Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m shy to tell my father I want to get married

Girl with hidden face, teenage girl

I am a 20yrs old Girl and i want to get married but im too shy to tell my dad. My mum passed away and so has my sister. I currently live with my 2 brothers and my dad which (are all married). I am alone and im the smallest in the family so everyone sees me in a different perspective. Which hurts.

I am really shy to tell my dad, and i don't know what to tell him or how to tell him.

I have been harassed by someone and because of that i want to have someone there for me to protect me. I want someone who i can worship Allah with, study with me, be with me when i feel i need someone by my side. I want kids, i want a life like all my brothers are living. I miss my mom and my sister. I feel like crying. Everytime i lay in bed I think there is a warming part that is missing. The room feels cold and empty. Perhaps its the feeling of my mothers love that is not there anymore...She was the one that was always there for me and now she's not. May Allah give her Jannah al firdaus. Alhamdulilah she was a pious woman and passed away with her last words reading the shahada. I need someone there for me to protect me and love me for the sake of Allah.

What should i say to my father?

Please pray for me that i get married really soon to someone pious. I need the Duaah of the muumin.

JazakAllaah khair


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9 Responses »

  1. Salam sister.
    Your message left me speechless and in tears for a moment. i can clearly understand your situation. But i also noticed you are actually studying and a little bit too young. Still its just a view, this does not stop you from getting marry instead of zina. But think for the future. Don't find someone who just want to get married like you. find someone who have the qualities you want so that the marriage can last eternally. Not just someone who pray, as many people who pray also make their wife as an slave at home.. chose someone who understand the real concept of islam. who respect you . who will be not just your husband, but your best friend too where no one should be afraid of each other. and always open for everything for each other. live happily.

    Your actual sadness, weakness can make you make a quick wrong decision. Think well. if you feel you know someone you feel compatible, go ahead. don't let anyone use you or give you false hope. Dont just talk about marriage at first, but you need to know the intention of the person you are talking if whether he want to get married soon if they find each other compatible.

    Forget not that to find someone compatible, Deep , frank , direct communication is very important and its the key. no need to shy or hesitate to ask. this have nothing to do with your personality or good or bad manners. this is to only show your secure you want to find someone.

    Once you find the right guy. then you have to tell your parent in a good way. if after several tries parent don't accept. You have the right to marry the guy without parent permission so that you don't fall in zina. Of course you always need to know why parent don't accept. If this is about caste, i don't know if caste system.. but i heard in india. pakistan it does exist and this is purely bullshit. if they reject you about caste, different sect in islam, poor or rich, materials thing, good or bad looking etc.. then you can always disobey after several trials.

    I pray that you find the right men at the right time.
    Uzzy King

  2. Asalam Alekum

    Sister I'll make dua whole heartedly InshaAllah.
    Keep making dua surely Allah will send a compatibly brother into your life.
    You need to sit with your father and explain to him your feelings why be shy , you are his child... there is no need to be shy.
    One way to approach him is, sit in the room he is praying, after his prayer say Father can I speak to you about something that is important for me and the whole Ummah.

    Marriage is one way of increasing believers (having children) InshaAllah.

    And say to him have you ever thought of marrying me off to a pious person?
    Also after speaking to him about it, if problems occur, ask him if you could go to the mosque with him, if it Female and Male gender mosque, Brothers will surely see you and may approach your father for proposal if finding a pious person is hard especially in this generation.

    Also sister say the following dua that Hz. Moses did: “Rabbish rahli sadri wa yas-sir li amri wahlul uqdatan min-lisani yafqahu qawli”... "O my Lord! Expand me my breast; Ease my task for me” (Taha, 20/25-28)

    Last but not least, one a brother proposes to you, make istikhara because only Allah knows the unseen.

    May allah Subhanah w'Ta'alah make it easy for you.
    I hope my advice helped you sister.

    Wa Salam alekum

  3. sister you re 20 years old fit enough to marry physically but it would be difficult for you to take responsibilities for your husband and his family, lets say if you are going to live separately you have to do all the work. this is not the age of marriage. 25 is the perfect age for a woman to marry . woman are mature in this age. these years are for you to enjoy with your friends, go out, enjoy bachelors life after that you will get married you wont find enough time for leisure all work and responsibility life would nt be the same. this time will never come you are free of responsibilities enjoy it to the fullest and let your father find a good proposal for you in these years and then marry wisely with your own choice.

  4. Salam sister .. I would say try this .... pray to Allah for help .. then construct a very good brief message on a paper or on the phone. Stating the kind of man you would want as a husband and send that message to the friendliest man out of the 3 (dad and 2 brothers).. I mean if you think one of your brothers would understand tell him. Or if their wives are understanding talk to them about it..
    It is your RIGHT sister. The age is right too I would say go for it ...

    And if it takes time to find a husband, pls don't get into silly relationships on social media etc . Thanks

  5. Bismillahir rahmanir raheem, I totally disagree with sugar monroe who has fixed 25 to be the perfect age of marriage its totally unacceptable. My niece got married when she was twenty and now she has got two kids , she is 22 now. She finished her bachelors and got married.

    The advie os sugar is totally ridiculous and un islmaic, what fonyou mean by enjiymment. Life is not an enjoyment to waste time in the name of bachelors life. On the day of qayamah 7 people will get shade under the throne of Allah and one of them is the young men and woman who spend their youth i pn the worship of Allah and getting married is one of them .

    If you marry at 25 probably you may not have kids instsntly or u may want to spend some time with husband because after 25 the woman power peak declines so best is to marry at the age of 20, find a husband who will support you while studying and have kids inshallah.

    If you want I can talk to your father. I am from a diplomatic family so this might give you some weightage


  6. Well sis, patients is the key and your never alone cuz ALLAH Loves you and Hes always there for you

  7. Salam .The fact is this...It is easy to get married and make children...but to live married with someone forever is the big question....Within 2 years that couple is divorce. ..Yes half of IMAN is to get married and that's my point...You see the majority of people are so weak in regards to there duties in obeying Allah and following the teachings of Muhammad S.A.W .There lives are full of stress, fights (physically n mentally) or never satisfied with what they have.Shaitan works hard to disunite. My advice are young....Do you have an education level ...A courier. .So you can be independent just in case...use your money to help others build madressahs mosques fundraisers ...How will are community have leaders in correct position in society. ..Islam teaches us to be the best we can be...honest truthful kind and hard working? At the same time promoting are faith by our qaulities...Remember life is a test and you will be your Iman.attach yourself to the sunni mosque and join the sisters chapters. .Iman is very important ..this is the deciding factor..nothing matters more then this and learn to put your trust in Allah...marriage will come your way but I know you are not ready...shaitan wants to destroy you quick. ..He whispers saying that I feel lonely and bored and I need something new in my life....Read quran daily this will give you peace and keep shaitan away!

  8. Being harassed by someone? perhaps going out and about with your father or brothers is the way to do things at the moment. A woman is best going out and about with a mahram (close family members with whom marriage is forbidden like father, brother, uncle, son, nephew, etc).

    In the mean time pray to Allah for guidance and support as well as protection from all kinds of harms and if there is someone you feel comfortable talking to then talk to that person about you having the will to get married and perhaps they can talk to your father. Your sisters in law (assuming you can talk comfortably with them) can talk to your brothers who in return can talk to your father.

    Whatever it is you decide to do be very careful with any decisions you make in life, especially about marriage.

    May Allah protect you from all harmful things and help you get through life as a pious Muslimah giving you the best of both worlds.

  9. Dear sister I am truly sorry for your problems. Right now you are still very young for marriage, but it is very normal to want a family.
    I think when you are of age, say 25 or so you should have a talk with your father. Do not ever feel shame that you want to get married. It is the right of every human being. even in the islam it says that marriage completes half your deen. From the Islamic point of view it is your father's responsibility to get you married.
    You see your brothers happy and married, and you are inspired to feel the same. When you discuss such a topic with your father, make sure he is relaxed and alone and not busy.
    Hope that answers the question.

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