Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In love but my Mum says no

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Really need some advice from someone...

Basically i'm with someone, been with him for a year and have known him for 4 years, we both are in love with each other.

His family came to my house to ask for my hand but my mum said no straight away without even getting to know the family.. since that time we thought we should go in our deen as were were not in our deen properly, so we both pray 5 times a day, read qura'an etc. He has changed a lot. He's my soulmate, we do everything together and whenever i'm upset his the only person i can really talk to..

long story short.. After family saying no, he decided he still aint going to leave me and we can work something out.. so we decided to do istikhara, he had done it first & he got this dream... we didn't know what it meant so he went to see a molvi & the molvi said '' don't worry the dream that you had mean this & that & so many people have come to me wishing they had a dream like that just be more into your deen."

& couple of days after my bf went to read namaaz there & the molvi pulled him over to one side & said that he had a dream about my bf getting married to me & that my bf gave him a wedding card & said to the molvi thanks for the dua everything...

I am in such a stressful situation i get depressed thinking about this & seriously don't know what to do

Need advice please.


- Inayah

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6 Responses »

  1. Asalamualaikum sister , dont worry inshallah everything will be fine, sister do not depend on dreams for decissions as dreams can be even from shytan also, sister dont stress yourself , see the person who had totally put his trust in aallah will not depend on anything else other than allah , at the end u must understand everything hapens by will of allah and when allah is with you nothing can harm you, forget about those dreams and other things , and pray allah for bless you what is good for you in this duniya and hereafter, allah mite not bless us with what we want but will bless us what is best for us . and u must undrstand having bf is haraam and communicating to him will lead you into more emotional breakdown in future instead of this talk to your elders and convince them and never hurt your parents plss , just relax and leave everything to allah he knows what is best for us .

    jazakallah khair

  2. -what is your mom's reasons for saying no?

    -can you involve some other elder from your family who is intelligent and mature and open minded who can speak to your mom on your behalf?


    -It is possible that your mom has some invalid reasons and some valid reasons for saying no. You need to hear them out. You also need to stop chit chatting and continuining a 'relationship' with a man who is not your husband yet. If he is serious, thats fine. pursue marriage! but please stop having a relationship. It is forbidden for a man and woman to basically carry on an emotional relationship as if they are married. Because soo much harm comes from this and then the people only realize after it's too late. so please for your own sake, both of you try to figure out a solution but keep distance as you are not married.

    Believe me..any haram aspects before marriage don't bless a marriage afterwards.

  3. Assalam-o-alaikum.Sorry for interfering but i have a little confusion.As everyone says haram relationships are never blessed by Allah then why Allah helps such partners to turn their relationship in halal one?so many examples of love marriages,living happily and contented,while many people are not blessed in this aspect...

  4. Sister,

    You have placed yourself in the difficult position by having a relationship, no matter how innocent or how pure, with someone before marriage. Now your are suffering greatly emotionally because of this.

    This is why Allah's guidance is so important. Allah gave us these powerful emotions, and they can rule our mind, and make us act in ways that are not it our own best interest. The plan of Allah is to have a wali (our father or brother or uncle, or another pious local elder if appropriate) help guide us in this area. Their role is to try to see the true character and deen of each person, and try to find a match that will last, not one that is dominated by infatuation or physical attraction.

    However, if your emotions lead you to believe this person is the right choice, you must get back on your path and allow yourself to follow the will of Allah.

    Stop your relationship with him. Recognize that this relationship is haram. Prostrate to Allah and ask for forgiveness, with a pure heart, knowing what you did was haram. Tell your father and mother you have done this, and discuss that matter with them. Ask them to consider discussing the possibility of marriage with his family. Do not set a time table or time limit on this. You have gone off your path, and you must be an adult and deal with the consequences of your actions.

    Show your parents that you can return to your path. There is nothing wrong with you requesting he be considered as a candidate to be your husband if you are on your path. If you are on your path, your parents will see this and will be more likely to consider your request.

    Remember, you will be with your husband for the rest of your life, inshallah. This is not a decision to take lightly.

    One more thing to consider also. A wise man once advised me about the aspect of respect for your future spouse. We all need to be careful with feelings for the opposite sex. The special bond and affection for a spouse is so important. You are yet to be married. If you have developed deep affection for another person before you wed, it detracts from giving yourself fully to your future husband, whoever it may be. How would your feel if the man you eventually marry has secret feelings for someone he was not allowed to marry for whatever reason? Do you not think this might hurt your heart if you found out? In the same way, you must try to avoid having too much affection for another before you are married.

    Good luck, sister. Stay on your path! Allah will be with you.

    IslamicAnswers Editor

    • good reply sis, you know i have been hurted very badly in my life but allah protected me and saved me from wrong hands, i belive we must put our full trust in allah as only he knoe what is best for us 🙂

  5. GET SOME ONE to have a wprd with your mum and find out why shes not agreeing..shes your mum...havepatience sister.

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