Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In love and desperate for sex


I believe i'm facing too many problems in my life than an average 21 years old guy, or maybe i'm just with this childish notion. I want to share the two biggest problems of mine which are driving me crazy.

1 - I'm madly in love with a girl for 1.5 year or so. I know her through a Facebook group. For the initials, i want to clear that we have never been in any sort of Haram relationship. I confessed to her months ago and I was happy to know that she has mutual feelings for me and she had been waiting for me to confess. She told me that she would talk to her parents about this, so I should wait. Those days of patience were the best ones I have ever had, to be honest. Even though, I was waiting, but I was happy that she loves me, too. Anyway, I felt that she would have discussed with her parents by now, so I wanted to ask her but I realized she was ignoring me for an unknown reason. First, she wouldn't reply me. I waited days for her reply but she wasn't responding by any chance. I got worried that what has happened. Then, one day she told me that she did Istikhaara and it was negative about me, so she doesn't feel a thing for me anymore, hence I should drop the idea to marry her. I was so shocked to know that. I didn't know what to do anymore and that's where the happiness disappeared in my life. I still feel strongly for her and even at the current moment, my sentiments for her haven't changed. I love her so much. I don't want to imagine how my life will be if I can't have her. I'm not sure she is lying or not because she isn't the type to lie and that also such a big lie. After that, I went physically and mentally sick to some extent. I don't know what has happened to me. I stopped hanging out with my friends. I don't want to attend University classes anymore. I don't know how many times I wished death during all this. This whole incident left a major impact in my life. She doesn't reply me anymore but I just can't live without her. What should I do? Please assist me.

2 - Lust is going heavy on me. I noticed that for past 2 months, my libido has gone so strong that it's not easily controllable and I'm not sure what caused this. I didn't use any medicine, pills or something. I don't watch porn either. Well, not anymore. You may think that at the young age this is common problem, but it has never happened to me before beyond my strength. I don't feel active anymore and sex is the only thing stays in my mind for whole day. Strangely enough, it was still affecting me badly during Ramadan fasts and it's just inexplicable how difficult it was for me to resist all this. I used to masturbate a lot but then I learned that it's sin, so i decreased it. I still do once in a month. I know it's a sin but I can't help it. I ask for forgiveness for this act every now and then and you may not believe me but even in Masjid, this thing goes high on me. I'm really tensed what to do. I pray, I recite, I fast but it seems like this strong urge to have sex isn't going away. Every night, I hit my bed and it feels so lonely down there that I get sexual arousal instantly and I fight it with all night until I sleep. My breath goes fast and I sweat and my heartbeat races a lot controlling myself during all this process especially at night. It's really frustrating and I want this to go away as soon as possible because I know it's not good for me. I don't want to fornicate. I don't even want to masturbate but the way it's horrible for me. I belong to Pakistan and guys here don't easily get married unless they are well settled to afford a family. My education would take easily 4 more years to be completed and after all, I'll have job and after then, I'll be able to send a proposal to others but I feel like I can't bear it that long. This all disturbs me so much that sometimes, I feel to marry as soon as possible not matter who but even if I could marry someone, maybe I wouldn't because I only want to marry the girl I deeply love. Please don't think that I want to marry her just to have sex with her. I was in love with her 1.5 years ago whereas this strong sexual desire started disturbing me just 2 months ago or so. That's all I have to say. I'm posting it here because I just can't simply discuss these topics with anyone, not even with my friends as it's too embarrassing for me to do so. Hopefully, I'll find good advices and help from here.

Thank you in advance!


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17 Responses »

  1. Aslaamualikum brother,

    I was wondering where that girl lives??? I asked becaz i thought why dont u send ur perents to her home and ask her hand??? Only then u might be able to find out why shes behiving like this?? Has she even talk to her famly or not?? Only then u will be able know whether to wait for her or to forget and move on??? U mentioned u cant get married in young age. Why dont u try to understand ur perents send them to her home. Do ur engegment or nikah then when ur ready and finishe ur studies then u should have the party and do the rukhsati.

    May allah help u and ease ur problmas.

  2. Go spend 40 days min. in tabligh ....This is were we can learn practice and teach...Your local sunni mosque is were the Jamaats are and you need this in your life or else you will lose yourself to this duniya..

  3. Brother, youre just 21
    this problem of lust will continue for you for quite some time. We all go through this.
    I would suggest you to reduce food intake , like eat bare minimum to survive. A shaykh also suggested to recite Astaghfirullah 1000 to 10000 times daily. you will not have time to sin and it will help you spiritually also and reduce lust.

    Also recite durood sharif im abundance and dont go crazy for that girl. Believe me brother you guys met on social media, she probably knows a dozen more guys, do you think she is THE ONE? No bro love doesnt work like that, it has no meaning, just be steadfast and stop chasing her. You will find your spouse when Allah wills it for you.
    and DO not Stop taking classed and studying. theres a LONG life ahead. You will regret all those times when you wasted your important years due to a girl . Would it matter to you when youre 45 ? focus on studies and a job bro dont lose focus. best of luck

    • I'm practicing the religion, bro. I fast, too. But kinda, uh, feeling difficult with fasts. My libido goes down for quite some time, and reaches again up to the intolerant level.

      Actually, I tried to leave her but I can't. I don't know if she is the one or not, but I love her a lot.

      Well, I'm back on the track with studies and classes, but with highly disturbed mind. Anyways, thanks for best wishing.

  4. I would advice you to make it your habbit to recite ' auzubillahi min ashaytan ir rajeem " and go in the protection of Allah swt , these thoughts will reduce . You will see yourself that it will help you a lot.

  5. Brother don't trust her that much and if she ignores you Allah knows more what is better for your future
    some times some people never tell you the truth specially some girls. So use your common sense.
    Remember ladies/sisters talk to different men and pick one so if you may not be it's ok to happened. Keep going.
    The other think is to put your soul desires under your control do this two think.
    1: fast specially Mondays and Thursdays if you can do more it's better.
    2: connect your self to Allah eg pray the five salawaat in the masjid and get friends
    Personally this is what I did when I was your age while go through the same path you are now. It gave me the confident to control my life and Waite the right person and it happened.
    May Allah help you ease your problems

  6. Salaam dear brother.

    I've been through something exactly like this when I was 21. It's tough.

    What helped me and inshaa Allah will help you:

    1) Cut all ties with this girl. Leave contacting her on Facebook. Leave all groups, delete all messages, and even consider blocking her if it doesn't help.

    2) Watch your gaze all the time.

    3) Know and firmly believe that Allah is the best of planners and He will always give you that which is best for you, even though you might not see it at the moment in this present test.

    • Waa-alaikum-us-salam! Must have been hard on you, too.

      Well, bro, about your first point, I don't know, but it doesn't feel right to leave contacts with her. I mean, she is the only one I love and I don't know how to explain it, but yeah. I'm not trying to do anything bad. I just want to marry her as soon as possible.

      As for the second time, yes, I keep my gaze low as much as I can.

      Yes, the third one is certain for sure, but it's really hard to grasp and digest.

      Anyways, thank you very much.

  7. this masturbation thing impacts all of us, i went through depression because of this shit. The only way one can control it is by exercise and fasting. Which is very difficult, the only other option is marriage. Your 21 which is not that young, your situation is very tough brother, i got married when i was 28.

    • I tried. Fasting is really difficult for this purpose. Though, I have been through. It helped me out, somewhat. Not much. It's still really tough for me to control myself. Well, I'm grateful for your response.

  8. Asalam o alaikum!!!!

    First of all i would really appreciate the efforts that you already made and i pray by my heart that may ALLAH (s.w.t) help you and guide you to the right path and never leave you alone in any situation.. I can imagine how much it would be difficult for you but i suggest you to focus once on positive things those are happening to you ... Age of 21 all these feelings and since you know what is right and wrong you know what you want you know what you should do and what not to do you can differentiate between right and wrong please consider this , most of the people can't even do , if they do then they can't stop themselves and you are really blessed ... this is HIDAYAH all this have been sent to you by ALLAH (s.w.t) 🙂 You should thank HIM every time that at least you know ... You have very strong sense of determination and i believe you will do it inshaALLAH!!! Jahan tak bat hy girl ki so i think she is not lying she cant lie about istakhara i know she can't ... No girl can do that .. agr us ny bahana krna hota to bahany bht mil jaty usy... Since if you don't believe, you do istakhara for your internal satisfaction . . Else i know its difficult but let it go ... what ever you are doing to please ALLAH (s.w.t) will not be wasted it means a lot keep going and you will get a best life partner inshaALLAH 🙂 she would be the one ... chosen by ALLAH (s.w.t)... No doubt HE knows the best i think HE has the best for you and HE will give it to you on the best time i have a lot to write 😛 but its enough i pray for you .. may ALLAH (s.w.t) help you and guide you to the righteous path and bring the best to you in the best times 🙂 ameen sumameeen!!!
    - Although i don't know any wazifas 😛 since i suggest you ayat-ul-kursi whish protects you from anything except death
    Stay blessed jazakALLAH

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