I’m still in love
They say when one door closes more open up. And everything happens for a reason.
About 8 years ago I fell in love with a guy whom was from my culture but the only problem was he wasn't muslim. We never been together as in bf/gf bcuz he never wanted to pursue me because he said that my family wouldn't accept him as a Christian.
Anyway I still loved him for all those years. We were friends. Then about 2 years ago I got engaged and the guy was muslim, and good family friend, overall an okay guy but had a bad history but I accepted the marriage. The day I got engaged the other guy messaged me and told me why I got engaged and what will happen to our love. I told him to leave me alone said I'm engaged but after two weeks I couldn't help it bcuz I still loved that guy and he did too. I regret that at the time I cheated on my fiance with this guy and I ended up meeting him and we didn't have sex but did kiss and talked for two hours or so. Right after I was about to leave him he told me I would never forget about him and he gave me a respect kiss on the forehead and he said he liked me. That was a first. I ended up leaving him and regretting thst and do much other drama happened between us do he stopes talking to me.
I ended up doing my wedding and I thought this was my new door allah opened to me bcuz allah knew that the other guy was no good but I love him. I got married and was married for two month and that ended in divorce. Now that's two doors closed.
And I'm not thinking of my xhusband as much as I think about the other guy whom I loved to much. I don't know what to do with my life and I miss this guy so much but he doesn't want anything to do with me. He was right that I wouldn't move on and I think it's bcuz he is the first guy that I ever truly loved and had feelings for. I told him sorry 10000 times but I feel so bad bcuz I started the drama but I feel it was for the right reason and allah knows that too but I took it too far bcuz I argued to the point of swearing and bugging him too much. I feel so bad but I told him I was sorry and with my xhusband he was a liar and two faced and abused me.
I don't know what is wrong with my life and what to do.
Prettyface
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He is a non-muslim.
Allah is testing you so try to pass the test and leave this guy.
he will not convert for you so there is no hope at all.
be happy and fear death, for that is what literally closes all doors of tauba and retribution.
AOA.
That's unfortunate. I think both the relationships were a mistake. You may have been too involved with the non muslim man to even give careful thought to the marriage prospect and hence married the wrong man.
I wonder where your parents were in all of this because your actions seem so unfettered.
Now you need to forget them both and ask your parents/family to find you the right person that you could make a decision to marry without all the distractions you had strung yourself in before.
Hope this helps. Allah knows best.
AAZA