Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m Marrying a Half Shia

The Tala-ye Fath Ali Shah Iwan and Golden Dome of the Shrine of Imam Riza in Mashhad, Iran

The Tala-ye Fath Ali Shah Iwan and Golden Dome of the Shrine of Imam Riza in Mashhad, Iran

Question:

I'm Sunni, he is Shia. I love him, I'm engaged. There is no turning back. It’s formal and if I leave him I'd get a bad name in the society plus I love him.

He doesn’t practice Shiism. He is afraid of matum and majlis. It’s a childhood phobia. His mom is a Shia but his dad is not.

His dad always told him to be a Sunni so his namaz and kalma and fasting everything is Sunni. However he has some beliefs, like the 12 Imams and is against Wahabi's. This stuff bothers me.

Plus today I went to their house and some people came and discussed what too much Shiism leads to. I almost fainted there, but he believed it was all was ok.

I think he is possessive about Shiism because of his mother, who had cancer and who he loves a lot. He told me several times that he can never say that his mom’s religion or beliefs are wrong... and he said once we are independent and we can do what we like, and told me that I know that he’s not so much into religion.

So what do you say?

- Ayesha

Leyla's Answer:

Salaam Sister Ayesha,

Allah has required that we testify that there is none worth of worship except Allah and that Muhammed (pbuh) is his messenger, to observe the prayer and give Zakat, to fast the month of Ramadan and perform Hadj if they are able. This, alongside good character, is called "Muslim". Differences of opinion regarding the historical and political aspects of Islamic history is down to the individual.

Problems occur when one or both sides are extreme and see the other in a derogatory form but any one who observes the 5 pillars of Islam is a Muslim. We are not supposed to divide into sects.

Although there has been some recent political upheaval between Sunni and Shia communities abroad, we have unfortunately seen our brothers and sisters become affected by this and begin to turn on each other in hatred, when our Muslim community is supposed to grant each other peace, strength and support as one big Muslim community, Before the hate-filled events abroad, most Sunni and Shia Muslims are able to get along well, and have had little or no animosity toward each other. We are, after all, all Muslims and we should not be dividing ourselves into sects and fighting against each other.

The greatest test for you here is to protect yourself from horror stories and scaremongering conversations in which you are related horrific stories about groups of people who have nothing whatsoever to do with your husband. Ultimately, marriage is so that we can find peace in our hearts and love and kindness to each other, and as a wife, you will hear many horror stories: some about men, some about Shia, some about Sunni, some about children and childbirth. The skill in marriage to stay firmly focused on your path in this life, and the good character faith and morals of your husband and not let what people outside of the marriage say affect you or the way that you see each other or give way to unnecessary fears about each other.

If he is a believing Muslim who is of good character and you are happy with him, then there should be love and peace between you regardless. It matters not what his mother believes, or what his father believes, or what the next door neighbour believes. It only matters what your husband believes and what your husband's character is - and if you are happy with it, may Allah grant you peace and harmony in your hearts and that you have a happy marriage together.

Peace,

Leyla
IslamicAnswers.com Editor


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5 Responses »

  1. Aoa Sister Ayesha,

    I think previous two posts have answered the question nicely.
    But I just wanted to point out that as sister Leyla said if the person believes in five pillars of islam than it should not be a problem.

    But what if the pillars of islam for a husband and wife are different.

    Sunnis believe that the five pillars of islam are:
    1- Shahdah
    2- Salah
    3- Fasting
    4- Zakat
    5- Hajj

    Shias believe that five pillars of islam are:
    1- The Oneness of God (tawhid).
    2- The Justice of God ('adl).
    3- Prophethood (nubuwwah).
    4- The Leadership of Mankind (imamah).
    5- The Resurrection (me'ad).

    Also for Some shias its "good" to curse sahaba for example: Abu Bakr, Umar , Uthman and Ayesha and others. But for sunnis its unimaginable.

    Some shias believe in Mutta marriage, which means that a person can have temporary nikah for a fixed duration and it ends automatically when the duration ends. What if husband believes in it and wife does not?

    I just want to point out these things as in my point of view they can be problematic for a married couple. You can further dig about your sect and your future husband's sect before marriage, to fully understand what you should do.

    Please sister whatever decision you make keep "Aakhira" in mind as we all should.
    Here is a sister who is in a similar situation as yours:
    http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/4569/shia

    and here is a sister who learned about it after the marriage.
    http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/111970/shiite

    May Allah help us and guide us all.

  2. We as Muslims shouldn't care about Sunni or Shia. As long as your partner believes in one Allah and Muhammad(PBUH) as his last messenger its all good. Our enemies want us to fight each other. So thats why they try to make sunni and shia things. Please don't worry about your partners Sect of islam.

    • Muhammad(PBUH)
      Imam Ali(AS)
      Hazrat Fatimah(AS)
      Iman Hassan(AS)
      Imam Hussain(AS)

      THIS IS ISLAM ! ALLAH made this world for them not for people like us we are very bad plzz ALLAH helpss us plzz

      • Brother,

        What are you talking about. This is a very negative and far from Muslim way of thinking. Allah created the world for all humans. I love and respect Ali, Fatima, Hassan and Hussain (may Allah have Mercy on them all). I love them because they were good people, good Muslims and the also family of Rasool(sws). I also love, Abu Bakr, Omar, Uthman, Aisha and all the wives and companions of Rasool(sws).

        When people start disrespecting the wives and companions of Rasool(sws) and start giving one person a higher place than the other, this is when divisions begin. Rasool(sws) loved all these people immensely, there was no division. The divisions came after his(sws) death. So I do wish people would this rubbish would stop.

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Salaam Sister,

    Allah has required that we testify that there is none worth of worship except Allah and that Muhammed (pbuh) is his messenger, to observe the prayer and give Zakat, to fast the month of Ramadan and perform Hadj if they are able. This, alongside good character, is called "Muslim". Differences of opinion regarding the historical and political aspects of Islamic history is down to the individual.

    Problems occur when one or both sides are extreme and see the other in a derogatory form but any one who observes the 5 pillars of Islam is a Muslim. We are not supposed to divide into sects.

    Although there has been some recent political upheaval between Sunni and Shia communities abroad, we have unfortunately seen our brothers and sisters become affected by this and begin to turn on each other in hatred, when our Muslim community is supposed to grant each other peace, strength and support as one big Muslim community, Before the hate-filled events abroad, most Sunni and Shia Muslims are able to get along well, and have had little or no animosity toward each other. We are, after all, all Muslims and we should not be dividing ourselves into sects and fighting against each other.

    The greatest test for you here is to protect yourself from horror stories and scaremongering conversations in which you are related horrific stories about groups of people who have nothing whatsoever to do with your husband. Ultimately, marriage is so that we can find peace in our hearts and love and kindness to each other, and as a wife, you will hear many horror stories: some about men, some about Shia, some about Sunni, some about children and childbirth. The skill in marriage to stay firmly focused on your path in this life, and the good character faith and morals of your husband and not let what people outside of the marriage say affect you or the way that you see each other or give way to unnecessary fears about each other.

    If he is a believing Muslim who is of good character and you are happy with him, then there should be love and peace between you regardless. It matters not what his mother believes, or what his father believes, or what the next door neighbour believes. It only matters what your husband believes and what your husband's character is - and if you are happy with it, may Allah grant you peace and harmony in your hearts and that you have a happy marriage together.

    Peace,
    L

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