Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In Love with a Syrian Al Qaeda Fighter

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Salamu alaikum..

im a 21 yrs old sister from north part of iraq, im a medical student soon to be doctor enshalla..

last year in januray i really started looking into islam n tried to start practising Alhamdulilah. I dont come from a very religious backround, im not even doing hijab yet but i really really care for the situation of ummah in heart. And wanted to help!

and as i started learing i reached the topic "jihad" and i started to cominicate with people in shaam "Syria" meaning the opposition not ISIS, they told me that i as a female medic is really needed there they sent me official papers saying they be providing me a place a money to live on ect n i showed my family ofc they refused! as my family think of these people as terrorists and that i still have a year left in uni..

last march i met a fighter who fights Assad regime and ISIS along side Al Qaeda so yeah he is Al Qaeda.. A 30 yrs old europian revert, who already had a wife n a kid he left in europe came to fight.

I know it sounds corny but we fell in love he wanted me to go in intensions of  1-hijra 2-helping in hospitals 3-to marry him, but i was just so new to that depth of islam i wasnt ready! I told him i wasnt gonna come so he married a syrian girl (second wife counting the one in europe) but after his marriage we kept comunicating and our relationship got even stronger n stronger and skyped whenever we had the chance, i know you all gonna say oh haram relationship ok i know but bare with me.

I dont even care that he has a wife i truely deeply love this man at heart, i tried to let it go i have many guy freinds and coworkers but the way he come through my mind like a brisk when im with the very best of men is not normal i cant let this go, and he does not advise me to run away he wants my fathers permission for marriage otherwise the marriage will be zina so my family found out and ofc thy said no and took my passport away which i reaplied and i will be getting it in march..

he thinks i am going, i thought i am going but i see all of his friends die day aftet day..and he might die also and could be soon ! Im so affraid of going and he would die and i wouldnt be strong enough to continue alone without my family!

i was intend to go and get my fathers permission through phone after he realizes i wont be going home..

i honestly dont know now why do i have doubts what should i do?

Should i drop outta uni and go? hijrah is not fard for females now i know all the conditions of it..

please brothers and sisters advise me what to do..

Z


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7 Responses »

  1. Dear sister,
    Sometimes the person we meet online are not what we expect in real life ..I advice you not to go .. ithanks won't be worth disappointing family and leaving career behind...

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    This is a very, very bad idea on a lot of levels.

    1. You've no idea who this guy actually is. It's very easy for someone to deliberately or inadvertently present a different version of themselves online, and you've no way to confirm anything in this guy's story.

    2. If he were truly committed to a halal lifestyle, he wouldn't be chatting online with non-mahram women, let alone suggesting that they leave home and enter into a relationship with him without the agreement of their wali.

    3. Whatever he's saying to glamorise what he's doing, if he's truly involved with these organisations, then getting involved with him could get you in a lot of trouble. These groups are classed as terrorist organisations by the international community - so you could end up in trouble with the law, as well as the moral and ethical concerns of getting involved in such activities. Fighting isn't a romantic endeavour. It's horrible. It's watching people die, killing people, hurting people, getting hurt and potentially killed. Trust me, you do not want to get involved in this.

    4. Syria is a war zone. While it has a proud history of Islamic scholarship and faith, at the moment it's not a safe place to go. People are risking their lives and their families' lives to escape Syria, people are leaving behind everything they've owned and fleeing with nothing but the clothes they're wearing... That tells you something about how dangerous it is to be in Syria at the moment. InshaAllah in future the Muslim community can rebuild what has been damaged in this war and return Syria to the beautiful country it was. But at the moment it's not somewhere to rush off to, especially not without the support of your family.

    I would advise that you cut off contact with this guy and focus on your studies instead. InshaAllah, once you have completed your studies you may be in a place to make a real difference to the lives of people in need - for example, there are many refugee camps and aid agencies which would welcome caring Muslim doctors. You could even discuss with your medical school about whether the medical students might be able to get involved in helping refugees or helping other groups of people in need. Quite a few universities run programmes which organise charitable work, so this might be an option.

    I'd also advise that you learn about Islam from reputable sources. Your local masjid may have study groups or courses, which would be more likely to teach mainstream Islamic teaching, and you can also look for work by reputable scholars - try asking your wali or a respected Muslimah to recommend scholars. Improving your knowledge of Islam is the best way to protect yourself from manipulation by unsavoury characters or extreme viewpoints, and will inshaAllah help you make changes in your life so that you are living in accordance with Islam.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  3. Keep away!!!!!!!Your already if not monitored...From a sunni perspective that follows a school of thought hanafi to be precise.IN ISLAM OUR PROPHET NEVER HURT OR RETALIATED ANYBODY.HIS EXAMPLE WAS LOVE PEACE AND PATIENTS. KILLING ANY CREATION IS NOT RIGHT . IT DOESNT SOLVE ANY PROBLEMS.YOU SEE ALLAH DOESNT HELP PEOPLE WHO DONT PRAY 5 TIMES READ QURAN PRACTICE CHARITY HELP THE WEAK POOR SPEAK NICE TO THE PEOPLE OR ANYONE ETC..JUST BEING AN EXAMPLE OF HOW OUR PROPHET WAS.!!!THEN AN ONLY OUR DUAS GET ACCEPTED.YHE HELP OF ALLAH IS NEVER REJECTED FROM HIS SLAVES.SO KEEP AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO LEARNED ISLAM IN THE BASEMENT.

  4. assalamualaikum from the dear sister I have read your whole entire store story and I feel and I understand where you are coming from on how you feel, but my advice to you my sister is, before you do anything make istikhara it's a special prayer you make to ask Allah for what decision is best for you. Sister be very careful because there are some many evil men out there that search for young girls your age to make them sex slave, and what they do is evil and crafty because they get young girls heart, Subhanallah and make them fall in love with them to make them travel out far to were there are at promise them things they will never give them and these girl your never hear from them again. Sister you are my sister in Islam and I don't want anything bad to happened to you sister. Your all most done with your schooling just one year, in no time sister you be done. Please don't disobey your father because your father is just only trying to protect you and he wants the best for you, no man can love you more then your father just know that. I heard you start learning and practicing Islam, Mashallah sister you should used that when ever you get bored or sad as a distraction. My sister my dua is with you inshallah.

  5. Asalamo alaikom wa Rahmato Allahi wa Barakatoh

    I'm a religious and quite conservative sunni Muslim guy from Syria Alhamdulillah. And I sincerely and wholeheartedly advise you sister to not come to Syria now. What is happening in Syria now is more of a Fitna, and many time so far from being Jihad.

    On the other hand, Al Qaeda are not any much better than ISIS, they both would kill civilians to reach their goals! I'm not simply saying here that if you go to Syria you are only risking your life, but rather risking your Akhira too! Things are so hard to be known from the afar and from the outside, not to mention this guy's unislamic behavior be keeping contacting you, while you are a non-mahram and not even engaged to him.

    I wish and pray for you the best with your studies and life.

  6. Salam sis, i pray that u dont make any mistakes. I understand that all this still sounds right in your mind. But u r just on a tip of falling on the rivht or wrong side. Allah is testing u. U see the current situation but not the outcome of it or the reality. Its very easy to be brainwashed. Ya Allah save this girl from all bad things!. Pls if u need help visit a councilor. I just dont understand y this ppl always target girls like u. Please stay with ur family, dont regret later. We dont have a rewind button in life!

  7. sorry to be cynical, but i am not sure i even believe this story to be true....

    sounds very dodgy to me...... whether it is or not, please be careful fellow brothers and sisters, there are people online actively trying to trick and trap Muslims, into saying things that could get them into a whole of lot of trouble.... please do not believe everyone is as they say they are, please have your wits about you,

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