Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m with my mentally & physically abusive husband for the sake of my baby.

Dear brothers  and  sisters, Asalamalaykum,

abusive husband

 

My husband has been physically and mentally abusing me continously since a long time. He had done so 3 years back and then had almost come an end to our marriage but then he promised to be good and sweared he would never do so and wanted to come back to me. Although I knew he was only making excuses to come back. My parents forced me to go back to him believing he was a changed person.

But now he has become more violent. For anything I ask him to do he starts shouting abusing and beating me. I've a baby who's 7 months old. Its because of her I'm bearing him but I don't think I can for a long time. I'm getting mental tension, even a small house chore, doing salah and reading quran. Being good are the the things I tell him to do and in return I get abuses from him.

My family is there but they ask me to solve the issue myself as they do not want the marriage to break up. No one is there to support me, please pray for me and tell me is there any islamic organisation which will support me and my daughter in Riyadh or in India. I'm forcing myself to continue with him which is very much impossible.

If I continue with him, I may end up with mental diseases as there is no physical relation with him too, since years and the baby is a ivf baby.

~ Heartbroken


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1 Responses »

  1. Salaam heartbroken.

    I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Your husbands behaviour is disgusting and it should not be tolerated, but do not face him or provoke him. It is safer for you to leave. You say you are staying for the sake of your baby. You need to leave for the sake of your baby. She may only be young but seeing him abusing you will have a very bad impact on her. Boys that see their father abusing their mother are much more likely to become abusers themselves and girls that see abuse which is tolerated are more likely to be victim of domestic violence themselves. Witnessing such behaviour being tolerated leads the children to believe its normal behaviour so it really is essential to make preparations and leave. May Allah swt save your child from this. Ameen.

    Do not worry about physical relations or divorce, the most important thing is your safety. Have you got a female friend or relative you can stay with? If so make sure that they are trustworthy and won't send you back to your husband. Start arranging accomadation (safe place to live) from now. If you cannot stay with someone you know contact a shelter. Keep your plans secret - if you must tell a few people only make it those you trust. It may not be advisable to tell your family who forced you to go back to him. While you are still living with him in the meantime do not ask him to do anything. Do everything yourself - avoid making him feel angry. If you know something provokes him don't do it.

    Make preparations and then once ready wait till he is not around and then leave with your daughter. Don't forget to take important documents and medicines (if you/your daughter take any) with you. Go to safety and don;t look back. Do not listen to his excuses and do not go back to him, if not for your own sake then for your daughters sake.

    I will have to look into shelters in india more but I have found a couple of useful sites for you:
    http://www.ngoinindia.org/domestic-violence.html
    http://www.havenrefuge.org.uk/About%20Us/International/Saudi%20Arabia.html

    May Allah swt protect you and your baby.
    Ameen

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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