Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m losing my mind about my husband’s double standards

Salam everyone,

I need some help to know what to do, i was a christian but ive converted to muslim in september last year and i have a husband.

Im going to be completly honestly with what has happened in my marriage since im seeking for sincere help.

When i converted to islam i told myself to start this religion with full honesty and no lying.. my husband made me swear on the quran verbally to not talk to guys who would come past my work (mcdonalds) i was okay with what he wanted but i had this stupid way of thinking (to answer there question but straight after tell them i cant speak to you i have a husband) just to be kind for a long time he would constantly ask everyday "did u talk to guys" "swear on the quran" in my head that wasnt talking to guys converstation way i was just trying to be nice then kindly tell them after about having a husband. I would work for upto 7-8 hrs and he would make me think of very converstation i had and would make me swear by is that it (convos) i would swear then something else would put in my head after so i would tell him after noticing.. is that counted as lying that i didnt notice till after?

I had a bestfriend for 9 years that he made me not see but could speak to. At the time i was christian but he would still make me swear on the quran i didnt think much of it then cause i wasnt musilm there was about 3 days, different timing. She would ask and also i asked to meet up because i was going through a mental break down the 1 time i asked so i went to see her, 1 time she offered me a lift home and another time to meet up for 5 minutes see how were going anyway.. that lost his trust so i cut her off completly. Continued aswell with how it was at work.. till a point came across that i would have to stop being nice to people so any guy that came past my work 18-30 years of age i would have to give attitude like im some animal.

I got a new job back to reality they would ask a question id answer it then tell them i have a husband i cant speak to you. It caused arguements and lost of trust so now i dont even answer there questions i just tell them "i cant answer your question i have a husband" sometimes they would just say"hi how are you" and i feel like its wrong to not even reply a simple "hello im good thanks how are you" sometimes very rarely i would say "hi good thanks" and not ask them how they are. I would like to know with all honesty am i doing something wrong?

I use to be a impatiance wife because my husband is too me he treats me like some enemy calls me and my family every name under the sun when i dont disrepect his family not once, i deleted all social media whilst he still has his, he doesnt let me check his social media, for a month and 1 week almost i havent sworen at him, listened to him and his ways.

He has been very double standered. Use to go to v.i.p lounges with girls around him, hotels and do drugs, met up with girls. Some things he would do this because i would reply to one question from a male and he would say hes single and went to a v.i.p played mind games that he doesnt remember if he cheated on me but he came clean that he didnt only spoke to a girl for an hr or 2. He would always compare me to his ex girlfriend

I am off tract now but do i deserve what i am going through? What i am doing at work is this wrong? Am i complete failure to allah for the promises ive broken? Someone help with advice for my marriage?

Please help with complete honesty if you think hes right please tell me what you think

Thank you for hearing, i am ashamed for swearing but i am trying to better my self

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6 Responses »

  1. Dear sister, you say you converted. ok. did you meet this man in that environment? in a club? when you met this man did you know he drunk, meet up with girls, did drugs? you are doing nothing with this man but being his sex slave. I am sorry to say this but it does not work like that. he is not a man who is an honored Muslim. so he can not force you to act as a Muslim woman when he himself does not show you how to be one. please weak up and leave this man and if you want to be a Muslima so you can do it and learn, go to a Mosque, meet sisters and learn. You do not need a man like that. I understand you can not make "friendships" with males, indeed you work you talk like a normal person. You are not a bad woman.

  2. It’s forbidden in Islam to swear an oath by anything other than Allah,whether its kaba or Quran.It comes under shirk...is he a total psycho?

  3. As Muslims, we are obligated to follow the law of Allah and His commands, however, we must also abide by the laws of the land we reside in. If you live in a country where you work with other men in a professional capacity, speaking to those men regarding work and general greetings are permissible, providing you don't cross beyond limits and dwell into dangerous illicit conversations.

    Greetings and asking about peoples well being is from the prophetic character of the Messenger. We cannot be rigid and assume we will never converse with the opposite gender in a normal civilised environment. If your husband is demanding you prevent yourself from speaking to work collegaues or clients in a professional civilised manner, that's oppression, and shows a lack of trust in you. And this lack of trust he has in you seems to stem from all his own illicit behaviour.

    You are a revert to the deen, congratulations on accepting the truth. however, you need to remain true to yourself and your Creator and anyone who is oppressing you, whether this man or a family member or any other, needs to be put a side and kept at a distance.

    You are doing wrong by not returning someones genuine greeeting, also this behaviour you portray is not chracteristic of a Muslim. Ask yourself, what attracted you to the faith? Was there an element of someones social character that sparked an interest in wanting to be like Muslims? If so, look for the good in people, character and conduct is pivotal to being a good Muslim just as following the obligations.

    Visit http://seekershub.org/ans-blog/ adn read their answers and enroll onto free online classes, this should help provide a basis for your journey In Sha Allah

  4. Salam sister im also a revert man ...I will be toatally straight with you ....Islam is a simple religion but there are people who make it difficult...They also mix culture with islam.Allah is to be the judge of judges and ate intentions should always be correct...muslims should be the best in everything we do not just conduct but kindness love honesty and top on academic matters...look howmany muslim Doctors we have in the world .The truth is that this guy is a child....he probably doesnt practice what he preaches...you should tell him im not a dog that you lockup tell it to sit etc....Did you know a women in Islam has more rights then a man..you dont have to work...it his job to provide food shelter clothes .He doesnt know what hes talking about...
    I myself went through alot .Now i am 13yrs happly married to a women who is a muslim SCHOLOR she studied 6yrs in England stayed at women Islamic institute...today she owns her own daycare...she meets and greets parents male female listen even to there own personal problems..she previously worked at a school as a Islamic studies teacher and then other daycares.In the early muslim time of battles the women would help and attend nurse the wounded...Thank Allah there are women doctors and nurse in Canada.....The real truth is that there is a small group of hard headed muslim especially arab decent that follow only quran hadith but they lack true knowledge and guidance
    WHAT I MEAN IS THAT THEY DO NOT FOLLOW A SCHOOL OF THOUGHT? There are four major schools of thought Imam shafi Imam Hannibal Imam Malik and abu Hanifa...the are all correct in teaching and wisdom and agreed upon.These scholors through guidance of Allah has came for a reason..as the world was changing and people had many issues eg.such as blood transfusion transplants so many important and detail questions that the future would bring about..These great scholors have given us the guidance through the love of prophet Muhammad and obeying the commandments of Allah...So Allah opens up there wisdom and vision for the years to come....So my advice to you as sunni muslim follow one school of thought and use it as a reference and a guideline. Abu hanifa is the largest in the world .
    Sister just do your research from the imams life and ask questions to the learned people who studied such my wife because there alot of people that hinder you on the wrong path all though it looks nice..this how shaitan works..
    My advice for peace of mind learn and read the quran for it has many cures and protects yourself from evil master salah and keep away from haram food and bad things that there is no benefit...especially interest will destroy you...This what is killing the muslims in the world (interest )
    And food...Today the muslims are living a drug culture eg. Anti depressants. Really ?when Allah is the one who gives peace and controls the heart? Its all about obeying the commandments and living simple.So finally i can say if this man is not man enough to treat you right and respect you for who you are..Then you can leave him.Yes a women can leave.The ruling can be clarified in a book called heavenly ornaments. This book deals with rules and rights in everything just google it...And please dont blame Allah and prophet Muhammad ...for Muhammad has came with the best and highest of conduct and is an eg.of a human being should be. GOODLUK SISTER DONT STOP AND QUIT ON YOUR DREAMS

  5. Dear sister

    I congratulate you on reverting to islam. Alhamdollillah. Please don't lose your faith. Please carry on with your faith with or without your husband.
    Sorry to say your husband is one of the worst example of a husband, let alone a Muslim one..he need to know his riligion.May Allah guide him. Islamic ruling or orders regarding interaction with opposite sex is same for both men and women. Read Quran the English version and you will learn the beauty of islam.download http://www.Quranexplorer.com and read and understand Quran.
    Also read about our last prophet Mohammed.,(peace be on him )biography. Visit your local mosque seek advice May Allah protect you from evil people.
    You find the best example of human being.& a person, a husband.seek knowledge and you will know truth & you can try share with your husband.?
    So before he preaches you he need to correct himself first.
    Since you are working in mixed invioroment you will need to interact with people. Islam does not completely forbids you to even speak with opposite sex when necessary.
    He has no right to ask you to break friendship with your best friend.he mustn't use bad language for your family or you.

    May Allah strengthen our Emaan.

  6. That's not Islamic behavior at all.

    Try calling him out on his double standards, and if he refuses to understand, give the whole thing about a month or two of trying, if nothing happens - leave him. He sounds like a complete control freak, and it'll damage your mental health sooner rather than later. Explain to him how his behavior and demands are irrational and make little sense especially when he's (assumingly) not reciprocating that level of loyalty that he demands from you. Making you take oaths and what not indicates a severe lack of trust as well.

    Do try to talk things out and make the relationship work, but be sure to not let anything tear you down. Be prepared to have to leave him if he doesn't change.

    Take care of yourself. I'll keep you in my duaas in sha Allah.

    Salam

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