Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In love with non-muslim guy. Am I doing the right thing?

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Assalamualaikum,

I'm a Muslim girl. I'm in love with a non Muslim. And he loves me too. (Not going in detail about that, I hope u understand that we truly love and care for each other) I mostly helped him with his studies and listen to his stories through text. We didnt get to meet much niether did we want to as it was not right.

But as time passed, I started studying more about Islam and I realize what big mistake i have made by falling in love with a non muslim and so I talked to him about this, he said he wants to marry me in future ( we are both 17) and so I told him I will never marry a non Muslim. And I tried telling him about Islam and to consider converting.

He said right now he doesn't know but he will think about it and try to find if its right and decide later if he is sure about Islam is right and his religion Christianity is wrong.

So I told him that as a Muslim I'll cut off all contact with him. And if after we are adult and he converts to Islam then he can contact me and tell me so I can talk to my parents about him then. This way we will be used to being without each other by that time in case he doesn't convert and we don't marry. And if he converts then I'll tell him to ask my parents for my hand.

Atfirst he cried when I told him not to talk to me anymore but he understood and agreed and told me to wait for the day when he will convert and propose me.

Weboth can't live without each other but Islam is more important so I was wondering if this would be right thing to do or is it still wrong that in my heart I'm waiting for that day to come but I'll be prepared if that never happens.

Please tell me because I thought this would be the right thing to do as I want both,  I want him as well as I wanna follow Islam and not do anything against it.

anna101

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15 Responses »

  1. AoA Sister,

    Hope you would be fine. I can feel and realize where you are coming from because I was 17 once 😉 But I have seen lots of people and experienced lots of things, so I think I can advise you on this.

    Why you have cut off communication with him? You can use this as an opportunity to tell him about Islam. Tell him that Muslims are more Christian than Christians themselves 🙂 As we follow Jesus Christ more faithfully then them.

    In fact, Islam has the same tenets as Christianity minus the Divinity of Jesus Christ. I think, considerable number of Christians now don't believe in divinity of Jesus anymore.

    We believe he was Christ. Christians do the same.
    We believe he was born miraculously. same.
    We believe he did miracles. Same.
    We believe he told compassion, mercy, love for neighbors i.e., his teachings. Christians do the same.

    So in fact, Islam is the latest version of Christianity, removing the bugs and errors (heard about software or programming 🙂

    keep the channel open and tell him more about Islam and most importantly pray to God Almighty to guide him because its only Him who guides people.

    Don't lose hope. As God teaches us the prayer "O our Lord, give us the good things of the dunya and hereafter, and save us from punishment of fire. " Ameen. So if you want both him and Islam, there isn't anything wrong:) I end with prayer that may Allah guide him and he converts to Islam. and you are married to him. Ameen.

  2. Wa'alaykumasalaam

    Do not listen to Danish.He means well but his advice is unislamic. You have done the correct thing. Non-mahrems male and females should not be in contact like this, if he wants to learn about Islam, there are plenty of male Muslims who can tell him (especially online).

    "And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent. "
    Quran 65:3

    I have kept this quite short because there is nothing much to say, you have done the right thing sister. May Allah reward you. Trust in Allah and know that whatever is written for your future can never escape you. Do not worry about it.

    And also this may not mean much at the moment - but you will get over this boy eventually. It may take time but you will get over him and recover insha'Allah.

    • As she is in contact with another 'Non Mehram' (you)

      AoA brother,

      Can you explain what is Un-Islamic thing that I told her. In fact, if he is guided by her, then she would get the sawab of the both worlds.

      I don't know, why people want to suffer even when God tells them to ask Him and He has promised to deliver/give. Prophet (s.a.w) said when you ask something ask without any doubt in your heart. All these Hadith are there to encourage people to ask Him and get their prayers granted.

      • For one, this is public. I am not messaging the sister privately or anything a long those lines.

        If she messages this boy, it is going to be one on one chat through things like text. Also he is someone who she has feelings for. This is not how you give dawah. You cannot aim to do halal whilst going against Allah's laws regarding freemixing.

        Cutting communication was right. If he is interested in Islam, he can talk to many Muslim men. We have loads of places online where this can be done e.g. ummah.com. We have many mosques in real life. If he's serious, he'll find another boy to ask about Islam. If he's not serious then nothing will happen. Also this will prevent him falsely converting just to be with her (as it tends to happen far too often).

        She can make dua, I have not said otherwise.

        Whilst it is haram to be with a non-Muslim man. Sometimes we forget it also haram to be in communication with any man in the way that you advised her to do it in. I feel our communities turn a blind eye to haram freemixing because it's become so common in even our families.

        • Brother, I don't want to get stuck in any argument, as this will confuse the sister.

          1. This is how we should give dawah. Because the boy is in love with him. He will listen to her more than a person who is not interested in the first place. Using knowledge of psychology is must for dawah. That's why Prophet (s.a.w) forbade to give dawah each day. He said once in a month or week for that will put them off. (People get bored with ideological/theological things if they aren't interested, easily. Just see the amazing application of psychology in the saying of Holy Prophet (s.a.w).

          2. The senseless, emotionless dawah isn't going to help anyone and in worst cases turn people in 180 ° opposite direction.

          3. Public or private, you are talking to a non-mrhram. Didn't Prophet (s.a.w) gave dawah to women. He fixed a day exclusively for women to teach them religion. What is exchanged during conversation could be right or wrong, and not the communication itself.

          • You gave the sister haram advice, there was need for me to reply to your post.

            With all due respect, this logic you're using, it's very bad - using Muslim women to lure in male converts. I'm sorry brother but it's seriously flawed and disgusting. I know you don't mean it but can you not see the serious flaw in it? We do not use our sisters to attract males to Islam.

            No, we never do dawah like this. Islam has boundaries between males and females. The goal of life is to obey Allah. We do it His way, follow His commands in everything and this includes dawah aswell.

            There is a big difference between public and private. Yes in some cases talking to a non-Mahrem is halal but what you're recommending is not one of those cases. There is no need for it, there is no necessity.

            Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Whenever a non-mahram man and woman meet in seclusion, Shaytaan definitely is the third one joining them.” [Tirmidhi]

            Sorry but that comparison with the Prophet (pbuh) is awful. This is a 17 year old girl who you're recommending that she talks to her non-Muslim ex-BF. This is not comparable.

            I recommend that you read up on the ruling of freemixing in Islam.

      • Thank you danish. Your speeches were opened and halal. Giving hope. Mashallh

    • You are Right Adil

  3. Assalamo walikum
    Human's heart cannot be control of who we feel for. You are really young and you have your life ahead. Yes it's haram in Islam to be with non Muslim. Advice him to read islamic books such as the quran and Hadiths to help him understand about Islam. Keep encouraging him. If you tell him I can't talk to you anymore until you turn Muslim, you are going to confuse him. Don't think about marriage when you are helping him. Just help and gave him research of how he will be able to understand about Islam more better. If you help him guide to path of Allah, you will be rewarded more than you can imagine. If you want to strengthen you iman this is a one way to do so. I know you are really young and affraid so only thing that make sense for you is running away. Whatever you face difficulty in this life, never run away. Your problem cannot be solved if you just ignore it and wish everything will be ok on its own but that's not how life works.
    Ask your family or good Muslim elders for advices which will help this guy to understand everything that comes clear before converting to islam.
    In order to help you to become better muslim, you should read Hadith, also read about the prophet's life and how he had to face everything and how he handled it.
    If the prophet ran away for each difficulty there aren't be (atagfurullah) any Muslim that is now we have.

    Take care!

  4. OP: " I mostly helped him with his studies and listen to his stories through text."

    did he get only you to help in study. And are you a small baby to listen stories.

    you are in dreme world.

  5. Hi ,
    I am well educated , English , German ,French and also my own language speaking woman . I met a man from a Catholic country . He was an atheist or agnostic , he was not quiet sure himself . He fell in love with me . He divorced his 25 years long wife whom was not living with him in the last 5 years . He gave everything to her ; his houses , car , motorbike , bicycles , money ,etc. He came to me even without most of his clothes because they were left in his former common house with his ex . He said I was the most important of all even more than his 2 adult kids . He converted Islam . He told me he left drinking and eating pork . He still continued his job in his own country , I stayed in my own Muslim country . We got married and saw each other 1 week each months for 5 years long . I never went to his country , he came to my country in any opportunity . Tried to help me with my life , took us to trips with my one small kid . After our 5th anniversary , he bought me a golden ring and went back to his job again palnning to come back 2 months later again . Gradually he began not to call me . This was very unusual becaus 5 years long he would speak at least 3 hours each day on the phone . When I finally called and ask him what was wrong , he said he doesnt feel anything for me . I felt the earth move under my feet . We were truly in love with each other and I refused him in the beginning because he was not a muslim . In the next 2 months he told me hundreds of excuses about why we can not be together . How I would react the dogs of his mother at home because my religion does not allow that , how it would be impossible to sit on a dinner table together with his life long friends because they would wine and dine and I wouldn t like that wine , etc.etc. I have spoekn very clear with him in the beginning and he knew what was waiting for him . But after 5 years he said he is not able to go on like that .
    He will never become a real muslim . Leave him or you will be very sad in the long run . If he had already converted to Islam before he fell in love with you and met you as amuslim guy , that would be no problem at all . But now , you will be in deep depression later , dont live the dream to meet a nightmare later . I was at the point of dying when I first lost him all of a sudden , we had had so many future plans . But now , after the hard survival , I believe that was the best . No , it didnt make me stronger what did not kill me , it left me handicapped for the rest of my life .
    I just dont want another innocent muslim girl suffer like I have suffered .Allah bless you my dear .

    • How old are you sister ? Your story is eye opener to others .

      • I am 47 at the moment . I was 42 when we got married . I am his second wife and he is my second husband as well . And still I did not divorce him because I was not strong enough to do that and go to the court . But I am planning to do this last cut within this month .

  6. You doing very wrong and you cheated with your parents."The Quran says do not marry with Nonmuslim" Than why did you marry with mushrik boys.If you will die without Imaan in this world surely you will go to hell and also your parents.ALLAH says in the Quran and also Nabi S.A.W. said.Think about you parents.And pls leave that hindu boy and again accept Islam.ALLAH will forgive you.

    Nonmuslim is doing Conspiracy(Sajish) against Muslims.Rss people involved in this work and some others hindus also involved so we can't trust any hindu.Rss spread the network of hindu boys in colleges,coaching and also active in facebook.Hindu boys' doing this type of work.Whose work is that tarap in False Love.After that they try to marrige Muslim girl for convert her in hindu religion or destroy Muslim girls Life.So I am requesting all Muslim girls don't be fool if any hindu boy trying to impress you.Think about your parents.And facebook has many fake ids of hindu boys from the name of muslim.

  7. I am requesting to all Muslim Girls to tell about this Conspiracy(Sajish) your relatives girls and your Muslim friends.

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