Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In need of help


Assalawalaikum brothers and sisters. My age's 17 years. I had a girlfriend like 4 years ago. We never actually met or anything but we used to see each other. Later on, she broke up. My paernts came to know about my relationship and my dad got really angry and he spoke stuff I never expected. He insulted me a lot. Later on, I just happened to search on the internet about relationships between boys and girls. I really got shocked and promised myself not to marry nor get into any relationships. Whenever I pass by a girl, I just ignore them. At present, my aunt recommended me to go to a tuition as I'm weak in maths. This teacher has a daughter and we are of like the same age. She too is a Muslim. I've been ignoring her from many months. My cousin comes at the same tuition. He told me to talk to her. My friends too told me to talk to her. She is a nice girl but I wanna stay away from her. I thought to leave the tuition as I couldn't concentrate because of her. I left the tuition two times but I had to join again because of teacher. I had to respect her so I didn't think it appropriate to hurt her. They happen to be a nice family but I just wanna stay away from her daughter. It's becoming hard for me to concentrate and study over there. I've even asked Allah to keep me away from her daughter but I always end up seeing her somehow or the other. I don't know what am I supposed to do.


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2 Responses »

  1. You are 17.
    My dear brother
    Your responsibility is to stay in school
    Go to college
    Get a job
    Make good money
    You are far too young to
    Worry about girls

    You are a kid
    Grow up some more

    You need money to support your wife and kids when you get there.

    No woman wants to marry a guy on a cycle
    She wants a man in a car

    And if you have any more lust issues
    Good luck

  2. Salamaleikum!

    I have to say that, from what I read, you try to be good in your behaviour towards the opposite gender. The fact that you seclude yourself and don't want to come near is actually good too. It's nice that you know yourself. However, you probably live in an environment where Muslims are the minority, so you most likely will be 'forced' to work with women all the time (in the future as well) or come across them, whether that is school projects or just asking the cash register lady/girl for something. SO, it is important to see your issue as a form of a test, you need to find a way to behave respectful towards women and girls without worrying that you're doing something haram. That just basically means that you still have your tuition from the girl but concentrate on your lessons. Make it easy on yourself and ask if you can do it in a public (school) environment or library and don't go or sit anywhere secluded with only the two of you. Another option is to surround yourself with people that you know are serious with their school work and so forth and have your tuition time together with them in the same room. It's also good to think about her as a teacher and not a girl, she's passing you on knowledge, learn it and then move on. Don't interact more than you have to (no need to make jokes - giggles and laughter ensues and you want to avoid that, that also means you don't need to add her to any of your social media pages), that does not mean that you don't make eye contact. Your intention behind looking is important to keep in mind. Furthermore, another option is to have your older sister/brother, one of your parents (your mom might be a good choice) to have with you, even if it is a public place. I only say this because you sound as if you need all the help to avoid the temptation. Nice tip is, when you enter the room with tutor/girl(s) say Bismillah Rahman e Raheem, and everytime you feel temptation you keep repeating this. But say it with feeling, as if you can genuinely feel the presence of Allah.
    Thus, in any situation in life, if you know consciously that Allah is always looking (please internalize this) you automatically act differently towards others. Because you understand that you only need His approval in life.
    It's tough what you're going through, I know, but it's part of life, as you can read on this website even after marriage people still act horrendously to each other and even cheat, which marriage actually should've avoided. So, you're not alone in these matters of temptation. But at least you will know that it is indeed the fear you have for Allah as well as the pleasure you'll get in His approval in the way you treat others that is important. It is also good to note that life is short, these are small matters in the bigger picture. Treat it as such, a level you need to pass to go to the next round, and you'll do great!
    If you need more information on these things, I recommend to you to listen to Nouman Ali Khan or Omar Suleiman, they go on about this extensively. By the way, read surah Yusuf, he a.s. also had to deal with this, and he had it more difficult since he basically had all the women of the Egyptian kingdom falling for him. Yusuf a.s. survived and passed his test with flying colours, you can too. He might be a prophet, so impossible to top, but his story is one full of lessons especially relevant to your issues, and it is relevant to our own tests and tribulations.
    Something else, don't take it to heart what your father has said to you, if he used bad words, your not any of those things. Parents are sometimes too hard on their children and forget that the outside world has a complete different view on 'normal' (+norms and values), such as girlfriends/boyfriends. if something goes wrong it feels like all their fears have come true. So, even if he treats you differently now, treat him with respect and don't put yourself down with his words. You're not your sin, even if you do sin, turn always to Allah, He forgives.

    I wish you the best and I hope you pass your tests inshAllah!

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