Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m in love with a married man whose wife is pregnant

Young woman looking thoughtful, pensive

Assalamwaalaykum
Before I begin, please do not judge me.. rather guide me because I am completely lost.

The story starts with me as a young 18 year old being in the middle constantly of my parents violent fights. My dad had an affair and I guess my mom was so sick of being out through it again that she finally decided to stand up for herself. It was a very unnatural time of my life. I was in matric. I had many obstacles to overcome. I would wake up to my parents screaming as my alarm.. I witnessed violent fights and have also got in between them.. I never caught a break.
In the year 2016, my dad was diagnosed with an extremely rare cancer. This broke me. I never recovered from my parents arguments and fighting and then this shot me. On the 24th of July my dad passed away. May Allah grant him Jannah as he was a man with an enormous heart but made silly mistakes.
That's some heck grounf information.

I started speaking to a client of mine. A married man. He always hinted at me but I was very stern and made it known that I would not get involved. We became friends and he confided in me about his wife and family issues which I listened to and made sure I tell him to go back to his wife and try again. After my dad passed away.. I was broken. I had nothing in me and he was my voice of strength and comfort. One thing lead to another and I fell in love with him. He was not in love with his wife and always told me how he is working on a plan to get out of his estranged marriage.. this man is 28 and I am 20. He started falling for me way before I did for him. On the 15 of August 2016 was the last time he had slept with his wife. A few months later she took a pregnancy test and the test said '8 weeks' so by that I know that was the last time..
This man is madly in love with me. His friends and a few family memebers know about me and the seriousness of the situation. I know this is a zinnah act and completely haram situation so I ask for guidance. I love him. He has become a man figure in my life as I have no brothers and my family is distant towards me. He is all I have..
what do I do? Do I wait for him.. for his kid to be a year or two so he could leave his wife or would it be selfish? What happens when 2 peoples just don't love each other anymore and constantly fight because that is the situation he is in. I don't want to be a home wrecker because I know how it feels but at the same time.. I've never used him for his money and I know he is madly obsessively in love with me. Please feel free to give me any sort of guidance or ask me any questions..
Please do not respond I angry to me.. although I deserve it by all means.. I just want pure advice.

Yours truly

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16 Responses »

  1. It's not right to go and make love with someone who is married and especially when his wife is expecting a child soon. This is a time when his wife will need alot of his support. This leads me to think is it because of you getting in the way that has lead him to be more disloyal to his wife and distance himself from her? I think you should consider moving away from him as he is not the only muslim man left in the world for you to marry. Um surr you will find someone if not better in sha allah. Your not thinking right and being selfish. I'm sorry to say sister but you need to protect yourself too. Besides he shouldn't be moving away from his wife knowing fully well his wife will be expecting some time soon and go behind her back to see someone else. Who know he could be doing the same to you.

    You can only approach a person for marriage if you know they are of good character and either divorced or not yet married. But don't get in the way of his marriage otherwise you may need to answer for it in day if judgement if he divorces her because of you.

  2. well what advice do you want , i bet you already know what is right and wrong path in this situation ,what god expect you to do , and what you need to do the question is are you willing to follow gods commandment's or your nafs (desires) .

    okay no judgment , just look at the facts here

    1- he is already married and is 8 years older than you AND HAS A KID already , in one word he has a lot of baggage .

    2-if he is such a good Muslim why he's bailing on his kid and mother of her child. whats make you say he wont bail on you as soon as the love spell wear off and the real life problems hits . the man is a quitter and he will bail on you the first chance he gets.

    3- you're an emotional wreck right now and you're 20 years old and lets be honest you're hormones are way off the chart right now (all the young people are like that) , because you suffered a great loss and you actually come from a torn apart family , you look for the first shoulder you can cry on and hold you safe but this doesn't make it right .

    sister even by talking to this guy outside business discussions . you've already have committed a major sin , but never is too late to repent and turn too god ,remember he knows everything and he see's every thing and he's the only one who can heal a heart

  3. Leave him alone and get a different guy. Even if he divorces her he has to spend time with his kid and deal with her. You're young, go for a better guy please.

  4. OP: This man is madly in love with me. His friends and a few family memebers know about me and the seriousness of the situation

    You are just being used for sex. His friends and family also know you are being used for sex. It is very common story, married guys say to women they have affairs with that they don't love their wives and will leave them on a later time. This guy will try to use you as long as he can and most likely stay with his wife and kid.

  5. Salamualaikum

    Do istekhara and ask him to get do nikah with you.
    It will be very wrong if you make it a pre condition for him to leave his wife in order to marry you.
    Encourage him to take care of his child and his wife and you as well.

    Regards

  6. The advice from Abu and diehard98 is spot on. There is nothing more to say. Sister please be wise and step away from breaking a marriage because in reality you say you don't want to be a home wrecker, but everything you are doing is of that character. Sorry to say. May Allah protect you from ruining your own life and others. Ameen

  7. How would you feel if you were married and expecting a child and your husband is out with side girl ? I'm sorry to say but your nuthing more than a side girl you will never be a wife to this man. Please leave him and his family along and move on you are young why not find an unmarried man?!

  8. Just quit all contacts with that guy.By all islamic and moral rules you are forbidden to be close with that guy by any means verbal,text ,emotional or physical.before your father was a shield to protect you now you need to protect yourself.help your mother,love your mother and be close to her.discuss this situation with her.focus on your career.if you feel you cant live alone ask your mother to look for a good character guy for you.if you not stopped yourself soon you will bear the consequnces and your life would be more troubled than your mother and father.Allah subhanahu has given you a chance and guided you to post your situation to a very good website so that you can avoid wrong decision.
    May Allah swt protect you.

  9. Sister save yourself from pain and let him go, I kno it's easier said than done but u've gotta do it. I kno he won't leave his wife and kid. Maybe he will but u can't take his word for it. Any man who is willing to cheat on his wife won't be a better man for you. This man is betraying his wife and causing her distress yet he doesn't care bcos he has no fear of Allah. And a man who does not fear all Cannot be a great husband. Just take it as a lesson and put it past u and may Allah forgive u.

  10. In my opinion it is not you who has to make a decision in first place, but your lover. He has to come clear with himself whether he wants to divorce his wife and marry you to avoid further zina or not. If he divorces her of course still has an obligation to provide for his child. The sooner this decision is made, the better so everyone - his wife included - knows what comes next.

  11. Walikumasalam...

    Sister I'm feeling sorry for you, stop being an emotional wreck ...you need to stop ASAP.....illicit relationships are haram..
    and you know that, still you want advice.
    Seriously???

    Anyways may Allah bless you and guide your aright...

  12. Sister, there's nothing stopping you from becoming his second wife if indeed you are comfortable with the idea.

    You both could agree that he will agree to take you as a second wife as long as he continues to maintain and support his pregnant first wife.

    I am not generally an advocate of men having more than one wife because of the difficulties in these situation. But in this case polygamy may be the only way forward.

    To those accusing this poor sister of breaking up this man's marriage , that is the responsibility of the man himself. He has pursued this woman relentlessly.

    I advise that you marry him but do not insist he divorce his first wife. I think you both are far too involved with each other to let go at this point.

    Instead of living in this hell, take the halal decision of marriage and try to make the best of things.

    May Allah swt bless you all and grant you all peace.

  13. Sorry but this is absurd to break someone's home .

    Leave him and find another unmarried man to marry , how would you feel if you were at place of his wife ? If someone breaks your home like this ? . It's absurd , please leave the man that's the best advice I can give to you , he sounds a creep who has no mercy and care for his child .

  14. You can't always blame the man for going after this women. She herself also pursued this married man relentlessly.she is young and should take time and go find a man whom is unmarried

  15. If a guy is willing to leave his wife who is bearing his child then he might leave you too one day. If he is not loyal to his wife, his unborn child. He might do the same with you too. Repent for your sins and pray that you find something that is uncomplicated and completely pure.

  16. we as a Muslim.... before making any decision i always Advice to do Isteqaara with Complete TRUST on ALLAH...

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