Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is Insemination at home permissible in Islam?

Assalamlikum wa rahmathullahi wa barkathu.


Iron gate and bright clouds, future, possibilities


I am a pious and religious lady who believe in the oneness of ALLAH(SWT). i have been married for the last 7 years and me and my husband love each other and have no problem with in laws whatsoever ALHAMDULLIAH.

I been married for 7 years and childless is a serious problem and to make it worse the problem lies in me. I am suffering from VAGINISMUS its a condition where intercourse is impossible and or becomes painful like hell. yes its shocking to say that i dint have intercourse all this time, we try a lot, we love each other , but i should thank ALLAH  for giving me such understanding husband.

tried consulting doctor but all they could say was it will take time or try harder cant disclose it to family as its shocking for anyone to believe such a condition.

after browsing in the internet all i could gather was ladies who suffer wid VAGINISMUS try for home insemination that is they the sperms are transferred by disposable syringes to the cervix. all i want to know is does islam give permission to such methods. i am depressed like anything .i pray for patience and for the well being of my husband.

please il be grateful if you all could answer me. may ALLAH (SWT) help the muslim ummah and may HE show mercy on us .



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87 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    From the little bit of research I've done on the issue of artificial insemination and Islamic Sharia, there are some scholars who say it is permissible as long as the sperm being used are your husband's and not a donor's, and the need for this procedure is proven to be medically necessary. Other scholars say that because artificial insemination is an unnatural procedure, it is not permissable as a means of pregnancy. As a result, any couple suffering from infertility should accept it as Allah's will and look to adoption or more natural means of pregnancy achievement.

    The thing that concerns me about your question is the possibility that if you do have vaginismus, the actual procedure of artificial insemination may be painful or uncomfortable for you as well, and not an option for you based on that. I would suggest that you go to another gynecologist for a second opinion about treatment however, because there are therapies to treat this condition or reduce it's interference in your life. These may include psychotherapy to determine if the cause is based on some trauma to that area you may have experienced before, or gradually dilating you with inserts until you are comfortable with normal sexual activities.Even though these treatments are going to take time to be effective, I would hope that a doctor would at least work toward giving you a more "normal" life instead of just telling you to "try harder".

    At any rate, let me encourage you that you are in no way to blame for having this condition. It is not your fault and there is no way you could have known that you were going to have these difficulties. Even though it is very difficult for others to understand, I want YOU to know that having this medical condition doesn't make you less of a person or less valuable, that you should feel any type of shame. Remember, for every malady there is a remedy, and this is no less true for your situation.

    -Amy Editor

  2. Insemination is not possible unless you have had intercourse; othewise the vaginal opening is too small and no medical professional is going to inflict trauma on you by inserting a probe into your vagina.

    However, you can look into having a hymenectomy (where the hymen is surgically cut in order to allow the probe to enter the vagina), which may make the procedure easier. It will be under local sedation and it is a day procedure only, usually with no complications.

    • Salaams,

      I'm not saavy on the size of a probe that would be used for this type of procedure, but since vaginismus is a result of the involuntarily contraction of the pelvic floor (kegel) muscles, it may be that inserting a probe would be difficult or impossible even w/a would depend on how severe this particular case is I guess.

      -Amy Editor

      • i think the sedation would take care of that. But if she has never had intercourse, then regardless of the vaginismus the insemination process would be impossible. Even the vaginal ultrasounds that are required before and during the process cannot be performed.

    • Dear Ruks

      I suffered from this terrible condition and know exactly what you are going through. The pain,anger, frustration of not being able to do something which so seemingly comes easy to others. Endless sleepless nights crying, worrying if I will ever get over it and be able to have children. I spent just over 2 years like this, so I can imagine how much more you have suffered. The medical profession were completely unhelpful to me too. What I can now say is I did overcome and so can you. I am not sure if I can post a link here but please check out I'm not sure where you are from but it is an American website but regardless of this, there are thousands of women all over the world who all suffered from this condition and who can testify they overcame by following this 10 step programme. I urge you to check it out. It changed my life and marriage and I can't emphasise enough the weight it lifted off my shoulders. I overcame in about 12 weeks through lots of prayer and dedication. The site also has a very active forum which was also paramount to my success. Please try it and before you know it, you can start trying to conceive naturally as well as having a deserving and fulfilled sex life with your husband.

      If you need anymore information please let me know. There just isn't enough help out there for women like us who suffer from this.

      Take care

  3. Salamu Aleikum sisters.
    I've been suffering from this illness for almost 3 years now and am also married.
    I've been wanting to talk to someone about my condition and knowing that I'm not alone in this.
    My husband and I love each other very much but we have reached a point where this illness has effected our whole life. and we have given it one last chance to do something about it, i'm almost done with my treatment program alhamdulillah. Anyone who is interested in sharing experiences or want to talk to someone about it I am here and very interested in sharing my story with you and listening to yours.

    • As-salamu alaykum Mrs. Abdallah. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, and then you'll be able to discuss your situation in detail and get some replies Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

    • salam sister id really like to speak to u about ur treatment, the docters are not helpful towards me atal.i could really use some help plz.

    • Salaam sister have u overcome this yet

  4. Salaam sister I am suffering vaginismus for nearly 9 years so I can completely understand your despair, but keep faith that it is a test from Allah swt and when Allah decrees it u will overcome it. Keep constant in dua and do not lose hope as that is what the shaitain wants. I am seeing a psychosexual therapist with my husband and have been using vaginal dilators to get my muscles used to insertion alhamdulillah. Fi d out a out a local therapist u can see and purchase the dilator set. In the Uk they are available on prescription so they r free. There are lots of women who r affected. U are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. With Allahs help u can overcome this inshAllah x

  5. Salamu aleikum sabz.
    I will inshallah help you if I can otherwise I hope Allah will grant you with sabr and strength. At this point I am cured alhamdulillah. I have been trying the latest treatment and it has taken me 1 month and a week to get cured from this illness so I hope that you'll inshallah be just as succesfull with this trresultetment as me alhamdulillah. about one month and a week ago I started using dilators 2-3 times a day each time two hours and now I am cured alhamdulillah. that is my only advice. USE the DILATORS inshallah you'll get the needed result b izn illah. 🙂 I am now starting a projekt baby inshallah so please remember me in your dua and inshallah I'll remember you inshallah.

    • Salaam sister, did u have to make ghusal each time after using the dilators ??

      • I have studied Hanafi fiqh and insertion invalidates
        Fasting. You do not need to do ghusl as that is needed if two erect private parts meet or there is sexual ejaculation. If you follow a different madhab please ask a local imam or scholar.

  6. Asalamualaikum sisters,

    I am so glad to have found sister who suffer vaginismus and are muslim. I have suffered this over 13 years, but got diagnosed only 4 years ago. My 1st marriage failed due to it but i was too embarressed to go to the Dr. I just put it down to him being violent towards me thats why i couldnt. I am on my second marriage which i was very in much love with my husband when i got married and i couldnt believe the same thing happened again. I have tried the dialators and pschotherapy still no improvement. My marriage is going down hill again, i feel guilty and sorry for husband that i cant give him a normal life. I also want a child as i'm 32 i feel like time is running out. Will i ever get cured? I believe in Allah and pray all the time......pls sisterz pray for me 🙁

  7. salams ..please help me some one.been married for a year.same thing and problem.suffer from scared of insertations.need to talk to someone but too ashamed.would love to talk to a muslim sister and share my problems with someone that have been through the same or going through the same.Allah reward u and help us all.ameen ya rabb

    • Sister (Princess) I understand how u feel. Go to a sexual health clinic and see a nurse or Dr, tell them you think u suffer from vaginismus from the research you done and insha'Allah u will get help straight away. I was too embarressed to go to my Gp bcoz he knew me since I was a kid. I got the privacy I needed at the SHC. Take the 1st step sister get the ball rolling. I'm not cured yet but I still have hope. Pray for me. And all the best. X

  8. jazakallah,its so lovely to have smeone to share feelings with,feel so alone..its so weird suffering from something thats so normal for the rest..inshallah.Allah help u 2 and make things easy for is there any way i can private message u?

  9. I could give u my email address but I dnt think it wud be shown, and I'm not sure how to inbox privately. Can anyone pls tell me how to inbox privatly?

  10. Salaams,

    We do not permit private messaging or the exchange of personal information on this site. Any advices to be given must be done so in the public forum.

    -Amy Editor

  11. Hi sisters

    I also have this condition and zk i know hiw your feeling. It can make you feel so alone since its kept very hush hush and not all doctors know about it. I am married and people keep asking us when were going go have kids adding on more pressure. I have recently bought the kit from with a self help book and dilators. Dont give up ladies, you need to keep praying and trying and looking around for options!

  12. i am sure my wife suffers from vaginismus. we have had an unconsumated marriage for 4 1/2 years now, Last time i mentioned this to my wife, she took it really badly and wont admit the problem. She has managed to have pap smear test (althoughth painfull ) and thinks its me and i dont know what i'm doing. Is this how you felt initially?

    we both want to start our own family so desperately and its making us depressed. it has become a subject we dont talk about anymore because it always leaves us feeling more frustrated and down. i have recently been looking at self insemination kits but wasnt sure if it was permisible in islam and the risks associated with it. i thought i'd do some research on it before discussing it with my wife, which is what led me to this site.

    Seeing you ladies have had similar problems and have come over it i dont know what to do. We love each other so much but after so many unsuccefull attempt that type of passion has just gone out of the window now. we are both getting of age now (early 30's) and just want to start a family then try to overcome the vaginismus issue.

    just wondering do any of you have any words of wisdom you could share.

  13. Salam brother,
    I would really advice you to show this site and all of our comments to ur wife. Might help. But until she doesnt acknoledge the problem, no one can help her. Its not who's fault it is, its about how to go forward. Vaginismus is hard but Alhamdulillah there is help from and their self help kit. Like i mentioned to another sister you both go to a sexual health clinic and speak to them and in-shaa-Allah they will help you both. May Allah direct you both and solve ur problems.

  14. Salam brother

    Its nice to see a mans perspective on this. Its such a difficult condition to have because as a women you are suffering wline in silence, no one except your husband knows you have thos condition. I think its difficult for a man to understand what we are feeling. Try to support your wife as much as you because shes most likely avoiding this topic because its so painful, difficult and brings her self esteem down. Try to always let her know how much you love her. Talk to her about this condition and any suggestions you have. As a married couple you are a team and she needs your support right now, more then ever.

  15. Salam i m 30yrs old, My wife is sufrng frm this problem since 3 yrs of our marge, we failed to do intercourse since marge even once, now i dnt kow what i should do for her, plz advice me what i should do, how to handle this problem, i love her so much and cant see her in such a big problem, we cnsult 2 gynec doctor but they both couldnt help us, what should i do as a husband?

  16. Salamu aleikum sisters.
    As I have already written upstairs in the comments, I was suffering for this illness 4 years and did a lot of praying and duas to make me treat the illness. I almost got divorced and I pretty much tried everything possible. One year ago I started using the dilators again to give it the last chance before going through with the divorce. After almost 2 months using the dilators for almost 2 hours x3 times a day I finally got it treated alhamdulillah. Now after a year I am pregnant with our first child mashallah and will be giving birth in july inshallah. I wrote this post to give you hope and to motivate you. It is cureable and you have to trust in Allah and belive in it. Give it your all inshallah. I'm no different from you. anything I can do you can do it better. Can't wait to hear good news from you all inshallah. To the husbands out there dealing with this issue, the only thing you can do is motivate her, support her, stand by her and make sure she understands that you love her. Don't blame her og make it harder for her. obviously you can't do anything to cure it. The great results come from hard work only. From A supporting sister in islam.

    • Sister what helps in getting the dialators in? I try but only can get the first one in

      • You can use vaginal lubricants which are available from chemists. There's a lot of variety so test them out with one which feels comfortable for you. In the end I used olive oil as I didn't like the sticky cold feeling of the lubricants. You could also use Vaseline.

  17. salam all of u, Congr8s mrs. abdallah for ur pregnancy, i think the feeling of becoming a mother and farther will be amazing, hope we will enjoy this feeling too, my wife has also problem of intact hymen and i think veginismus also, i am confuse, what should i do? is any aayat of quran helpfull? i read on some website that this type of problem is because of jinn, is it true?

  18. Allahu a3lam. I don't know. But in my last fase of treatment I had a sheikh read quran for me because I have been suffering from ayn for years. and subhanallah after reading to me for several months I got cures alhamdulillah. But the treatment with dilators is so effective. You should always do salah on time and make duas and inshallah Allah will treat you when the time is right. Allah is testing us and ypu need to be satisfied and say alhamdulillah even though the situation is hard. I've been there myself. support your wife and let your wife use dilators.

  19. mrs. abdallah can i have ur mail id? i want to ask u somthing...

    • Assalaamualaikam

      It is not allowed to share contact information here. If you have questions, you are welcome to write a post and it will be answered in turn inshaAllah.

      Midnightmoon editor

  20. No sorry you can't. if you have a question you can ask in here inshallah

  21. As I said "a man". I am a sister with self respect and I don't give out my email to brothers. I am trying to help sisters like your wife with this particular issue. please respect if you have any questions you can freely answer in here because we all are in the same boat and are or have been suffering from that problem.

  22. Its ok, but i cant ask everything here, once again congratulation, plz dont forget in dua....and what is ayn?

  23. Regarding the issue I belive you can ask anything. you are unknown and we all have the same issue. Ayn is the evil eye unknown in islams history. I will inshallah remember all of you in my dua.

  24. its ok dear sister...

  25. I think now its impossible for us.

  26. Salaam Mrs Abdullah, congratulations! its so relieving and encouraging reading success stories. I wanted to find out that do you think going to the imam will help? I've been using the dialators but have stopped progressing and don't know what to do. I have planned to go Umrah next year if we can afford it, but in the mean time i'm really stuck. I'm 33 this year and longing for a child, time is ticking and husband is frustrated. any sort of advice and guidance will be appreciated.

    can an imam help?

    • Wa aleikum am salam. As I wrote up in my comment, it was not only the imam who made it come true. It was hard work with the dilators 4-6 hours each day, praying and making dua made this dream come true. You can go to the imam and see what he says. Remember nomatter how hard we try it only happens when Allah will make it happen. We are being tested and we need to have sabr even though it's extremely hard and frustrating. pray salah on time and pray exstras, do duas, make good deeds, keep trust and faith in Allah and use the dilators every day and inshallah you'll see improvement. Be concentrated and keep yourself occupied during the exercises. read a book, watch tv or anything else that will keep your mind of it and keep you relaxed. how far are you on the dilators? during the dilator exercises you can begin to use some kind of lidocain. it will help you with the large sizes inshallah

  27. salam lissen up sis
    u dont need to go to an imaam or whatever
    the condition u have, regard it as very me on going thru it husbands an imaam..and very supportive alhamdulillah...imagine this...i cant even put anything into my vagina...i have serious vaginismus..u arent the only one..just do sabr...ALLah says loads about sbr in quraan...what u need to do is go to a clinic ..a family planning one and get an appoinment with a phsyco sexual therapist..the waiting list is tremendously long ..6 months but sabr!! or what i did was i went private to a therapist...or u can go to a counsellor....then alhamdulillah i was called to the nhs sector coz they had cancellations...i want to tell u dont DESPAIR...THERE ARE PROBABLY LOADS LIKE US!!! WE NOT ALONE... ive had my first appoinmnt..will be going for another one in four the first one she just got to know a bit about me ..thats time..she will help me loads to insert somehting in..then she will help me physically with the dilators...u think there is no help there for us???!! WRONG....THERE IS LOADS OF HELP...GET IT..PRAY TO ALLAH...AND LETS GET OVER IT TOGETHER....BE POSITIVE..AND STAY HAPPY...I KNOW ITS HARD...I KNOW HOW U FEEL COZ WERE IN THE SAME BOAT

  28. Does botox treatment is helpful? is it available in india? is it allowed in islam ?

    • For some people it helps and for some people it don't.. But they say that the best way is to do it yourself rather than doing surgeries to cure it. But for some people it is a succes with botox.

  29. How do you find the time to do dilators for 2 hours 3 times a day? I would love to do that. Any advice would be good. I had a week holiday from work and progressed well with the dilators then going back to work has made me go backwards and im finding it hard to find time to do dilations. Big congratulations on overcoming! Thats such great news! Hope all you sisters are successful!!

    • I totally understand. I am a home student and that's why it is easier for me to maintain the exercises in my schedule. Also I believe because it is so important for us to overcome we have to make priorities and make that our number one thing to focus on. that was how I overcame it. I basically made the time to do the exercises. I pray for you sisters to be succesful and to archieve your goals and dreams inshallah.

      • Mrs Abdallah,
        I am desparate need for help to cope with vaginismis for almost 5 years of married life. Your self-determined effort inspired me. Could it be possible if I write to you. Jzakillah

  30. im going through the same been nearly 5 years for me..

  31. ive tried dilators nothings helping tips will be really handy sisters!

    • do not despair sis. u need to start by being positive about it.. try and think yes i am going to get over this. i know its hard coz at the moment u dont c anything being able to be inserted inside u and u probably pull a face at the mention of vaginal insertion. read my story..clear proof that its nothing to be afraid off. i used to scream and tighten up all my legs muscle just at the mention of something being inserted..start very very very me on this..i am with you dont worry. i think there is a need for more forums like this as it is a very private thing to talk about but can cause depression and all sorts if you dont discuss it

  32. Wsalam, I am coming up to 10 years of marriage. I am using dilators and now trying to have penis insertion. The transition to penis insertion is a big step too. I wud advise involving ur husband in inserting dilators so u can get used to letting go of control. Allah swt tests us in diff ways but for every prob there is a cure and we must make efforts for it. This needs to be number one priority. U need lots of time for the exercises AND maintaining a healthy sex life, sabr and tawakkal and perseverence - all necessary ingredients.

    • sister Anon i feel for you dearly im nearly 32 and feel as though life is slipping out of my hands do u know if ivf treatment is available under snesthetic? I really hope and pray it all works out for you..x

  33. To be quite honest I haven't looked into IVF but have agreed it is something we will
    Look into if we don't achieve insertion. Remember to use lubrication with the dilators. I built myself up and started with a cotton bud - cab u believe it?! Then bought the smallest tampon then bigger ones before starting dilators.

    It's difficult to give advice without knowing the specific challenges each couple faces - no doubt each couple will have their own particular conditions. My main advice is don't give up, don't halt your life because of this one problem, do the things you enjoy doing because it's important to maintain good mental well being. Look after each other and spend quality time together. Enjoy intimacy and do special things for each other.

    InshAllah there is always good in the decree and we must trust His hikma'h.

  34. A.W.W.
    how r you all doing with ur problem
    as i said earlier i went top the therapist a few months is going to be nearly two years me and my husband are married for.
    a week after my first appointment..i would lie down and my husband would sit in between my legs and make me feel comfortable with his finger being near my front hole.after a week of that he slowly inserted a tiny bit in with lots of lubrication. ALHAMDULILLAH it was NO PAIN at all.and i think once i got over the fact the thought i used to have before that how can something go up the changed..from then on..we do more and more on a regular basis.. sometimes when we are busy we miss it out..but now alhamdulillah i have come to the stage where he can easily put two fingers in me!!!!!!!

  35. Salam sisters....sorry its a long story..after so long i'm on a positive route Alhamdulillah. I have started to think positive now after an extensive councelling therapy with a sister at my local mosque. After with dealing my psychological problems properly i have now moved many steps forward with my dialators and also the fact that i have been accepted to have fertility treatment on the nhs. I am 33 and so desperate for a child that now i am willing to do anything. I hadto have my 1st internal scan and swabs taken and a smear within a matter of 2 weeks. I was petrified but also the determination to work hard with the dialators so that the scans wont hurt. I even went and got a probe in different sizes from my gp nurse so i can get used to that. Every evening i will go in to bath as i have no privacy athome i put candles around to relax myself. Then slowly slowly i pushed myself from dialator 1 to 2 3 then tried the probes and tried to open as far as possible. Was difficult very difficult let me assure u but i learned how to relax thru breathing and after 4 days lo and behold i inserted dialator 4! I cant tell u how happy i was...then next few days instead of using the other dialtors i went straight to 4 and it was ok it didnt hurt.....the scan wasnt painful i was very nervous tho and the nurse let me insert the probe...also the smear test wasnt too bad but it didnt hurt and they also let me insert the probw myself. After ramadan i plan to go away with my husband and try to have intercourse and yes just like before the tests i will be practicing really hard with the dialators. I just want everyone to pray for me that i am successful insha'Allah.
    For those who dnt know me my story is at the top of this forum. Sisters if i can do it and i'm a really negative thinking person trust me u can. I shall let u know if my mini break with my husband is successful 😉

  36. awwwww im sooo happy for u...!!! u are soo brave mashallah keep it up..i cant put anything up there myself but i can let my husband do it..he put two fingers the other day and it burnt sooo this normal do u think? do u get a lot of burning or stinging sensation with the big dilators?

  37. also 'khushi' why do u need a fertility treatment? u havent even had intercourse yet so offcourse you cant get pregnant!

  38. It did burn but thats where u have to learn how to relax...its the key to stop it burning. When it burns that what used to put me off. First learn to do it alone in a locked room with candles...then just try with ur hurt in the beginning but if ur husband can do it u can. U get to inderstand ur muscles and how u find ways to get rid of the burning. Place the tip of ur finger on the entrance and slowly push till it burns and then just hold it there...tighten and relax ur muscles till the burning eases then repeat by pushing forward abit more. Make sure u arouse ur mind abit and lots of lube... u will do it and can do it. Until u dnt understand ur body urself it will be hard to move forward. Dnt force urself do it when u feel u want to. I hope it helps sis

  39. As for the fertiliru treatment i dont believe i have fertility problems but we can get ivf if we van manage the pain for people who suffer from vagonismus only if u have taken all the paths like councelling, psychitherapy and dialators. X

  40. i feel the same when i insert my dilators it only goes in an inch then i feel as though im hitting a wall i feel for all the women above ive been going through this for the past 5 years cant Thank the almighty enough for blessing me with such caring patient husband

    • try with your finger first. that's what I've done. you will touch that bone and then you will understand more how your body is. I am very tight and I used to struggle to have one finger in and I think that was my initial problem. also make sure you start with the smaller dilator possible. looking at the big ones freaks me out

  41. any sort of advice would be very handy also the above sister asking about ivf under anesthesia? is this Possible??

    • Salam...i personally was going to go for private fertility treatment as I was reall scared and found a hospital in Manchester that will do it under local aneasthsia...obviously that will cost more.. but i am braving it and am getting the treatment on the nhs in shaa Allah. 1st appointment next week. I will ask them what help they offer and see if i can get any advise for u regarding this.

  42. Salam Everyone.

    I am so happy that I found this website. I got married last year and took me a month to have sex for the first time.
    I suffered sever pain and cried number of times while we were trying. I did go and talked to a doctor about it. I was advised on using Dilators, but only used it once (last week) so far.

    I have couple of questions and it might sound silly, but do I need to do ghusul after using it?

    just for the record my husband is very helpful and he was there for my first exercise. I struggled when he was inserting the dilator but was fine when I was doing it myself. and just to mentioned after the first time, we did manage to have intercourse however it was still painful for me.

  43. Salam alaikum.

    I just want to add my story to this forum, I have been married for nearly 7 years. I have a wonderful husband who I love very much. I suffer from the same condition as you all. After about a year in to our marriage we real used that we wanted children and with the condition we knew that it will probably never happen or if it did it would probably take a long time, neither of us could wait any longer. I went on line and done our research and realised that we could do insemination at home. We inseminated
    for three months and I finally fell pregnant. We now have a beautiful boy he is 3 and a half years old and he is perfect! Mashalah. I still have vaginismus but am now looking to seek help. I hope this story brings a little hope to those who things it's impossible to have a family whilst having this condition. If you want to know anything else please don't hesitate.
    Salam alaikum

  44. Salam,

    This is to let you all know that I have been successfully having intercourse for a few weeks now Alhamdulillah! I had to go up to the largest dilatory. I prefer using oil for lubrication and it felt nicer. I use almond oil. I use the dilator then I take the position on top as it gives more control. Its still uncomfortable when he starts to thrust, mostly because I feel the urge to urinate even though I have been to the toilet before. I think its just nerves. Inshallah, it will ease up. We are already trying to conceive. Please keep us in your duas.

    This is our test sisters and Allah swt will open doors at the right time. We need to persevere and have sabra. Inshallah all my sisters will be able to enjoy sex soon. I began to do tasbih istighfar and read Qur'an daily since Ramadan and I believe this helped me progress. Keep up the dhikr xx

  45. Salam to all sisters,

    I feel so much relief finding a site where I'm not alone with this condition.
    The only person I openly spoke about this was my doctor.
    I'm from the UK. I'm in my early 20s. I've been married coming up to 5years. I've also been suffering from vaginismus. At first my husband was quite considerate. But past 3 years of my life has changed me. My husband feels frustrated and often it's affected our relationship. I feel so depressed. Yet I understand his frustration. I've followed up the doctors instructions but no use. I've always wanted to be a mother but I see many obstacles.

    • Salam

      Latest update is Alhamdulillah I am pregnant! We are delighted. May Allah swt continue to shower his mercy on all of us. Ameen

      • Ameen

      • Salam, sorry it's been such a long time! I wanted to share that we were blessed with a healthy baby girl alh! I went to see a clinical psychologist during my pregnancy to discuss birthing plans. I wanted to go naturally but wanted pain relief available. In the end I had to be induced and then went on to have a c section because the baby was breech during labour. Allah swt is the best of planners. I would advise that when you are pregnant you ask your midwife to refer you to
        A clinical psychologist - I was lucky because there was one based in the maternity hospital and although she had not come across my condition she was very supportive and we out a birth plan together to alert maternity care so they were aware of my condition and would support me appropriately.

  46. Salam. It's so nice to read these comments and know that I'm not the only one who suffers from this. It gives me hope to read the messages but I am still in the very early stages of treatment and feel extremely hopeless at times. I have Been given dilators by my therapist .. I have tried to insert the smallest one a few times but every time I do it or think of doing it it just upsets me and I cry a lot and then obviously I'm not relaxed.. And when I insert it a little bit I just want to take it out and stop.. Any advice would be much appreciated

  47. AOA. I feel like i am reading bits and pieces of my own story here. I live in Pakistan and have been suffering from vaginismus for 5 years. My gynea said i'm not a virgin which means my hymen must have broken at some point. My Gynea was able to insert one finger and thought everything was fine and told me to relax, but i went to her after a few months and she tried inserting 2 fingers and saw how much pain that caused me. While checking for polysystic ovaries they inserted the object in me which was uncomortable but once inside i didnt feel any pain. It's so confusing maybe its just nerves but still, i have not been able to have intercourse for 5 years now :(. My doctor recommended hymenectomy, but we didn't go ahead with it. Now i'm really thinking dilators is the answer to my problem.

    Is anyone aware of doctors in Pakistan who treat this issue and if there dilators are available anywhere? Which brand is recommended and also what material? I've read there are silicone ones and other materials also?

    Thank you & May Allah bless you all

    • Haya, we've published some posts on this subject on this past. Please do a search of our site.

      Wael Editor

      • I am unmarried and I doubted I have vaginismus. I feel shy to go to gynecologist.I am seriously in depression what would I do?

    • Alshifa hospital meet
      Gynecologist team tell senior doctor your problem that you have dysprounia or viginismus
      Dr Khursheed and her assistant dr can show you how to insert dilator also can be done under anesthesia if cant bear pain.
      You also can use xylocaine spray from chemist direct uk or check pharmacy in pakistan or viginsl lodocain cream .
      If it's viginismus then botox injection works as well

  48. For viginismus ,the best option is dilation of vigina which can be done by applying vigisil lodocain cream from chemist or using a spray xylocaine from chemist direct (Google chemist direct say using it for medical gynecology examinations purpose and purchase online as you would need it for smear test etc ).Use 10 sprays on opening of vigina wait for few seconds and try to inert the smallest size dilator with vigisil cream lodocain and water based lubrication or KY gelly on it ,take your time and place it make a good position and move in out then take the dilator out and after few seconds try to put it in with more liberation on it .slowly slowly slide it and then keep inserting breathing in out so your muscles don't go in to spasm.
    Once fully gone in , it keep it for few mins then slide in out comfortably.
    Do this excercise 20 mins a day or twice a day
    Move on to next size in few days but no pressure keeping telling your self no pain.
    And gradually moving on to largest size until you can feel that this is the penis size dilator so I can have intercourse so you are educating you mind and body . When having intercourse with your husband use dilator first keep complete your excercise then insert his penis slowly first then more take your time breathing in out.
    Keep your self calm and positive I an do it with dilator and it's same size .it will take time and hard work but you can do it and you ll enjoy it.
    You can consult your gp and ask them to refer you to sexual health therapist or consultant .
    Dilator can be purchased from nhs or online .or adult shops in city centre .
    Despite using the dilators your enteracne is tight then you can use small size dilator until you can use the big size ,you can start with tampon etc
    You can have botox injection from London harley street for viginismus or from Belgium or USA .

    Hope all goes well for you and for all of us .

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