Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m constantly battling over whether to wear hijab or not

religion hijab hijaab abaya headscarf

Salaam. My question is on the topic of taking a Hijab. I am Allhamdulliah 5 times daily prayer person and I try my best to complete whats commanded to me but over the past couple of months I have been thinking alot about taking the Hijab. I think maybe now its being more pressured on me because most of my friends take it and me not taking it has been causing me so much distress.

I haven't taken the Hijab for my past life but it just struck to me one day that I should. However, if we take hijab we can't use makeup we have to wear a full protective cloth (abaya) to be considered as fully righteous? However what if one keeps their intentions and motives right and try to dress appropriately and don't take the hijab? I get scared because I feel like if I don't take it then I might get punished or worse go to hell (astagfriullah).

So to relieve this distress what should I do? I did the ishtikhara and on the first day in my dream I saw my sister crying. Second day, I couldn't remember what I saw and I just can't find this internal peace.

I feel so distressed. Its like I'm constantly battling whether or not I should take it. PLEASE HELP ME !


Tagged as: , , , , , ,

30 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Sister, wearing hijab is not an issue to make istikhara over. Allah is very clear about the obligatory nature of hijab. There are several good posts on this site that address this very issue, and one of the more recent can be found here:

    The battle you are having is to be obedient or to sin. It's the same battle we have with our nafs regardless of what the issue is....salat, eating haraam, zina, violence...the list goes on. In any of these cases the course is clear: do the halaal, the correct, the obdient thing.

    -Amy Editor

    • Just to add to that, Istikhara is done only when all options are halaal and choosing not to wear hijaab is not a halaal option. That is why your issue of hijaab is not an issue for Istikhara. That would be like praying Istikhara to seek guidance on whether to pray Salaah or not, or on whether to pay zakaah or not, or on whether to commit zina or not.

      SisterZ Editor

  2. Asalamualaikum,

    I was in the same situation weather to wear hijab or not, but when you read quaran you will find it's is so important to wear hijab for a women. Recently I read some article on that there was one part it said, when we will die we need to cover our head we don't use make up so if you can think like that then you should and you will have strong feels to wear it . Besides you said you pray then what you do? You dont cover your head body?so it shouldnt be too difficult to wear. Also, You don't need to look beautiful with make up. Trust me you will look more beautiful when you wear hijab because you are following allahs path and you will have peace in your mind.

    I don't know much about it but your story look similar to me regarding hijab so thought would be nice to share.
    May Allah bless you.


  3. Asalamu alaikum sister,

    This is an advice to myself before anyone else inshallah. Firstly I'd like to say mashallah for seeking guidance and asking questions that everyone should read and learn from different people's stories. Sister, the best thing I would advise you to do is start making the intention you want to do it and try set a date for yourself that is not far away; saying this we never know when were going to pass away and can you imagine us dying without Allah swt being pleased with us? and us - he slaves, his worshippers not adhering to one of the fundamental commands of Islam. I remember reading an article once and I’m trying to track in down in my inbox which said something along the lines off - all a musliamah's good deeds, her prayers, her kindness to her family and neighbours, the good she does and all the charity she gives does not go unnoticed by our lord Allah swt who is the all great, the almighty; then the article goes on to say that not wearing the hijab and protecting your modesty not just by covering your hair but by wearing loose fitting clothing (modest clothing) is also part of the hijab too but all the good deeds we do are like a plastic bag that we hold but without wearing the hijab it's like having a hole at the bottom where all the good deeds are falling out off it everytime a man looks at your beauty because we are not covered, imagine everytime you go out the amount of men that glance your way on a daily basis we will be getting bad sins for this if we are not covered up correctly and in hijab. it is our security and our blanket that shields us from lustful looks. Allah swt knows best my dear sister and he does not tell us to do something without their being reason that the creator knows off, we should trust our lord swt and love him and by loving him we must obey him as by obeying him the noor and smiles will be the beauty for us, our modesty will be our garment and protection and this will help pure us and bless us on the inside if we are covered from the outside. It is such a shame that all the good we do will be slipping out of that plastic bag because we are not covered up and wearing hijab properly, what a shame it is and of what use is this for? This is advice for myself sister before to anyone else, I always imagine if I stayed not wearing a scarf that how will I ever get married to that pious religion man I have always wanted? who will look at me if I am not covered? How will they know that I am religiously committed? Yes, okay I say to myself I pray, I fast I try to do the best I can and be a better muslimah but I am neglecting one of the major things for women which is the hijab? and what Allah fearing man that is religiously committed would want a sister without hijab? He does not know what I do in my own home, whether I pray or not he only knows what he sees and if we were to stay in the bounds of islam how will he even approach me? Think about this sister, as I too think about this, ever since I was a young girl I have been battling with this I go through yes I want to do it! but then if I end up waiting a while I start to forget then delay then say inshallah until it goes and on but how long will this last for me? what if I die now? What if I die and all the goods deeds I have done were not enough because I left out one of the most important things. Allah have mercy on us and give us the strength, I hate to sound like a hypocrite but like I said this is an advice for myself before anyone else. Start making your intention with Allah and work on the obstacles you think are in your way and tackle them one by one, the more you leave it the harder it can also be because you will be used to not having it on and start making excuses like when I’m married inshallah, or when I’m a bit older inshallah, or when shaytan is clever - when I am a better person inshallah how am I gana put on the scarf and not do everything in islam properly? this is all a test and shaytan tempts us in different ways I used to get scared of putting it on then taking it off as I thought that would be much worse so I stayed away from it completely which is totally wrong as you can't go into thinking like that and assuming the worse but see it a step in your life where we can improve ourselves and inshallah be rolemodels to people around us, educating people we work with about the hijab and even friends that do not wear it. Like the sisters above said, we cant make istikahara on something we know is already good for us and must make our intentions to Allah swt as very nearby sister, what I do is make duaa for Allah swt to make my path easier for me to put it on my reason is not because I like to show my beauty because that is not the case I cover up as best I can by dressing modestly and not putt on any makeup - but its still not enough – what’s the point of me being covered when the hijab is not covering my hair! The sad thing is I know what is right but my issue is my work – in my heart I want to put it on today rather than tomorrow and want to do it as I believe in it wholeheartedly but my issue which I am working on is – I just started a fairly new job, in the city of London and my worry which is not relevant compared to the bigger worry of Allah swt is ‘I know I want to put it on, and I know I have too but how am I just going to come into work with a scarf on the next day when I am the only woman from my company working in my small team, I know that Allah swt should be my greatest worry and fear but these people I don’t think even know I’m muslim. So I have made a plan for myself – step 1 - let them know I am muslim indirectly or directly, step 2 –although I don’t need too I think it may be a good idea to even just to say then I am thinking of putting on the scarf and tell them so they wont be shocked and unprepared when I come in, then I can start explaining to them why (I know I don’t need to tell them anything but I thought this may be a good idea) 3rd step – put it on but take a weeks leave so I can be used to wearing it out in public and come into work a bit prepared myself, 4th step – need to do it asap because I can’t let another Ramadan go by without me having it on. Allah help all the muslim sisters out there I always wish I had the eman just to put it on when I was a bit younger rather than delaying and delaying; start making a similar plan before you get yourself into a place which may delay you some more and work towards it inshallah and that’s if Allah swt even give us the time to do it before its too late, as we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Allah do not let us pass away without you being pleased with us. If Allah swt is not pleased with us then by certain we have no hope! no-one will help us if the creator ar-rahman is not pleased with us. This is an advice for myself before anyone else put it in your heart sister and remember the marriage aspect of it too. I remember a friend of mine came up to me one time and said that there was a nice guy looking to get married to a decent, modest muslim girl BUT who didn't wear hijab - subhanallah when I heard this I just didn’t how to comment, me being a muslim woman and with the intentions of putting it on but just needing to fight of my shaytan whispers and fight a few obstacles in my way found this astonishing, why would a god fearing man want a decent religious woman but with no hijab? what man would not want their wife not covered? even if its before marriage? maybe he did want a wife covered after marriage only Allah swt knows but I just couldn’t contemplate it even with being the ridicules woman that didn’t wear the hijab.

    Allah bless you sister and grant you the strength to finally do it inshallah,

    Allah guide and have mercy on us all.

    Allah take away any pride, arrogance and hypocrisy out of my heart.

    Ameen ya rab – I will paste that link to that article I mentioned when I can finally track it down inshallah.

    Salamat my dear sister xxx

    • Thank you so much for you extensive reply it really helped me relate my problems to yours and I feel like we are almost on the same page. Im a freshmen in college too and i feel like putting it on will be a big change for people but just like you I will set a set date for it and start wearing so that ppl get used to it eventually. They will questions for what 2 weeks and then they will get over it. However to not feel like the girly girl i am i can do whtever meaning make my hair do my makeup however i want at home or family gathering rather than doing them to school and trying to ask for attention (even though thats not my motive). Put in reality if we both want nice husbands and want to please our God we have to take this step together and accept it fully because if we can accept it everything will fall into place just fine. I think we are our own harsh critics. If you go around you see these gothic ppl who dress so abnoxiously ppl question them once and they accept them. Then the issue of taking a hijab which is so pure shouldn't hold us back. I have all these intentions with me and by reading your post I feel like you have these intentions too but we just have to put them to action.

      • Asalamualaikum Sister,

        Sorry for the delay in getting this article for you I couldnt find the link for the article and thus had to paste it here from a word version my friend gave to me. Keep strong sister and take the time to read this long article.

        Allah guide and have mercy on us all, ameen ya rab.

        Sister R

        There is an aim of life after the life of striving for Allah’s (swt) sake. I want to focus on the first implementation of the implementation of modesty. The first implementation of modesty is not for the men, but for the women. And the most important thing in a woman's life is the Hijab. And I'll start with the women for a reason.

        For all the brothers and sisters in Islam, if they had modesty, I swear the society would be guided on the right path. I am not here to criticize or judge the sisters sitting here or reading or listening to this tape. May Allah reward you for taking time to listen to these words. But I want to begin the first colour of the colours of modesty- and this is the modesty of the woman.

        So why am I going to start with the woman? Am I criticizing her or judging her? I don't want to upset the men maybe? No way, GOD forbid! But if the woman became guided and protected her modesty, then society would also become guided and protect their modesty!

        However, when the enemy of Islam wants to destroy something, the first thing they destroy is the woman! Because when the woman loses her modesty, it is easy for the youth to be lost, and it in turn easy for the people to lose their modesty. So the first thing I will talk about modesty is the modesty of the woman. So if we say that modesty for the man is obligatory, then modesty for the woman is obligatory, for her it is a crucial duty! Because the nature of the woman is easy for modesty- she is closest to modesty. And the most important thing for the woman, the greatest thing for her. What is it?

        For her to protect and cover her body. The greatest thing that belongs to the woman is her Hijab.

        To the brothers and sisters who are listening, listen to these words and tell your sisters and tell your relatives. And sister in Islam, if you are listening, and if you are a Mohajaba, spread this message to your sisters in Islam, and if you are not a Mohajaba, try to benefit from what will be said today.

        The most honoured thing a woman possesses is her modesty. And the most precious thing of modesty is the Hijab. If I asked you a question, if I asked you what is the most precious thing you owned, what would it be? If you have something precious, will you take care of it and protect is? Will you hide it or not? If you have a pearl or a Jewel, would you protect it or keep it in a safe place or not? The more valuable it becomes, the more you want to protect it. So will you hide it from the people or show it off? Or will you leave it in front of everyone to see and take from it whatever he/she wants?

        Of course you are going to protect it! So what is the most important, precious thing that deserves to be protected? The most important, precious thing that a woman possesses is her modesty. And the most important thing in the woman's life is her Hijab.

        Sisters and brothers, did you know that the Pearl is protected by its shell? Is that right or not? And that shell is not too pretty, yet you cannot substitute it with anything else to protect the pearl. Therefore you cannot do with the Hijaab as it protects you.

        And there is a light hearted question. Why is the Hijab an obligation for women and not an obligation for men? Is it just to pressurize the woman? Why isn't it obligatory for men? It is because 100 men will never be able to seduce or make one woman fall for them. No matter what they did, if the woman is not interested, those 100 men cannot do anything to attract her. However, one woman can succeed to attract 100 men in a few minutes. Therefore it is obligatory for the woman, since she is the source of attraction and influence. So the Hijab in her right is a must for her.
        And you will notice something strange. Before Islam was sent to the world, the Arabs and the Romans believed that the most valuable beauty was found in the body. So the Romans and the Arabs and other nations recognized the beauty of the body. So Islam came to change that perception of the body. Islam came to raise human beings spiritual levels. Islam came to say, purify your tastes and manners. As humankind progresses, their manners and tastes has to progress too. It was never a written law that the woman has to show her body, never! Islam stresses out that a woman is not judged by her body but her intellect, her manners, her emotions, and so on. These are the most important things in our moral values. So the man will not judge the woman by her beauty. Islam taught the man and transferred his thoughts to judge the woman by her manners, and her intellect, etc.

        Nobody should see or enjoy her physical body except for her husband. I wonder, the things we are saying now, will any intellectual mind accept this or not? Who are those who respect and value the woman and who are those who don't? Some people argue that the Hijab is not obligatory and that it was not mentioned in the Qur'an. Let's refer to the Qur'an's verses that make the Hijab obligatory to Muslim women.

        O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies. That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (33:59).

        Pay attention that when Allah talks about the Hijab being obligatory, He (swt) also includes the woman of the believers, meaning all of the Muslim women. So no one can argue that this verse was only referring to the family of the Prophet. The meaning of this verse is that all of the believers must wear the Hijab so that they will be recognized as pious women, therefore respected and valued by their modesty. No one will harm her because she is respecting herself by what she is wearing.

        The Hijab is obligatory! It is not a Sunnah (practice of the Prophet [saw]); Allah also says:

        And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms display their beauty......And O ye Believers! Turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss. (Quran 24:31)

        According to most scholars, women must cover everything except for her hands and face.

        Allah (swt) went into very fine details to describe the way they have to cover the ears, the neck and the chest. Have you ever seen something described so clearly for us in the way that we should be dressed?

        When Allah says: to wear the khimar [long scarf covering whole body] it doesn't mean the woman has to wear a very long scarf, it means you have to cover the most important things- the hair, the neck and the chest. Therefore, tucking in the small scarf into your neck is an invalid Hijab because it will reveal what you have, i.e. your chest, etc.

        Allah says we have to cover everything. Who can say after that, that the Hijab is not obligatory? And the verse with, turn all together to Allah, in other words, Repent you believers.
        It is a duty of a husband to encourage (NOT FORCE) and persuade her to wear the Hijab in order for her to be respected and be valued as a pious woman. Another verse Allah addresses the Muslim women not to show off their dress in such a way that the pre-Islamic women used to. How did the Pre-Islamic women dress? Did they used to wear short skirts? No they didn't. Can you guess how they used to show off their beauty? They used to wear better than short skirts that's for sure. The pre-Islamic women used to cover everything, so they would wear long dresses, but they would show their necks, forehead and the top of their hair.

        What will you do when you stand in front of Allah and He asks you, where is your Hijab? Do not be upset by my words sister, I am only stressing this out of concern. When the verses of the Hijab were revealed, all of the women immediately covered. However, never force your daughters and sisters to wear the Hijab. Advise them in the best of ways so that they can see the true wisdom behind the Hijab.

        When the verses of the Hijab were revealed, the men told the women about the meaning of the verses. The women were so eager to obey Allah’s command exactly the way it was described in the Qur'an. Since they couldn't afford to buy new materials for a Hijab, they took a dress/Jilbab and tore it into two and used it as a Hijab and went out like that. This is contrary to the way women of today are like; they make excuses for not wearing the proper Hijab.

        The Prophet (saw) said: A group of women will never enter Paradise. They are those who wear tight, revealing clothes and do not listen to Allah's command of wearing the Hijab. Not only will they not enter Paradise, but they will not even smell Paradise although you can smell Paradise from a 500 year distance! This Hadeeth is Saheeh Muslim.

        To stress how important it is to cover yourself, there is another example. The Prophet (saw) had to go into battle against a tribe of Jews who ridiculed a Muslim woman in the market. They tricked her by tying up her dress, so when she moved, she tripped over and her dress tore so she became uncovered. So a Muslim man who saw this stood up and killed the Jewish man who had done so. So the Prophet (saw) took the army and threw out the Jewish tribe out of Madinah.

        I wonder what the Prophet would have done if he saw the way women dress now. Another example is of the famous scholar Ibn Hambal once was walking in the market and a breeze of air lifted a woman's dress and he saw her ankle accidently. His reaction was that he was shocked and angry saying: these are the days of the fitan! He reacted like this over a covered ankle. I wonder what he would have done if he saw today's women. I could not have spoken about modesty without talking about the Hijab because modesty is a branch of faith.
        What is your excuse for not wearing the Hijab? Let's go through a list of excuses.


        So I'd ask you, ‘what are you?’, You would reply, ‘I'm a Muslim’. What is the meaning of Muslim? A meaning of a Muslim/and Islam is to submit yourself totally to Allah. The sister who does not want to put the Hijab on is not submitted to Allah. She doesn't want to submit to the will of Allah. How can we argue against, or disobey what Allah and His Messenger have given to us? Prophet Ibrahim had to sacrifice his son and he didn't understand why he had to do such a thing. So that teaches us how to submit to Allah’s word. I would rather hear you say that you are not strong enough to put the Hijab on, than you to say that you are not convinced with Allah’s own words.


        The women who say the most important thing is what is in the inside, that her intentions are always good, and she is a good person, and the Hijab is the Hijab of the heart. And these women say that she prays 5 times a day, better than 60 men of you, and she prays the Night Prayers, and she prays the Sunnah prayers, and she really does all of these things! And she gives charity- But, she says, you know, that's enough worship for me!

        SubhanAllah. The Prophet (saw) says: You cannot take parts of Islam and reject other parts. You have to take the religion as a whole.

        So let us calculate it, you are saying that you are doing a lot of good deeds, etc and that your intentions are good, and your heart is pure. Alright, I agree with you, but I want to ask you one question. Let us calculate this together. Every day you go out every man that looks at your hair and your body- do you take sins or not? Of course you take sins because you didn't obey Allah’s command. And you'll find that the lady will argue: It's not my fault, my intentions are good, it's the man that will take sins for looking at me. No sister. He will take sins if he stares at you because you were attracting attention.

        Let's calculate it. Everyday how many sins does a woman who doesn't wear the Hijab take? Would it go over a thousand sins a day or not? And remember, the man has two eyes! Not one! And the man has a heart that loves and desires and wishes. Can you imagine the sins the woman is getting? I wonder if your good deeds will be enough. Will they outweigh the thousands of sins you are getting every day? I want you to do a little experiment, every day you go out, count how many sins you are getting, on your way out, on the bus/train, at work, on the streets, etc. How many sins do you get for every man that looks at your hair/body?

        Didn't Allah order you to wear the Hijab? I am afraid that your good deeds are falling from a torn bag. The good deeds enter the top and escape from the hole at the bottom.


        The woman can complain that she loses her hair when she puts on the Hijab, because of the heat - So come on, do you want me to lose my hair and get bold? So I won't put it on because my hair falls off.
        Sister, Allah says: Say that the Hell fire is stronger than the heat of the world.

        The Prophet (saw) said: Hell is surrounded by our desires, and Jannah is surrounded by the good things.

        Is it still difficult for you to put on the Hijab? But you'll take GREAT deeds for following Allah’s command!


        The women say that they knew ladies that wore the Hijab and they had the worst of manners, and did the worst of things. So I don't want to put the Hijab on because I don't want to be like them. Okay, I argue to the sister that thinks that: I know people who pray, but do bad things- does that mean we shouldn't pray? Some people go to Hajj so that they can hide under the title of Hajj so that they can do bad things and no one will suspect because they apparently went to Hajj which makes them free from all sins. Does that mean we shouldn't go to hajj? So sister, the wrong is not in the religion, but in the people themselves. So is the hijab bad or the person who wears the hijab is bad?


        ‘I will put on the Hijab, but Allah hasn't guided me to do so now. So when I am 50 years old and I have enjoyed my life, I'll put on the Hijab’. No, sister, this excuse is totally wrong. Allah says: Allah does not change a people's situation unless they change what is within themselves. You will not put the Hijab on until you change what is within yourself and work towards putting on the Hijab. It's not acceptable for you to say that Allah has not guided you- no, he has guided you and the proof is that you are listening to these words. The reason you are listening to these words is Allah opening the journey of guidance to you. Allah will never leave a person unless He gives him guidance, so it is up to that person to obey or not.


        A lot of men look for the pious, religious woman who respects herself with her Hijab- more than those men who look for the other women. And Allah has written who you will marry anyway! So you won't marry anyone else except for that person that Allah has chosen for you. Don't be afraid; put your trust in Allah. Allah will give you the pious husband. So when you marry, marry someone who will love you for your faith and respect you.

        A man came to a scholar and asked him - If I'm going to marry my sister to someone, who should it be? The Scholar replied, marry her to a man who is a friend of Islam, so if he loved her, he will respect her, and if he hated her, he will not treat her badly. Marry the man that will protect you, respect you, and be happy that you are a Mohajaba.


        Do you know when you'll die sister? The youth's deaths are increasing! I will give you an example of a girl; a true story that really happened.

        This happened in Egypt, Alexandria last year in Ramadan. The man was telling me that his wife is a Mohajaba. Living in front of them was a young girl who is not a Mohajaba. And the girl has good things inside her heart, like all of our sisters in Islam, but she doesn't understand the meaning of the Hijab and the meaning it has in Islam. So he said that his wife (and this is obligatory for all the women who wear Hijab) had good relations with this girl. She didn't ignore her just because she doesn't wear the Hijab, no, she was friends with her. So one day the young girl had come to ask the wife if she'd come shopping with her to buy a jeans suit. So the intelligent wife who knows that she has to give the girl dawah [knowledge of Islam] agreed to go shopping with her, but under one condition, the girl comes with the wife to an Islamic circle that was going to start. The girl agreed.

        So they went to the circle and it was about repentance to Allah. And the girl was so inspired by what was being said, and started to cry until she kept repeating one sentence over and over again: I've repented Allah, please someone cover me. The people told her okay let us take you home and you can put the Hijab on. But she refused, wanting to be covered right at that moment with the Hijab; she couldn't go out without it. So they got her a scarf and a dress, and she left the building with it on. And as soon as she left to cross the road, a car hit her and she died.
        I swear this is a true story. She repented before she had died. She is lucky mashaAllah that she repented before she died. So never give the excuse that you are still young, because you never know when you will die.


        Isn't Allah dearer to you than fashion? I swear when you put the Hijab on you'll have light shining from within you, and you'll be more beautiful with your Hijab.


        Okay sister, who respects the woman more? Islam or the one who cannot even sell matches without painting a nearly naked woman on it? Are they the ones who have respected the woman or exploited the woman? Or Islam, who has respected the woman and covered her and liberated her from exploitation?

        SubhanAllah, sister, why don't you put it on with firm faith and ask Allah to always protect you with it and never take it off? Of course I'm not saying that taking off the Hijab isn't a sin. Taking off the Hijab is the biggest sin, the biggest sin, the biggest sin, the biggest sin. It's the biggest sin because you would be encouraging other women to do the same. Never ever do this; Allah (swt) would hate that.

        Wear the Hijab and do these three things to make sure you will never take it off.

        1- Having good religious friends
        2- Attending and listening to Islamic lectures
        3- Make duaa (supplications) to ask Him to keep your Hijab on and strengthen your faith.

        Sister, won't you be ashamed of yourself from Allah on the Day of Judgment? Won't you be ashamed /embarrassed from the Prophet (saw) on the Day of Judgment?

        On the Day of Judgment you will be thirsty and the Prophet will be giving water to everyone. And you will run to him, but two angels will stop you going further. The Prophet will say leave her! She is from my nation. The angels will say, we cannot Prophet Muhammad, for she did not obey what was written by Allah. So the Prophet would say, go away, far away, I do not want to have anything to do with you because you didn't listen to Allah’s command.

        And who would be embarrassed? The one who is showing her body to everyone or the one who is respecting and covering it? The Prophet (saw) said: grab Islam with your hands and teeth!


        Sisters and brothers in Islam, this was a lecture for the sisters on the issue of the Hijab.
        I advise you to be up to the standards of the Hijab. If you want to put on the Hijab, do it now, but don't put it on if you don't pray or fast and you’re rude with no manners and you are not close to Allah, that way you will be weak and take it off. If you can put the Hijab on now, pray on time, and be with religious friends, read the Quran every day, and thank Allah everyday even if it's for a few minutes.

        If you did these five things, your Hijab will go with your worship, your manners, and you'll be an example to all the Muslim and non-Muslim women. Never think that you can put the Hijab on and not worship Allah or have any sort of Islamic personality. And if you are wearing the Hijab and you do not pray, etc, hold those five things in your heart and practice them every day, for you are representing Islam sister.

        If you cannot do these things after you put on your hijab, (And you're not wearing the hijab) do them and then put on your Hijab. But do not do these things for 6 years and then put on the Hijab. No, more like after one month starting from today or two or three months, build yourself within and then put it on. Work towards putting on the Hijab.

        Another point, you have become a Mohajaba. Never think that the Hijab means you have completed your worship and will enter heaven. On the contrary, it is only the beginning of your journey towards Allah (swt).

        Another point: remember that you are an example to all the Muslim and non-Muslim women. With your manners, worship smile, even when you are walking down the street, you are an example to everyone and you will indeed inspire many people, even without saying a word. You will purify the society; your good deeds are extremely high to Allah. You will guide your sisters in Islam. You are our example, our ambassador of Islam. Please, please do not let us down. Please.

        Here are a few points of how to wear the Hijab. If you do not follow these points, this means you are not wearing a proper hijab.

        1- I won't tell you that you have to wear the Khimar or Abaya. No, you can wear anything as long as its loose and covering your body and not revealing the shape of your body. If you show the shape of your legs, waist, shoulders, if the scarf is too tight around your head and you are showing the shape of your hair if you have tied it in a bun for example you are not wearing the Hijab.
        2- Not wearing see-through clothes.
        3- Covering the whole body except for the hands and face.
        4- Not wearing clothes that resemble a man's clothes.
        5- Not wearing perfume.

        Keep to these points at all times and you have the Hijab and are a Mohajaba.

        • Mashallah sister what a beautiful excerpt you have posted AMR KHALED'S LECTURE ABOUT HIJAB !

        • Sister R please try to contact me I need to explain things and ask you some things.. Please contact me asap ! please .

          • islam786, we do not allow the exchange of private contact information on this forum.


          • Salam sister,

            Feel free to post here sister and I will try my best to respond,

            Allah help us all, ameen. I am not always the best to give advice but anything i do say is advice for me first, before anyone else, May Allah make us strong ya rab.

            Sister R

        • i can't help but be annoyed with the following -The most honored thing a woman possesses is her modesty, says who? Men?
          what is the most honored thing a Man possesses I wonder? Modesty is for BOTH sexes, and both Men and Women who fear Allah are supposed to be modest to the best of their ability, this line of thinking is so infuriating and frankly dangerous, it leads to the oppression of women, and all these honor killings, women being ostracized by their communities etc, Modesty comes along with good Iman, therefore i would consider Iman, Fear and love of Allah to be the most important thing either sex can possess,
          i hate to sound like a ranting feminist, yes i am ranting, but no i am not a feminist, but sometimes, lately A LOT, i find myself reduced to tears at the behaviour of Muslim men on the internet, the things that they come out with, is really causing me a great deal of upset and unrest, i go on these islamic websites hoping for an iman boost, and i get the opposite, Just the other day, i was listening to a lecture where this brother was saying, that women are NOT attracted to good looking men, that is why men do not have to cover... what???? so what are women attracted to then? squirrels?
          Then i came across another Islamic site claiming that women upon childbirth don't want their husbands around, therefore after they have given birth they are not entitled to their husbands time islamically because they wouldn't want it anyway( if they are polygamous) i'm like what?
          stop telling us what we want, how we feel,

          someone please tell me what the difference there is in punishment for a man to walk around showing his Awrah and a Women? wasn't the prophet of Allah, the most modest of us all, so why does this guy hold women to a greater standard? women like to beautify themselves by nature, it doesn't come to us women naturally to wear the hijaab etc we do it because we fear Allah, and if Allah had not commanded us to do it we would not, we are not inanimate objects pearls or rubies or unopened sweets, whatever we are human beings, if one of us commits zina etc then the punishment is the SAME as that of a man, only Men like you can't seem to accept that, and you make it sound like allah has a special punishment for us,
          you know i wear my hijaab and abaya, i am NOBODIES inanimate object,accept allahs if he wishes, i have struggled and battled to keep myself in this way, and i know many sisters who have found the Hijaab extremely challenging,here we have this man telling us that Hijaab is something we are naturally inclined too? shows how much he knows

          remind us of the punishment of Allah and his reward, don't patronize us, don't make things up, virginity and modesty might be the most important thing to you, because you want a virgin wife, who no one has ever seen before, like most of these men it seems, but it isn't the be all and the end all for Allah, so stop alienating Muslim women who are struggling, stop imposing your thinking that modesty is more important for women then it is for men, and don't pretend you understand and appreciate the battle that us women face especially in the west to wear the Hijaab, because you don't.

    • salaam
      i don't know how to respond but two words mashallah wow
      really touching and incourging
      i myself since i was a kid every time i would have guys make comments wanted to cover up by wearing the full jilbab and niqaab but would get tautted by my family that they would not assciate themselfs with me if i do i was in my early teens at the time. all i could think about was how could i achive this, i had no support no guidence and knew no one who i could turn to for guidence. then got married arranged marriage to some one that was the complete opposite to me and turned me away even more. recently bit over a year ago i seperated due to alot of voilence i had such anger in me no family to turn to no community to turn to as they all turned their backs on me when i seperated i strated going astry trying to jugel everything and two kids started wearing clothes which i feel ashamed of now but more recently i started doing alot of sole searching and finding me again and yes in the month of ramadan what a blessed month i came across a brother who made me cry uncontrolably just by talking about islam which set me off on a missision to find myself again i cant say i read five times or anything but i do try my best and continue to try harder each time but as i read more into things i relised a few things
      the hijaab had to come from within me
      i cannot do anything without knowledge
      the only way i can get information is and i say with caution the internet so i started lookinging into the meanings of and purposess of things and the instructions from the quran after about two or three days felt i could not leave the house without the hijaab, but i had a very big dilima i want to do it the right way its not going to happen over night but knew i had to make changes slowly. i feel bad that i have to make the changes slowly but fear that if i rush into it i would end up removing it afther a short period which i dont want to do the following are steps i thought of started doing and intned on wanting to do i dont know if they are all right if not please correct me
      >prayed for allah to guide me on the straight path sincerely from my heart with me often in tears in namaz without any control
      >started to research deeper in to the meanings of the quran
      >no longer had the fear of what others think but only feared allah and what allah will think
      >built that intention to want the right thing through the teachings of islam AND THIS WITH MY SELF AND MY ALLAH and not for any other reason or purpose or person
      >i started wearing the hijaab inside the house to get comfortble NOW IM NOT MUCH OF A MAKE UP PERSON BUT NEVER THE LESS WORE MAKE UP TO COVER UP WHAT MY FACE WAS TELLING TO OTHERS not all will understand this how ever i tryed the hijaab with and without make up
      > started to feel comfortble with the hijaab with out make up on
      > now i am at the stage of i am wearing the hijaab i want to wear it correctly so that it distracts the attension and not attracts the attention like alot of sisters have made a fasion statement out of it i feel if i am going to go in this direction i am better off not wearing it is better rather then wearing it and making a mockery of it by making a fasion statement of it as that does the opposite of what allah has pascribed it for
      >now some sisters their emaan is very strong and they can go straight into wearing it over night and stick to it mashallah but i fear that mine is not and i have alot of work to do on making my emaan very strong but inshallah i will get there
      > i have slowly started adjutting the clothes i wear long maxis dresses fine but low neck line fine but wear the hijaab over plain one which covers my head but also the bust and to cover the issue of short sleves wear a cardian that covers the arms but any knew clothes i ensure they have full length sleves that have underlay if reuire and when i say this i cannot stop myself from crying i actually feel able to wear salwar kameez againwit out hating myself but even with this clothing i have started to make them loose fitting and so on
      > what i intend on doing inshallah getting to the point of wearing the jibaab soon i have brought one already
      > to find a pious partner that has knowledge in islam that will further me in getting closer to my allah and that will allow me to do the same with them
      > inshallah go on to wearing the niqaab as i know it is not wajib but it is something that i am yarning for deep within myself
      i hope this helps others but if others have comments or encrougement or anything let me know or correct me know

      • Salam sister,

        Allah bless you sister and make your path easier, may he reward your efforts, protect and bless you ya rab. I love all my sisters in Islam and I make duaa that Allah makes us stronger and make us among the believers of Jannat Firdous ya rab. Please never give up!! even with the daily struggles of every day life, and constant battles with our nafs and shaytan. Ya Allah help us ameen ya rab. I love you all sisters xxxx

        • salaam
          and thank you sister R
          i have all ready started to wear the jilbab and niqaab started a few days after eid and feel fantastic the feeling is over whelming but good and is helping to deal with other problems one of them been wearing make up to avoid others taking advantage of me been in a vulnerably state to cover that but i dont have to do that any more, as so on

        • okay so this post up the very top was written by me asking people for advice on my situation and sister R i was feeling alot similiar to what you were feeling and then I finally decided to take the hijab two months ago. I am still mashAllah taking it but honestly sister I have been fighting such a hard battle with myself you don't even know. From the outside it seems like I have it all together but in the inside i feel like its a constant battle. I don't know if it gets easier down the road but right now I feel like I am doing something I am not into. I had a wedding to go to recently and the way I used to dress for a Pakistani wedding wasnt the same I couldn't settle my duppata as a hijab correctly so it didn't come out nicely on me. I need help because I am afraid if i stop taking the Hijab something bad will happen but at the same time i feel so distressed in the inside. Please help me.

          • salaam
            sister islam786
            you made a valid point
            1) hijab setting you can look it up on youtube or other sites to get help or alot of bueaty salons do do hijab settings or you can ask other sisters to help that wear hijab.
            2) now this bit if i get any of it wrong may Allah fogive me and please correct me brothers and sisters, when it come to weddings and things i have not had to face that myself yet but saying that i dont think it would bother me as i wear the full vaile now alhumdulila but you have a few ways of dealing with that from my point now a) you could wear make up try to wear as less attractive clothes but if not try to make them be loose fitting at the least but cover you face with your hijab so as less make up is revealed as possible and when you get to the venue and amongest the women you can uncover the face.
            i am going to shear a very important feeling with you sister
            now the way i see it is i can wear what ever i like inculding make up (oh if i were to wear make up i would avoid eye make up as the niqaab i wear does not cover my eyes) and them put my jilbab/abyia on top then my hijab and niqab and i feel fantastic you see sister the clothes you wear should be for you (and in married couples your partner) not to please the on lookers / shaitaan / sinning eyes of gar meharm
            also sister i think you need to do alot more research into the hijab and what a proper hijab is WHAT THE QURAN SAYS IS A PROPER HIJAB this wil streanghten your eemanforgive me if you found this comment offensive i do not intent any
            now the thing with alot of weddings now a days is that men and women are not segregated like they should be if they were i dont think you would be facing this problem becouse infront of other women and young children ( that are not awear or of that age to understand) you can wear attractive clothes and make up and so on with out covering and avoid sinning
            i hope and pray that at teh least some of this information is of some help to you and others
            Allah Hafiz

          • Salam Sister Islam786 🙂

            Firstly I do apologise for the delay in my response, please forgive me.

            When I first read your post for the first time I wanted to reply because battling to wear the hijab has always been a constant yes, no, inshallah later, yes then no decision in my life. My mum too, didn’t really want me to wear it she wanted me to stay nice and pretty until I got married, which is completely not the right way to think at all as it’s the opposite - we must cover our beauty and keep that sacred for our husbands and not for the stolen male looks and even female criticising, my dad would never say for me not to wear the hijab but in his case he is worried about how it will affect me in the workplace and will be people treat me differently. Sister, it is always going to be a battle if you make it one, yes you’re finding it difficult at the start and you know why?? Because it’s something you’re making a issue when in fact it’s a blessing, the shaytan is there testing you especially at the beginning when you’re still insecure, feeling oh is that person looking at me because of this, or when you look in a mirror it’s a big transformation which also allows you to fix the inside too, it’s not just the outset were covering and safeguarding our modesty, it’s also our inner self were becoming more reserved and aware of our actions even more so, because now at this stage we will have become in the constant taunt of people’s eyes, but look at this in a good way, think of how you can now be a role model, even to your friends who you did you mention wear hijab, to people on the street, to colleagues, peers everyone is learning from you and on the day of judgment when people ask but I didn't know about Islam, you doing your indirect bit of dawah by reminding people of Islam, reminding people of our natural fitrah. Sister if you want to start loving hijab then you need to start with improving the inside to make you stronger, more firmer and that will I promise help you on the outside. Whatever you do, do NOT make the mistake of taking it off as this is your test my dear sister and I want to see you pass this little test in dunya, and have the beauty of the rewards of this in the hereafter. This life is not very long, its shorter than we even think, the Qur’an even says that it's like a day or part of a day in heaven. Can you imagine? If that's how short it is really then what is the point of this of mucking up our eternal life for this really short and imperfect one? Weddings are the biggest test for hijabis I find, you want to look nice, but not too nice, you want to wear a bit of sparkle but then you start wearing things you wouldn’t usually on a casual day just to look that extra bit nicer in your hijab, it may be clothes a bit tighter, clothes showing a big of arm for our bracelets but sister I know the feeling with weddings and it’s a lot of stress!! simply is stress, we don't need, so what if people are looking and saying what she wearing, why is she so covered, why so and so... who cares! In the end your doing something to please Allah and Allah alone, do you the reward for your hardship?! This is a form of inner jihad you give something you struggle with for no1 but Allah. Do you know what the means dear sister? That you are winning your test and that even if your not sure about something, knowing that Allah the almighty has commanded you to do something and you have done it is simply beautiful! You have given up something for the sake of Allah and how Allah swt loves what the believers give up for him. I remember there was prophet (as) do not remember which one; I will check my book later that gave up his love for horses when he missed his one of his late prayers. He loved horses so much and spent so much time with them but one day he missed his prayer (only Allah swt knows if forgot his prayer or it was missed), after he realised he had missed his prayer he got so upset and gave up his horses as he saw this as now getting in the way, but Allah sees all! This inner jihad my dear sister and think of the rewards in the hereafter! Eternal life is only in Jannah, eternal peace will only be there, eternal youth and beauty is there, jealously will not be in paradise, feelings of insecurity is not going to be there. Yes dunya will be hard and is hard, but Jannah is full of hard challenges in order for us to get best rewards for our actions so we can deserve to be there. Sister, focus on the inner self by reading Qur’an regularly, make duaa before reading Qur’an for Allah swt to make you read in beautifully, understand it and implement it as well as peneterate your heart. Stay with friends that love their hijab and have a positive influence on you and not cause you to stray or test you even more. The test of the hijab is that it’s not just a piece of material that we wrap around ourselves and that its, it’s much more than that we need to live Islam, breathe Islam, you have taken the first step sister please carry on in a positive light and make the best of this trial, we want to see you come out on top, stay firm in your belief and remember that this is a short test while the rewards are so much greater. May Allah bless you and give you strength, please keep me updated sister, I will reply sooner next time inshallah. I feel I still have more to say, let me how your feeling at the moment and what are the main worries your facing. Remember the title of your original post constantly battling over wearing hijab or not, but sister you have won the battle are now mashallah wearing it! 🙂 so please be happy and feel proud that you had the courage to do it, the next step is to love it and with time, patience, and inner self reflecting, improving your inner self - I can’t stress this one enough as for e.g. you can't expect to be clean spraying just perfume, you need to thoroughly clean and wash the body to be clean right? The same works on the inside and with the hijab, we need to work on our inner selves for hijab too. Look at our beautiful role models in Islam of the mothers of the believers and the prophet saws's wives; they are the best of women who wore it for the sake of Allah and through the teaching of our nabi saws. Make constant duaa and stay with people in-tunned to the hereafter. On YouTube there is a get set of beautiful short stories about the mother of the believers, just type this in and you will love the stories. I couldn’t get enough, May Allah make us of the righteous, and of the people of jannah ya rab. I always get scared knowing that women will the majority of people in the hellfire and that because we like to gossip, speck about this and that, and the hijab helps hold our tongue, and dress modestly which is another reason why women are more so than men. Allah help us all. Inshallah khair my sister, smile and be happy you have won the battle already don’t see it as no other and do not let anything else form the shaytan to enter your head 🙂 your beautiful on the inside and the outside. Imagine people in France the struggles they have to go to because the law forbids them to cover? Allah help our sisters around the world, Allah help us all! We need him and him alone, all is just in Allah's eyes and Allah's justice is with alone. Allah help us ya rab. Stay in touch sister, hugs & kisses 🙂 xxxx

  4. Sister the truth is the thought of putting hijab on when you don't wear it is actually much more scary then doing it. I was in your situation some years back. To ease myself into the idea I went on an Arabic course with Muslims so I decided to wear hijab every day to try and get used to wearing it (I found it very itchy).
    I already tried to dress modestly etc.

    By the end of the 3 weeks I was used to hijab. Hijab is something that is compulsory dear sister. And of course Shaitan will try to stop you and your nafs will also resist. The nafs is the part of you that desires dunya and glitter and looking pretty etc. But honestly hijab makes you more beautiful - honestly to relieve the distress just take a deep breath and remind yourself in your heart - you are doing it for no other reason except to please Allah swt - and soley for that reason. Then do it! It will also ease your heart because ultimately your soul wants to obey Allah.

    Also one thing before you do it - give sadaqah if you can. And do it for Allahs sake. Giving money is usually the easiest (via a charity if you can) but anything from helping someone is also sadaqah. Even just a little money or food. Do make sure you keep safe though if you are helping someone.

    You dont have to wear an abaya as long as you are modest in your dress. You also dont have to wear all black - Just ensure that clothing is not tight in anyway - loose nice clothing is good. Buy a few nice hijabs to wear. And of course be modest in your dress. If you are genuinely having difficult after putting it on - build it up slowly with intention of wearing it within a certain amount of time. So start by waering more modest clothes, then reduce make up if you wear it etc.
    It all depends on where you are but the very least start working towards it.

    Sara Editor

    • I have the same feeling. I feel like once its on I will get used to it. But the one thing im still scared about it letting go of all the things I already do like curl my hair etc. for wedding and stuff. I feel like thats a big change. Don't get me wrong I do know that these are just wordly affairs. But I feel like i can do that in front of my family members like do whatever to my hair. Apply whatever makeup i have infront of them but not in the public. I just wish I cud have made this decision a year earlier before starting college. It would have been such an easy transition because no one would have known me as a non-hijabi. Do you get my point Sara?

  5. salaam
    sister islam786
    i completely understand what you are saying as i went from (may allah forgive me ) wearing salwar kameez to low neck stuff to no scarf to short stuff i did not use to curl my hair as it is naturally like that which i hated as i got comments from people men in perticular that it was very attractive but not in these nice words
    i straightened it i wore make up and as bad as it sounds i felt myself moving away from islam and i was in the public eye and working but allhumdulilla in this ramadan i i got my awakiening truely repented went from wearing hijaab to cutting down on make up then just after eid went to wearing the full niqaab
    but sister niqaab was a choice i wanted to take up i dont see it as wajib i just found myself very attracted towards the niqaab
    but sister to say i went through this entire process and had non or very few problems would be a lie i struggled to fight with my nafs and the shaitan and i still do just to give you an example the other day i went to the park with my kids and a italian female friend uit game to eating ice cream and i tryed to eat it with the niqaab on and she said cant you just take it off while you eat for a second i was going to take it off but then i remembered 1) i was not wearing any make up 2) i was wearing none adorning clothes a plain black abiya 3) i had a second niqaab which i was wearing as a hijaab so what i did was pulled the main niqaab over my head and used the hijaanb 's niqaab to eat then cover but there were not really many men in the area at the time so i got round the problem i hope may allah forgive me if i got anything wrong i still have a long way to go as most of the sisters above have said that hijaab is not just a material that covers the head there is so much more to it
    the one thing that helped me was doing research
    allah hafiz
    and i pray for you sister that allah give you the ability to streangthen your emaan

  6. Salam alaikum sisters,

    I too am inshallah planning to wear the hijab in the near future. I have made up my mind with the guidance of Allah, however, I have a few questions that I would like to ask please.
    Firstly, I have numerous videos and pictures of myself without a hijab and wearing revealing clothes. What do I do about these once I wear the hijab (inshallah)? They are not just in my possession but with others too, I cannot get rid of them all.
    Secondly, I am having difficulty getting a new wardrobe 🙂 I have been wearing modest clothing recently, however, I need more clothes! I have seen many girls with hijabs at university wearing nice, modern and modest clothing. I am not planning to wear the niqab, but just the hijab. What advice can you please give me regarding these issues?
    I am looking forward to day where I embrace Islam completely. At times I too get a little bit anxious as to what all the non-muslim girls at uni will think or my family and friends, however, I quickly overcome these with thoughts of reward and jannah.

    Thank you all.

  7. I dont understand one thing. I have always asked this question and my answer has always been no, it is not mandatory it is preferred, but not mandatory. When putting on a hijab it is to keep modesty and to remove any bad eyes off of you. But the hijab has always increased it. I got much more looks and more men gave looks. How is that modesty? In fact every time i would take days and dua that i would get the answer whether it is mandatory or not. My heart would say no. I dont know if i am right or wrong. But when hijab comes to mind i have had bad experiences, girls find it an excuse for bad doing. I dont see modesty. And if women r for hijab then men are to not look at women and keep their eyes down. It all comes to intention that is the answer i have recieved in my heart. Purity and modesty lies in intention and my intention has always come out with my clothing. I wear clothing that covers everything but my hands, hair, and face. My hair which is always tied up in a single braid. Never with makeup and i am nice to people so they can recognize that muslims are wonderful people searching for unity and simplicity. I dont wear sparkles either.i ask you does covering your hair really that big of a change when i always wear scarves and have high neck shirts or always wear undershirts for that coverage. How is the hijab mandatory, when the only change comes with hair, if i become bald will that change things?

    • Hijab iş mandatory because Allah states so in the Quran and this is confirmed in hadith also.

      We wear hijab as an act of obedience to Allah, since He has instructed it.

      Modesty iş achieved through it. That men admire your appearance more when wearing hijab, is not a reason for it to be removed, nor for Allah's Wisdom to be questioned.

      With matters that have been made black and white, ie hijab, we do not follow our heart or own logic. If we do, we are basically saying that we know better than Allah, astagfirullah.

      SisterZ Editor

  8. Do u honestly think i have not checked the Quran. I am ashamed that you think so badly of me. In the quran it says to cover your bossoms as i do. I do not see how that transferred into the hijab. Hijab is part of adab in our islam. I understand that it is preferred but not that it is mandatory. I can not believe that u think that intention has nothing to do with the hijab. As for hadiths, where and are u sure that they are authentic. I know that the Quran is protected, but what about hadith. Let me make this clear, i am not saying u are wrong only thay u have not given me sufficient proof to believe so. I know i may sound like a rebel to you, but I am searching for the truth and I believe it has been two years in researching and the proof given is hadiths, but i can not tell which ones are right or wrong. As for my heart, I do pray 5 times a day and keep full faith in Allah Tallah, he has always shown me the right way, in fact I credit my whole life thanks to his blessing. I thank him for never letting me do nafarmani with my parents and teaching me that being a better person is not only in ibadat but also so with treating people righteously. Although I am no judge of of that. In fact I dont why I am asking this silly question. I know my intentions, i have not ruined households or ever given false information without clear proof. Thank you for your reply. I do mean it truly, shows me how people truly care about my response. I do mean it please do not take me wrong. May Allah Tallah bless all with prosperity and may you live a beautiful life. Inshallah we will one day have peace with all.

    • Dear Amna,

      I do not think badly of you at all. I am sorry that my reply made you feel that way. The frustrating thing is, I cannot reply properly as my laptop is not working and so replies from my mobile are always very limited. I do want to respond more thoughtfully when I can reply from my laptop InshaaAllah.


  9. Salaam alakom, I am going to start wearing a hijab you could start wearing it in ramadan like me I thought a lot about it since I was little and now I think its the right time for me. What dua shall I make on my first day?
    Jazakom allah.

Leave a Response