Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In love with a boy who’s left Islam

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Will our love story have a happy ending?

Saalam Alaikum.... Am 19 years and i have been in a relationship with a guy since high school when i was like 15 years old. Although we've kissed and hugged occasionally nothing as ever gone beyond that because we are both virgins waiting for our marriage and he is in the uk and am in canada so the distance makes it impossible to commit any act of zina even though i didnt know that kissing was zina!!!!!. But the problem is that he's not a muslim and he's hell bent on getting married to me. Although he was a muslim when we were in high school but now that he's in the uk with his mum he started going to church with her probably to make her happy. And my family will never agree to him not being a muslim and i love him so much and he has been through a lot just to assure me that he loves me despite the distance. I dont know if i should pressurize him to take the ghusl again or i should let him do it on his own... but either way my family wont let me marry a non-muslim and he doesnt see it as a problem because he believes that love can conquer all.


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11 Responses »

  1. Salam .Save yourself because the ummat is very weak and unstable.Too many mixed haram relations.Kids born out of wedlock. Young muslim marriages don't last to long.Abusive relationships and homosexuality. This is because we are in last phases of the end of times.We have not understood are purpose of existence not alone praying salah which is the first order given by Allah.The muslims are being divided as well they have mixed culture.Know this and it is a fact.Success in this world and in the hereafter is only Obeying the commandments of Allah and teachings of prophet Muhammad. There is no other way.whether he thinks he is the most intelligent person or richest .His life will be filled with stress worries hardship and he will die unsuccessfully and raised on the day judgement for his destiny. This is the reality. So my advice is remind him of worshipping Allah and keep away from idols.You must move on.SHAITAN is lays present when there is no remembrance no practice.SHAITAN will wait for he is crafty and knows you better since the day you were born.So turn your life around and learn Deen properly. Live a life of Barakah and serve Allah.For those who help Allah's religion .Allah helps them in everyway imaginable or in imaginable and defiantly will enter paradise Inshallah. Sister love is not first sight first kiss.This is a big deception and illusion of SHAITAN who put this desire into the heart.

  2. zina doesn't take place without penetration!

    • Zina does happen without penetration. There are many levels of Zina starting from just looking at the opposite sex with lustful eyes right upto penetration.

      Please learn more about the meaning of Zina before giving wrong information to other people.

      • Asif, in a spiritual sense what you say is true. However when it comes to the zinaa which is punishable according to the hudood of Islam, it requires penetration.

        Wael Editor

  3. Salam sister
    Dont worry about it much, just tell him firmly that he has got to be a Muslim or no. If he is really "hel bent" on marrying you then he will respond by going back to Islam, if not then don't waste your time. Even though it may break your heart, who is more important in the long run? Allah or this boy?

    • Thanks ..i told himm but he's saying tthat if i truly love him ...religion should'nt be a barrier

      • Aisha, Islam is a gateway to what is good, and a barrier against what is bad. So yes, it is a barrier against a wrong relationship.

        Wael Editor

  4. Dear Sister,


    I think you have to think why your family doesn't allow you to marry a non muslim. It's because of Islam. Rather than asking whether your family will allow you to marry a non muslim you have to think whether Islam will allow you to marry a non muslim.

    As you are a Muslim and you have accepted Allah as your Master then you have to follow the rules according to Islam. And according to Islam a muslim woman cannot marry a non muslim man. If you still go ahead and marry a non muslim then you are going against not only your family but you are going against Allah too.

    So think as a muslim woman what decision will best for your afterlife.

    Also do you really want to marry a guy who doesn't take his religion seriously. He has left Islam and has been going to churches to make his mother happy. So basically this guy doesn't have firm belief in anything. Do you think you will be happy spending rest of your life with a guy who doesn't understand Islam and will not guide you to become a better muslimah.

    The life of this world is temporary. And the life after death is permanent. Please don't spoil your everlasting life for few years of pleasure in this temporary life. Leave him for the sake of Allah and InshaAllah Allah will provide you with a better Muslim husband than that guy.

    Also if you marry a guy who has left Islam then there is a chance that you might also leave Islam in the future as his incorrect thoughts will corrupt your mind too.

    And all this talk about love is temporary. After marriage the love will soon fade away. And if both of you don't have a common religion then there will surely be lots of misunderstandings and fighting's between you two which will make both of your life miserable.

    May Allah guide you in the right path.

  5. Salam Aisha, I too was once in this spot. I'm an American Christian married to a wonderful Muslim woman from Singapore. We have been together for 11 years now, but it hasn't always been easy. Her parents of course are to say the least very irritated by us being together. We have three children each has an Islamic first name and my last, we share holidays, and we don't bring religion in to heated discussions. I guess what I've been trying to say is that if you two truely believe in being with eachother you should be, regardless of what the world might tell you. I've spent a few restless nights alone while she's off visiting I know every person she knows back home tells her to stay and not come home. That if I was going to convert I would have by now, but you know what in the end she always picks "us". That's how it has to be if you both want this, you both have to pick "us". I wish you all the best.


  6. It isn't permissible for you to marry a non Muslim sister,

    It isn't advisable for you to attempt to 'force' him to convert to Islam, it is necessary for belief to come from the heart in order to be classified as a Muslim, so when taking the shahadah it is necessary that the confirmation of words uttered come from the heart, and are not said in an attempt to find a loop hole around what is permissible and what is not.

    Your very young sister, if you concern yourself with islam, inshallah in time Allah will give you something better then this for you, and will remove your grief, look at this situation logically, your going to cause yourself a lot of heartache if you keep pursuing this relationship, Allah will not be on your side, if you do not act according to his commandments, take a look at the many many stories on this site, where people have suffered disastrous consequences by not obeying Allah and believing they can find happiness and contentment outside of what is Islamic, Allah has set boundaries for us to follow as Muslims to safeguard us from this consequences, please do not be led to believe for one moment that disobedience will ever lead to anything but misery.

    My advice to you would be

    1. cut off all contact with this man, you have established that it is haram for you to be in contact with him, therefore you will now be held accountable before Allah.

    2. Put the grief and emotion you feel into your dua to Allah, ask him to make this easy for you, repent for what you have done so far, and Allah will forgive you inshallah,

    3. Try to keep yourself busy, make friends ( if you can) with some sisters your age, who will remind you of Allah and who will advise you well.

    4. Remember the Shaytaan WILL come and try to seduce you with what ifs, or manipulate you with emotion, BUT remember that if you give something up for the sake of Allah, he WILL bless you with better.

    Take care of yourself sister and I wish you all the best Inshallah

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