Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m scared of what I’m doing – please help me

girl crush

To make a few things clear from the start, I must say that my life has become a complete wreck... So you guys may be expecting a lot of questions from me and I hope it isn't much trouble to answer them... Some personal facts about me

I'm 14 years old
Have a sister younger than me
Am an anime fan (FYI: no desires felt while watching anime just wanna know if it adversely affects my mindset)

So the current problem I have right now are my sexual desires, that are running loose, and I don't know how to make this stop
It all started from simple masturbation but I thankfully stopped that by taking help from some of the few posts here
It lasted for about 4 weeks before this new kind of sickness has infected me... And that is the outburst of my desires on the nearest female I see. And that just so happens to be my little sister ...

(there are many things that I am really ashamed to put in this post so I wonder if there is a private messaging system on this site)

...I mainly need help with this... Fact of the matter is while I try my level best to keep myself away from my sister and keep these desires under control ... It doesn't work at all!
Whenever the desires "leak" I feel as though my whole being is pushed inside myself into a pit of darkness and an intense compression-like environment encases my head while it happens, it feel as though another being has occupied my body and is doing things on its own... I also feel as though there are two voices shouting inside my head
One of them 'screaming': "stop! Remember you are siblings! She is innocent! Remember Allah!! Try and remember what'll happen on the last day!!!"
And the other 'whispers': "you are already impure why don't you see it all the way through"
I try and go to wherever the screaming voice is calling me but it keeps fading away while the whisperer gets louder and louder

And that's it...

Once my original being returns to its body I realise what I have done and feel great sadness I immediately do ghusl but I feel dirty from inside my body... Places where water can't reach ... The terror that envelopes me next is the worst I can't bring myself to stand up for prayer... All I do is sit In a corner and start watching anime to distract myself from that hollow feeling from inside

(Please note: this does not involve any sort of penetration or my organ actually 'entering' it is mainly what people nowadays call "rubbing it out")

Well, all I can ask of you is that, if you can, please help me
I have tried scaring myself with various incest incidents and have also tried facing my Lord for forgiveness but nothing is working I do not want to keep asking Allah to forgive me so many times as I am really ashamed of it. I am afraid of hell fire and do not want to enter it i want to live like a Muslim and die like a Muslim

Blank

Advertisements

Tagged as: , , , , ,

27 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    Brother, what you are doing is wrong. You know this.

    You need to seek help to fix what you are doing, to protect your sister. Make sure that you are not alone with her, that you do not have access to her room or person at night. Is she aware of what has been happening? If so, I think you need to explain to her that what happened was wrong, should not have happened, and will never happen again - and sincerely apologise to her.

    It's not common for teenagers to feel sexual attraction towards younger siblings, and this can (but not always) be a result of the person in question having experienced sexual abuse earlier in their life - childhood abuse can have a lasting effect on how a person relates to others and to themselves, and survivors of abuse often need specialist help to re-learn how to form attachments. Please don't feel that you have to tell us if this is the case - your past is your own and you can choose how much to disclose and how much to keep quiet. But if this has happened to you, it's really important to seek help from professionals for it - your GP or family doctor should be able to refer you for specialist counselling, inshaAllah.

    Your parents also need to be aware of what has been happening, so that they can get you the support you need in order to keep your sister safe. It might be possible for you to go stay with a relative for a while, for example. Depending on where you live, social service organisations might be able to help.

    May Allah protect all of our brothers and sisters who have endured or are enduring abuse, and may His mercy comfort them.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  2. OP: (Please note: this does not involve any sort of penetration or my organ actually 'entering' it is mainly what people nowadays call "rubbing it out") ....Well, all I can ask of you is that, if you can, please help me
    I have tried scaring myself with various incest incidents

    It looks like some kind of sexual thing is going on between you and your sister. You need to stop it immediately. It could easily lead to entering/penetration and lot bigger problems. Go back to what you were doing before.
    It is good step you are looking for ways to STOP this.

  3. AssalamAlikum Blank,

    What you are doing is VERY WRONG, VERY VERY WRONG that you are not only ruining yourself BUT your sister. You need to stop now and do not give yourself any excuse. One more time, you are ruining your sister's future. Have you ever heard of childhood abuse affecting their future relationship and also one's self image. Imagine your sister will carry this issue all along her life because of your behavior. What you did was awful to yourself and your sister. Here, I can only advise you to do it immediately without hesitation.

    1. Stop now, STOP, STOP.

    2. Pray, no matter how involuntary you are or how shameful you are. Ask Allah for forgiveness and mercy and you should really mean it. Make dua even when you are crying for or tiring your own self. Allah hears dua from the desperate. Shatan is the one who whispers in your ears saying that Allah won't forgive you, etc etc.

    3. Seek help from your school counselor or some help line. If one more person know about this situation, either your parents or your counselor, they may help to regulate your behavior and stop any tragedy happens. Remember you are not asking for empathy, you are asking help to stop this behavior. You need to know why you are turning into this. Is it any pornography you read or you watch or any perverted websites / articles / music you listen or even you have been the victim of abused yourself? Cut the sources, burn it and dump it in the garbage. You should be sincere of what you want to change.

    4. Walk away form your sister especially her room or even anywhere near her. Look at her as your "Sister", a vulnerable being, an innocent being that got hurt by her trusting brother. Imagine, if someone did that to you, what would you have felt? Stop being with her alone in the house.
    5. Fasting and pray, fasting and fasting, until you feel you are not in control by your physical body needs.

    6. How's the relationship with your parents? Can you let them know or at least your mom to know, they may help you by sending you away temporary in a relative house or a boarding school.

    I need to stress again that what you did to your sister is a completely nightmare for a girl. You broke the trust of a sibling bonding. Stop now, stop doing now to hurt yourself and your sister. May Allah have mercy on you and your sister.

    Sister K

    • Sister K: Is it any pornography you read or you watch or any perverted websites / articles / music you listen or even you have been the victim of abused yourself? Cut the sources, burn it and dump it in the garbage. You should be sincere of what you want to change.... Can you let them know or at least your mom to know, they may help you by sending you away temporary in a relative house or a boarding school

      It has more to do with puberty and hormones. A boy can't just control his erections. A simple thought about a girl can do the job. More like an automatic thing.

      Sending to a relative or boarding school is not going to kill his sexual desire or sexual thoughts and functioning. I have read in Pakistani newspapers how boys do it with boys in hostels.

      Telling mom may put his sister in trouble too. His mother may hold his sister responsible for what is happening. This is a very sensitive matter and needs to be handled very carefully.

      Every parent goes thru the puberty stage. There should be a way to communicate with younng people.about sex.

      • SVS this is very truthful analysis by you and that is what happens in reality.
        Do you think if OP talks with his dad it will be better ? Same gender understand situation better??

        • Kid is 14 has no control over his erections but he has control over how to handle them. In present circumstances self service is the recommended way.

          If parents come to know this, it could be disastrous for the family. If it was some outside girl it would not be that bad.

          I don't think sending boy to a relative is a good idea. Most sexual abusers are close relatives. Relatives may include young girls/women who may be tempted to do things. A kid going to an Imam for advice on sexual matters is a no no as far as I am concerned.

          Also do parents tell relatives the whole story?

      • I agree that sending him away cannot solve the problem. This is only a short term treatment plan. My point is to protect his sister right now before he can fix his problem in the long run. This is an immediate cut off from him and his sister. To inform his parents or Iman is also a way to protect the sister. I am more concern for the safety of the little sister, to be honest. The OP is an teenager and yes hormones kick in, but this is by no means an excuse to assult your own sister!! There is something called long term treatment and short term treatment. If he cannot control his desire, he should be sepereate with his sister immediate now to prevent any tragedy happens.

        For the OP, repent to Allah, our almighty and most merciful. Fear him and leave this evil act. I will pray for you.

  4. Fasting and praying,crying in front of only ALLAH is the only and best solution recommended by our sister. Parents living style mainly effects our life, but we don't realize... music,tv,mobile apps should be strictly avoided. This is our whole society issue. May Allah help you.

  5. AsSalaamu Alaikum young brother. It is very important that you understand that the “voice” telling you that you are impure, is the trick of shaytan meant to enable (make it easy for) you to do this. The idea that you are impure, acts like an excuse for you to continue your actions, and to stop trying to stop. If you acknowledge that your sexual desires are natural, and can be managed using the tools Allah has given us, then you put the power back into your own hands. The first step is to understand this and believe it. At a relatively young age most of us develop sexual desires and to categorize those desires doesn’t really help anything. To say they are this or that, natural or unnatural does not help anyone. Let’s just call them all natural, and then do what we need to do to manage them.

    The most important thing is for your parents to know about this. It is their job to protect both your sister and you. They deserve the chance to help you with this burden without interference from outside entities. That being said, when I was growing up there were many things I could not discuss with my own parents. Sometimes parents react out of fear. They seem angry, but they are just very afraid. The experience of not being able to go to my parents about any and everything really made me learn that I had to be unafraid with my children no matter what they told me. You know your parents. You sound like a really bright young man. Think it over and try not to underestimate them. If you cannot go to them, maybe you can talk to a family member? Is there an older male cousin? There might be someone you can talk to in your family, and you just aren’t considering them because you think your problem is too strange. We don’t all experience the same things, but we all have secrets. Allah knows.

    If there is no one in your family and you must go outside your family, stay within your Islamic family. Go to the masjid. You are 14. It is a good time to be there often. Help with cleaning, maintenance, or any project. Help an old man. Observe the people around you and see if there is someone there that you can talk to. Obviously the Imam is the first choice. He should have the mental, emotional, and religious tools to help you.

    You absolutely, positively need help with this little brother.

    One of the really great things about being young is young people live in the moment. You are completely present, and time seems to pass at a much slower pace. The downside of living in the moment is it is hard to see the potentially devastating future effects of wrong actions. This thing you are doing, if it does not stop now, could tear your family apart. If I understood your post correctly, there is no penetration, but your little sister is having the experience of a sexual act being performed on her. You are prematurely awakening her sexually. The effect of being sexualized before she is mentally and emotionally ready is going to cause her LOTS of problems. She won’t forget. She will blame you and she will blame your parents. The kind of teenager and adult she becomes and the way she behaves will be affected by these acts of yours. She may become sexually active at a young age, or turn to drug and/or alcohol use because of this disease you are planting in her heart…….and now we are talking about the fate of her eternal soul. Do you see how much is at risk little brother?

    Your little sister is yours. She is yours to protect and make happy. You are to make that little girl smile, and keep her safe. The role of older brother is an honorable role. Assume it.

    But for now, she is not allowed in your room, you are not allowed in hers, you should not be alone together, and you need to reach out (preferably to your parents) so it can be understood why you two need to be separate.

    This isn’t the end of the world. This can be fixed, but it needs to be fixed by you. You need to seek Allah’s pleasure and correct this. Be brave.

    You have a lot of good advice above. Please follow.

    With love and concern,
    Hana

  6. additionally I do think anime (non-sexual) has a generally sensual, and explosive characteristic to it. A lot of what I have seen has characters driven by desires and impulse- the very things we strive to contain in Islam. My observations and the fact that you mention it causes me to share my personal opinion that you should stay away from it. I can't say it is un-Islamic, but when we are struggling we just have to use common sense.

    Feed your mind and heart things that reinforce the principles of Islam. And beware of things that seem to neither support nor contradict our religion. Understand?

  7. All the times say Astaghfirullah and say 5 times prayers. All this inshallah will go away.

    Pls. pray for me also.

    regards,
    Arshed

  8. Everyone do mistakes but the best one are who repents, you should stop immediately and do sincere tauba to allah, you are very young engage yourself in prayer nd reading Quran, keep busy in studies and have some time for outdoor sports. Do not be alone , and respect your sister life.

  9. I agree with SVS recommendation .All other recs are ideal but If you are absolutely unable to control yourself (indicated by your post) it is better to do masturbation instead of being physical with sister. There is grave danger of incest and zina here.

  10. Ѕαℓαм αℓαукυм
    Good advices from everyone here,may Allah grant us all goodness and save all the people going through such situation world over.
    What I would say is,you need to pray(ѕalah) @least 5times a day,obey all other articles of faith and pillars of Islam that makes you a muslim, read the Holy Quran as much as possible and about that voice or something entering you and controlling you, can you speak to a trusted Imam in your local mosque that can advice you spiritually and you can see him always anytime. he might probably be able to direct you to a scholar of Sunnah not fake scholars but of Sunnah that can help you with some Ruqya. But pending the time, recite Ayat-ul-kursi, Suratul Iklas,falaq and Nas as many times as possible.
    May Allah grant u strength brother,اللهم آمِيّنْ

  11. Assalam alaikum,

    Praying 5 times a day, fasting and remembering Allah are all good things. If you were to turn the burner onto high and put your hand on it, your hand will burn and it is simple as that--no matter how many prayers and fasts you have completed. I realize that some people want to tell you to do these things and that somehow this alone will make you stop these horrifying thoughts, but that isn't true.

    You need to see a counsellor and you need professional help because you no longer have no control over this. The fact that you have entertained and sought sexual gratification means that you have crossed a line and it is only a matter of time before this goes from horrible to even more horrible.

    Let me also tell you what this will do to your sister. If you were to succumb to the whispers of shaitaan and allow him full control over your body where you would just be a robot for that shaitaan, you would tear a hole in her soul and being. She would never trust men again and at the same time, she would trust them too easily if they were just a little kind to her. She would never know how to behave properly and she would spend the rest of her life trying to fill a bottomless pit inside of herself. No words would ever be able to heal her--and for her to move on, she would have to dig hope from inside her just to take life one day at a time. It would be debillitating in every way possible.

    Seek help from a counsellor even if the consequences are difficult to bear--this would be the best scenario.

    If one or both of your parents can be trusted, talk to them. If they will blame your sister, then you need to get the help of a male Muslim counsellor...today.

    I hope you let us know that you have already done the right thing.

    May Allah help you to overcome your weakness and protect your sister, Ameen.

  12. Sister Saba, you said it all. The whole day I am thinking of your post, dear brother. I made dua and pray for you and your sister. May Allah stop your sick thought and shield your sister from any further harm. I am just worried sick about your sister and you, brother.

    Please go seek help, seek professional help. Not sure if your Iman is equipped to deal with this kind of situation, if not, do not hesitate, go seek for a social worker / counselor / school counselor. These people are trained to talk to your parents regarding the seriousness of the situation. They can play as a mediator if you are afraid to tell the whole story to your parents. Sure, you may be scared to face it but trust me, you'd better to face your fault now than any serious scenario happen, Allah forbids. I understand you may be afraid to talk to your parents but you have to let someone know. Go now.

    Do not hide it, go now, brother. Gather your courage and admit your fault and tell the whole true. This is the way to show your true repentance to Allah. They can help you. I am so worried about the safety of your sister. May Allah stop you from any evil thought. Let us know your progress.

  13. Brother, There is a lot of good advice here. Please remove yourself from your household and from any vulnerable children or vulnerable anyone (If Allah wills, you will figure out how to remove yourself but do so immediately), and seek professional help so that you do not continue to prey on innocent people.
    I have to tell you a little bit about what happens to people that go through sexual abuse. As I was sexually abused at a very young age I can tell you that you have damaged your sister psychologically and if Allah wills, she will recover as best as anyone can having gone through that. I became a withdrawn child, and I did not reach my potential as my self esteem was negative. I really can't explain the state of my psyche but I will try to explain some facts. As a teenager I started cutting and burning myself and May Allah forgive me, attempted suicide. As I was a non -Muslim I thought I would try to fit in and I had a boyfriend at 16 years.. he was special in that he seemed like a sociopath. Thank Allah I escaped that person. I did drugs and drank alcohol, and I needed to do drugs to feel okay. I suffered various mental disorders which, all Thanks is due to Allah, I have recovered from. I ended up being raped various times...
    and I can not explain the emptiness turned into hate for those that abused me sexually. There were times I was ready for their bloodshed because I thought it would help society.. sorry for being harsh but this is where my head was. May Allah help us forgive those that have violated us, because we should make our hearts forgiving, whilst at the same time protecting ourselves and others. ... Hope this sheds some light on what you are Actually doing. And everytime you do it, it gets worse. I have to really thank Allah that for me it stopped when it did and actually the perpetrator was about your age but he was not a relation. You being her brother is .. tragic. In my case my brother actually helped save me, Thanks be to Allah.
    So, actually look at NOT doing this ever again as being really good because (for example) in my life I am always so grateful that this and this did not happen again or last so long....... I didn't mean to make this about me but I thought you could do with an example.
    ..Someone professional also needs to counsel your sister.. she is the innocent one, and there is a lot of hope, If Allah wills, for your sister to still have a great life (but you need to stop). This trauma won't disappear, but for example, my life gets better and better, Thanks be to Allah. Almost 20 years after these things happened I became Muslim and there has been a lot of change in my life. You can sincerely repent and even pray for her recovery. I wouldn't be scared of or avoid getting punished, but just protect her by leaving..
    May Allah help you both
    Assalam Waleikum

  14. Brother in some short simple words, the shaytaan has taken advantage,

    I sit here in tears because I have personally in my close family life known the pain to be felt by one who is sexually abused by her mahraam - which is essentially what you are, you are supposed to be her protector, her guardian, one who teaches her and protects her from the worlds evil.

    Please for her sake, for her ability to be normal, to get married and have a normal life, stop this, I am begging you for the sake of Allah stop this and tell your family and take whatever they suggest. It might be scary but sexual desire is powerful and when you are in that "crazy state" you can do anything!
    Shaytan never stops penetration will be next and the close experience I mentioned was a 8 year old girl who was penetrated - guess what she can never have kids, her periods are incredibly painful, she is a grown woman now and any man who hears of this runs away.

    She loves kids and is miserable, imagine one persons desires caused her a life of pain and loneliness, she feels as if she is worthless, a trusted member of her family did this to her. Her only hope is the justice of Allah on a day not far from any of us.

    And to be honest brother, the punishment of Allah is real and if you dont stop what your doing, it will strike one day when you don't expect it. You are abusing your baby sister, you are oppressing her, taking from her something you should protect, you are crushing her innocence and psychologically scarring her.

    Be a man and own up to your parents, get help, hand yourself into the police, just anything to protect this baby, it will ruin her life and yours.

    I'm making duaa for you both, please don't let it happen again, its impact will ripple through both your lives forever denying you happiness or normality. Stop now!

    • Umm Muaadh Bint Abdul Haashim: I mentioned was a 8 year old girl who was penetrated - guess what she can never have kids, her periods are incredibly painful, she is a grown woman now and any man who hears of this runs away.

      Sorry to hear about what happened to the 8 yr old girl. What kind of punishment the rapists get for doing this to an 8 yr old girl?

      Technology is very advanced, girl could even have child with help of surrogate. I don't know if Islam allows that.

      Why is her history of sexual abuse told to men who want to marry her?

  15. Assalamu Alaikum!

    Dear Blank,

    Hearing this kind of situation brings me to tears because I can understand how hard it is to control your desires. I once had a bad habit that led to addiction, and Alhamdulillah I have tried to stop my Nafs (and InshaAllah have stopped it permanently) from taking over. I am a 13 year old girl and I can truly relate to you.

    You are my older brother in Islam, and I sincerely want to help you. First off, I would like you to know that this blessed month of Ramadan that you are witnessing can be the best chance you have of forgetting this act. It took me a very long time to get over my addiction, and I am very grateful that Allah (SWT) has guided me. I experienced the same terror and guilt. I know going through puberty is a challenge, seeing that I have many struggles currently. Having sexual desires is only natural for a human being, especially males. It takes true Iman to keep your sexuality from getting the best of you. I WOULD suggest that you read Qur'an daily and take advantage of fasting during this wonderful month, but as you can see, there have been many responses like that. Of course, that is the best advice, but I'd like to tell you something different:

    Think about your future. InshaAllah you have a long life ahead of you, and you will one day get married to a beautiful woman. Think about the happiness you can give her by being a caring husband. I say this out of personal dreams and because it is what every girl wishes: to have a husband who will understand them and love them with all their heart. Your beloved imouto is going to go through puberty, if she hasn't already, and she will face problems of her own, such as crushes and her own desires. It is your job to comfort her if she can't get over a guy and tell her how much you love her as her older brother. You must protect her and make sure she's with good company. Get to know her a little more and ask her from time to time if she is alright. That is what I would want from an older brother, as I only have two awesome nee-chans (sisters) who are much older than me. As the older sibling, you must look out for her. InshaAllah you will realize that she is innocent and that you are her guardian for the years before she gets married. I know it will be difficult because you may feel more attracted to her if you do this, but InshaAllah you have my support and you can do it! She is merely your sister, NOT a girl you can marry (aka non-Mahram). Do not leave her thinking that you like incest because she may dislike it.

    Another piece of advice:
    What I do to keep myself in line is that I think about what characteristics I would like to have in my spouse. Make a list, and with some Dua'a, InshaAllah you will have your wishes granted. I come from a religious family and we are Alhamdulillah moderate. I am also an anime fan, and I have not told my parents, rather, my mom. She is more understanding of me. I have decided to tell her and I hope that she will be the loving mother and understand my struggles. It is great that you don't feel any urges from watching anime (because there can be incest themes), but still be careful.

    Also, think of this hardship you're going through as your personal Jihad. Please do not take this the wrong way, and I ask the same from the other responders. I am not an extremist, and I say this because when people think of Jihad, they think of war and killing. That is very incorrect and is understood as extremism, even by most Muslims. I attend an Islamic school, and I have a wonderful Islamiyaat teacher. She taught us- boys and girls- that giving up a bad habit for the sake of Allah is a very righteous thing to do because you have good intentions that will definitely be rewarded. She even addressed the problem that sadly many youth have nowadays: sexual desires, going on bad websites, having a boyfriend/girlfriend. Ma Sha Allah, I am very proud of you, Blank, for have gotten the courage to ask for advice. It isn't easy to tell someone your darkest secrets, even if you don't know them. That is all I have to say. I hope this reaches you in the best of health and I pray for your guidance. Ameen! Please reply as soon as you can, Blank. Wassalaamu Alaikum!

  16. Sorry for the very long response, but I would like to add that you should continue to ask for forgiveness. Wake up at 2:30 in the morning for Tahajjud and pray for your forgiveness. It will truly be easier this Ramadan because all the Shayateen are chained up. In this time (last third of the night), Allah (SWT) will grant you any wish. I have been doing this myself and it makes me feel a lot better. Do not distance yourself from your Lord. He knows you are going through hardship, and as the Ayah says: "Verily with hardship comes ease." Allah (SWT) loves you very much, and he loves all his servants, even if they committed the greatest of sins. He will forgive anything as long as you repent. Jazak Allahu Khairan for reading my comments. I hope this helps!

  17. Hey kiddo,

    I am sorry that you are going through such struggles. I am however glad that you see that you recognize that this behaivor is not right. That it violates the rights of your sister , and the laws of God. I want to let you know however that these sexual feelings are something that you can not deal with alone. You must involve your parents, and speak to a mentor (someone like a coach or who is over 25 years of age) who can hold you accountable by checking up with you. I used to work for the state and I can tell you that a lot of bad things can happen as a result of this behaivor 1) your sister could be taken from your parents . 2) you could end up incarcerated 3)you could be taken from your home 4) It could leak out and your family and friends could find out about it and you could be labeled. 5) When your sister grows up she could be very upset with you and harbor resentment....so we must look at some things. But I do want to provide you with a safety plan in the meantime.

    1) Talk to your parents (who can set rules and boundaries for you and your sister), they can hold you accountable , and your mentor can too.

    2) never be alone with your sister.

    3) No wrestling, no hugs, do not allow her to sit on your lap (for these things can insight passion).

    4) As for her changing should be done behind closed doors. Do not enter her room, no cuddling on the couch, all bathroom doors should be locked and you should respect each others privacy.

    5)Lastly, I would find other guy friends my age, and play some sports, or whatever you have to do to keep yourself preoccupied. Hang out with friends of your own age group...etc.

    6) Get spiritual and psychological help.

    God bless you and I hope these tips help you!!!!

    • Something horrible has already happened: 1) He has sexually abused his sister. Things could get better if he stops this behaviour by any means necessary such as: 1) He could become incarcerated.
      2) He could at least leave his parents home as he is old enough to be responsible for his own actions.

  18. I am in a pit of despair and scared Allah(swt) will not forgive me.
    Like the OP I keep having bad thoughts about attraction to kids, and i feel filthy saying this but i get "feelings" when i think about it.

    I don't want this to get out of control where i end up hurting anybody, what can i do to rid myself of these desires? I am frustrated because i get these thoughts everyday, and the feelings come with them every time. how can i stop getting these thoughts and feelings and become a pious, God-fearing muslimah?

    i fear it is too late for me... i am not acting on my thoughts in any way shape or form i just need help to stop thinking them...
    I am only 15.

    • please?

    • Give yourself time. Wait. You are still very young. With the rapidly changing hormone levels it is not unusual for adolescents to temporarily develop untypical sexual leanings. Many have temporarily homosexual fantasies for instance, or feel attracted towards people way too old for them. There is a good chance that your desires will disappear with time. It is no accident that officially an age of at least 16 is required for a diagnosis of pedophilia (World Health Organisation, ICD-10 Classification of mental and behavioural disorders, F65.4)
      Stop feeling guilty. Punishment has been prescribed for unlawful sexual intercourse, not desires. Numerous Hadith deal with people seeking advice from the Prophet regarding their sexual desires, but I have never come over a hadith where he admonished them just because they openly admitted that they had sexual desires.
      See for example
      Sahih Muslim, The Book of Marriage English reference: Book 8, Hadith 3371 Arabic reference: Book 17, Hadith 3617
      Sunan Abu Dawud, Chapter: Marriage Sunnah.com reference: Book 12, Hadith 110 English reference: Book 11, Hadith 2150 Arabic reference: Book 12, Hadith 2155
      Source: http://altahleel.com/hadith-explorer/
      I also wish to add that though most scholars consider masturbation haraam in Islam, I find their argumentation weak, not convincing. My main objection is: if drinking alcohol and eating pork could be unambiguously forbidden, then why not masturbation? Why is it that I could not find a reliable hadith, not obviously forged which explicitly said "it is forbidden to masturbate", if it really was forbidden in Islam? I have come to the conclusoin that it`s just over-zealous scholars trying to control every aspect of life.
      So if you find that masturbating decreases the intensitiy and frequency of your disturbing thoughts - I do not condemn you for doing it, even if you do it six times a day. If you find this feasible, you may try to concentrate during masturbation on other fantasies to relieve you from your distressing thoughts.

Leave a Response