In-law interference breaking my marraige
Toxic in-laws.
Asakamuaikum
I have a serious issue of in law interference and maltreatment, which has become so overwhelming for me that now i think taking a divorce is the best option for me . So that's why seeking your advice in this matter.
i am married to my husband since two years and we have a daughter of 3 months now. Things started soon after my marriage my mother in law interference my two sister in law interference even my father in law is the same. My husband is good with me only prob he is scared of his mother to tell her any truth on her face. He never takes my side never justifies my truth. Prob is that my mother in law always misbehaves with my parents, always blames them for things they never did. Keeps on psychologically torturing me by telling me your parents this your parents that.
My parents tried for two whole years to deal with them with patience but nothing works. My parents kept on saying sorry to her for things they never did for my marriage sake. But now we realized that more we deal with them with patience more and more they thing that they can do anything with us. I never raised a voice never said anything, cried silently all this time. She wants to control everything in my life now my child also. My husbands doesn't say a thing to her coz she them pretends to be sick with high bp and all.
I dont know what to do. I cant see my parents being misbehaved and disrespected. Also to tell u i come from India where they have no Islamic knowledge its just mixed culture of Hindus and Muslims. I tried so many times to teach my husband Islamic rights of a wife daughter in law , showed him many videos.
He does understand everything but the point is he cant confront his mother and i am suffering to such a point that this psychological torture is having an effect on my health. I get these anxiety attacks all the time. My hands are shivering all the time. I dont want my daughter to suffer because of all this . So plz suggest me with the best possible solution..plz find time to answer my email as i am dying ever moment.
Also to add that i stay overseas with my husband still my mother in law and sister in laws interfere to such an extent on phone keeping on calling my husband and telling him lies about my parents and me.
Its my brothers marriage and my in laws have stopped my husband from coming there. just because according to them my parents had to ask them before deciding the date of marriage of my brother as my in laws didn't want my brother to get married this year..so we quietly accepted this decision of my husband that he wound be coming and i will be going.
but now my in laws are asking my husband to stop me also for attending the marriage, and all of them have decided that if i go there then they will stop me there only and wont let me come back to my husband.my husband to please his mother isn't saying anything abut it..All they want is that i stay there at my in laws place and serve them all my life and not with my husband..
Aasiya.
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ASSALAMALAIKUM
GREATES JOKE OF THE YEAR AND I THINK THEY ARE VERY 3RD CLASS PEOPLE TO MAKE SO MANY BLUNDERS IN YR LIFE-TELL YR HUSBAND WE FIND NOT ANY EXAMPLE LIKE HIS PARENST IN ANY SCST GROUP WHO LIVE IN SLUMS-ALSO THE WAY THEY ARE ACTING-
my parents had to ask them before deciding the date of marriage of my brother as my in laws didn't want my brother to get married this year.
AND TELL YR HUSBAND SOME BROTHER FROM INDIA TOLD THE RIGHTS OF ALLAH OS TO LISTEN TO ALLAH WHAT HE HAS TOLD IN SHARIAH AND FOR THAT HE HAS TO BE FAITHFUL TO A;AH BY OBEYING HIM AND TO OBEY HIM HE HAS TO READ THIS AND UNDERSTAND HE IS NOT A MILK BOTTLE SUCKING CHILD OF THREE YEARS-[my husband to please his mother isn't saying anything abut it]HE THINKG HE IS SERVING HIS MOTHER SAND GETTING BELSSINGS HE DOES NOT KNWM THEY BOTH ARE PREPARING TO GO TO HELL FOR THEIR TREATMENT WITH AND AND YR PARENTS-
Islam considers a woman to be equal to a man as a human being and as his partner in this life. Women have been created with a soul of the same nature as man’s. Allah (SWT) says in the Quran:
"O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife (Eve), and from them both He created many men and women and fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allah is Ever and All-Watcher over you." (Al-Nisa 4:1)
And in the words of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW),
"Assuredly, women are the twin halves of men." (Sahih reported by Abu-Dawud (RA)
In a truely Islamic society women have the following rights in Islam: 1. The right and duty to obtain education.
2. The right to have their own independent property.
3. The right to work to earn money if they need it or want it.
4. Equality of reward for equal deeds.
5. The right to express their opinion and be heard.
6. The right to provisions from the husband for all her needs and more.
7. The right to negotiate marriage terms of her choice.
8. The right to obtain divorce from her husband, even on the grounds that she simply can't stand him. (pls note that God deeply frowns upon divorce as a solution unless there is hardly any other alternative but it does not mean that men have more right to divorce their wives than women do.)
9. The right to keep all her own money (she is not responsible to maintain any relations).
10. The right to get sexual satisfaction from her husband.
11. custody of their children after divorce.
12. to refuse any marriage that does not please them
and more...
TELL YR HUSBAND TO STOP HIS NAUTANKI AND ACT AS HUSABDN NOT AS A HERMAPHRODITES (persons who possess both male and female features and characteristics)
HE SI THE SPEPHER OF THE HOAUSE AND AND CARE TAKER OF YOU AND YR DAUGHTER HE HAS TO OBEY ALLAH IN THIS ROLE NOT HIS PARENTS-
REGARDS
Masha allah...! Good anwser!
as saalamu aleykum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu i have o agree with ali is exactly what i was thinking off. For exemple the hadith of the women who prayed and fast and not feed her cat what happend with her? the same with the muslims out there who consider themselves do good things but actually do more injustice on earth and Allah told us about them in sura bakara . So please mother in law who treat your daughter in law bad stop doing this and look of what you are doing you sell your self to sheitan so cheap and easy cause of your Hawa-impulses. I am in a situation when mother in law abuse me verbally and criticised all about me and she is so gelous that i m not even aloud to talk o my husband-he is curently working outside country for nearly a year and left to work there after 2 montsh after marriage and moved with his familie -he have many brothers and sister as well- and i do not speack theyr language either so she abuse me how she like and i can not say or explain to her how should be i know how to deal but i can not express myslef cause of language and this make is soo hard .Allah is near me and inspired me to write a book about mother in law i hope in shaa Allah this will help people who goes to same situation and hope sooo much stop the mother in laws to abuse people arround them and save themselves before is too late and realize what means to be MUSLIM not just cause were born in islamic countries.i hate soo much people behavior when oppress and abuse people and think they have the right why cause are mothers? not at all first be a good muslim and fear Allah and treat people justly not just expect people do for you honest. This are arrogance people who think that if are born in muslims countries they know what islam is .well what islam is from their point of view? nothing . i learn it from diffrent website and quran and sunna and convert to islam and found it true the character of our prophet s.a.w.s. and his companions who fear Allah and respect people as brother and sisters not like nowadays where some new converts leave islam cause of what they see and experience.i m sick of this kind of behaviour and hope they will wake up and think to study islam properly even they were born in islamic countries. what they were brought up from parents is mostly culture and less religion and they have to take theyr life in own hands and study islam not just think that they know cause of what? studying to gain knowledge make u understand not learning just culture and remain like this in this stage. that s why so many people nowadays are AWAKE in this life and fallow what trully matters .Most are like dolls in sheitan hands and think is best way .May Allah guide us all and help us become more close to Him and stop those people who oppress other people and treat them bad. Pls mothers in law do not let yourself become like the women who pray and did not feed the cat till died and she taught she will go to paradise. just look inside your hearts and choose what to do for sake of allah and do something about this pls learn what islam is properly this help a lot trust me.
sorry for my grammair mistakes i tried correct them as much as possible.il hamdu lillah for all.
asmaa:):):):
Assalaamualaikam
As a Muslim woman, you have rights which your husband should not be ignoring - he needs to stand up for you and for his own independence. Is there an underlying reason why he isn't doing this - does he feel guilty about something from the past, has he been bullied and controlled prior to your marriage? Whatever the reason, he has a responsibility to protect and defend you from harm, and needs to start acting on this.
Islamically, his parents have no right to decide when your brother can get married, and no right to control whether or not you attend. You mentioned that they have said they will stop you there if you go; if you are concerned that you or your daughter might be at risk of being kept somewhere against your will, it is important that you speak with the authorities and your parents about this, and do not put yourselves in any danger.
My personal feeling on the matter is that your husband needs to man up and tell his parents to stop treating you this way (if that's a bit harsh, I apologise). I would tell him clearly and simply how much their actions are upsetting you and that you are so upset you have considered separation - if he is a man worthy of being your husband, inshaAllah he will realise he needs to stand up for himself and for you.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Sister,
As someone who has witnessed your exact situation with my dearest friend, this is what I can say to you. Until your husband stands up and speaks up, your situation will only deteriorate. No matter what you do or say, it will go no where. Your husband allows it, is silent and does nothing. My friend was married for nearly 15 years in an abusive relationship just as yours. Her husband died of Cancer a year ago and even when his body wasn't even cold in the grave, his family were abusive and controlling of his wife. Why? Because he allowed it and kept his mouth shut. Due to his inability to step up and not allow his family to speak to his wife and her family in the manner that they did...they did it free and willingly. I watched my friend torn apart by her in-laws for years and she is the most kind and sweet woman I know.
Sit down and speak with your husband. Let him know what the actions of his family are doing to you. He either speaks up like he should have long ago or face the consequences of you possibly going back to your own family in order to find peace and respect. May Allah guide you and keep you always in his loving care.
Salam
I have been married for 2 and a half years now and I love my husband very much and respect him. I married my husband in Pakistan we lived there for about 1 and a half month and then I lived here in the US for one year without him and wen he came here we were still living apart for a while until recently when he got a place for us and we lived there for almost 2 months. Alhamdulliah everything is going well but I definitely feel like my husband ignores me a lot he will be on the phone all day with his brother(my brother in law) discussing new business ventures while I do not mind this that much the everyday talking for 4 hours has gotten to me so much. I feel like in total we lived together for about 3 and a half months and I already feel like I have no privacy. I understand that my husband is passionate about doing a business with his brother but in the end I find myself feeling like he doesn't spend a lot of time with me. Now I am at my parents home and I have been here for about 2 weeks now because my husband says he cannot study with me and our son at home. He is at my brother in laws house again and I feel like I am always fighting to get his attention I guess every woman desires for her in laws to be as far away from her and her husband as they possibly can be but yes its a sad situation but something I have to live with. May Allah make things better for us all.
Sister your story reminds me of mine.
Exactly, the same.
I was unfortunate enough to end up in a divorce.
My mother in law did the exact same thing. Everday when my husband came from work she would sit with him a
and say things about me that i had not even done.
Sometimes she forced him to be so angry that he started verbally abusing me all the time.
And, also once forcing me out of the house that was one month into my marriage.
And, on top they blamed me for everything that i do not respond. Although it was so difficult to keep calm and stay silent when everyone is abusing you and saying things about your family.
They forced me out of the house once and i went back thinking he will get better, take stand for me or stay away from his mother to interfere in out marriage.
His family stopped talking to me and totally ignoring me in the house.
Instead i would cook everyday for them. And, do my own house hold work,
They wouldnt even let me work as i am a proffesional every time they would make excuses.
My mother in law again screamed at me. And my husband dint do anythin instead said if i cant get along with his parents this marriage can't work.
I came to my parents house.
My parents tried to talk to them wwith a arbitrator but they never even tried to talk again instead agreed to divorce me.
I loved my husband it was devastating for me to go through so much pain.
But, my advice would be to stay calm. If you really want to stay there divert your attention to something productive to take your mind off the drama.
Try finding a job. or reading. or spending time with your children.
Its sad but men probably never take a stand.
Asalamualukum brothers and sisters ..
Thankyou so much for the reply n advises.. I took a stand that time and came directly to my parents place..since then i am here only..what my mother inlaw did was got a ticket n went to stay with my husband..my husband talks to me eveyday calls me hidding it from his mother.but doesnt speak a word about me goin back to him whenever initaite he starts fighting n geting frustrated also tells me that i am responsible for it as i didnt listen to him and didnt go to my inlaws place before goin to my parents place..what kills me inside is that how can he live without his daughter our ist baby which allah gave to us after so many prayers and duaas..i am patiently waiting for allahs decision..my parents are supportive of me allahamdullilah..as they have also suffered equally all these years.. I am here with them since three minths..
Hi sister,
I would advise you to stay calm pray to Allah and do istkhara everyday to direct you to the right path.
As far as your husband is concerned try talking to him in peace .
I am sure its very difficult but if he is nice to you , you can still go back . And, the best is to give him time.
Time makes people understand a lot of things with a different view.
I wouldn't ask you to break off because you have a daughter.
Think about her and the fact that you would want to give her a house.
Keep praying , and stay patient.
InshAllah something will work out for you .. and, hopefully the best would.
Your husband needs to stand up for you and your rights.
Asalamualikum
Thanx a lot sister sara for the advice.. Even i dont want to break our relationship, i love him too much even he loves both of us . But he is two scared to confront his mother no matter wat.. In other words i can say he is too coward for that.. Also too add my mother inlaw and sister in laws are in serious practice of taveez and magic spells .we are completely against it .. So in that respect also i trust my allah to give them an answer..
I don't understand why people do this especially mother in laws. They are not only destroying the girls life but also causing pain to their son and making their life a misery. I went through the same scenario where I was basically bullied and belittled by my in laws because they didn't like me - apparently I didn't make any effort which even my husband admits isn't true!! They got their way in the end and the marriage broke down, she got her son back and got rid of me, and now finally my husband admits that they were trying to break the marriage because they didn't like me. I really hope Allah punishes these people for destroying marriages and lives. Ameen.
Hi Sara, how are you doing now? I hope you're in a good place in life right now. InshaAllah
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
Also too add my mother inlaw and sister in laws are in serious practice of taveez and magic spells
WANT TO DISOLVE THEIR DESIRES AND EVIL PRACTICES DO THIS AND SEE THE RESULT-WITHIN 72 HOURS INSHA ALLAH HE WILL TURN AGAINST THEM OR ATLEAST BE NEAR YOU-AND ADORE YOU-
Q: Is it lawful or not to recite Surah Al-Ikhlas, Al- Mu‘awwidhatayn (Surahs Al-Falaq and Al-Nas) and Al-Fatihah for the purpose of seeking healing? Did the Messenger (peace be upon him) or the Salaf (righteous predecessors) do so? Please, enlighten us.
A: Reciting Surah Al-Ikhlas, Mu‘awwidhatayn, Al-Fatihah and other Surahs is regarded as a permissible Ruqyah (reciting Qur’an and saying supplications over the sick seeking healing) which the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) legislated by performing it himself and approving it for his Sahabah (Companions).
Al-Bukhari and Muslim narrated in their two Sahih (authentic) Books of Hadith on the authority of Ma‘mar from Al-Zuhry from ‘Urwah that ‘Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said:
In his last illness, the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to blow breath (into his cupped hands) and recite Al-Mu‘awwidhatayn (Surahs Al-Falaq and Al-Nas) and then wipe over his body. But when his illness aggravated,
I used to recite them over him and pass his own hand over his body for its blessing.Ma‘mar asked Al-Zuhry
“How did he use to blow breath?” He said,“He used blow into his hands and then pass them over his face.”
The first Hadith indicates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) did recite Al-Mu‘awwidhatayn over himself during his illness, while the second shows his approval of his Sahabah’s recitation of Al-Fatihah as Ruqyah.
Ruqya in Arabic means healing, the Islamic way according to the sharia, only Qur'an and sunnah, applying the Qur'an THE WORDS OF ALLAH SWT on the patients.
We are told in the Qur'an that Prophet Ibraheem, alayhis salam, said, "And when I am ill, it is He Who cures me." [26:80]
The Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wasallam, said: "There is a remedy for every malady, and when the remedy is applied to the disease it cures it with the permission of Allah, the Exalted and Glorious." (Muslim) Also, the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said,
"Make use of the two remedies: honey and the Qur'an." (Tirmithi)
Have a spray bottle.
fill it up with water prefer mineral water.
with the bottle open put your mouth as close to the top of the bottle and recite sourah al Fatiha then blow in the water. Ayat al kursee then blow in the water. Then do the same with sourah al ikhlass, al falaq, al Nass.
close your bottle your water is ready.
go to every room close the door if the room and slightly open the window of that room you in.
recite loudly sourah Fatiha 7 times.
recite aya al kursee 7 times.
recite sourah al zalzalah 7 times.
straight away as reciting the athan you should spray with that water you prepared every corner of that room.
never spray without reciting the athan.
when finished spray all the corners of the room close the window and do the same with every other room in your home.
don't do the toilet.
when every room is done play sourah al baqarah in each room.
make sure your pray the nafl salat in your home. As the prophet said :
Don't turn your homes to grave yards not praying salat in your homes.
(Meaning tahajud and optional prayers)
Sahih bukhari and MUSLIM
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family and Companions!
Assalawalaikum
Am too depressed about my husband. As his family interfere in our living our love our day-to-day life.
It's a love marriage and we married secretly. Later we convinced our families for official marriage
Now my wedding is next month and my husband is saying he doesn't wAna marry me and wanna break this relation forever. I don't know what happened. He is in Saudi and am in India. Since from past 10days I dint had my food and making calls to him for what he is doing this.
When I am calling his family and said everything about our hidden wedding. But his sisters and mother says me to keep quite and accept the decision. They say we can't help as he is not listening to them.
iammuslimwoman, obviously we also do not know what happened, but when you start out with a secret marriage you are starting out on the wrong foot, so it's not surprising that it did not work out. There doesn't appear to be any way to salvage this relationship. I think you have to consider it a lesson learned and move on, as difficult as that may be.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
But i actually want holdup this relation. May be done secreatly but its nikah what we did.
There was love before his parents came to know, there was understandings. But now he changed completely. His parents interfeared in my life since 2yrs, tried alot to make him against me. But i just waited to be his wife. His mother and sisters know about our secreat wedding, even though they ask me to leave him and ask me to move on. How can i?
I really don't want to break my marriage as it's most painfull thing even for Allah.
I wanna know what gunah will my in-laws get if they are breaking a wedlock.
Nothing is painful for Allah. However, it is true that divorce is the most disliked of all halal things. Based on what you wrote in your other comment, I don't think there's anything you can do, and it's questionable whether you are actually married at all, since it was done in secret.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam to all, i wanted to tell the admin that i have posted a post almost 5 days ago and it still hasn't approved, i don't know why? It's always pending. Please approve
Same problem happening with me dear.. I don't know what to do.. I hv masallah one month child.. But my husband didn't cm to see him as my in law don't like me.. I..