Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In love with the man who took away my virginity, but parents won’t accept him

True Love

Assalamu Alaykum brothers and sisters,

I started a haram relationship with this guy who is Yemeni, (relationship of 3 years). I'm Palestinian. In the beginning we knew well enough that communicating with each other is haram and that although we enjoyed speaking on the world and islam we were being hypocrites/contradicting ourselves by doing something that is haram which is speaking..

This guy brought up marriage quick because his intentions weren't for us to do haram, I just met him and wasn't sure about marriage but as we continued to talk he would constantly bring up the fact that he wants to come ask for me, my parents REFUSE to let me marry a man from another country no matter how good of a muslim he is, because they're racist/discriminate against them.

We fell really deep for eachother and ended up meeting up 3 times, sadly one of those 3 times I lost my virginity to him because shaytan took over us, being alone with him of course something like that would happen.. We immediately felt terrible and afraid for what we done, complete remorse and spoke of how we couldnt believe we did that and asked Allah for forgiveness... I ask for forgiveness everyday and repent because I never in a million years ever thought I'd commit such a big sin...

My parents raised me knowing well enough whats right from wrong and I still feel like I cannot forgive myself for what I've done. After i lost my virginity I was terrified because I was going to go back home to Palestine because my brother wanted to get married... Thats when he decided to end it with me because he was afraid I was going to marry another man..

I panicked and told my brother about my sin because I needed advice, (I was praying everyday talking to Allah as well) he spoke to this guy and was going to help us after he felt convinced that this guy would be good for me.. But when my bro asked him about if he's ever had intercourse before me, he thought being honest and truthful would earn my brother's trust or that he would see how honest he was, unfortunately my brother being overprotective and judging him for his past sins/mistakes told him he refuses to now help because hes a player.

He used to be a troubled guy, but when he got into a coma because he need a kidney transplant, that turned his life around and he got closer to islam and stopped doing haram things... His parents ma sha Allah raised him on the Quran and he is a good man, but of course being with me we both sinned terribly...

We want to make this right, and so when he found out I got engaged he realized how he really cannot stand the fact of me being with someone else, because he felt I was his first love and that since he took my virginity we should make things right and get married...

But my parents won't accept him, they don't know I'm a nonvirgin and they dont know how serious our situation is... They think we just spoke for fun...

I'm not happy with my fiance because I'm in love with this guy and I want to make things right for the sin we made and marry him... But theres no way my parents will accept him, and I know its haram because they refuse to even get to know him when Ive tried to persuade them to...

I want to go to a mosque with him and have an imam act as my wali and marry him because I can't imagine life without him, I don't want to lose my family, but it's haram for them to refuse/reject him just because hes from another culture thats not even much different from Palestinian culture. Is this haram what I'm doing? I want to continue to repent with him and marry him the halal way... I cannot live a lie with this guy I'm engaged to.. Its not fair to him and its not fair to myself. I can't imagine myself with any other man, I feel the only way I can marry him is if I leave and marry at a mosque.. Any advice?


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7 Responses »

  1. OP: He used to be a troubled guy, but when he got into a coma because he need a kidney transplant, that turned his life around and he got closer to islam and stopped doing haram things... His parents ma sha Allah raised him on the Quran and he is a good man, but of course being with me we both sinned terribly.

    Did he stop doing haram things before or after he had sex with you? His parents raised him on Quran. but he had sex with you? He had sex with other girls too as he told your brother. This man has serious kidney problem, why don't you find another man. Are you scared your future husband will out about your virginity.

  2. Just leave him n Go for another man

  3. Asalam alaikum sister,

    I completely understand where you are coming from and wanting to marry the first guy you had sex with. It's a scary situation, but that doesn't mean you have to act quick.
    Although we are not muftis or imams here on this website, there is an islamic rulings website that is run by all muftis and imams:
    I found two questions similar to yours.
    Follow the links:

    Basically they are saying that now that you have committed Zina, you and this guy need to make tauba and repent a lot and do a lot of good deeds like Zakat and reading Quran, before you can get married. If you are both doing sincere tauba then you have to wait one whole month to make sure you are not pregnant from this man, and also get your father or brother's blessing to help arrange the marriage.
    Have the guy come to your family's house in Palestine, or wherever your parents live, and ask for you and get his family to back him up if needed. If you are both sincere and willing to wait for your parents to 'Warm up' to the idea of your marriage to the guy then it will happen inshAllah. It will take patience and sabr and a lot of prayers. It is also advisable to pray istikhara to ask Allah swt for guidance. Ask your family what the legitimate reasons for not liking him really are, and try to fix the problems. For example if the guy has a poor job, then have him change is job and come back to your family to ask for you again. If he smokes, drinks, ect then ask to him stop. If it is purely a cultural bias that your family does not like the country he comes from, then ask an imam to come to the house and talk to your parents about it. Or have his family meet with your family in person to talk and see if they would mix well.
    Just keep trying and waiting and repenting. If you have both exhausted all your options and nothing works, then leave it to Allah and move on with your lives.

    If none of that sounds possible and the guy has already abandoned you, then let go. Ask your fiance for some space and extra time to think. Do not tell him your sins, as you are not obligated to do so. Then when you are ready and you think your fiance is still the right man for you, marry him.


  4. Do you know why Palestine is got so much problems in that country.With its people especially?Because doesnt help a nation, country , people,tribe when acts of disobedience is committed. When people who disobey Allahs commandments and commit such evil acts then Allah wrath and curse comes down.Sister this body is a trust from Allah! On the day of judgement Allah will be the judge and sooo that day your mouth will seal and your limbs will be given speech.......Of course they will even testify to you all that they did! This relationship was only the whisper of shaitan to a weak heart.Theres really know true love in this but lust and deception.Do you really think your relation will go any further ? when Allah controls everything?Let me say this and understand because making tauba is never too late. Everything is a curse inthis world except for 3 things. 1) A Islamic scholor Alim 2) A old man in his old age practise zikr so much that tears flow through his eyes 3)A student of Islam who is always learning. So sister if you are not correct in your niyyat and amals then im afraid that you are wasting your time and life..Iman is the most precious thing for a Believer .If the heart is clean then your exterior reflects.These feelings of love and hate are from your enemy that will be with you until death comes for you.You are young.When i got married i only seen my wife 3 times before we both agreed. Now after 11yrs i have 2 girls and i can personally say that Allah has blessed my marriage and are love grew and still grows.It is not only because shes a scholor but we did things the correct way. I have every right to say because i lived a life has a non muslim with all experiences and more until the age 26 when Allah opened my eyes to the truth and reality of this world. All these dating games ,im in love and social media is only to prevent the ummah of Muhammad to stay on haqq! Good luck sister

  5. after reading this story... i am afraid of Girls.. how can people do this even when they belong to Islam and specially growing with the teaching of glorious Quran.... pls read the chapter 24 quran...It will may give you answer about adultery.
    this is what the reason to downfall of Muslims...

  6. and do keep it in ur mind having adulatory won't be a kind of love....this is misconception in our mind about love... this was just self desires and evil deeds,and this is because of away from our beautiful religion Islam... and i can bet you about this guy whom u are talking about have not only took ur's virginity... there would be many girls he'd took virginity.. and this type of guy only like to use girls of their desires only..they won't marry even if they do their love will end after 3 night of marriage....after that they start to beat their wives....

    anyway don't lose hope with the mercy of God and return to Him and ask Him for forgiveness

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