Family issue – concerned about inappropriate behavior
My sister in law just got married and her husband had a birthday. He cut a piece of cake and started giving a bite to everone including my wife and my brother in-law's wife as well.
I felt angry and did not like this act as it felt dirty to me. Everyone else said that it doesn't matter because he is her sister's brother. He is just like a brother and a member to the family and since it was in front of everyone and he fed everyone including me, then it is not something to be angry about.
This is the opinion of everyone including my wife who now thinks that I am over-possessive and over-reacting.
How should I behave? They are all saying that I am crazy for thinking it to be wrong as he is family and thinks of her as his sister. My wife has been with me for 12 years and she is very faithful to me. But I am not able to cope with this event. As she says that there is nothing wrong in this and everyone else is saying that it is okay too.
Please help me get through this. I am very disturbed and angry about their way of thinking.
salman khan
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Bro if your upset 100% you have every right to be your wife shouldn't have let him feed her cake and no man should touch your wife in any way if he's not her blood brother HE IS NO BROTHER OF HERS!!! silly women tend to think oh he's just a brother no one is a real brother unless he's born from the same mother came from the same womb he's still a GHAAR non mehram shouldn't even look at her in the eye let alone flippin feed her cake if everyone's saying to you he's her brother take them anywhere in a party of 10 people you will win the argument as its islamicslly not allowed people are JAHIL they think is ok when it's not this is how guys say oh she's our sister then end up marrying the same women and leaving their wife and children just to be with the damn fool so bro don't let no one touch ur wife or feed her show her who's boss tell everyone else to bogof she's your wife no one else's
Zenab, are you married? I'm just curious, because you don't seem to understand what it takes to maintain a healthy and happy marriage.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear zenab,
I'm a girl myself and a wife and believe me I am putting up with a lot to maintain my marriage.
What you're saying is not wrong. HOW you're saying is definitely not right.
The power of achieving a desire with love is far greater than is with the employment of power.
Giving respect gains respect. Domination is always met with rebellion.
In a marriage Allah tests one to adopt an attitude that makes the relationship last till the akhirah.
Negative outlooks only cause destruction. That is a human error not to be blamed on fate!
Respected brother,
Aoa,
To be honest a certain degree of possessivness between spouse is a healthy thing and a sign of love..going over board can be damagibg though.
I wouldn't get too fussed up about this one account.
As you mentioned your sister in law has just gotten married. Maybe her husband is just initially trying to make his place in the family. Maybe he even spoke to his wife that would the gesture be acceptable or not.
The main point is that you have trust in your wife as a wife. That is what you should focus on.
That man will shortly be living his own life with his wife and won't be interfering in yours anyways.
Lovingly explain to your wife that you love her but found this to be in appropriate and to please be careful next time such a situation arises. Explain to her that maybe everyone thinks it no big deal but you love her and are a bit possessive about her. I'm sure she'll see the love behind it and will understand..say ayat al kursi before speaking to her. In Sha Allah it'll be fine. Concentrate on your relationship with your wife only.
I fully agree. While the gesture was inappropriate, it's not something to obsess over or let it affect your marriage. As HAziz said, just inform your wife kindly that you did not like it and would prefer that she avoid such behavior in the future. If you attack her or argue, she will become defensive. But if you are gentle, she will understand.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor