Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Intercourse problem

Assalaam alai Kum
I married in December-17
I am getting problem in Intercourse, my,can I see the private parts for Intercourse,
She says,take blanket and light off ,
Blanket is okay but without light , i am not getting possible.
Please suggest

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12 Responses »

  1. What is your problem?

  2. Aselam o alaikum,

    Dear brother, I also don't understand what your question is.
    Perhaps, your wife is feeling shy and either feels nervous and doesn't want her body to be seen or doesn't want to see your body yet. She may feel uneasy exposing herself completely to you.
    Or it may be that she feels nervous looking at you so she wants the light off.
    As you are fairly newly married (congratulations by the way), it might take some time for her to get comfortable with you.

    Please give her time.
    I'm not sure if my advice is true as I am not married myself! But I probably would act the same as her, so I am only trying to explain what my thought would be behind it.

    Your Sis in Islam x

  3. Salamualaikum brother

    It is your right to have intimacy with your wife how you would like to taking care not to cause harm to her or demand anal sex as that is not allowed
    However you are the man in the relationship and being married means that you have to be the patient one and the comforter to your wife.
    Allah swt has made you the leader of the household which means you have a bigger responsibility to make this relationship a happy and healthy and successful one.
    I understand your frustration, but know this that a bit of patience presently will pay huge dividends in the long run and go a long way towards your wife respecting you and trusting you in the true sense. And her trusting you and respecting you is the key for you to have a tranquil and loving household.
    I have been married for over 17 years and one thing I can advise you is that intimacy evolves over time. Don't panic. Take time to observe and understand her both physically and emotionally.
    Also do not feel shy in requesting her to help you in these matters.

    Don't be in a hurry take your time and let her take her time. Insha Allah you both will prosper and grow more in love with each other

    May Allah swt make it easy for you and your family Aameen.

    Regards

  4. She is not feeling comfortable to show you her body maybe as she has had to cover up for so long take it slow its not all about seeing .... investigate each other by touch not by sight the more comfortable she feels being with you and the more she feels loved by you the less she will hide

  5. Salam yes she is right...she has pious qualities of a true upright muslima...alhamd.....you see brother the object is in life has a person and there is a reason for everything..

    Eg...you look at women naked ...that lady becomes boring because basically trying to satisfy mr.weenie notjing more the desire is not there? Thats why we have viagra and other types sich as toys...you see the intention and purpose are different ...The real purpose to have intercourse is to procreate and bring pious children in your world..my sheik daid to me when i got married ......not too much jiggy jiggy you will loose the nur on yoyr face!! Wow what does that say....yes i get were men sometimes the devil makes us so horny when we see somany women that all those faces or bodies enter our heart so we lose focus..The scholors says that 90% of our gazes should be looking down.

    • Your information regarding marital sex is quite incorrect, inaccurate and misguided. I sincerely hope no one who is at this site takes your post seriously or even as a source of comic relief. The language you use is extremely vulgar and common. You come off as a 16 year old troll with limited knowledge of sex who is on Spring break with not much to do.

      Re: the real purpose for sex: It is a part of life. And it is common knowledge that procreation is only one reason why people have sex. There are many married people who are no longer able or interested in having children who have healthy sex lives.

  6. I can not log in my profile

  7. plz send me password thanks

  8. Brother don't be selfish and ignorant okay. It isn't just about you anymore.

    This is a woman that you have just married . She isn't used to this kind of lifestyle as she wasn't married before so this makes her uncomfortable.You have to give her time and be patient. By rushing her then you're asking for problems within your relationship.

    However, in the meantime what you can do to help her out is; You could spend a lot of quality time with her and make her feel special. This would show her that you love her and hopefully it would boost her confidence. Another thing you can do is; by complimenting her a lot so she becomes comfortable. You could also do foreplay before you have intercourse, foreplay would really help , it would allow her to get into the mood and feel relaxed.

    Just remember patience is the key. She will love you more if you give her patience.

  9. Be newly married to a woman who does not want you to see her naked is not a problem. It is normal. Did you really expect a virtuous woman to somehow be a pole dancer wearing little or nothing on all of sudden, simply because she is now married? Do you really think you are a wonderful lover to her? You probably are not. Anyone who tells you differently has lied to you. The first year of marriage for most Muslim couples is a part of learning about your partner's sexuality. Note: EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.

    If you are kind, patient and considerate your wife will associate those qualities with lovemaking and want to please you. If you are selfish and think only of yourself and what you want, you yourself are starting out in your marriage with you making a problems. For your wife -- she will not want to be around you and will associate sex with just tolerating you. You do not want that. It might be a good idea to simply talk nicely to your wife about what she is comfortable with.

    Keep in mind that nudity is a very personal matter for every man and woman. Some people are comfortable being nude with their spouse and some people are not. And being totally nude is not necessarily sexy for everyone.

  10. Salam,

    Given the oddity of your question and that you'd like a suggestion I recommend a flashlight. Just keep it on your person and when the time comes let her know that you're going to "check things out". This way she can keep her blanket and the light off an you can go "exploring". Just one advice though, when you see something say "Oh wow, that's amazing!" instead of "Oh God, what the heck is that?" or "Those looked bigger in the picture, what happened." You want to build self esteem not bring her down. After some good compliments, you'll be well on your way and then you can brighten up the light until you can see her. Salam.

  11. Dear brother

    Give her some time – it is only natural for a woman to be shy in the beginning. As someone wrote above, spend time with her at home and do things together. While doing so, you can touch and cuddle her in a non-sexual and non-threatening manner; in this way she will get used to physical contact and learn to associate it with the good feelings of you two spending time together. Over time, as she gets more comfortable with it, escalate – but slowly.

    You can also try to touch her while together in bed, without this necessarily leading to intercourse. Again, do not push it to the point where she becomes nervous or uncomfortable. Turn off the light, if it makes her feel better. If she is very shy then start out simply holding her, or touching her in a non-sexual way. When she is ok with this you can start touching more sensitive areas, more like a foreplay, but do NOT push her to have intercourse unless you feel that she herself desires it. The point of this process is to gradually make her more comfortable with physical proximity, and to make her enjoy it. Once she has learnt to relax and enjoy to be physically close to you, it will be much easier for her to overcome her shyness.

    This slow process can be very frustrating for a man, I know this by own experience. When we are in that mood we do not want to go half the way and then stop... but women are different from us, and much more sensitive. They can enjoy it just as much as we do, but first they need to feel safe and protected. Once you have overcome this first hurdle, things will get much easier.

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