Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In Love with a Christian girl. What next?

Love and Marriage

Love and Marriage

Assalamu Alaikum Brothers and Sisters.

I'm a born Muslim raised by parents with good values. While I was in college I used to offer all prayers everyday which is not happening due to nafs/hectic work in office. My Reading Quraan is also has been limited to Ramzaan only. But I've already completed reading it with translation and partially detailed from tafseer.

The company I work for has recruited a new Christian girl and on day one I had fallen in love (15 days ago, if it matters). I had thought of getting friendly with her to get to know her(no sinful/marriage thoughts so far) so I sent friend request on facebook. I don't know why but she did accept it and I made her talk about many things.

After our communication I have realized that she is a decent, well mannered and educated girl aware of her boundaries and ensuring I or no one crosses them. A true family girl and god loving person. I would dare to say every inch of her life is in love with Jesus (no she is not a nun, I confirmed that) and wears chastity ring so is not interested in Love at all..

This goodness of her has casted a spell on me and I've decided to get married with her at any cost. I've realized if she is this good now how good she will be after embracing Islam.

1. how should I invite her to revert to Islaam?
2. what should I do, continue my relationship as friend/ propose her for marriage?
3. How should I convince her for marriage?
4. How should I convince my parents, my married sister and sister's orthodox family?
5. How should I convince my Lady Love's family?

What I've done so far:
1. Be a friend, trustworthy one.
2. explained my awareness about my and other religions.
3. Open discussion on Christianity her belifs, my beliefs(as we have been taught in Quraan)

PS: she is a trainee and may relocate in next 45 days so my countdown has already begun.

JazaakAllahu Khairan Kaseera..

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13 Responses »

  1. Wa akaykumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu

    Dear brother I suggest that you try and keep up with your prayers and zikr. It could be that shaytaan has found a way to lead you to do things that you wouldnt otherwise do.

    Sometimes it could just be an infatuatuon? But if your feelings are so strong regarding this maybe you should talk to her about this. About your Deen.. about your intentions. She will either agree or she wont. And as fr your parents The same goes for them. You wont know till you ask. And if they say no, I can assure you its only for your well being. As they care for you. And want to see you make good choices.

    As ive grown up ive seen that people fall in love numerous times. Each time claiming that "they were the one". As have I and I repent my actions each time.

    Allaa knows best

  2. Problem:
    1. how should I invite her to revert to Islaam?

    She don't have to revert to islam, a Muslim man can marry Christian women.

    2. what should I do, continue my relationship as friend/ propose her for marriage?

    In islam there is no such this as friend specially man and women so to be I. Safe side from Allahs punishment it's better to ask her hand in marriage to her family.

    3. How should I convince her for marriage?

    Ask her frankly what's her future plan ie. weather she want to marry you.

    4. How should I convince my parents, my married sister and sister's orthodox family?

    If you think she is nice tell your parents frankly hear what that say about your choice and respect that dissition.

    5. How should I convince my Lady Love's family?

    Same answer

    Pray ishtikara to make your mind peace...

  3. Salaam Everyone,
    I have done a bigger sin that all of you. In fact 5 big sins.
    1-when I was 6 or 7 I stepped on the Qu'ran.
    2-I lied to my mum. She knows Half the truth and half the lie.
    3- I betrayed my sisters. They trust me now and forgave me but you know how uneasy i feel,I was 10
    4-I used to self-harm because I was bullied. I was 10
    5- when I was 8 everyone used to call me ugly because I had a mustache. I used my dad's razor.
    Yesterday my mother told me that "Allah doesn't forgive those who use metal upon their skins" "self harming is haram. "
    I have done both. I feel awfully bad. I sleep at night but before that i seek his forgiveness My eyes are close but my heart is awake. I feel so depressed. I can't even face my mother. I cant sleep properly or eat. I always seek his forgiveness. When my friends are talking I am not listening to them but reciting "Istagfirullah" in my mind but from my heart. It is all my fault i have done this to myself. I knew that self harming was a bad thing but I did it. I wish to take it back but i can't.
    Since that day I never lied to my mum, self harmed, Fought with my sisters, Use a razor.
    I cried so much. Can you tell me how to seek Allah's forgiveness?

    • Wa Alaikum as Salam wa Rahmatullah,

      Sarah, although you are supposed to create a new post and wait for it to be published, I will answer you in brief. Your deeds before you reach the age of puberty are not counted, except if they were good. It is only after you become responsible and salah becomes wajib on you that you are held responsible for your deeds.

      So, you don't have to get depressed about what you did when you were little. In addition, having hair above the upper lip is not normal for a woman (I wouldn't call it moustache, though). Ulama have said that a Muslim woman who gets facial hair that is specific for men is allowed to remove it. You are not harming yourself by removing it. Just find a safe way to do it that is not harsh on your skin.
      Your mother was not wrong when she said we shouldn't harm ourselves. But you are not forbidden from removing the facial hair that a woman should not have.

      Be honest with your mother and your sisters and obey Allah and His Messenger to the extent possible; and in sha Allah, you'll see Allah's Help. He Says in His Book:

      ومن يتق الله يجعل له من امره يسرى
      And whoever fears Allah, He Makes his/her matters easy.

      You are advised to write a separate post and save it as a Draft for more help.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  4. Sister Sara you are very young and still child. You Already seeking Allah forgiveness in proper way. Don't get overwhelmed . You are just a kid and probably hard for you to grasp your psych issues and conflicts.
    Kids will not be questioned on day of judgement about wrongdoing done during childhood .
    May Allah help you . ask your mom to help you if she is friendly kind mother.

    As for brother Truth seeker. Before moving any further be sure that your side of family is open to this idea. One step at a time. If they agree then simply ask the girl about your situation and intentions. Then let Allah decides for you. Amen .

  5. You have a crush on a co-worker.

    Unless you plan on meeting her with her wali present (keeping in mind that Christians don't have that structure), she is off-limits to you. You can marry her but can't date her or or get to know her one-on-one.

    Aren't there are nice Muslim girls In your area?

  6. Wa Alaikum as Salam wa Rahmatullah,

    My suggestion to you is: "let her relocate and forget about her".


    1. She is a woman who is not a mahram for you, so it is not upon you to do da'wah to her. This is because there is more harm in going forward, even with intention of da'wah.
    2. She is Christian and if you marry her as she is (she does not revert and accept Islam and sharee'ah as a whole), you will see a lot of conflicts between yourselves. If she becomes a Muslim by learning it on her own or she is advised by someone which makes her accept Islam, you can talk to her father about marriage.
    3. If you keep your casual relationship with her, you would be disobeying Allah and putting yourself in harm.
    4. According to a hadith, women are the biggest fitnah for men that exist on the earth, so keep your distance and Fear Allah!
    5. You have been careless or lazy about salah and dhikr, perhaps this is a trap of shaitan to take you further away from Allah.
    6. You saw her and liked her, this is not love but infatuation. It will fade with time, but if you act on it, it may cause you harm in this dunya and in the Aakhirah.

    Shaitan is your biggest and the most experienced enemy. You have no way to escape his trap, except if Allah Helps you. So, strive to obey Him and ignore the instigations of shaitan. Just ignore whatever he whispers.

    It is difficult, because we are not used to it. According to what ulama say, we must have patience upon shaitan's whispers and upon calamities; because by doing so, we would get used to having patience.

    May Allah Give you a righteous Muslimah in marriage

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  7. Thankyou! any chance do you guys know how to clear google chrome browsing history permanently?

  8. Samm, you are mistaken. The Christians at the time of the revelation of the Quran also believed in the Trinity and the doctrine of Christ as the son of God. However, the Quran allowed Muslims to marry their women. The Quran did not specify that they must be monotheists. Yes, they are mushrikeen, but as People of the Book they are an exception to the rule.

    Wael Editor

    • Quran donot allow to marry any mushrik. MUSHRIK got that!

      they dont have any book anymore the totally edited version a short pornography and vulgarity go read Bible OK!

      the people of the book you all are mistaken, you only take Christians as the people of the book because of lust for whitees gorees :D. . Chrsitians and jews are mushriks but a small group of them i just dont know who are they but it is in the Quran thats why Allah knows about that group. in my life i have not found a single christian who is monotheist but complete mushriks

  9. but if you wanna go with your will.... go! but dont say that Allah has given you permission to marry a mushrik. you can have research on this topic please read Quran carefully!

    and ask any professor who has pursued a degree in arabic or islamiyat they will tell you in detail.

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