Intercourse with 5 months pregnant and reluctant wife
Assalamoalikom,
Asking a question about intercourse during 5 months pregnancy, in these days when I come near for intercourse my wife started excuses, she says she can't handle feeling pain.
In this case sometimes I cannot control on by myself and make her agree to it at any cost. Is it good or sin, can it affect baby?
Kindly give me your view.
ashan
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Baby can not be affected EVEN IF the pregnancy is around 8-9 months old.
IT IS EVEN RECOMMENDED TO HAVE SEX NEAR THE BIRTH/DELIVERING DAYS provided that wife can handle without problems. However IN YOUR CASE---It is another case-YOU HAVE TO DISCUSS WITH HER POLITELY. BUT, again -THE BABY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR INTERCOURSE THERE.
IT IS BETTER TO SEE A SPECIALIZED DOCTOR FOR MORE INFO.
Regards
Intimate relations during pregnancy can actually be painful for a woman because she is more sensitive. A pregnant woman would know that better than a man who would never experience that. So, does the baby have something to do with pregnancy...YES!
To the OP,
Yes, you can talk to a doctor, but first you need to talk to your wife about intimacy. Find out what is going on. You can brush her feelings aside, but that will only compound the problem.
I agree .
there is no problem. Just don't go too hard physically, and you can have sex up till 2 weeks before delivery. All such talks of double conceiving etc are utter nonsense.
Assalaamualaikam
"No problem"?
If his wife doesn't want to have sex with him and is exercising her right to decline, then forcing sex anyway is rape. That's a pretty important problem, right there.
Sex always requires consent. Sex without consent is rape. Rape is abhorrent and against Islamic values.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
And don't forget to check the doctor for what sort of pain she feels. If it relates more to sex than pregnancy then she needs some treatment on that after delivery.
Assalaamualaikam
Regardless of whether or not your wife is pregnant, you need to respect her right to say no. You do not have the right to force her to have sex with you "at any cost".
There are times when a woman may not want to have sex, and has a good reason for this. Yes, there are ahadith regarding the importance of wives respecting their husbands' desires for sex and giving guidance that we should not refuse intimacy for no good reason. But, your wife may well have very good reasons why she doesn't want to have sex.
Being pregnant causes a lot of changes in a woman's body. Ligaments between joints stretch and can become very painful, back pain is common, parts of the body can become swollen and sore when they are even lightly pressed, hormone levels go all over the place... If your wife has some of these problems, she may find sex painful or distressing. If you then force her to have sex with you, that's just going to hurt her more and damage your relationship with her.
If you both want to have sex, then it's generally considered to be fine to have sex during pregnancy. However, there are certain situations in which you might be advised to avoid sex and other forms of physical intimacy - if you aren't sure if it's safe in your situation, then I'd recommend talking with your wife's doctor, to find out what advice they give in your particular circumstances.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Brother
Your post worries me.
You are not making love to your wife, you are using her like a commodity. She will be the mother of your child, and you are showing your respect for the fact that she is carrying your child by causing her pain, by making her accept you against her will. She is not rejecting you out of disrespect for your rights, but because intimacy is causing her pain. How can you judge her pain to be of less importance than your pleasure?
Even if this may not hurt the unborn child, it is most likely to harm your wife, and her love for you, maybe beyond repair. You should be a garment to your wife, her protector. How are you protecting her now?
Mufti Muhammad Ibn Adam writes:
"Many times it is observed that the husband demands from his wife to fulfil his sexual needs no matter what state she is in, and uses ...Hadiths to impose himself over her. If the wife is not in a state to engage in sexual activities and has a genuine and valid reason, and the husband forces her, then he will be sinful. Muslim husbands should realize that their wives are also humans and not some type of machines that can be switched on whenever they desire!"
brother you got to take it easy.You should respect her and control your harmones because the next test is about to come and you will need alot of patience and that comes with Iman!
I agree with the comments, you sound pretty cruel in your approach, have you considered shes saying she's in pain because she might actually be in pain? did you consider if you were loving and gentle to her, maybe give her a footrub, show some affection she may be more open to your needs too? shes going through a major thing. childbearing is difficult as described by Allah. If you do so, she may herself get in the mood, women are responsive to such acts, letting you engage in this when she's feeling better. Im sure some days or different times of the day she might be feeling better so ask her if it's the time of day, or place, or positions, you have to let her tell you when shes comfortable and not in pain. Also, if she's like this now doesnt mean she'll be like this through the whole pregnancy, some women experience a lot of difficulty during the whole pregnancy and some have a month or two of difficulty, and then feel better at other times, ask her and let her tell you how she feels. she could even engage in other acts with you/for you but you need to talk about it nicely, together in your own pace. be sensible and kind, make dua for her that she feels well and carries the baby well.
that is so cruel, she is not giving excuse and brother if she don't want to have sex , you cant force her. she is not your slave she is your wife, she is a human. respect her, take care of her, she needs you
This is your time SISTERS to become/comment in a harsh way. JUST BECAUSE the post touches you. That is OK-but try to advice OP is more appropriate way. He needs to know much more than your harsh sentences.
SHOULD HE CONSIDER A SECOND WIFE TO MEET HIS NEEDS and avoid SINS for the whole remained pregnancy period plus post birth/40 days period===5+ months???
yes totally agreed. but second wife shouldn't be an option until after waiting for his wife's post delivery behavior (of course, provided that the pain problem is indeed related to sex). to add to that mood swings during pregnancy are normal but of course, that doesn't mean there is never a mood for sex
Abstaining from sex for 5 months is not a big deal. Some people don't have sex for years due to life circumstances. The decree behind allowing polygamy had nothing to do with the length of pregnancy. Polygamy was not decreed to meet men's needs -- it was decreed to alleviate the hardships of widows.
and if you are a woman and were in a marital relation where you won't be given sex from the husband you will be very much inclined to take divorce quoting the Islamic law that 'wife can take divorce if her sexual needs aren't fulfilled'
But that's not the situation here.
your brother: SHOULD HE CONSIDER A SECOND WIFE TO MEET HIS NEEDS and avoid SINS for the whole remained pregnancy period plus post birth/40 days period===5+ months???
Do you mean there should be a temporary marriage allowance for men whose wife are pregnant. In some countries Men do Misyar marriages to fulfill their needs when they are away from home. I am sure some Muslim scholars who think like you will issue a fatwa for temporary pregnancy marriages. Personally I think second marriage just because wife is pregnant is wrong.
SVS---I am sure some Muslim scholars who think like you will issue a fatwa for temporary pregnancy marriages.
DO NOT JUDGE ME PLEASE. Are you sure that I am thinking of suggesting/doing temporary marriages???
ITTAQIL-LLAH ...SVS---I t not an islamic TO HAVE POOR THINKING ON YOUR FELLOW MUSLIM.
The above sentence : "SHOULD HE CONSIDER A SECOND WIFE TO MEET HIS NEEDS and avoid SINS for the whole remained pregnancy period plus post birth/40 days period===5+ months??? " was just my QUESTIONS TO THOSE WHO ARE EXTRA HARSH instead of providing a wiseful advice.
Then, your brother
If you believe the advice given has been harsh -
what advice would you like to give?
I m currently pregnant, and I can tell you that if she says it's painful, it's painful. Your body is different when pregnant. Everything is swollen, sensitive, and even you have to be careful not to squish the baby. Your. Body is also very dry and does not produce a lot of sexual fluids....so use lubricant...maybe that could help and be very very very gentle.
Maybe you can ask for other services in the bedroom ( hand or oral) to get by a few months and then get back to normal 6 weeks after the birth. Yes it's going to be a while, but that's life.
But never ever force your wife, that's just wrong. Hurting your wife I don't know if it's a sin, but it doesn't create love between you as husband and wife...she will resent you for not listening to her when she says she is in pain. Just as for other things in the bedroom to get by and things will return back to normal after the birth,....and be patient then...because recovery takes quite a bit for some women due to if they got stitches, etc.
Be patient brother, and communicate your needs but don't force.
At the early stage of pregnancy , it could be painful for the woman. But at five month, it is not usually painful. Most woman have the best orgasm at this time. Also, intercourse in pregnancy time make the delivery easier. For not knowing this fact, many woman don't want intercourse. Take your wife to doctor, make her read books about it. Once she will know it, She will happily do it.
Forcing a pregnant wife is BAD. it is also bad for the growth ob the baby. You don't need to force, just let her know the facts. And, always be careful not to hurt the baby.
Asalam Alekum
In my opinion if you could just let her be in your arms not (naked) but with less clothes on before getting in bed with your wife.. is better than demanding her without her having been in a good mood.
Because once you have children then there is No time for this.
Perhaps this might seduce her for passionate intimacy?
If this don't work
Then think about solution 2
Marry another wife.
ASA
Brother,
How would marrying another wife make his first wife want to be more intimate with him?
And what would you advice the brother when the second wife is in pain? Marry a third?
Please, the best way to solve a problem is not by adding to the problem!
Brother,
It is okay to have sex in pregnancy, scientifically and according to my research it helps women to deliver the baby easily, I do not like to go in details. Till the day before labour pain starts you can do it. But if she refuses you should not force her.
I have one baby girl Alhamdulillah, In our case there was no problem, your wife may be having some other problem or she is afraid. You should consult your doctor and talk to your wife. Before delivering a baby it is not recommended to stop intercourse, but after delivery till 40 days you should not do it according to islam.
She's not afraid. She is in pain. That is why she doesn't want it.
Chill Midnight moon....
Don't get over excited. Wives sometimes gets moody and they enjoy teasing husbands. they want intimacy but after teasing the husbands ...
and you started giving definition of rape and sex blah blah blah..
calm down.
Salam alekum,
I am also facing this challenge currently, my wife is 19weeks and she does not allow me to touch her, I tried as much to assist her with all the housework to relieve her pain, but yet she insisted that I still cannot touch her. We had two boys already and that was what i went through, but my job during those periods require more of my attention, so when she says NOO, I just overlook. But now in this third pregnancy am a lot relax and want intimacy with my wife but she still insists on her principle. We have seen the Doctor and they confirmed that she is active. i have talked to her about the importance of the intercourse to both parties she still did not accept. What do you advise in this my situation?