Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m messed up because of my terrible parents

children affected by argumentative parentsHello everyone,

I've kind of had a troubled situation all my life, due to being unsuccessful in life and having a depressed kind of nature I strongly blame my parents especially my father.

My father drinks, he has serious anger management issues, used to brutally hit me when I was young but now I can defend physically. he still picks on ppl weaker than him and always judges me on how I live my life.

he used to sleep naked with me when he was drunk.

I don't smoke, drink or do anything my religion prohibits me because all I want to be is a good person. I'm also spoiled which means when it comes to my parents I abuse them, insult them loudly and why? Because they never really cared about me, note that I'm very sensitive , there are things which my heart can't take, I have no emotional support, can't accomplish my goals in life.

I know I'm wrong when I abuse them but it's how my social structure has been structured throughout my life, it's how I am. Don't blame me for my sensitive nature, some kids need love in life to get along and be happy, I shout I too have anger management but now it's become apart of me thanks to my fathers awful treatment.

And now my mother. In some parts of the world children don't even know there real fathers but Atleast they have the love of there mothers. My mother used to hit me with a rubber stick until I had red and blue bruises on my body, she tried to actually burn my hands, used to take the side of maids and hit me if I said something to them,would never aid me when someone hurt me outside, all she would do is take out her anger on me Because she was unhappy with my father.

Now are these parents? They even sent me to a boarding school blaming me for my spoiled nature instead of realising their own mistakes and changing themselves. There at the boarding school kids older than me tried to sexually abuse me several times, I was just 12 , there was so much homosexuality, though I struggled and cryed to them but they never listened. Just hit me more.

Is this how Allah treats me? I thought he was the most merciful, I fear him. Now he will on the day of reckoning send me to hell because I didn't respect and displeased my parents but what he did was right? Gave me parents who never loved me. Yes they raise me even till now but still they team up to attack my sensitive areas. Pointing me out although they should change themselves.

I've done Umra and I commit no other sin, but if I had good parents I would be a good person which I'm not. Although ppl outside my house say I'm sweet, innocent smiling. Well yes I am, the only ppl I have a problem are my parents. For all they've don't to me I can't seem to get along.

But my point here is that I didn't choose them, it was Allah's choice so what is my fault? How can I get along with parents who use to hit me badly when I was a kid? My father even forced me to drink alcohol once but I spit it out of my mouth.


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3 Responses »

  1. Alaikum Selam my brother,

    It is so sad to hear your story! I can only imagine the pain you have gone and still are going through. And you know what, I am impressed by you! You might not be aware of this but to me it was the first thing that came up to my mind: what a good guy he is! Despite all these things you experienced you had inside you a compass that showed you the right path! Your father is a drunkard but you never drank, but instead pray and try to be a good muslim. Your family taught you rough and brutal behaviour but you are kind and nice to everyone outside. My brother, you have been tested and you have kept the right path. Many others would have lost their way. So, shaytan was not able to deviate you from the right path. So now he puts his joker on the table. His last and maybe most dangerous tactic: he wants you to be mad at Allah. He is trying to ingrain in you thoughts like why Allah didnt help you, why is He asking from you the impossible, why did He give you terrible parents but at the same time asks you to respect them.

    First, Allah is merciful and all wise. We can't question and challenge His decisions. I believe that everyone is measured how he reacts based on his circumstances. You would probably be the kindest son if u had other parents. So goodness to parents is relative and depends on how they behave towards you. Our behaviour is measured relative to our circumstances how we have been educated, how our parents behave, etc. you must do your best but without crossing justice lines. Means you must be respectful to your parents without hurting yourself. Your parents are who they are. Forgive them, because Allah loves those who forgive. But maybe you should stop trying to change your parents. Just avoid discussions, be kind to them and don't get involved too much with them. I believe you try the best possible in your specific situation. And this is what counts to my opinion. You are not resoponsible for creating a warm and good atmosphere with your parents. It would be their job!

    Don't insult them, be formally correct to them and if possible marry and create your own familiy and live separately. This may help a lot in restoring the relationship. Good distance might be good for all.

    Don't be angry and don't doubt Allah's mercy and justice. He certainly knows your circumstances and judges you only based on what is possible for you to do. He doesn't ask from you more than you can do. Pray for His help and keep on beeing good.
    I hope this helps. I wish you all the best!


  2. Salam Allah made this world a test .A prison for a believer! If you knew the prophets all faced hardship test after test.Look at the story of Ayub in the tafsir of quran ....Just pray 5 times read quran do good and if you can change to live somewhere else were you can protect yourself and Iman .then do so is also important to have a career so you can be independent. Everybody as some kinda of issues.I do too.but remember this life is very short and whatever good we done we will be rewarded and if are bad deeds outweigh are good then we lost everything.This doesn't even include people who don't die on tawhid. .Hell and heaven are for ever.So read quran for that is your connection as well as Salah with Allah!!!keep away from evil and help others.It said if we help Allah's Deen Allah will help you.and that's why the companions travelled the world to invite people to Allah.They were people like us . Understand.So never blame anyone but the evil devils who are causing mischief at all times.learn the DUAS find practising friends at mosque....and never give up.Tell them it is the devil that causes you become like this and if you feel broken just go to the authorities. You have every right

  3. dear poster can u contact me,,bcz ur story is just like mine?

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