Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Interfaith marriage without parental permission possible?

Muslim-Christian marriage

Hello everybody.

This is a question about a interfaith relationship. I'm a Christian girl and I've some questions about nikah (sorry if I wrote it wrong, I'm used to the terms in my own language), hopefully you could help me. My fiancé is a Muslim and he has asked me to marry him properly according to the Quran. That's fine with me because our relation is based on mutual respect for each other. If this is important for him and for his religion it would be my honor to help him as long as it isn't against my own way of thinking. But there's a problem. My family, including my brothers and my dad, are never going to except our marriage. My family will not agree with our wedding so I'm left without a Wali. A Muslim wife could ask a Imam to be her Wali if I understand it correctly but I don't think a Imam would want to represent me because I'm not a Muslim myself. My fiancée said I could maybe ask his best friend. But that doesn't feel good for me. First of all, because I don't want to give my dad's job to someone of my own age. Secondly, because he is his friend. If I understand the purpose of a Wali correctly it's to protect the bride against men who want to mistreat her. I think the whole meaning of a Wali gets lost if it is the best friend of the groom. In my opinion you should not only follow the rules of your belief but also search for the intentions behind these rules. Does somebody knows if we could be married without my parents permission in the first place? And if so, who can we ask to be a wali for me?

Thanks in advance!



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3 Responses »

  1. Hello(Salam)

    First of all.Now there a different Groups in Islam too,meaning Iam and the way who I follow,We are against Interfaith - marriages.
    Why? because the now Christians are saying Isa(Jesus) is the son of God(Astaghfirullah)and the eat pork(and that was even forbidden for the Christians.)and so I learned it is Haraam to marry one who dont believe that Allah is only one and will be only One and he never can have Family if one deny that he is not a believer.(If one of my Muslim Brothers want to criticise me now,there a Evidence for that in the Al - Qur`an and dont forget the Abysinnian Christians didnt believe that Isa(Jesus)is the son of God.The even where saying the accept Rasulullah(Sallahu Alayhi wa salam) as a Prophet and now about because our Prophet married with a Women who was a Christian,there are Hadithes who says before she came to Rasulullah(Sallahu Alayhi wa Salam) she converted to Islam and other Hadith says she was not even his Wife but a Slave,but Allah knows best),and now I have one question to you.
    Do you not want to convert to Islam?because Islam is the best and only true Religion.Dont believe the media(TV) who allways try to show,that Islam is bad,but if you dont believe that Jesus is the son of God than it is ok for him to marry you,because than you are really one of the People of the Book but I dont know if the even still exist now.

    but like I says that what I have learned if he believe now other than of course he dont have to listen to me.
    (and again to my Brothers and Sisters because if you says one is still a believer who says Allah have a Son(Astaghfirullah)than why are the Ahmadiyya are Kaafirs?The are saying that theire Leader was/is a Prophet and says Rasulullah was not the last Prophet,because than after that View the Ahmadiyya a Muslims(Astaghfirullah.)

  2. Hey, I hope this email finds you well. I am being bold yet it comes with love so please read it all.
    Do you realize your building an unstable foundation ?
    One can't have two masters without neglecting the other.
    You say you are Christian, however your perspective is already geared towards the other.
    Listen no matter what tell your parents, however they will take it they need to take it. If he is a great guy they will like him, maybe not at first but eventually. How about start off with presenting him to your family. This culture you want to enter in is based a lot on family relation. If your family is far from you then who will truly defend you if need be?who would truly care to? You would be setting yourself up for two postulates either you get cornered into marrying a man, forsaking your family for his dignity and living with respect honor and love. Or you get cornered into forsaking your family marrying him and enter into a life of lies, beatings, arguments, being looked as a slave or whore, cheatings and the possible scenario where he makes enough money to financially sustain two wives and you get stuck with a sister wife because that way its halal. If you present him to your parents your boyfriend will also respect you more because theirs that boundary he can't cross. Be strong through this trial and stand firm throughout it all. All John & 14:6 best of luck. I am the beginning and the end, the truth, the way and the life. Be cautious in everything.

  3. Assalaamualaikum

    If you both wish to get married, then the next step will be to discuss the situation with an Imam and ideally one who is an Islamic scholar - inshaAllah (God willing) if he is assured of your good intentions he should be willing to help and advise. Interfaith marriages, particularly without parental agreement, can be complicated to organise, but you are not the first (and will not be the last) couple to be in this position, so have faith. If your fiance has an Imam whom he knows and respects, he might be the best person to approach in the first instance. Remember that there are protocols regarding male-female interactions, so it's probably most appropriate for your fiance to make the initial contact, and if possible for you to have a female friend (ideally Muslim) who can accompany you to any meetings.

    Islamically, a Muslim man can marry a woman who is Muslim, Jewish or Christian. Recently, there have been debates regarding what people mean when they identify as Christian (as a lot of people who follow Christianity today believe in the trinity of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit as being divine, rather than believing that Jesus was a Messenger of God). As such, you may come across concerns or even criticism about an interfaith marriage. You and your fiance may find it helpful to discuss this so that if it becomes an issue you both know each other's thoughts about it and can address concerns with a united approach. It will be important for you to have examined your own views on these concepts, as it would be likely that an Imam or scholar may want to know what you believe regarding them.

    It sounds to be that you have a great deal of respect for Islam, and I wonder if you might want to find out a bit more about Islam - maybe read the Qur'an (in translation is fine, and inshaAllah your fiance can help you find a good quality translation) and meet with some Muslim women too? InshaAllah you may find that you then want to accept Islam, but even if you choose not to revert to Islam, having more knowledge of your fiance's faith can only help.

    Remember as well that there are limits on what is appropriate for a man and woman to do together before marriage. Islamically, a non-mahram man and a non-mahram woman (non-mahram means that they are two people who could potentially get married) should not spend time alone with each other, and should not engage in physical contact.

    Midnightmoon editor

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