Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In pain after boyfriend loved me and left me

Unhappy young womanAsalam u Alaikum. I am 21 year old girl . Im very stressed, 2 years ago i got involved with my neighbour. We both loved each other alot but all of a sudden he stopped loving me and left saying that im very possessive and very caring. He said I should meet him more give him more time change myself and then he will give my chance.

I worked hard to change myself and believed his promise that he will give me my chance.  We remained friends. He turned to me when he was sad had problems ,we were very close .He had promised me that he'd marry me in anyway, we will work hard to convince our parents our future will be together only.

He had promised me that we would get engaged after i complete my A'levels. I believed him and stayed and loved him because of that only that in the end we will be legal together, he will marry me, but after january 2015 he completely changed towards me he stopped recognizing me, only rememberd me when he needs something.

Now through Allah's help i have finally got to know that his parents had found out someone for him since january because of which he had changed with me. He knew i loved him but he never told me he was about to get committed to someone else and still kept up my hopes high praying to Allah amd working hard for him. now everything he had promised me he s going to give to her whos also doing her alevels.

I sat for Itekaf this ramzan i do pray too but sometimes it all hurts me too much thinking about everything. Im really confused about what to do. Should I wait hope and wish that he realizes tht hes doing wrong by me by breaking all promises to me and doing it all to someone else? he is still not engaged he's just seeing someone else which his parents has seen for him. I'm his nieghbor so they will invite us to his engagement. I'm scared about it and dreading it, i really dont know what to do. And it will be even more painful seeing them both together since we are neighbours ,we will come in front of each other. Im really worried please i need guidance.

Also i have just got to know that before he met me he had a sexual relationship with his cousin for sometime till she got married. but he never told me cuz he is scared i would hate him. Also he doesnt know that i know about the other person he is seeing right now, should i tell him that i know every reality?


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7 Responses »

  1. Really sorry you're going through this. I hope this will help:

    So after reading that, congratulations Sister, perhaps Allah is removing something that would've given you much grief later in life! I'm so very happy for you :). Allah has made you aware of his relationships with other women, the guy in question has also taken mercy on you by not being with you. It may have been that after you married him he would've continued to be with other women as well. You may have been on this forum asking what you should do after having two kids with him and knowing he constantly cheats.

    If you are aware of him being with other women now and having relations outside of marriage it's time for you to work on getting over him. You can still get married to someone else that is possibly of better character.

    • I agree with this post 100%
      You have been shown that he is probably not the right man for you. Be patient and pray to Allah. Ask for forgiveness. Remember that shaytaan is making you feel hurt and making you miss him, keep praying to Allah and that pain will ease.
      Salaam x

  2. WHY would you feel pain for someone who DOES NOT want you? You are just 21 years of age and have got all your life ahead.You don't even need to bother yourself with someone who have had previous illegal relationships.Focus on your studies, increase your Eemaan, do extra Ibadah and don't over think this at all.It's natural that people meet for marriage and break up.Many men are known to lie to women.Don't get fooled by this.For you seeing him because he is neighbour shouldn't be a problem.You will get better and more deserving man.

    • I am 22 and i am just going through breakup. I don't know whether he was a good guy or not but he didn't care for me at all. In the start his chats revolves around marriages and then he said our nature is different and now he is gone. I see him daily and it breaks my hurt that he is talking to everyone but me. I didn't do any such thing that his feelings suddenly changed. It's natural that people meet for marriages and breakup but it's very hurting. I cry almost every day and night because it's hurting alot.

  3. dear sister, you should be grateful to Allah that he showed you the true face of that guy before taking a big step of marrying with him. what would you hav done if he got married to u and then lost interest in you for another woman? would you hav been able to afford to see ur husband marrying a second wife? so all happens for good.

    he is not a one woman guy.

    he will keep switching girlfriends.

    you are saved and you hav 1000 other chances to get married to a better guy

    just imagine if you had married him you will not be having chance of doing another marriage. obviously who will marry a divorcee? get me?

    so dont be upset. dont get into love affair again. marry the one who is fit in eyes of your elders. parents know what is good for us.

    parents decide best for us and they try to keep us safe from every aspect by choosing a right person

    best of luck, i pray you get someone who loves and respects you and truely need u as a partner . amen

  4. Asalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    You didn't mention any physical relationships, so perhaps Allah, out of his wisdom and generosity, was saving you from going deeper into sin and doing something you will end up regretting the rest of your life.
    Perhaps he was proving to you why premarital relationships are not halal. Many people end up being sad and heartbroken when getting involved in these sorts of things.

    I know this guy was everything to you, but Allah(swt) is the most just, and would never burden a soul for no reason. He(swt) probably has something better in store for you.

    Insha'Allah, you will meet a kind, pious muslim man in the future.
    Sister, ask yourself this: Why beat yourself up over a person who does not care for you?
    He has moved on, and maybe you should, too.
    For now, put this all behind you, repent and learn from your mistakes, and strive to live a life of obedience to Allah.

    Don't despair because of what you have done, just keep making sincere duaa to Allah. Upon seeing your remorse and regret for past mistakes, He will not disappoint you, Insha'Allah. Trust Him.

    May Allah forgive us, protect us, and guide us.


  5. From a scholors point of view everything is just fun and games. The person who lives a life in haram Will never Succeed in this world and his life will be nothing but a hard disappointing struggle with alot of stressed and doubt.By that time the person is on antidepressantsand and other medication! This is the reality.Just look at the statistics of divorce rate all because of money and cheating!So you better build your Iman and prepare for your death. Be blessed in this world help people give to poor and marry someone who has balance in life with much taqwa!!!Good luk

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