Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In need of relationship advice

Assalamualaikum!

in need of some advice. my boyfriend is pakistani and we have been dating for 2 years. i am a muslim. i'm half arab and half white. because of this, my boyfriends family hates me. they refuse to meet me, talk about me or allow my boyfriend to talk to me on the phone. he is constantly sneaking around to talk to me. they get angry with him if he mentions me or wears anything i give to him or even having a picture of me on his phone screen. they truly hate me. i don't know what to do. i've told him i'd be willing to do anything they need to prove to them that i want to be apart of their family. they will not accept me. will they ever? or what can i do to gain their approval? my boyfriend cannot live without his family and i don't think he would do well if they disowned him. please send me some advice and keep me in ur duas. i'm in serious need of some guidance.

naturenerd

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5 Responses »

  1. You are engaged in an forbidden act of Allah, sister restrain your self from this haram act and forget your boyfriend until you get married
    This doesn't mean that have boyfriend after you get married but just don't have it

    • First, there is no "dating" in Islamic relationships of unmarried people. Second, tribalism, racism, colorism, lineagism is all haram. Anything where people determine whether someone is suitable for anything (work, marriage, friendships, neighbors) simply based on their bloodline is haram. It is wrong, disruptive to society and creates more problems for society at large. It occurs all throughout the so-called Muslim societies, but it is wrong, wrong, wrong.

      Those who are very critical of you for "dating" your Pakistani boyfriend for two years should be mindful that you are not in the relationship alone. You have not "dragged" anyone into anything. The two of you are probably young and being disobedient and irresponsible, which seems to be typical behavior of young men and women, although wrong. Perhaps you should talk to your own parents about the situation, that you want to marry the young man, but his family are opposed to it because of your race. You should stop being involved with this man although it will be difficult. You can not keep "dating" him and think you are deserving of Allah's protection.

      As an aside, if your boyfriend's parents have never told you yourself that they do not want you to be involved with their son, you should be aware that your boyfriend may not actually being honest with you -- another reason why unmarried men and women should not have secret or hidden relationships with the opposite sex. It is a painful consideration, but I am being very honest with you. Often men who just want a girlfriend and all that it entails will keep the woman away from his family by creating an untrue situation as "my family does not like you" or something to the extent of "my parents are opposed to us seeing one another.." This way the man can have his haram relationship and the woman does not make demands on him. I sincerely hope this is not the case. Regardless, you should no longer be seeing the man as the relationship is not permissible unless you are married Talk to your mother, an aunt or your father -- someone you can discuss this with calmly -- and make dua to Allah that He provides for you what is best.

  2. Salam sister,

    Maybe they hate you because they feel that you have no moral? Because you are engaging into a haram relationship with there son and dragging him into it.
    If you are willing to get married tell him.

  3. You need to have some self-respect, honestly. Why are you trying to beg people for their acceptance? How do you justify doing this to yourself? You shouldn't have to beg people to accept you - either they do or they don't. If they don't then...you accept that and focus on the people that do accept you. Life is too short for this begging nonsense. These morons are not the only people on this planet, you know. I can assure you much nicer people exist.

    Your boyfriend is also true wimp, half-man and a weakling - you need to let him go and find yourself a partner that is actually on your side. Give this loser an ultimatum (if you insist on being with him), and if he doesn't stand up to his family and commits to you like he should, then...stop wasting your time on him.

    Also...let's this be a reminder of what kind of culture you're potentially marrying / getting into. No disrespect to Pakistani culture, but...it's not necessarily an easy culture to marry / get into. Even Pakistanis themselves struggle with it. Of course there are lots of progressive and kind Pakistani families, but...your boyfriend's family doesn't sound like it is one. Run while you still can.

  4. Asalam Alakum sister,

    I can totally understand the frustrations you are going through as I have also been through a similar situation myself. The fact that you have already been made aware of your boyfriends family's disapproval towards you then I am sorry to say this, but I believe you may well just be wasting your time. You have to understand the love and attachment children/adults have towards their parents, and are unlikely to go against their wishes and desires.

    As another member has already mentioned life is too short, why waste time begging some one to like you and to accept you, when they have made it clear that they don't (albeit for the wrong reasons).

    Although I can see how serious you are in wanting to be with this guy, but unfortunately for you it seems that is not going to happen as his family have already made their perception and point of view very clear.

    We as humans and Muslims must accept that when something is not meant to happen, there is obviously some reason for it.

    Just be strong and accept that this relationship is probably not destined to last for you and there is some one from another family that are more beneficial and accepting of you out there.

    Best of luck

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