Marry (pbuh), passed by a flaming fire burning a man when he was in a journey. Then, Jesus carried Some water to extinguish the fire. But, the fire turned into a boy and the man turned into fire. Surprisingly, Jesus said, "O Lord! May You return them back to life to ask them how they are? Allah then brought them to life. They were a man and a boy. Jesus asked them, "Who are you?" The man said, "O spirit of Allah, in the World I was afflicted by loving this boy and out of sexual excitement, I sodomized him. Later on when we died, we alternatively burned one another. This is Our torture until the Day of Judgement." We seek Allah's refuge from His torture and ask His pardon, and for well-being and guidance to What He loves and pleases.

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