Muslim in love with an atheist French woman
Alcoholic drinks
A'salam to all,
I'm Adam from south east asia. I'm currently having a serious relationship with a French girl. Our relationship have become more serious than a friend for more than a year. She is an expatriate in my country and she want to look for permenant job here soon.
As much as i care and love her, i cant convience her to convert to muslim. She is an athiest. The more i get to know about her lifestyle, the more i become unhappy with the relationship.
I have no experience living in europe or have any friends outside of my country. So our activity sometimes really bother me for example when we having dinner. She always have a glass of wine to complete her dinner. Even though she wasnt drunk and i wasnt drinking any acholic at all, i feel disapointed everytime she does that. Also i wasnt comfortable with her dress attire when we went to the beach in the island over here. I was avoiding her most of the time when she want to see her other expat friends at bar or club.
I'm not saying im very religious but i never find myself fit in those bar or club crowd. I have always try to explain to her about religion and islam but our conversation always turn sour and argument. At this point i told her that we should be just a normal friend, and she got mad saying that my religion is what causing our love to stop, and she keep attacking how my religion is oppressive, unhuman, and more words that i just couldn't take it.
I was very soft and gentle with her by saying dont blame the religion, just take you anger on me only.
How could i break this relationship without having her hate islam..? or is there other way can i continue this relationship in way that proper with the teaching of islam?
sincerly
- Adam
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Brother, yet time we have to be harsh on ourselves and on others. There is nothing on this earth that can convince her about your beliefs..
If you thing you can't sustain the relationship, Just walk out of the relationship. In situation where you are not uncertain and want to end the relatioship.
If you want to give ASK HER Seriously tell her..
As per ISLAM, this is not acceptable, either you stop this orelse let's END THIS HERE. Its tough but thats the best thing one can do..
Hope this helps...
Subhanallah!
However unReligious a person may be. If Allah wants, He can make the roots of Islamic teachings abide in a Muslim. My brother, I would say that this is the case in your story. Islam and its modesty is there in your natural disposition.
The girl is not someone who is yet one who deserves the beautiful Religion of Islam, because Allah has kept her heart sealed at this point. But if He Wills, insha Allah, she'll become a Muslim.
My brother, to do Da'wah to Islam, you need to have substantial knowledge about the Deen, its matters, and how to deal with their questions, doubts and verbal abuses.
Without this, I believe it is not possible for you to do Da'wah. In fact, you should abstain from it, if you're yourself not sure.
She is one of the women who are not modest, and more than that, she is unlawful for you in Marriage. In such a situation, it is totally Haraam for you to keep any relation with her.
Look out, you could ruin your Aakhirah in the process of calling her to Islam. Whether she accepts Islam or not is in Allah's Hands. But it is upon you to guard your faith.
What if you are not Religious? Can you not become one? You are not dead yet, are you? You still have time left.
I can not blame the woman for her immodesty, because she believes in no God. She believes she is a product who came into existence by chance. She has no shame and no modesty. That's what she showcased to you (as you mentioned).
So, just let her be and exit from the relationship as soon as possible. Otherwise, being a Human Being, you may fall into the traps of Shaitaan and you may make Allah Angry with yourself.
Regarding her hatred for Islam, you could ask one of Muslim sisters who has knowledge and can do da'wah to take care of it. If not face to face, you could at least share her contact with a Muslim sister.
It is normal for people who have no proof for their claims to become angry and abusive, as I have experienced.
You need to become Religious my brother. You need to try hard to Please Allah. Because Paradise is not easy.
Pray all the 5 with Khushoo' and in alignment with the Sunnah of Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, fast the entire Ramadan, make use of it to do a lot of Worship solely for Allah's sake. Do Qiyaam al Layl, recite the Quran, do adhkaar or supplications in the day and the night, believe and trust in Allah in all your matters.
But for now, leave this girl and note away from her. If questioned, tell her that your Deen is much beautiful than what this relationship can offer. And that you want to Please your God - Allah Subhaanah.
I pray that Allah Guides you, me, and everyone of us.
Aameen
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
i was in EXACTLY the same situation. I even married her. Islamically. A year later, she tried her best to destroy me. Don't marry an atheist woman. May Allah guide her and you, BUT DON'T make this mistake. We loved each other too, alot, but look at us now. Ofcourse we are divorced.
simple thing you need to say, "i can't marry you unless you're a Muslim, and you are not nor are you ready to, my job here is done, i tried my best to help you, salam"
the same person will destroy you later, now she claims to "love" you
I absolutely agree with you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
i can give you long religious advice, but masha'Allah that has already been given, i am speaking from e x p e r i e n c e .
Excellent advice brother.
Salam
Bother you are worried about what she drinks and clothing she wears WHY! concentrate on building your own eman you are not showing her Islam in a good light why would she grow to respect Islam when you a Muslim do not, We all of us need to improve ourselves first before we call people to the beauty of Islam, lets all use this bless month of Ramadan to increase our Eman and prey Allah (swt) forgives our sins and accepts our dua'as, Ameen,
Masha'Allah Brother Muhammed Waseem. Wonderful words,
This is from.a test from Allah
Saytan came in the form of a woman and is tempting you to leave your religion.
Think about the grave brother imagine you left Allah and Islam for a loose woman? Imagine you left jannah gave that all up for saytan? For lordly pleasure short term.
Imagine that and you would no what to do.....
Who do u love Allah or saytan? She is saytan in disguise.
Cut off alll ties and communication turn to Allah and seek forgiveness.
Brother I recommend you not to go for this relationship. We need to bear in mind one thing, if the base of a relation is laid on haraam foundation then everything that follows up will turn out to be the same.
During my days in India, I had a similar situation as you (May Allah forgive me). Although the girl involved was a non-muslim by birth but she practiced atheism. I was very clear right from the beginning that she has to revert. But under misguidance of shaytaan and pressurised by her tears, We negotiated and she agreed to raise our children as muslims. She also assured that in future if she's convinced, she can accept Islam.
But the things that kept bothering me were - She wanted neutral names for kids, her family was alcohlic and eating pork, allowing her to accompany her family on trips to non-muslim worshipping places (being an atheist just for leisure and prostrating was not an issue).
Under these agreed upon terms I could continue with her hardly for 3-4 months as whenever I used to hear any Islamic speech, I used to feel as if they are just pointing me. The thought of marrying a woman without proper nik'ah resulting in an illegal relationship and ultimately leading to zinah and haraam kids kept tickling in my mind.
I remember it was month of Ramadan and I started reading english translation of Qur'an. Alhamdulillah that gave me so much of strength and refreshed my Imaan that I said a clear NO to her. She kept on calling, texting and do whatever she could but Allah swt made me firm on my decision. It was hard but the idea that no worldly pleasure stays forever used to motivate me and Alhamdulillah I came out of that phase of my life.
AND FOR LIFE AFTER THAT, She's doing all good in her life and even thanked me later on her and her family's behalf for not being a hypocrite. She said she hated Islam just after that incident to the max but now she respects Islam a lot and she even read Qur'an.
Its been written in Qur'an that if we try to convince people at the cost of Allah's disobedience, then we would loose both - Allah and duniya. But if for the sake of Allah we abandon worldly pleasures, Allah will give you both in reward - Duniya and Aakhirah.
The best thing is to marry a good praticing muslimah, such that both of you together help each other in following Islam, raise kids with islamic values and help in the betterment of Ummah.
May Allah guide you to right path (Aameen)
Rizal... I'm currently facing the same problems. Although I an an American married to a Muslim who was not practicing fully at the point of our marriage. I'd like to talk to you in private if that would be ok? Please let me know.
mis, we do not allow the exchange of personal contact information on this forum, for everyone's protection.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
@Rizal - walaikumassalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu.
@mis - what is your problem ? you can submit it on this website right ??