Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m perplexed


Hi everyone,

I'm 19 years old girl and i got few ristas . I said no at that time because I thought my siblings would make fun of me tying a knot with a man and my freedom will end. I ,after 4 months, have felt a very very strong desire to fulfil my sexual needs. I used to watch porn but then I stopped watching it for the past 3 months. Today I really felt to watch it once but thankfully all sites are blocked so i was saved. I ,every night, have a desire that my husband do romantic stuff. I never had any boyfriend because i want to be pure for my husband.

But then I'm worried how my husband will treat me as my dad shouts at my mom, abuse her verbally,she remains quite and weep in solidarity. I don't want a man like my father to be my husband.i want someone who's my friend, my partner. I want a boy who lets me wear whatever i want and never stops me. It's too hard that my requirements will be fulfilled and I also want to marry but I want to complete my studies. Isn't hard to manage husband and studies together?


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1 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister, hope you're doing well.

    Firstly I'd like to say well done for not giving in to your desires and shaytans whispers. I pray you keep fighting this urge of wanting to go back and watch these filthy inappropriate videos. Honestly it's not worth it at all, porn violates the soul as it's not anything near real sex, yes you might be getting pleasure from it but only for a short time. Above all it's not worth disobeying Allah SWT as watching porn is completely haraam.

    Try Keeping yourself busy with other things that are beneficial (reading Quran,dhikr..ect) especially at times you feel you might fall into that trap again. May Allah SWT grant you the strength to continue controlling yourself and may He most high, reward you for your efforts.

    Now, you said that you've lately been getting strong sexual desires, it's actually quite natural to sometimes get those feelings..there's nothing wrong with that, however how you respond to it does matter. It's good you believe that having a boyfriend is not right and that the only way you could fulfil those desires, is to get married, Stick to that belief. Subhan'Allah we live in a time where majority of people find it strange for a girl/guy to not be in a relationship. Our religion prohibits any type of girlfriend & boyfriend relationship.

    So the only option here for you is to get married. And with regards to fearing how your future husband will treat you, I'd say put your trust in Allah SWT. You'll never know either ways how he'll turn out to be, pray Istiqarah, make lots of dua and don't worry afterwards. Whatever happens in the future will happen. Get to know your future husband by having your mahrams present and talk to him about your plans, how you want to be treated..ect.

    Having said that, your father should not be treating your mother like that at all.
    Our beloved prophet PBUH has told us that a husbands treatment of his wife reflects a Muslims good character, which in return is a reflection of the mans faith.

    In Islam a man should treat his wife with the upmost respect and kindness.
    Try talking to him about this issue and how big of a deal it is in Islam, Maybe he's got anger management, it might be why he verbally abuses your mother? Nevertheless he cannot justify his reasons to treating his wife like that.

    Concerning, whether both being married and studying is difficult.. well to be honest with you, it really depends on the person you are. I personally have friends that are juggling both their marriage "life" and studies really well, which in my opinion is great, but then again there's many I've seen that couldn't cope with the stress and eventually gave up their studies. It could get challenging especially if you plan on having kids right away. I think you should talk to your future Husband about that. And like I've said before, don't make any decisions until you've prayed Istaqarah.

    Above all, I would highly advise you to think through this well, don't just get married to satisfy your sexual needs, marriage is absolutely more than just that. There's loads of responsibility that will be thrown your way & your going to have to deal with that, so before taking this huge step make sure that your mentally and emotionally ready.

    I pray Allah SWT makes your path clear. All the best!

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