Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In love with a Christian lady, who is nine years older than me

Assalamu alaikum w.w.!!!

internet safety, online love, paedophile, abuse, lies

Is your online friend really who you think they are?

I am 20 years old boy lives in maharashtra state of india, And my name is Arif. I am in love with a women who lives in philippines and we love each other so much.....but the problem is...She is a Chrstian with 7 year old baby and separated from her husband and also She is 9 years elder than me. She met me through internet chating...We both really want to get married.....but I havE heard that getting divorced in philippines is not allowed....

She is ready to convert 2 Islam ...if  its possible for me also to get marry with her as its also difficult for me get marry with her because of my parents. But INSHA ALLAH I will try ma best 2 marry with her ,if its possible....plssssss reply me as soon as possible with the best solution INSHA ALLAH...Allah Hafiz...

-Well wisher

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11 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    First things first. It sounds like there are some technical things that need to take place before you can even think about marrying this woman. First of all, if she is not even divorced yet from her first husband, she must do that. If she is unable to get a divorce in the phillipines, then she needs to decide what she is going to do or what she is able to do to get a divorce somewhere else, if that's even possible. I suggest that you don't continue talking with her until she works out that crucial detail. In fact, you don't have any business talking to a married woman, even if she is saying she and her husband are no longer together. If you just met her and only know her over the internet, how do you know what she is telling you is truth?

    If she wants to convert to Islam, she can do that whether she divorces her current husband or not. She can do that whether she remarries you or anyone else, or not. That is her own personal choice, and she should be making that decision exclusive of the "marrying you" equation.

    Again, if I were you, I would tell this lady that until she gets her current marital affairs in order, she shouldn't be in any contact with you going forward. For all you know, you may be wasting time on something that is not meant to be, when you could be spending that time getting to know young ladies who are truly available for marriage.

    -Amy Editor

    • I truly believe her AMY...I wanted to know that.....getting divorce in philippines is not allowed...only annulment is possible there....So can i still get married with her....if she gets convert to islam?
      Apart from that...I want to teach her Ismalic can u pls describe should I start with?
      I really love her so much AMY...If its not possible for me to marry with her in my future.....but i atleast want her to get convert in Islam......pls reply as soon as possible.....ALLAH HAFIZ

      • Salaams,

        Whether she converts is not the issue. You CANNOT marry a woman who is already married to someone else! Period. Since she is married, you have no business talking with her about anything, even Islam. Period. Allah is the Only Guide, and if it's His decree she becomes Muslim, HE is perfectly able to take care of the details of that without you being involved. Do the right thing brother, and move on with life.

        -Amy Editor

        • I want to answer you base on islamic perspective, if the lady converts to islam, she don't need to even divorce her husband because her marriage with her husband is authomatically cancelled if after her iddah (waiting period) he too did'nt convert.. So after she convert and finish her iddah (last for 3 month), she is free and lawful to marry you islamically.. I would'nt advice you to abandon her since she is been seperated from her husband for along time and her husband has abandoned her and move on with his life. I feel that had it been there is divorce in philipine or the anulment process is not hard and does'nt take time (years), they would have been divorced long before now. And parhaps her husband has abandoned her, move on and want to destroy and frustrate her life by not complying with the anulment.... Use this uppurtunity to teach her islam and let her convert for the sake of Allah (not for marrying), then after her iddah, you might start discussion the marriage with her.. Also is a good idea for her to struggle for anulment in her country so as to avoid problems. . . . Again be careful about your discussion with her not to cross the limit of commiting sin

          • jazakallah bro......And just want 2 know that when will iddah is started....pls elaborate it properly...

          • Salaams,

            You are technically correct Mohd. If a woman converts on her own, her marriage does become invalid at a point if her husband remains non Muslim. However, this doesn't mean Muslim men are supposed to go around meddling in existing marriages and converting the wives with selfish intent, so they can pluck them up for themselves once the marriage becomes invalid. This is totally against what Islam is about. a Muslim man with any taqwa is not going to even talk to a married woman unnecessarily, but what you've said here is only providing a loophole for someone who appears to be trying to find a way to justify the lines he already crossed. He shouldn't have been talking with her to begin with, but now that he has and his emotions for her are in control of his spiritual logic, he's looking for anyone to tell him he's proper to keep on this path with her.

            Besides, this advice about the marriage becoming invalid is only according to Islam, and the Philippines is not an Islamic state. If she took this advice and ran off to marry someone else, leaving the country even, her husband in the Philippines would continues to have marital rights over according to their law. He could easily have her extradited and charged with bigamy or adultery.

            All this is not even to mention the fact that you are taking this woman at her word. How does anyone even truly know she's not lying, and just trying to have an affair or trying to bilk money out of someone? Honestly,, who would recommend someone who meets someone online, and who lives in an entirely different country, to trust everything they are saying without hesitation? That's just plain risky and foolish.

            Mohd, you said this woman has been separated from her husband a long time, where are you getting this? The OP doesn't give a timeframe about this at all. He's young and clearly impressionable, and he's not even enlisting his parents support. For you to encourage him to keep involving himself in this situation is asking him to take risks he shouldn't have to take. Dawa is not an excuse for a single young man to keep affiliating with a woman unsupervised. There are plenty of ways to learn about Islam for those who are truly seeking, so he shouldn't be encouraged to keep fraternizing with her for that purpose only.


  2. the only thing I have for you to say is WAKE UP!!!!!!

  3. First, you must teach her religion for the sake of Allah and then convince her to accept it... She must also accept the religion for the sake of Allah with all her heart, and not because she wants to marry you. This means even though it turn out that both of you are not marrying, she will still remain a muslim and devouted to her religion. .... Then immediately after her conversion, she has to inform her husband that she has already change her faith to islam what does he think about it, is he ready to convert too.... And then the iddah will start counting right from the time she revert and it will last for three month. If the husband didn't convert whilst the iddah (waiting period) is over, her marriage with him is authomatically cancelled and all she need to do is to return his bridal money to him. Then she is free to marry anyone. But if he refuse to accept the bridal money or his family refuse, that's there problem, she is already free to marry any one whether they recieve it or not .. However, to avoid problems with her ex husband, she should also go to a sharia court in india or saudi arabia or any country and seek there assistance so that they would officially call the ex husband and terminate the marriage in his present... But if she thinks going to the sharia court is not necessary because the guy has already abandoned her and move on, then immediately the iddah is over, you might start discussing about you marriage..... Somethings to understand,,,,, a muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non muslim man except he converts to islam, This is due to the commandment of Allah in chapter 60 verse 10 of the holy koran. '' O YOU WHO BELIEVE! WHEN BELIEVING WOMEN COME TO YOU AS EMIGRANTS (reverts/convert), EXAMINE THEM; ALLAH KNOWS BEST AS TO THEIR FAITH, THEN IF YOU ASCERTAIN THAT THEY ARE TRUE BELIEVERS, SEND THEM NOT BACK TO THE DISBELIEVERS. THEY ARE NOT LAWFUL (wives) FOR THE DISBELIEVERS.........'''. Also muslim men are not allowed to marry disbelievers/non muslims except ahlil kitaab ie jews and christians, but this is strongly not recomended due to the marital and interfaith problems that would be araising between the couples..

    • Salaams,

      You said:

      However, to avoid problems with her ex husband, she should also go to a sharia court in india or saudi arabia or any country and  seek there assistance so that they would officially call the ex husband and terminate the marriage in his present

      However, according to the law in Philippines this would not be accepted or recognized. The fillipino husbands rights would still prevail and be upheld. Also, Philippines does not recognize abandonment as a grounds for annulment:

      Filipinos who have obtained a divorce outside of the Philippines must still obtain an annulment in the Philippines to regularize their situation.

      SEPARATION: being separated from your spouse with or without communication is not grounds for annulment. It does not matter how many years you are separated. There is no law that annuls or voids a marriage automatically. Only a judge in a court of law can annul, void or nullify a marriage.


      Amy Editor

  4. In philippines, a "Code of Muslim Personal Laws of the Philippines" is established under Presidential Decress 1083. This law recognizes divorce for Muslims.

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