Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m young and pregnant: Help me sisters and brothers!

Pregnant Muslim woman (drawing)



I am 18 years of age. when I was 13, I didn't have much knowledge on Islam as my parents were divorced and my mother was very ill at the time, so many people were taken care of me. I had committed a very bad sin at such a young age, which was Zina. At the time I knew it was not good but I used to cry all the time after.

As I grew up, i never did again it until a year ago. I met a young muslim man, and before we knew it we started engaging in a haram relationship up until now (roughly one year and half). Through this month of Ramadan, I wanted to make this halal as we were commiting zina, but we just had to wait until we were finacially ready to do the nikah and move in together.

Today I have found out that I am one month pregnant. I am so overwhelmed and scared. I will repent inshallah. I feel alone. Is this a blessing or a punishment from Allah? I am only 18, my partner is 20, and we don't have any money to just on survive ourselves. I will not recieve any support, as my mother is still very ill and I no longer have contact with my father. My mother also dreamt of me finishing uni when I started.

I know abortion is haram but I have no money to raise this child. I have £240 in my bank account, and no degree, no job. If I was finacially stable I wouldn't doubt this. Can I marry my partner even though I am pregnant (I always wanted to get married; was just waiting for him to become stable)? Shall I just marry and keep the baby, although I'm so young? Or shall I terminate this pregnancy -and I don't know know if it will help- and leave my partner? I feel guilty and will spend my nights repenting.

I'm scared and won't stop crying. I know I'm bad but what can I do?  I'm scared I will get punished for terminating the pregnancy and will never be able to have children when I do have money.

Thank you brother and sisters. Please give me some hadiths,  and please don't scare me.

Also, my partner has accepted me for who I am as I comitted zina before I met him, so I am keen to marry him.


Tagged as: , , , , ,

23 Responses »

  1. Do niikah with they guy you want to marry and move in with him or vice versa, no one needs to khow about nikkah and keep the baby if anyone deos ask say you were married done nikkah over a year ago, that way everything will look good.

    • mohammed, please do not post your email address in comments. We don't allow it.

      Wael Editor

    • Dear sister, please do no listen to this mans comment above. Getting married in secret only digs you into a deeper hole that is harder to fix later when ur family finds out. Be brave and tell your mother about everything and be strong to say that your boyfriend is the only one you want to marry. Now is not the time to be shy and weak. You have to make arraingements with your family and his before you have big baby belly so that any shame felt can stay silent outside of your two families. Salam sister and Allah plz bless your new baby with manny gifts 🙂

  2. Dear Arimaa,

    No please do NOT do abortion. It is harram in Islam. Just get married to him. Allah will help you settle down.

    Just pray that Allah delivers you from hardships and that the baby is born health.


  3. dear sister, do not be scared. you committed zina but babies are blessings. as you are in uk, you will get benefits from government. there is child benefits and you can even get a council flat. I know the situation in overwhelming now, but this is what Allah the almighty has prepared for you. do not even think about killing your baby please.

    • It really annoys me that you're telling this sister to not be scared, because she can "just go on benefits and even get an apartment" from the government. First of all, the government's money come from the people in society that actually do work really hard, day in and day out, and pay a god chunk out of their wages to taxes - against their will. People who scafrifice time with their own children and their own family to be able to provide for them - and, apparently, for unemployed people who have children outside of marriage when they're not ready for the responsibility by any means' children. As someone who works really hard - even though I hate working and, too, would love to be on benefits, get a free apartment and my children paid for (when I have some) - and pay almost half of my salary to taxes, it angers me to hear you encourage this girl to "just go on benefits" - because it's going to be people like myself who'll be paying for her illegit child, her free apartment and haram actions. It really bothers me that women like her can just make their haram mistakes, and the rest of us have to, literally, pay for them and, on top of it, comfort them and tell them to not be scared. Are you kidding me?! YOU chose to spread your legs, now YOU take the consequences!

      I know this young sister said, "please don't scare me" - I don't want to scare her, but it would also be wrong of any one of us to give her false hopes regarding what she should expect from her future. t would be wrong to lie to her and tell her that she should not be worried about anything. She is 18, she has no family, she has no husband, she has no job, she has no money, no degree...she should be worried! How will it help her to tell her she shouldn't? We need to tell her to find a job and save up for this baby - and encourage her to do whatever she can to convince her boyfriend, the father of her child, to marry her and help her through this huge mistake. I find it so ridiculous that people are telling her she should not be scared and worried without even giving her exact reasons as to why she should not be scared. Yes, Allah is always with us, but we, ourselves, need to do our part to help ourselves. Money is not just going to fall down from the sky - this girl needs to get a job and make some for her baby. Not one of you have told her that. You tell her to go on benefits.

      • luckily this sister lives on a country where there are benefits for people in need, and sister is in need right now. you can't tell her to work right now as she is pregnant and later she will also need the time to look after the new born. if she wasn't having the state support, we don't wa she would abort, and we don't want that. she isn't alone. and she is paying the consequences, she is gonna have a baby at 18. don't be so hard on her.don't judge her. only Allah the almighty can do that. I just show her the options she's got. I also belie ve that making her scared won't take her too fat. this isn't time to be scared but to be brave

        • Pregnant women are not handicapped, of course they can work. Many pregnant women work up until a month till they give birth - so why can't this sister do it? She's young and healthy (I hope, inshallah), what makes her incapable of working? If she lived in a country where social benefits and free apartsments were not an option, she'd have to work no matter how far in to her pregnancy she is. It really bothers me when people have babies and rely on governments for financial support of these illegit babies. Not just because they're a huge cost to society/tax payers, but also because these babies often grow up and follow in their mothers' footsteps. So we get multiple generations of women who mooch off the government to be able to cope with their reckless decisions to have sex before marriage and breed illegit children. I see it happen so much in the country I live in - where single mothers who have babies before marriage, without having the means to take care of the babies, get everything sorted out for them by the government. Meanwhile, people with cancer can't get their treatments at hospital, because the government has no money to spend on them - because it spends peoples' taxes on healthy people who are more than capable to work, but use excuses not to do it - like, "I'm 4 weeks pregnant, sorry, can't lift a finger in a couple of years". Please...

          I'd hate for young girls to use this sister as a role model of bravery. She's been making really bad, reckless decisions in her life that clashes totally with what Islam preaches to us - what's brave about that? Please don't glorify people who have acted against Islam, we don't need to encourage more brothers and sisters to commit zina in order to obtain "bravery". It's brave to not commit zina in the first place :).

          If none of us can judge each other, what do we need Shariah laws for, then? What do we need laws that guide us towards understanding what's right and wrong for? I'm sorry, I'm not going to watch Muslims act against something that is clearly haram in Islam and say no word about it. As Muslims we're OBLIGED to let our fellow Muslims know when they do something wrong, and help them understand what's right. Babying, glorifying and honouring people who commit serious sins is not Islamic conduct.

          • Lol . Its funny how you are all about what you like , dislike , hate and what annoys you . BE THERE TO GIVE her good advice FOR GODS sake. Our prophet Mohammad (pbuh) helped every person With good advice instead of taunting them again and again over what mistakes they did. stop with judging people s badly .she came here for help not to read your comments which would hurt her badly , seeing the fact she is already in a problem . Fear Allah anyone can get into such a problem . And if you know she is just 18 and she got pregnant then you should also know that teenager do make mistakes , that does NOT mean they deserve to be treated badly .you don't know her background , family problems pr anything , how can you just assume and speak like that? Im sorry, not to be offensive but thats just to hptrible of you . Fear Allah ! he is the most forgiving and you cant get a single penny or a grain of food without his will so don't worry about your money being used for her kid 🙂 . And please be a little wiser now , and also kind.

      • Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? Someone is asking you for help , if you cant help then at least don't even bother writing such a huge para wasting your "precious" time too. How selfish could you possibly get? every good deed you do , will get you a good return IA . And i regret reading that huge hurtful paragraph you wrote. If you are working and all you should be sensible enough to help someone just with your words instead of crying over how your money would be used on her "illegal" child. You would never say all this if your daughter comes up with the same problem.

        My advice to you : do not be that scared, its better if you share it with your parents and then get married to that guy , IA Allah will forgive you , keep praying for forgiveness and his blessings as he is the most merciful 🙂

        • Assalam alaikum,

          Your reply is to a response to another comment about how the OP can reap government benefits in light of her unplanned baby out of wedlock.

          The OP has already enlightened us to the fact that she came from an ignorant background and I think indicated that she may have been abused. This has lead to her current dilemma. She has acknowledged she has done wrong.

          Here in the UK, many teens have deliberately got pregnant in order to secure a ready made home and funding rather than work for a living. If we highlight so-called solutions to haram actions it then means that it becomes less of a turn off from committing such sins which it has done for UK girls already.

          The comment from Munira made me recoil too, as the tone somewhat seems to lessen the haram misdeed and kind of OK it with the prospect of government freebies. Currently there is a shortage of housing and it is no longer so easy. I know of stories where people are stuck in hostels with their babies and in some cases only the woman can be accommodated.

          However naïve people are, if they want to play in adult matters then take the rough with the smooth and also learn of responsibility. Surely in this day and age, people must be aware of pregnancies as well as STIs?

          It's not simply about money, but about taking responsibility for another life, nurturing it and providing a solid home in terms of a family.

          To Arimaa66, you must first marry the father of your baby as soon as possible. Inform your mother and he, his family. You cannot justify an abortion unless you or the baby's lives are at risk. You say you planned on uni so therefore it's fair to assume you ought to have had the intellect to have been more responsible. Sorry but too late to bolt the stable door etc.

          Do not worry about money, the father will need to find work, whatever is available as long as it is halal. Do not solely rely on benefits as it is better to work for a living. It is unfair to assume you deserve financial aid when you recklessly carried out your actions and you can work till your at least 8 months. It is better for you to have this approach to aim to redeem yourselves somewhat.

          You have had a difficult start in life and you have created another difficulty for yourself again. Nevertheless with hardship comes ease and you can only endeavour to support your child in the best way possible so that they do not do the same. In doing so, maintain and strengthen you faith in Allah, increase your Islamic knowledge and resolve to continue life in a halaal fashion.

        • You shouldn't have replied then 🙂
          As i said you are all about yourself.
          And when it comes to "zina" , thats a matter between her and Allah. You are definitely no one to taunt her over that again and again rather than giving her any mental support.
          Have a good life!

        • "Illegitimate" means illegal, unacceptable, unlawful, outlawed, etc. But every life is created by Allah, Al-Khaliq, and everything Allah creates is good. A human being cannot be illegitimate. Allah says,

          “The work of Allah who has perfected everything (He created)."
          Qur’an 27:88 (An-Naml, The Ant)


          “He is the One Who has made perfectly everything He has created: He began the creation of human beings with clay, And made his progeny from a quintessence of the nature of a fluid despised: But He fashioned him in due proportion, and breathed into him something of His spirit…”
          Quran 32:7-9 (As-Sajdah, the Prostration)

          Zinaa is a major sin. However, the child is blameless and is no less legitimate than any other human being.


        • Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

          "Sincerely from my heart. I would rather that my money go to children who have lost their family, to water projects in Africa and Asia, help poor people start up with a business they can make a living know, people who have had no control of the life they have. People who have genuinely not been as blessed as I am. I hate the thought of taxmoney going to teenage girls who do things they are warned about doing from childhood. I seriously have no sympathy for people who have sex before marriage."


  4. Assalaamualaikam

    Allah has blessed you and your partner with the creation of a new life, and the opportunity to establish a Muslim household for your child. There is reference in the Quran to people who felt they had no choice but to end the lives of their children due to hardship - I am afraid I cannot recall the exact wording of the verses, but the message imparted is clear - Trust in Allah to provide, and do not harm your children.

    While your current social circumstances may pose challenges, these challenges can be overcome inshaAllah, with faith and hard work. Your local Islamic community may have resources available to help you and your family both practically and emotionally, and if you are still at university, you can speak to your professor or tutor there - the majority of higher education institutes have additional support available for students who either already have children or who become pregnant during the course of their studies - some people take time out, or switch to part-time study, and there are often bursaries available. If you are in a country such as the UK, there are benefits available for people in need, and you could make an appointment through the JobCentre or similar agency to discuss what help you and your family need.

    I would advise that, if you and your boyfriend wish to enter into a halal relationship as husband and wife, you approach your local masjid with regards arranging a simple nikah ceremony. There are different schools of thought about whether marriage should occur during or after a pregnancy, so it might help to discuss this with your partner and possibly with the imam, to make sure that you agree on an arrangement that you all feel is Islamically appropriate.

    With regards your pregnancy, it will be important to arrange pre-natal, birth and post-natal care for your baby, so it would be a good idea to make an appointment to see your GP. They can confirm dates for you and arrange for you and your baby to get the care and help you need. And tell your mum - she will be able to give you and your baby a lot of support, love and advice, inshaAllah.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • Salamualaikum

      The verse is from Surah An'am 6:151 translation:

      Say, "Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited to you. [He commands] that you not associate anything with Him, and to parents, good treatment, and do not kill your children out of poverty; We will provide for you and them. And do not approach immoralities - what is apparent of them and what is concealed. And do not kill the soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed] except by [legal] right. This has He instructed you that you may use reason."



  5. Do niikah with they guy you want to marry and move in with him or vice versa, no one needs to khow about nikkah and keep the baby if anyone deos ask say you were married done nikkah over a year ago, that way everything will look good.

    • Mohammed, I told you before, do NOT post your personal contact information here. There is absolutely no reason for you to contact this sister privately. One more time and you will be banned.

      Wael Editor

  6. Assalam Walikoum Sister,

    I want to first tell you, while you are going through this very stressful time, please do not lose faith in Allah. I can only imagine how stressed and lost you may feel but know everything happens for a reason with the Will of Allah. DO NOT commit a bigger sin by having an abortion !!! Please sister, don't let that cross your mind. It is all the work of the Shaytann. You can't fix a sin by adding more sins... especially abortion. Allah will bless you and provide for you by means you never thought would be possible.

    I would suggest you speak to someone close to you , maybe a family member or a Muslim counsellor ? Do this as fast as possible so you can start finding a solution. Your health needs to be number 1 right now, for you and the baby. First, of course you know to repent and just keep praying to Allah even if you feel horrible. Don't forget Allah is the most Merciful and He loves the believer who commits sin then gets guided back on the right track.

    After you have done this, you need to speak to the father of the child and tell him he needs to speak to his family and get married to you. It is up to him if he wants to let them know you're pregnant right away. You as well need to speak to your parents, I'm not sure of the relationship you have with them but if you are scared or uncomfortable to the point where you can't do it alone have someone you trust and is close to them if possible with you. Now, my honest advice is to maybe keep the pregnancy out of the conversation and tell them there is a man who wants to marry you and you accept. If they agree, then get Nikkah done RIGHT AWAY then you can bring on the pregnancy after that. This way, they will feel less embarrassed and can facilitate your marriage without extra stress. If for any reason they refuse due to dull reasons, speak to an Immam who can help you convince your Wali or can act as your Wali. Everything will work out exactly how Allah wants it to. You cannot become so depressed that you think your life is over. I guarantee you prayer and constant Duaa will help you immensely ! Again sister PLEASE DO NOT ABORT and this is a life lesson for you; take it because it came from Allah and become a better Muslimah. Once you have this child Inshallah teach them right from wrong and make sure they don't make the same mistake. Your life is just beginning, no matter how it started just continue to become close to Allah and let Him guide you .

    I wish you all the best Sister, please make prayers and just go ahead with making this Halal. Don't let anyone make you feel ashamed, what you have done is between you and Allah now... don't go telling people about your sins. Repent, pray and don't speak about your mistakes. I will make Dua for you, please keep us updated .

  7. Salaam,

    I agree with everything that Adina Mohamadian has said.

    Sister, you are in a difficult position due to your own actions. Without a long lecture, let this be a lesson to you and your bf. Take heed and never again be in this kind of position. This situation should be the ultimate lesson that you should always remember.

    Do not abort the child. Acknowledge your mistake and get some support from elder family members and get married ASAP. In the meantime, do not commit any further sins.

    Attend your local council services and they will direct you in obtaining accommodation and benefits. Visit your GP and they will guide you in regards to the pregnancy.

    Settle down insha Allah, repent and ask for forgiveness as Allah is the most merciful and kind. Then if you can work rather then relying on state benefits ( I pay a large amount of tax and work very hard for my money ). It seems unfair that people in the UK can claim benefits without ever having paid into the system or people make choices, get into difficulties of their own making and the expect the government to solve the problem.

    But sincerely, use this time of difficulty to turn to Allah, increase your imaan and start a fresh islamic life insha Allah.


  8. As-salamu alaykum sister,

    First of all, you must tell your mother about your situation. You can't do this alone.

    Most people have advised you to try to marry the young man. I want to point out a few other alternatives in case marriage is not possible or practical for you:

    1. Do you have a relative who can care for the child after it is born? A grandmother, aunt, or even a married cousin? This might allow you to have continued contact with the child until you are ready to raise the child yourself.

    2. You could consider giving the child up for adoption. It's not an ideal solution, but it's better than abortion, which is haraam.

    A word about your past: you said you committed "zinaa" at 13. Islamically, it's questionable whether you are responsible for what you did at such a young age.

    If you were coerced or pressured in some way by someone older then it would have been sexual abuse or statutory rape. You should be aware that girls who were sexually molested tend to exhibit certain common behaviors including promiscuity, substance abuse, eating disorders and self-harming. I'm not saying that what happened to you excuses your behavior, but understanding where your own behavior is coming from might help you to heal and change.

    Wael Editor

  9. Do a nikah without delay so u cn brush it under carpet... keep it baby has no fault he should marry do simplle wedding dnt need to be complex.

  10. Salaam,

    I hope my response is helpful to you, I was in a similar situation myself. I am a college student and my "boyfriend" and I committed zina and we became pregnant. He was not Muslim though, he converted on his own (he had prior knowledge of Islam, he grew up around many Muslim families and contemplated converting in his teens). Well he converted and we told his family, who supported us. I then told my mother who already thought I was. Lastly I told my father, we do not have a good relationship--he is an angry and abusive man who would beat me when I was younger. He said terrible things to me, but I was already used to his verbal abuse. He even wanted me to abort my baby, but I had to tell them abortion is not allowed and I wouldn't have done it anyways. My family called me and my baby every bad name you could think of, but like I said I'm used to it. I'm now 24 weeks along, my family made us get married. My husband is happy that we are married though, he always wanted to be married. I'm very happy to have both my husband and my baby in my life, they really changed my perspective on life. I went from being a very sad person, depressed and suicidal, to having my own family. Zina is a sin, of course, but it is also between you and Allah. Make Tawbah and tell your mother. Does the father of your child know yet? I would tell him, if you have not already. I would get married but only once you have told your relatives. If need be go to the government for assistance, there are worse things in life then having to ask for help when you need it. Even some of the most successful people in the world have been on assistance before, it doesn't mean you need to stay on it forever. You always have the opportunity to give back when you can. You are young, I would say don't give up on school, make a career for yourself. I have two more semesters of university, then Medical School. If you really put your mind to it and work hard you can make things work out. I hope you two can make things work out, I really wish you the best. Even if you have no support from your family, you have this amazing life growing inside you and you need to be strong for him or her. --Kare

Leave a Response