Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My mother in law is trying to destroy my marriage with bad duas

Assalamu Aleikum,

I'm Naji, for the third time now.

(Previous posts):

I don’t get along with my husband’s shallow Iranian community

I’m jealous, what can I do about it?

The problem with the in-laws seems to be a never-ending nightmare. My mother in law is very jealous, wants to see and talk to her son on a daily basis. (via Skype). She never liked me, but is a very good actress.

A few weeks ago, my husband told me his aunt wants to visit Germany on a tour through Europe with her husband and daughter. One week ago, her husband called mine and told him to book him a ticket to London from Madrid to London (they wanted to go to Turkey originally). My husband cancelled the flights for them and booked new ones which almost emptied our bank account.

My father in law who is on my side called me one week ago in secret and told me that my mother in law advised her sister to come to see us and that they want to make bad dua. I shouldn't eat anything from them. I laughed at that idea. I thought it' s ridiculous. Then they arrived and I saw the cold look full of hatred I know from my mom in law in her eyes. She told me that my mom in law is so happy that they are here. Our conversations were highly sarcastic and full of irony. Then in the car she asked when my husband and me got up in the morning. I said out of naivety five of clock. She did something unbelievable. She set her watch by reciting Salawat and dua and closed her eyes. I asked her if it is normal in Iran to recite dua while setting watches. She got pale and looked at me, saying No. We smiled at each other so cunningly it was almost creepy.

We have a one and a half room department and they are millionaires so I hoped they would go to a hotel out of politeness. The first day with five people in an apartement was not bearable for me. I even had to wear hijab while going to the toilette. The tention was awful and my coward of husband has revealed our whole life in front of his relatives and his mom. So they knew things about me from my mother in law. Oh god, it was terrible. We looked at each other with malice and suspicion, it was unbearable. My husband realized everything, but he's like a slave in front of his family.

Her whole bag was full of little sheets, I was surprised and didn't assume anything, but the incident in the car told me everything. In the evening, we were invited in my Mom's home and she saw my pale face. I told my husband that I wanted to stay in my mother's place which made him angry at first. But then he told me I could stay and came forward with the excuse that I'm ill and have a high temperature. He sensed something, I told him about my concerns, but he said if we love each other enough no dua can separate two people. The problem is: It is the bad intention that is scaring me, not the act. Today she is trying to destroy my relationship with bad dua, tomorrow it is ... poison, ... I've heard so many of those things going on. I love him so much, am I supposed to send him to Iran to let his mother choose a wife for him?

What am I supposed to do???????

I feel so scared, I'm still at my Mom's home. Tonight I had a dream of my husband's father who passed away years ago (the other is his stepfather) who warned me of his wife. He said don't try on the lingerie she brought for you, don't eat the sweets. Oh god, I'm going crazy. What else will they do???

My husband is so naive, he tells his mother everything. She wants him back in Iran, but she's cunning. She says why don't you stay in Europe, it's better than Iran and he says yes, I'm going to stay in London. And because of his naivety I have to bear the brunt. I can't live with my mother in law in the background. She wants to talk to me every day, she wants to know everything, she hates the fact that we have a little cat and says religious people shouldn't have any. He reveals everything to her.

I love my husband, but I love myself more than him. He doesn't want to understand my panick. They arrived in the morning, will stay for four days and leave in the morning. Although our apartment is so small, they didn't go to a hotel. We have one and a half rooms and they are 3 millionaires. At the moment, I can't sleep and am totally confused. Not because I believe in the dua, but i fear the intention and what comes next.

Please help me once again, I am helpless.

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11 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alaykum Naji,

    Do you believe in Allah?

    From your answer it seems your belief in what wrong your in laws can do is more stronger than your belief that Allah is with the good. They cannot cause you any harm except as Allah wills.

    So you should first and foremost turn to Allah.

    We have been gifted with three of the world's most beautiful call and prayers to Allah, which are bound to give you protection from evil:

    Surah 112. Al-Ikhlas
    1. Say: He is Allah, the One!
    2. Allah, the eternally Besought of all!
    3. He begetteth not nor was begotten.
    4. And there is none comparable unto Him.

    Surah 113. Al-Falaq
    1. Say: I seek refuge in the Lord of Daybreak
    2. From the evil of that which He created;
    3. From the evil of the darkness when it is intense,
    4. And from the evil of malignant witchcraft,
    5. And from the evil of the envier when he envieth.

    Surah 114. Al-Nas
    1. Say: I seek refuge in the Lord of mankind,
    2. The King of mankind,
    3. The God of mankind,
    4. From the evil of the sneaking whisperer,
    5. Who whispereth in the hearts of mankind,
    6. Of the jinn and of mankind.

    When you read Surah Ikhlaas, you will know Allah does is Self Sufficient, the Creation needs Him, He does not have needs, He is uncomparable to anything or any part of the creation.

    When you read Surah Falaq, you seek refuge in Allah, who brings the morning (of light & guidance) after a dark night (of ignorance) in which people do evil, make plots to harm others, thefts and other wrong actions, so you seek His refuge from the "evil" of His creation, and from the evil of those who do black magic etc, here their magic is not the point, point is their evil intention, and to what extent they can go to harm someone when their magic would yield no results they would do something out of envy, so in the next ayat one seeks refuge from the envier when he envies.

    When you read Surah Naas, you seek refuge of the Lord of Mankind, of all men and women, all human kind, their Owner (meaning Allah is the owner of all, man is a slave to Allah only), The God of mankind, the Only God, mankind has no refuge besides Allah, He is their only God, All Hearing, All Seeing, All Knowing. We seek His refuge from the evil of "shaytaan" who whispers in to hearts of men - (do this to her, be jealous to her, she has this, she has that, he is so and so, don't you feel jealous of him, how can you allow him to grow and be happy like this?) and we Seek refuge from such devils from among mankind and jinn, who work together to cause fitna and harm people.

    I have written long notes on the three Surahs, but for now I just write in short as above. You may read these Surahs again and again, and at night time before you sleep and in morning when you wake up, and before you leave your house and when you enter it and when you go to some new place and when you leave it.

    Remember: It is up to you when you recite and how much you recite. There is no fixed rule. It is really good that the more you seek refuge of Allah, the more you increase your faith in His power to protect you.

    Secondly, read the Qur'an with translation a lot to make your mind and imaan stronger, Insha Allah.

    I hope you pray salaat regularly, so Insha Allah, hope that helps.

    "160. If Allah is your helper none can overcome you, and if He withdraw His help from you, who is there who can help you? In Allah let believers put their trust." - Surah Al Imraan.

    Sister, there is something called patience in Islam. Let your mother in law see you daily on Skype, let her see her son, after all she has all rights to do so as he is away from her and technology is their.

    You may have your counter response to her, can try for some days and see if it works: Open skype every day, talk to her and let her see you and her son, talk daily, even when she is tired, her back is aching, keep talking, give her details of everything (except those which you wish to really keep private), let her feel that O " My son and daughter in law are far, but they tell me everything".

    Some people do need psychological treaments like this. So just give it a try, once she is satisfied with it, Insha Allah she herself will stop coming on Skype daily and asking details.

    Regarding bad intentions, I mentioned to you a verse of the Qur'an above, no matter how bad their intentions are, if Allah is your helper, none can overcome you. So trust Him alone.

    As far as buying the ticket and emptying the Bank A/c is concerned, why? For what? If you do not have funds you should say courteously - " O so and so, I am having some financial crunch at the moment, or I am unable to have enough "free" funds at the moment to do so. I hope you understand my situation".

    What false pride for? It is not necessary that every person living in Europe is able to afford anything demanded any time. Let them get this cleared in their mind. Let him kindly respond and say " I can't" to them so that they may know.

    About hotel, yes, if they have enough money, they could have chosen to live in a near by hotel, where by they could be at your apartment during day and go there by night. But we can't say much as it is a family matter and we do not know how close the ties are. Sometimes it so happens parents think " O I am going to my son's house, why should I take a hotel. Or son would feel, my mother is coming to my place, why would she take a hotel when she is in my city?".

    So these things do happen as part of relationships and you have to manage them, work out things and always seek Help of Allah in all matters.

    Insha Allah, in Paradise you won't have any of these issues, but this is Earth, a place of toil and testing, so put yourself, your personality to a test and see the results, Insha Allah, if you keep patience, you shall pass out the test with the best results.

    You may wear anything they bring, if they bring something to eat, you may do so, trust Allah and remember - the moment you let "suspicion" enter any relationship, be it even between your husband and wife, it will lose its charm, warmth, and loss of trust will affect love and affection and will slowly ruin things. So Trust Allah and do not let suspicion enter your mind, even if those people act wrongly. They are at a loss for wrong actions and not you. Trust in Allah sister.

    11. O ye who believe! Let not a folk deride a folk who may be better than they (are), nor let women (deride) women who may be better than they are; neither defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. Bad is the name of lewdness after faith. And whoso turneth not in repentance, such are evil doers.
    12. O ye who believe! Shun much suspicion; for lo! some suspicion is a crime. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you love to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Ye abhor that (so abhor the other)! And keep your duty (to Allah). Lo! Allah is Relenting, Merciful. - Surah Hujurat.

    Also read Qur'an translations in the house, make it a habit, Insha Allah it is healing mercy for believers and it will be of Help.

    Hope the advice helps.


    * * *

    Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.

    • salam
      I like your comments very much.
      May Allah help us to do the best in our life
      I have difficulty in my life now so I will be thankfull of you if you can give me some advice also.

  2. Salaams Sister

    You shouldn't allow such people to live with you in your home but I suppose that their part of the family so you don't have much of a choice. Protect yourself and read all the Duas and try to steer clear away from them. Avoid any unneccessary talks with them. Be polite with them. Remember this is just temporary, they would only be there for four more days longer!

    Is your husband aware that his dad phoned and mentioned this to you? If your father in law warned you about them, did he warn his wife and sister that what their doing is so wrong?


  3. Thank you for posting this. I don't feel so alone. I'm living in England and am married to a Frenchman. Next week his parents and brother are coming to stay which is forcing me to leace our two bedroom flat and stsy with ny parents with our baby, so they can sleep in our home. I'm sure it's being done to causeas much disruption as possibl. We Skype every two days with my mother in law, for over an hour and my husband does nothing to help because he can't. He had to sit there with the stupid ipad chatting while im cookong, washing up, bathing the baby, putting the baby to bed, then doing the ironing. He does nothing because he csbt tell that stupid woman'no!'

    • As salaam Walaikum

      I need your help big time, my mother in law who lives in Pakistan is trying to get my husband married again. Allah knows what she did that my husband wants to divorce me just to fulfil his mother’s wish. My hubby’s love for me hasn’t faded at all but he is just being stubborn that he made a promise already. I don’t understand why this lady wants to break my marriage, I never had a row with her I have always kept my cool. My in-laws live in Pakistan and we live in London happily married fir almost 11 years now. I am living a hell everyday please help me if you can. It feels like she has casted a spell on him and so he is trapped, he is also suffering but he cannot do nothing about this divorce decision.

      Thank you

      • Asalamualaykum Urmila,

        Wow...I'm sorry about your situation. Have you had an open conversation with your husband detailing your concerns and feelings? No husband who truly loves his wife would divorce her to marry another (or else I am naive!). Sounds like your husband's feelings for you are wavering for him to even consider such a thing. Ask him outright if he still loves you, and if so, why he isn't considering your feelings in all of this.

        If you want more advice, please register on this website and submit your question as a separate post.



  4. Am hindu family girl, sai baba devotee, so we love all religious, also i believed allha.
    Brothers and sisters,i got married on 12/12/ husband name was sivapraksh. Before marriage my husband loved me mother in law also.always told me your my daughter. She only have to son.i got married to elder son. From the first day itself she start to torture me, but i hide everything with my parents. We are middle class family, my father give car gold,home applianceg,with e help of bank loan.but she expect more.if my husband speak me,she fight with him,so he start to avoid me,my parents also start to know about this problem ..then we stay alone in my husband own flat,then whole family start to torture me,inlaws and brother in laws,daily send my husband very late at 10 to 11.he avoided me totally, but i love,i take lot care to him,cook hotel style, because he like to eat in hotel,he is bit week in health, healthy foods only i cook,i do facial,hair dye,i love him lik anything,i think him as my soul,god,friend. Because of parents and brother he avoiding.we dont have relationship also,i just focus to love,once he start to love, all problem will over know. But hole family play game with me, they plan to give divorce but am not understand. Daily my husband cry in sleep, i got fear,told me evil coming in dream, then we go temples, after week he start speak in dream, then we sleep in pooja room(god place). Then inlaws come to our flat daily creteing problems. Finally they put big plan. My husband not return my home july 8 i give complained to police,for three days he is not returned. I though some thing happened to my husband so i took poison.,without my i cant live, i admit in hospital, my parents got phone,my husband returned home,because of my torture he went out know given statement in police station,his uncle is advocate(also he is x minister son in law). they given more torture to our family,also told to give mutual divore,otherwise,they put case on us also kill us told,make us afraid,but we only pray with god, after one we got one news,that advocate died, he try to ch one lady property allso try to spoil her,so she push him from 3 rd floor. but still my in laws not stop anything, send me initial divorce notice,we send reply, allha i want my husband siva again,today i go masjid and pray with allha,.also she did black magic to separate us.siva aunty she do black magic with the help of muslim. Allha only break all this magic.daily i play some duas in youtube, i dono to do dua,i dont have quarn,but daily i pray with allha.please you all pray for me, i bug u all. I want my husband. I known he loves me,because of parents doing like this.allha should change all,also want to spot divorce

    • Salaams,

      Is your husband Muslim? If he is, and you'r Hindu, the marriage is not even valid from an Islamic standpoint. Hinduism is considered a religion of unbelief by Muslims, and marriage to an unbeliever is not recognized.

      If he is not Muslim, then I am afraid we won't be able to give you meaningful advice, since this is a website advising according to Islam. Unfortunately, the view you would be put with is that your belief system is wrong to begin with, so anything that you are going through in life is very likely rooting in that. There is no remedy for it except to correct your beliefs, and come to Islam as the truth.

      -Amy Editor

  5. Salam need to know what does orange peels mean on doorstep my mother in law put orange peels on her doorstep some scattered in the garden we share one garden last week it was on window this week on doorstep she's not happy with me wants to destroy my marriage and children

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