Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In-laws rights over daughter-in-law in Islam?

Happy relatives and in-laws

Relatives and in-laws.

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Does my mother-in-law have any right over my gold?

I deserve better, so I wish to live in a separate flat

My question is about what my brother in law tells me always. He tells me when you die Allah wont ask you how you dealt with your parents instead he will only ask you about how you looked after your in-laws.

Reading and hearing and learning most of the duties of women I came to understand that its a son's duty to look after his parents and not his wife's, and if she is doing it, its out of her kindness. Also that a women's duty is not to cook and wash always. So I don't personally think Allah will ask only about your in-laws.

Can you clear my doubt?


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3 Responses »

  1. Assalamualaikum fhan,

    Your brotehr in law has lied. He is probably unaware of rights that a mother has over her children. Yes, the priority is her husband, even over the mother.

    You should take care of your husband's parents while you live with them, but stay away from your brother in law. Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihu Wasallam has warned, saying thatvthe brother in law is "death", in a Saheeh Hadeeth.

    You would be pleasing your husband by looking after his parents, who are his priority. So, do not neglect them.

    May Allah give us the correct understanding and the tawfeeq to act on it. Aameen

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  2. Asalaamualaykum Fhan,

    Please note: The purpose of marriage is NOT for a man to find a maid for his parents.

    Of course Allah will ask us about how we dealt with our parents; your brother in law's words are totally baseless. His opinion is one that is very common in the Indian subcontinent.

    Just as Allah will ask you about how you dealt with your parents, He(swt) will also ask your husband and your brother in law about how they dealt with their parents.

    Both husband and wife should be good to their respective in laws. If you are good to his parents, your husband will love you more, if your husband is good to your parents, it will make you love him more. Whatever you do for your parents in law is out of goodwill and kindness, not through responsibility. The responsibility for taking care of your parents in law falls upon your husband and his siblings, including his sisters. The same way the responsibility for your parents falls upon you and your siblings. Ideally, you should support each other to take care of each others parents.

    A woman's responsibility is also not to 'always cook and wash' either. Although these things are normal duties of maintaining one's home and each couple should have a mutual understanding about how domestic chores are done. Our beloved Prophet(sws) used to do domestic chores, something which many men unfortunately like to ignore.

    If a husband and wife enjoy doing things for each other mutually and also show appreciation and respect, I am sure they will have a good relationship in'sha'Allah.

    As for your brother in law, if he holds such opinions as you have mentioned, I think it would be in your best interests to keep your interaction with him to a minimum.

    SisterZ Editor

  3. waalaikumusalam..

    Thanks a lot for the replies.

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