Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m pregnant and my husband is cheating online

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Hi. I need advice.

Been married 2years 7months. Every few months I find my husband on some dating site talking to girls, lying about the fact that he's single. He gets caught and says sorry and things come back to normal and then he starts again. I don't know what to do. I want him to become a better person and let go of his lies and cheating ways but he doesn't. Now I'm pregnant and the stress is killing me.

What do I do? Can someone recommend some duas that Allah may bring change to his heart?  Please pray for us as I have discussed very briefly and don't wish to go into detail.

Betrayed 786

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9 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum,

    It is really sad that your husband is lying about being single--that is extremely hurtful.

    Sister, is there anyway that you can be with your family during your pregnancy and delivery? It is very critical for you to feel taken care and stress can impact you and your baby negatively.

    I believe you need to tell your husband that you know what has been going on. Rather than him slipping into just apologizing and repeating the behaviour, the both of you need to discuss possibly a password on the computer, counselling and other strategies on how to break this behaviour/addiction. Chatting and dating sites can become a vicious cycle to break out of and maybe your husband needs to show he is serious by taking steps to stop contacting girls.

    If you really want him to take you seriously, maybe the both of you need some time apart so that he can value you and realize what he is letting go of. I know that you don't want to go into details, but those would help in advising you.

    May Allah ease your problems, Ameen.

  2. Sister,

    He is a repeat cheater and he is clearly not apologinzing until he gets caught- he clearly has issues.

    I think you need to give him an ulimatum to either get very serious about the relationship or you move on.

    is this the kind of man you want to be raising your child? Is he a good example for your future?

    You need to stand up for yourself and discuss with him what the issues of your marriage are- because he is clearly disengaged from your relationship and clearly does not want to be with you- and would rather chat with strangers.

    He is probably immature, I would say and cant handle the difficulties of marriage and would rather be distracted by novel, easy , and exciting "Love" /lust.

    I would be firm with him, because cheating is not acceptable and its your right to be away from him and be with a responsible person.

    This is easy for me to type, and I am sure you are heartbroken because you know he could be a much better person, but now its up to you make that decision because now you have a baby together and he needs to grow up and face reality.

  3. I can understand how you feel. I am pregnant as well and my husband has been doing the same during our whole marriage. He made me feel so low and bad about myself i wanted to cut my face.If i wasnt pregnant i would have probably killed myself by now.What i can tell you is that if someone is not willing to change you cannot force them and the only power we have is the power of dua. Allah swt says with hardship comes ease.consider this a test. Dont focus on the fact that someone is hurting you but think about the reward Allah swt will give you for the patience and suffering.I found some peace in reciting Surah Anbiya surah Yasin surah Kahf Surah Maryam and short surahs. Recite a lot of Istighfar and the supplication of Prophet Yunus a.s and i hope it provides some ease for you. There is nowhere to turn but Allah swt and keep praying and know that God will surely help you and make things better. I myself at my parents and i told my husband i am not coming back. At first he started to curse me insult me then when i stopped talking to him he started saying he will stop everything and he will give priority to my and the baby. But after all the lies and false promises i do not know how to trust him. I cry daily and pray daily in the hope that Allah swt will make my affairs easy and i hope the same for you.

  4. try to get the password of his profile dont tell him that you found him take the num of the girl and tell them that he is cheating on you and update his profile from single to married

  5. Feel sorry for you sister, but stay strong.
    I feel there must be good love and so you two are still together.
    Now that you are expecting, it's a great gift from Allah that you should both cherish.
    My advice is:
    1.Face him and ask him now that you're having a child, how can he be a better partner? Try and ascertain his reasons for cheating.
    2. Ask yourself, have you given him a reason to cheat?
    Are you a good wife?
    Do you satisfy your obligations as a wife?

    Sorry about the second question, but at times we also have to reflect on ourselves and ask these questions.

    Insha-Allah I make dua that things get for the better for you.

    • Simplemuslim, no one can give anyone else a reason to cheat. Haram is haram. Every human being is responsible for his own sins. This is a basic Islamic principle.

      If a husband is unhappy he can look for ways to repair the marriage, or he can divorce. Cheating is not an acceptable response to marriage problems. Blaming the spouse who is cheated on is adding insult to injury.

      Wael Editor

      • Hi Wael

        I have the same problem and I have been married 23 years and no matter what I do he still chats online! I even gave him chance to be married and he did but divorced quickly. He has reverted to chatting online again and it’s not fair. He knows that I know and he has said he has deleted everything and swears to God that he has deleted all. Yet I saw his WhatsApp by chance and he is chatting again so sad. Do leopards change their spots?

  6. If a woman cheats nobody will ask the men if he satisfies his wife or if he is giving her a reason to cheat. Why is a woman always attacked when her husband cheats.Cheating is a result of weak iman and lack of fear of Allah swt. Islam has strict guidelines if you are not happy in a marriage. You can work it out or you can divorce or marry someone else. I think its rather ignorant and selfish to blame a woman that she doesnt beautify enough satisfy enough and such nonsense. It further breaks down a womans self esteem who is probably already feeling bad about herself. There no such thing in the Quran that states if your husband cheats go satisfy him more.

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